by S. K. Lessly
The point was, I needed to forget about Paul. I needed to stop holding on to a man who didn’t want me anymore, and Eugene was going to help me forget.
Anyway, up until now, Eugene was okay. Tonight, though, he was showing some unflattering tendencies. He had been up under me the entire night. I mean, I couldn’t go to the restroom without him escorting me and waiting until I was done. At one point, I told him to ‘stay’ when I got up to powder my nose. I could tell he didn’t like it, but I was fed up. I told him he needed to relax and give me some space. After a couple of, ‘give me a fucking break’ from me, he finally listened and gave me some space.
We both settled into the night’s shindig and had a few drinks. He and I both started to relax, and I could tell the night was going upwards, that is, until I saw the one person I thought I would never see again— Paul.
I was standing by the bar waiting for Eugene to get me a drink when I spotted him come in with a brown-haired girl next to him. Damn the man looked good enough to eat. He was dressed in a dark blue suit that tailored his body effortlessly and a light blue button shirt with no tie. His hair was a little longer than I remembered on the top but his sides were still faded on the sides. I swallowed as I drank him in, wishing the floor would take this moment to open up and gobble me up.
Paul looked around the room as if he looking for someone, or an open table, when he spotted me. He smiled and headed in my direction. I looked around wondering who he was smiling at, but I was the only one around.
When he got to me, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Yes, that’s right he hugged me. I was thrown off by the gesture, however the hug was over before I could react and hug him back.
Paul stepped back from me, still smiling and said, “Hey Lauren. It’s great to see you.”
All I could manage out of my stunned lips were two simple words. “Oh, umm… hey, Paul.”
Wow, definitely not my finest hour.
Paul’s smile grew even broader, his dimples coming out to play as he regarded the woman next to him. “Bridgette, this is an old friend of mine, Lauren. Lauren this is Bridgette.”
Was this his girlfriend?
She and I exchanged smiles and shook hands. I wanted to crawl under one of the tables and hide. Better yet, I should leave right now and jump into the Hudson River. Whatever it took to get me out of this situation.
Eugene took this moment to appear with my drink. I smiled up at him and thanked him all the while trying to catch my breath. I made the introductions and watched the facial expression change in Paul as he shook Eugene’s hand.
“What are you doing here?” I asked directing my question at Paul, but Bridgette answered.
“Oh, Rafael is my cousin. God, baby, this place is beautiful, don’t you think?” She looked up at Paul and gave him a dazzling smile.
I took the opportunity to get a good look at her.
She was a very pretty woman with serious curves, a round face, round brown eyes, and a nice smile. Her complexion was sun kissed, which led me to believe she was probably Hispanic. And well the fact she said she was Rafael’s cousin kind of confirmed it too.
“Oh, small world,” I said, just trying to say something.
“We should find our seats. It was nice meeting you,” she said to both Eugene and I and led Paul away from us.
I took my drink down quick, fast, and in a hurry and excused myself to the restroom. I splashed water on my face and tried to gather myself. Paul had a girlfriend, or at least I assumed that’s who she was, and they were here.
Gah, this is going to be a very long night.
* * *
Despite seeing Paul here with his plus one, the night turned out to be pretty cool. Lizzy found out who Paul was when Rafael introduced them. I had shown her a picture of Paul one day, and when she saw him in person, she looked directly at me. From that moment on, Lizzy made me stay on the dance floor with her and her best friend, the maid of honor, Tamika.
They both got me drunk, and I completely forgot Paul was there. Okay, I was lying, but I was able to deal with him dancing and holding another woman in my face without me breaking down in a fit of tears.
Don’t get me wrong, I had danced with Eugene a lot tonight. But it wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel the same. He didn’t feel the same. I closed my eyes and tried to get into the feel of Eugene's arms around me, but all I kept thinking about was that he wasn’t Paul.
My mind then drifted to the night we danced at that New York City club on his birthday. Our bodies were so close, moving in sync with one another, ignoring everyone around us. I was into him, and he was into me. Later that night, we got into each other in the most overwhelming and intense way two people could possibly be. It was amazing and beautiful.
The night was winding down. The band had slowed down and you could tell people were probably getting ready to call this a night. I was sitting next to Eugene, listening to him speaking about investments with another fellow table mate when l closed my eyes and allowed the soft music to damn near lull me to sleep. I went back to the night Paul and I spent in New York.
Something had passed through us that night, a connection or a feeling, that I couldn’t explain. All I knew was that after that night, we had spent every waking moment we could with each other. I firmly believed that we had wholeheartedly given ourselves to each other without any barriers or hesitation. Now look at us, we’ve barely spoken to each other.
What’s even crazier was that here I was sitting at this table with a man that possibly wanted to be my future and I couldn’t stop thinking about the man who had captured my heart. The man I couldn’t have. No Lauren, you need to stop living in the past. You and Paul are over. Accept it.
Yeah, that was sound advice. Now all I needed to do was listen.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done because the next thing I knew the band started playing a very familiar song by Otis Redding. It was the same song Paul played the night in the hotel. As soon as I heard the familiar melody, I swear the pep talk became a distant memory. Heat started to invade my body, igniting a desire only Paul could incite. I was hoping that my reaction to the song was from the tequila shots Rafael kept feeding me, but I knew better. It was all him, all Paul and I closed my eyes and allowed the memories of that night consume my body.
I remembered the scent of his cologne as his body came close to mine. He was wearing one of my favorite, Gucci colognes for men, which always turned me on. I remembered how good his lips felt on my neck, how his touch caused goosebumps to take over my body. Oh and memories of wrapping my lips around his thick shaft caused me to bite down on my bottom lip in an effort to stop from moaning. He felt so smooth as my lips glided along his dick. His skin was so soft yet hard as steel.
The sounds he made, the looks he gave me as he watched me take him deep made my pussy clinch with need. He had almost lost it down my throat before we even began to pleasure each other and I loved seeing him come undone. The feeling of him taking control and fucking my mouth the way he needed was a complete turn on. I thought I was going to come just by watching the pleasure surge through his body. And when his come slid down my throat… damn. I licked my lips, remembering the taste of him, the way he said my name, and how he fucked me senseless afterwards.
Yeah, that was a night I would never forget.
I’m not going to lie, I was completely hot for him by just the memories. I licked my lips again slowly, and I opened my eyes to find Paul staring right at me.
Holy shit!
I gasped, my eyes growing wide. I knew he couldn’t have known what I was thinking about, but the look in his eyes told me that he had an idea. Shit, shit, shit! I had to get out of here. I stood up abruptly from my table and looked around frantically for an escape.
“Excuse me.” I announced to the table. “I’m going to get some air.”
“Here, I’ll come with…” Eugene began, rising from his chair.
“No!” I said too quickly and loudly. I paused
and calmed down before I added slowly with a forced smile on my face, “Eugene, I’m just going to get some air, okay? I’ll be right back.” I squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, grabbed my clutch, and made a quick exit before he protested and followed me.
I pushed the hall doors open and inhaled the crisp, cold, fall air.
Holy shit, did you see the way he… no, of course you didn’t. Sorry.
I blinked a few times then closed my eyes and leaned against the frigid cold brick building behind me. I couldn’t believe I was reminiscing about our sexual escapades and got caught. And as much as I want to believe I was discrete about it, I knew he knew exactly what was floating through my mind. I could see it in those dark blue, intense eyes from where I was sitting. And he was sitting next to his girlfriend of all people — his girlfriend. Lauren, Jeez-us.
I ran my fingers through my curls and shivered. I was glad I had the sense to get the hell out of that hall when I did. I had been two seconds from walking over to him and sticking my tongue down his throat. Everyone around us be damned.
I shivered again, but it had nothing to do with the brisk cold breeze that tore through my thin dress. Yeah, it was time for me to go home. The thought of going back into that hall and seeing Paul was making my chest hurt. I called Eugene on my cell and told him to get my things so we could go. Rafael and Lizzy were gone already, so there was no one in there I needed to say goodbye to.
I walked inside the lobby of the hall and Eugene was there with my coat. He helped put it on, and that’s when I saw Paul leaning on the wall by the ladies’ room. He made eye contact with me, startled by my appearance and pushed himself off the wall. He looked as if he wanted to say something, so I headed in his direction letting Eugene know I would be just a second.
Paul, with his hands his pants pockets, walked over to meet me. He looked so good that I just wanted to eat him up. I wonder if I kiss him right now, will he be angry.
“You leaving so soon?” He smiled down at me once he was close.
I nodded and smiled back. “Yeah, I need to get home. What about you?”
Paul shrugged. “Bridgette wants to stay for a little while longer.”
I nodded not really knowing what to say to that. Well, I knew what I wanted to say, but that would be inappropriate. Instead of unloading my thoughts, I smiled and was about to say goodbye when he reached out and touched my arm.
The moment his fingertips grazed my skin, goosebumps attacked my entire body. Heat surged through every part of me, igniting that flame again I thought had died weeks ago.
“Hey listen, before you go.” Paul dropped his hand quickly and gave me a small smile. “I was hoping to talk to you. You know, to apologize for my behavior a couple of weeks ago.”
I shook my head.
“Really Paul, there’s no need. I understood your frustrations. Actually, it should be me apologizing to you. I should have told you a long time ago that I moved. That was very inconsiderate of me. It didn’t matter if I thought you didn’t care. We had been friends at some point. I could have at least shot you a text message or something. I’m sorry I put you through that.”
Paul genuinely smiled at me, and that gesture alone made my entire year. It was almost as good as my Eagles and their current run for the Super Bowl this year.
“Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate it, and I accept your apology. I hope you accept mine for being an asshole to you. Despite what I was feeling, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that or grabbed you like that. It was inappropriate and uncalled for.”
I put my hand up to stop him. “Seriously, Paul, you’re forgiven. I deserved your scorn, so we’re all good.”
Paul and I grew silent and just stared at each other. I could feel something stirring in the pits of my soul, and I tried my best to stamp it down. I missed this man so fucking much and honestly, what I should be apologizing for was letting him go. I should take this opportunity to tell him just how much of an idiot I was to let him go. I should get down on my knees and beg for his forgiveness. However, I didn’t move.
What I witnessed in the reception hall, the way Bridgette looked at her man and how Paul returned her gaze, I had no right to come between that. He had moved on. I had moved on. It was time to come to grips with my fate. Suck it up and deal.
Before I could make my exit, Bridgette came out into the lobby and walked right up to Paul, ignoring me.
“Oh, Paul, there you are.” Bridgette placed her palms on his chest, staking her claim immediately. “Come with me. My Uncle Juan wants to talk to you about remodeling his kitchen.”
Paul nodded, leaned down, and kissed his girlfriend on the forehead. “Okay baby, I’m coming.” He then and looked at me. “Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you. Take care of yourself.”
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah, you too.”
Eugene came up to me as Paul, and his future walked back into the hall. Eugene took my hand, and we walked out into the night and to his car.
Okay, so, let me just admit this to you now...
I finally invited Eugene into my house and I… okay, I fucked Eugene.
I couldn’t help it! I wanted Paul so badly, and the fact I couldn’t have him burned me to the core. Plus, seeing him all hot and sexy in his suit and remembering that night in New York, I was horny as hell. So, I took advantage of the closest warm body, which happened to be Eugene.
All in all, though, he was a pretty decent lay for the reason that I needed him to be. He had a decent body, and his stroke game was decent too. But at the end of the twenty minutes it took for him to get off, he would never come close to Paul— no one would.
5
Paul
It was a frigid December night. Heavy snow flurries whirled around, reminding me of a snow globe when it’s shaken. I stared out into the night, my mind drifting all over the place. Soft, relaxing music methodically surged through the speakers of my car, but I couldn’t begin to tell you what was playing.
Tonight was date night. Bridgette and I were on our way to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi. I had been working nonstop for the past few weeks and tonight was the start of a three-day-off mini break. What better way to spend my first night off then to be with the woman that I was seeing, right? So, why was I thinking about another woman?
I shook my head and glanced to my right. The woman sitting next to me was amazing. Bridgette was sexy, sophisticated, and beautiful. She was driven, working as a manager of a bank where she had started as a teller, and I liked that about her. She was completely different from what I was used to, and I liked that too. She loved the simple life. That’s the best way I could describe her. Being with her was easy. She didn’t care too much for hanging out or partying. She’d rather stay at home or spend time with her family.
We hadn’t placed any kind of label on us. I wasn’t making the same mistake twice. We were taking our time and enjoying each other's company, which was fine with me. I had no business trying to start something with someone else so quickly after my divorce. Bridgette agreed with me. She told me she had just gotten out of a relationship as well and didn’t want to jump into something new either.
I couldn’t tell you how much of a relief that was to hear. I personally didn’t want to make the same mistakes that I did with Lauren, with Bridgette and so far, things were going well.
I was moving on with my life. It helped tremendously knowing that Lauren had done the same, albeit while thoughtlessly thinking of only herself, but she was making shit happen. I needed to do the same. I needed to leave the past where it was, in the past.
Once I accepted the things that I couldn’t change and called Bridgette the night of the fire, things had been going fantastic for me. Life was easier and less stressful. Thanksgiving was spent at my parents’ house, and then I met Bridgette for a late-night date at a local bar close to my house.
Samson had invited me to his house to spend the holidays with just him and his family, but I turned him down. There were just too many memories that I didn�
��t want surfacing. It was too soon.
Work was kicking my ass, but I welcomed the pain. I was also spending my off time with an amazing woman who I was genuinely interested in getting to know better. As I said, everything had been working out in my favor until that is, I had seen Lauren at that goddamn wedding.
When I had seen her standing by the bar that night, I didn’t react. I was cool, calm and collected on the outside. On the inside, however, I was losing my mind. She looked good as hell and delectable in the form-fitting black dress that she wore. It brought back memories that I had thought I’d buried in the dark recesses of my mind. Seeing her again, however, brought everything back in a rush.
Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t knocking my date that night. Bridgette was stunning in her pale blue dress that draped over her body eloquently. It was just something about Lauren that always made my body come alive. The confidence she had shined through whatever she wore. This woman could be in rags but the way she carried herself, you could’ve sworn she was draped in Versace or something.
At first, when I had seen her, I thought about ignoring her and escorting my date to our seats. It wasn’t as if Lauren and I were friends anymore. I didn’t owe her anything. But I didn’t. No, I thought I had my shit in check when it came to her. I was still pissed at her for not telling me she’d moved, among other things, and I used that as a driving force to treat her as if she meant nothing to me.
That night, I had walked right up to her with a pleasant smile on my face. I greeted her warmly with a quick hug and introduced her to Bridgette without losing a beat. I didn’t drop a label, but I could see in the shocked expression she wore that told me she had an idea who Bridgette was to me, and I didn’t correct her.
Lauren recovered from her shock quickly enough and introduced her date to us. We shook all around before we each went our separate ways and that was it. Except that wasn’t it, not for me anyway. I couldn’t get the hug, of having her in my arms once again, out of my mind.
