by S. K. Lessly
“Is this okay?” I asked her, knowing damn well there was no way I was moving.
“It’s fine,” she answered and ran her fingers through my hair. Shit, her touch felt so amazing that in two seconds I was gone.
The next thing I remembered was her pulling me up from the couch and leading me upstairs to her bed. She undressed me down to my boxer briefs, and I climbed under the cover and closed my eyes again. When I felt her weight next to me, I pulled her into me and fell into a fitful sleep.
As the memory washed over me, I thought about Bridgette. There was one night where she had asked me where I saw myself in five years. I told her, doing what I was born to do— fighting fires and saving lives. She then asked if I thought about taking on more of a leadership role like a captain or a chief in the future. She wondered if I was making this dangerous life a lifelong goal.
When I told her yes, I didn’t miss the disappointment in her eyes. That was a huge red flag for me. It also brought something else to light. When Lauren said to me, “Knowing who you are is understanding the type of man you are,” that stuck with me. What was crazy was after everything we’ve been through up to today, I had forgotten her words.
I couldn’t knock Bridgette for asking me those questions and being disappointed with my response. She didn’t know me or understand me fully.
Yes, I was a leader, and maybe in the future, I might want a cushion desk job. However, that shit wasn’t happening in five years. Hell, if I have anything to do with it, it wouldn’t happen in ten. The woman that I saw myself with would know that about me. She would either accept me or not, but she would know I wasn’t going to change who I was for anyone.
I breathed out a heavy sigh and rested my head against the back of the couch. My heart was aching for Lauren. Here I had a beautiful, amazing, sensual woman, in my arms, in my life, and I let her go. I let her leave without fighting for her. I failed her, and it was high time I remedied that. I reached for my phone to text her when the alarm went off signally that we had a call. I immediately put my phone away and made my way to the trucks, making a mental note to text her the second I got back. We needed to talk. Now!
10
Lauren
I was making my way home from a long day at the school. The school offered a winter session during the holidays. A professor had to pull out of teaching English in the middle of the break, and my silly butt volunteered. Yay me!
I had only one mid-morning class, but a few student conferences kept me on campus way longer than expected. I had to deal with a few senior crybabies begging for better grades. Seriously, they act as if I had anything to do with them not reading the material given, and now they’re panicking about their grades. To add to my messed-up afternoon, I had a department meeting that seemed to last forever. By the end of the day, I needed a drink, a hot bath, and food.
My friend and co-worker Lizzy had one day told me about a pizza shop on Broad Street somewhere around the Montclair/Bloomfield border with great food. She knew about my love for great tasting subs and claimed that I would love the place. My girl had great taste when it came to pizza and sub places too, and she wouldn’t tell me about a spot if the food was half ass.
The shop was out of the way for me. Typically, I jumped on route 3, from the school and hopped on the Garden State Parkway to get home. If I stopped to get this sandwich, I’d have to take the long way home. I didn’t quite mind the detour. As I said before, I was starving. My mouth was watering for good food, so why not give the place a try.
I found the spot easy enough, and ordered me an Italian sausage sub to go. I was told it would take about ten minutes for my food to be ready, which was a good sign in my book. I hated waiting forever for food.
I looked around and admired the feel of the old shop. It looked like one of those mom and pop authentic pizza places, with its uneven tables and mismatch chairs. The walls were covered in wallpaper with little veggies on it, tomatoes, peppers, etc. Plastic plants hung from the walls adding somewhat of a homey feel.
Add the decor to the smell of day old grease and grilled food that singed my nostrils when I walked inside, and I was in heaven. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Yeah, this place was great!
While I waited for my sandwich, I found a seat and stared out at the cars traveling by. My phone began to vibrate with the background song to the old Friday the 13th movies filling the space. I rolled my eyes and sent the call to voicemail without looking at my phone. It was Eugene, and no, I still hadn’t broken up with the creeper. Don’t ask me why I hadn’t done it yet. I had multiple chances to let him down easy and yet I hadn’t taken advantage of the opportunities given to me.
Over the two weeks, we’ve been apart, I had received multiple text messages from him, asking how I was doing and if I wanted to get together for coffee or something. Every time he reached out to me, I turn him down, giving some bogus excuse as to why I couldn’t see him. I knew it was wrong to lead him on. I just didn’t want to deal with him just yet. The holidays had occupied my time and I assumed his as well. I was busy feeling sorry for myself and I figured he had to have been busy with his family. I was actually hoping he'd forget all about me. Sadly, that didn’t happen.
No, I received some type of correspondence from him daily during my winter break, whether by text, email, phone call or by messenger, i.e. flower deliveries at work. It was becoming too damn much. It needed to end and damn it I needed to end this shit now.
Yeah okay, I would do it tomorrow. Yes, in fact, tomorrow sounded like the perfect day to officially end things with the creeper.
The question now was what do I say and how do I let him down easy? I decided from the door that I wouldn’t mention how I knew he was married. He would deny it of course, and I didn’t have proof either. It wasn’t as if I took a picture of the happy couple to prove my claim. Damn, I should’ve taken a picture. See, if I hadn’t been so feverish, maybe my psycho-self would’ve thought of that idea.
Nope, I wouldn’t let him feed me lies. I’ll just be honest with the prick and tell him I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with him. I would remind him that I never wanted a relationship in the first place, and his constant hovering and clinginess was freaking me out. Shit, I couldn’t say that either.
Fuck, okay I’ll just be straight with him and tell him the real truth. He and I weren’t compatible. We wanted different things in this stage of our lives. I just wanted to date and find my way, while it felt as if he wanted more, and I wasn’t capable of giving him that. Now if he argued that statement, I’d tell him that I just wasn’t feeling him. I’d try and ease that part out as tactful as I could, but I needed to be honest, and honesty was the best policy, right?
When I got my sub sandwich, I made my way home. I put my address in my phone and waited for it to load before I pulled into traffic. I wasn’t familiar with this neighborhood, and I didn’t want to waste time trying to figure out which street to turn and risk my sandwich getting cold and my bread soggy.
You know what…
With one hand on the steering wheel, I fumbled with my bag and started unraveling the paper around my sandwich. I was starving. It had been a long day with meetings and students whining about their grades that I hadn’t had lunch.
With practiced expertise, I managed to open the paper, and grabbed the hot sandwich in my greedy grasp without causing an accident. I could feel my mouth watering with anticipation as I brought the piece of sandwich to my eager mouth.
The second I took a bite, two things happened. No, make that three.
First, I burned the hell out of my tongue and the roof of my mouth. Second, the got damn hot as hell sauce slipped out of the sandwich and landed on my thigh, burning me through my slacks. And third, holy cow this sub was good as hell. The marinara sauce was seasoned to perfection. It had to be homemade; I could taste almost every seasoning they used to perfect the sauce.
The sausage wasn’t overcooked, and the peppers and onions weren’t too soggy o
r undercooked. And the bread, damn the bread was soft. I forgot all about the second-degree burns I inflicted on myself and took another heaping bite. I chewed wondering if I should pull off the side of the road and eat this bad boy now. I think I had a bottle of water in my bag, so I could surely do that.
I came up to a green light at a four-way intersection. My GPS directions told me to make a left, so I did. I also made a quick right and was about to pull over when I noticed the street was partially blocked off by fire trucks. Black smoke billowed from some warehouse looking structure some yards down the street in front of me. There was a large crowd milling around watching the firefighters as they stared at the building. I pulled over, like any nosy Jersey-ite would, turned off my car and stepped out, forgetting my sandwich altogether. I wouldn’t stay long, but I was curious as to what was happening. Besides Sebastian’s house going up in flames, I had never seen a house or building on fire. It was a sight to behold I tell you that. As I inched closer, I thought about Paul. I didn’t think his squad would be here, this was far from his firehouse, but I found myself looking for him anyway.
I found a somewhat safe place to stand, on the other side of the police barricade but still close enough to the action. I surveyed the crowd then the firefighters and actually gasped when I saw a face that was all too familiar. Holy shit, it was Paul. He was with a new group of guys that I hadn’t seen before. I moved closer to the barricade that was keeping the onlookers back from the burning building just so that I could get a better look at him.
Damn, he looked mighty fine all dressed in his firefighting gear. He was barking orders to his team like the leader he was. I stared in rapt fascination, my lady bits coming alive at that sight of him taking charge and being all authoritative. I always loved it when he took charge.
Paul started talking to this guy in civilian clothing who was possibly someone that worked in the burning building. They exchanged a few words then he moved over to his chief before signaling his team to move. As they moved closer to the building, he looked over in my direction and paused when his eyes met mine.
I started to wave but stopped myself. Get a grip Lauren! The man was working, and this wasn’t some parade or a chance meeting. I stood there frozen under his heated gaze, and it wasn’t heated in a good way. The man actually looked pissed. I noticed he started to head my way, which naturally caused me to panic, when someone tapped him on his shoulder. He snapped out of wherever he was and proceeded toward the building. You could see flames through the few windows of the one-story building. Yeah, this wasn’t a very good idea to stand here watching. What if this sucker blew up or something?
I was just about to slither away to my car when I felt, then heard, a thunderous boom explode my world. Before I had a chance to understand what just happened, I was suddenly lifted off my feet and thrown into the air, landing very hard on the ground. My ass and back hit first, hard. Next, my head bounced against the asphalt before my body settled on the unforgiving cold ass ground. Bright stars exploded behind my eye-lids before searing pain arrested my head.
My ears were ringing, it hurt to breathe, and it hurt to move. An acrid smell covered the air around me, and I felt glass and debris all over my body.
I tried to concentrate on the small things as I took inventory of my body. I was breathing, and my heart was pounding against my chest, which meant I was alive. My brain continued to slowly check off other vital parts of my body, fingers, toes, arms, and legs. Everything seemed to be operable.
I moved my arms and felt along my body, pushing dust and rocks off my body. I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had them closed and stared up at the smoke-filled sky. I blinked a few times trying to get my thoughts together. The throbbing in my head was ridiculous.
What in the hell just happened? Gah, my chest hurt like a son of a bitch. How did I end up on the ground? Why was I…?
Then it hit me; Paul. I was watching Paul walk toward the building then… Holy shit!
I started to sit up when a wave of pain rocked my head. I grabbed it with both hands and groaned. God, that hurt, but I couldn’t think about that now. I looked around me, and all I could see were smoke, an enraged burning building, and bodies lying all around me.
Paul was nowhere to be found.
Paul
We arrived on the scene of the call to find a one-story warehouse on fire. Black smoke filtered through broken windows and the roof. The chief of the house I was working with, Aaron Simmons, climbed out of his truck and made his way to who I assumed was either a worker, foreman or the owner of the warehouse.
The man was tall, thin, and looked to be in his late forties. He had pasty looking skin and shifty eyes. I didn’t like the look of the guy. I had a bad feeling we were walking into a dangerous situation. From the pensive way the man was talking to Aaron and staring at the building, shit was bad. Whatever was inside the building had the man worried. He could be hiding something or there still could be people inside the building. I started barking orders for my team to grab their gear then headed for the chief to find out what was going on.
As I got close to the chief, I heard him ask the civilian, “Do you have any highly flammable items in there?”
“No, nothing like that,” the man replied. His eyes did that shifty thing again, moving from us to the building then back at us.
The chief nodded his head then asked, “Is there anyone else in the building? Did everyone get out?”
The man shrugged, which I didn’t like one bit. “I don’t know. I think so. I uh… was coming off break when I saw the smoke.”
“Do you know who was working when you left? Do you see them standing around out here?”
The man looked around nervously. He studied each face then shrugged his shoulders again. “I’m not sure.”
I groaned and started moving away ready to tell my team we were going in.
The chief was right behind me barking his own set of orders. “Alright, it’s your show, Logan. I want a quick sweep. Get your team in and get out.”
I called after the squad, assembling them to me. I then turned and nodded to the shifty man who was absently staring into the flames and regarded the chief. “Do you believe him when he said there were no flammable chemicals inside?” I asked.
“You caught that too? Yeah, I don’t trust him at all. Make the sweep fast. Split the area between you and squad six. It’s only one level, so hopefully, the sweep won’t take long.”
I gave the man a quick nod then relayed instructions to the teams.
With the teams were ready, we started for the building. I was about to put my mask on my face when I noticed how close the crowd was to the scene. The barricade the cops put up was way too close. I started to call out to the chief to get him to back the crowd up when fuck… I saw Lauren’s face in the crowd. I stopped moving, thinking I was seeing things. I knew she had been on my mind more as of late, but seriously was I hallucinating her now?
I studied the crowd more thoroughly, and when I saw the set of familiar brown eyes widen in recognition, I knew it was her. Fuck, what in the hell was she doing here? I felt a hand clasp my shoulder, and I turned to the person ready to bark orders to tell the cops to get the crowd back, when we were all suddenly thrown to the ground. A large explosion, coming from the warehouse, rocked the entire surrounding area. I hit the ground hard, rolled, and covered myself with my coat as much as possible. I waited as the chaos subsided before I took a mental inventory of my body. It didn’t feel as if I was hurt or that anything was out of place or broken. My ears were ringing and my back hurt like a son of a bitch because of the pack I had on, but that was about it. As I sat up and looked around the area, others weren’t so lucky.
Bricks, wood, and glass were everywhere. Bodies, firefighters and bystanders alike, were lying on the ground among the rubble. Part of the building was gone, but the rest was still standing and burning out of control now.
I snapped out of my awe at what was before me and started calling out to
my people. I could make out a few responses over the ringing in my ears, but it wasn’t everyone. Lamar was right next to him before the blast knocked us over. He was the first face I saw.
“You alright, Bilal?” I called with authority in my voice to get him responding quickly.
“Yeah, I’m good.” he grounded out through clenched teeth.
“Good, let’s see if anyone else is hurt.”
I noticed firefighters were assembling the hoses, which was good. It left us to check the crowd. Lamar and I dropped our gear where we stood and started checking the people around us for injuries. So far, everyone I encountered only had scrapes and bruises. As I moved closer to the building, as close as I could to the heat coming from the burning inferno, I found the first victim— one of my guys. He had a piece of lumber stuck in his femur. I hated to do this to him, but I had to move him, just in case the building blew again.
“I gotta move you, Wadisgowski,” I warned, and he grunted his acknowledgment.
I signaled for two other firefighters to help me lift him, securing his leg first before we moved him. I had to be cautious of his injury while moving him. I wasn’t sure if the piece of wood was close to an artery, and I didn’t want him to bleed out. Once we had his leg as secure as we could, we lifted him. Wadisgowski, cried out in pain as we moved swiftly to a safe distance from the building.
“Cary,” I looked to one of the guys that helped me move Wadisgowski, “keep pressure on this wound and keep him still and talking. I’m going to find the paramedic and get some help over here.” I looked at my injured man. “You hang in there, Ski, understand? That’s an order.”
