by S. K. Lessly
God, I loved that man. Sadly, I hadn’t told him as much.
I know, I know. I was messing this up. Here my prayers for a second chance with this man were coming true and I was pissing it away. I was scared— scared of failing, scared of not being the woman worthy of him, worthy of his love. Despite the pep talk my family gave me, fear was still the conductor of my life.
Seriously, nothing in life was guaranteed. I was so fucked up in the head right now that I was scared of my own freaking shadow. How was I supposed to contribute to a healthy relationship when I wasn’t healthy myself? And was it right for me to lean on him to help me?
I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do.
I should just talk to him. I should just bite the bullet and talk this out with him. There had been so many times in my life when I reacted on impulse instead of thinking things through. If I was truly going to change, I needed to start now.
I took a deep breath, hovered over his contact name but before I could push the button, it started to vibrate in my hand. Paul's handsome face covered the screen, and a smile spread along my face, my body heating with the anticipation of hearing his sexy voice.
I swiped across the screen and answered the call, my voice soft and low.
“Hey, you.”
There was a slight pause before his sexy as sin voice caressed my ears.
“Hey, beautiful, did I wake you?”
My grin deepened, and I settled deeper in my thick, soft comforter.
“No, I’ve been up for a while. I can’t sleep.”
“I thought your sister gave you sleeping pills to help you sleep?”
“She did, I just don’t like taking them. They make me feel weird, and I don’t want to be dependent on them. Don’t worry. I’m okay.”
Paul grew silent, and I knew he caught on to my bullshit. He called me out on it too.
“You don’t sound okay. Are you still having nightmares?”
I closed my eyes, not wanting to talk about it. I also didn’t want to bring up the other elephant in the room, the reason why I decided to call him before he called me — deflection time.
“You uh, sound very much awake yourself,” I observed solemnly, smoothly changing the topic, or at least trying to. I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling as if it held the answers I seek. “Why are you up? Are you at work?”
Paul breathed out and replied, “No, I’m not at work. I guess I’m in the same boat as you are. I can't sleep either and stop trying to change the subject. Talk to me, Lauren. What’s going on? You say you’re okay, but I can hear it in your voice that you’re not.”
I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. Ugh… no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get my grit back.
The worry in Paul’s voice made my heart ache, and I wished so desperately that he was here right now. I wanted him here with me, holding me, telling me that everything would be okay. That’s what I wanted the most. Unfortunately, that wasn’t my reality.
“Talk to me, baby,” Paul coached his voice low and deep. Butterflies took flight in my stomach at the concern and longing in his voice. I almost cracked.
“God, Paul, I’m going out of my mind. We really need to talk.”
“Yeah, we do.”
“There’s so much I want to say, and so many things I want to tell you.”
“Okay. Then tell me.”
“I can’t. That’s the problem.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because you’re not here.” I sounded like a whiny child right then, but I didn’t care. “There are things that need to be said, but you’re like a hundred miles away, or whatever. I just… I mean I want…” my voice trailed off in frustration. My thoughts were all over the place, my mind a scramble of confusion. I growled low, unable to fend off the despondency I felt.
He chuckled lightly, which only fueled my frustration.
“Lauren, aren’t you coming home in a week?”
I sighed loudly. “Yes, but—”
“Wait,” Paul interjected quickly. “Please don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about coming home.”
“No, I haven’t changed my mind. I am coming home.”
“Okay.” He sighed, sounding relieved. Damn, what in the hell did I put him through? “Good, we can talk when you get home,” he said matter-of-factly.
“But you don’t understand. Yes, I’m coming home soon, but my family will be with me. We have plans to sightsee and explore the city all day on Saturday. Then Sunday is the Super Bowl. I know you can imagine how that day will go. There’s no telling when we will be able to talk, and I really need to talk to you.”
I grew silent, trying not to break down into a complete and utter tantrum. God, this was all my sister's fault. Yes, that’s right I was blaming her for these stupid drugs she has me on. The drugs were supposed to help me relax, so she said, but I swear I’ve been more emotional and jittery than normal.
When I got myself together, I admitted in a low tone. “I just wish you were here, that’s all.”
“You do?” he asked, and he sounded a bit surprised by my statement.
“Of course, I do,” I stressed firmly, hoping that he could hear the need for him in my voice. “I know I was the one that said I needed space, but I’ve missed you so much. I just want see you and…” I trailed off as dang-blasted tears collected in my eyes. Fuck…
“Baby, I want to see you too, which is why I called. I’m standing outside your brother's door. Come let me in,” he replied, and I almost choked on my shock.
“Um, what?”
“You heard me. I’m outside. I need you to come to the door and let me in. It’s cold as shit out here. I had to park two blocks away, and walk and this wind is no joke. My face is frozen, and my toes are about to become little ice cubes. Ohh shit, wait. Please tell me you’re still staying with Mark?”
“Yes, I’m at Mark's,” I answered with a breathless laugh, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Good, I was going to be pissed if I had to walk back to the car and find you.”
I sat up in my bed. “Paul, don’t play games. Are you really outside?”
I heard him chuckle lightly. “Yes, woman. I would ring the bell but it’s kind of late, and I don’t want to wake up those twins. Mark would kill me, or shit rather Maria would kill me and she’s kind of scary when she’s pissed.”
“Oh my god!” My voice rose in excitement, but then I remembered the twins and lowered my voice. “You’re really here? Outside?”
“Are you going to open the door or let me freeze to death?”
I shot up from the bed and grabbed my terrycloth robe from the back of the bedroom door. “Oh shoot, yes, sorry. Yes, I’m coming. I’m coming.”
I threw my phone on the bed, not caring that I left him on the other end and flung open my bedroom door. I tiptoed down the hall to the steps and moved as fast as and as silent as my sock-covered feet would allow. I could see a figure standing outside the stained-glass window of the front door.
It was him. Granted, I couldn’t see his face, but I just knew it was him.
I opened the door to the foyer, stepped through the cold space, and unlocked the front door. Standing in front of me, dressed in a black wool pea coat, black skully, and a scarf around his neck, was a smiling Paul. It took me less than a second to look him over before I launched myself into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around him as best I could.
He caught me with no problem and held me tight against him. A shiver racked my body, not from the cold, although it was cold as shit. No, it was the sheer, overwhelming feeling of joy and peace from being in his arms again that took over my body. I buried my face in his neck, forgetting the biting cold and held on tight.
He was here. He drove all this way to see me, and he was here.
Without me directing him, he stepped through the doorway of Mark’s home, closing the front door and locking it. He then walked through the foyer and closed that door too, enterin
g the warm house with me still in his arms. Fuck that. I wasn’t letting him go for nothing.
He was here, and he had me. I wasn’t ever letting go.
18
Paul
I held her frail body against mine, fighting back the anger. I had no idea how bad it really was for her. Every time she and I talked, she'd downplay everything, how she was feeling and dealing with what happened to her. She'd tell me she was fine, and she was eating and healing. The only reason why I knew she had nightmares was because I caught her in a vulnerable moment and she admitted it to me.
I was more pissed at Mark than anything. I had called him every day she’s been here to check up on her. He told me she was getting better as well, but he didn’t tell me she was a shell of her old self. I could feel her ribs through the fucking robe as I rubbed her sides soothingly. She lost a lot of weight, her eyes looked haunted, and I could see immediately how the lack of sleep was affecting her.
I had to stamp down my anger now that I was here. She needed me, and I’d be damned if I wasted this time fussing at her and Mark. There would be time for that later. Right now, I’d be here for her in any way she needed.
I made sure the doors were locked behind me then remained where I was, holding the love of my life as she cried in my arms.
Fuck.
I closed my eyes and did my best to soothe her with my touch, my words. I kept telling her I had her and that I was here. It was all I could say without breaking down myself.
I heard a noise coming from the top of the steps in front of me. I looked up to find Mark standing there. He too looked just as worn down and sleep deprived as Lauren. I had a feeling things were difficult for Lauren, but I hadn’t factored in how it affected her family. Add that to the fact that he had two newborns and I bet he was more than sleep deprived.
My anger ebbed slightly as I took him in. I gave him a head nod, and he returned it with a knowing smirk before retracting into the darkened hallway behind him.
Lauren finally lifted her head and looked at me. Supporting her with one arm, I brought my hand to her face and swiped my thumb and finger underneath her eyes.
There were so many emotions swimming in her expression, fear, relief, love that it made my own heart swell. I could feel my throat closing with my own emotions, and I was hoping I’d be able to speak.
I kept my eyes on her, hoping to convey just how much I loved and missed her. She gave me a small, tentative smile before she buried her face in my neck again.
Although I didn’t want to let her go, I needed to so that I could take off my coat. I wanted her closer to me, I wanted to feel the heat of her body, and I couldn’t do that with my coat between us. I gave her a side grin and stated softly, “Let me take off my coat, baby so that I can hold you closer to me.”
She met my eyes with an embarrassing smile on her face. “Oh, right sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I quickly amended as she untangled her legs from around my waist and settled her sock-covered feet on the floor. She stepped back from me and watched me as I unbuttoned my coat and peeled out of it. I looked around me for a closet or something and noticed a coat rack behind me. I stuffed my hat inside the sleeve of my coat and placed it and my scarf on an available hook.
When I turned back around, Lauren’s smile was full grown and beautiful.
“I can’t believe you’re here and at three in the morning no less.”
I scratched my head and smiled sheepishly.
“Yeah, I was having a hard time getting to sleep tonight. I figured what better time than to drive down in the middle of the night to Philly. I wanted to see you.”
I reached for her and gripped the lapel of her robe. I pulled her closer to me, wrapped an arm around her waist, and buried my fingers in her hair. I tilted her head up and looked at her lush, soft lips before admitting, “I told you I would come for you when I had enough.” I pulled her closer to me until our lips were inches apart. I could feel her quick pants of anticipation along my face. I smiled, and then said against her lips, “I’m here to claim what’s mine.”
Before she could refute my claim, my lips covered hers. I kissed her slow, brushing my lips against hers as I inhaled her addictive scent. However, things escalated quickly when a soft whimper fell from her lips. Hearing the sound of need coming from my woman sent me soaring. I tightened my hold on her, angled my lips against hers, and slid my tongue inside her willing mouth.
I kissed her deeply, purposefully, and pointedly. I didn’t want her to second-guess my intentions or my feelings. I made it known exactly what she did to me, how she affected me with the stroke of my tongue, and the caress of my lips. I devoured her with this kiss, taking my time tasting what's mine, demanding her submission, and claiming her with authority.
Her leg wrapped around mine and I lifted her by her ass turned and slammed her against the wall behind me. I forgot where I was, squeezed her ass cheeks and grinded my hard as fuck dick against her. Lauren moaned again, tightening her hold around my neck, her legs tightened too, and it felt as if she was trying to get as close to me as she could. Things were escalating quickly between us. I was trying to figure out how I was going to slide my hand underneath her robe with her still in my arms to get my feel of her sweet body, when a shrill of a cry then two, erupted upstairs.
Our lips parted quickly, but we didn’t let each other go. We smiled shyly, knowingly, our breaths coming quick, our heartbeats pounding against both of our chests.
“Logan and Josh," she announced breathlessly.
I touched the side of her face with the back of my fingers. “So I figured.”
Lauren chuckled and rested her forehead against mine. We stayed like that until we heard footsteps coming closer to the top of the steps. I had no desire for Mark to see his sister pinned against the wall. I got my shit together then released Lauren and set her on the ground slowly. She smiled up at me and took my hand.
“Let’s go talk.”
She led me deeper into the house, through the living room and dining room. Mark’s house was larger than I expected for a row house. The living room was massive with dark color furniture, a huge bookcase, which took half of the living room wall. A flat screen TV, which sat on its own TV stand, was positioned opposite the couch, in front of the living room window.
The dining room table was rustic. The dark wood looked worn, but the modern chairs surrounding it gave it more character. Both spaces felt warm and inviting, with plenty of family photos on the walls, tall decorative plants, and soft plush throw rugs making you feel right at home.
Lauren led us to a door on our left, off the dining room. She opened it, turned on the light, and led me down a flight of stairs. I was pleasantly surprised to see Mark’s basement fully finished. The basement was pretty big as well, with a huge sectional taking up a lot of the space down here.
There was a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall facing the couch. A baby playpen and double baby swing were tucked in the corner next to the couch.
The swing looked familiar, and I grinned.
“Is that the one I sent?”
She smiled back. “Yep, the twins love it too.”
As soon as Lauren told me Mark’s wife gave birth, I went out and bought them a gift. I had a chance to spend a little time with her family when they were in town. Her family was amazing and loved the hell out of Lauren. I couldn’t, for the life of me, make sense of the stories she told me about them. Every time I spoke to each and every one of them, I could see the love they had for her and each other. I wasn’t saying that Lauren lied about the things she experienced, so I figured that almost losing their daughter, their little sister, put things into perspective for them. You only get one chance in life, so you had to make it count.
When I found out Mark named his boys after me, I was both honored and humbled. It meant the world to me that he did it, especially when he really didn’t have to. I loved his sister. I would do anything for her. Thanking me by naming his boys after me was
n’t necessary, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sat down on the couch and pulled Lauren down on my lap, her knees resting on either side of my hips. I unfastened her robe and opened it to reveal a black tank top, which barely covered her breasts and black short shorts. I rubbed her legs needing to touch her, forgetting my hands were cold. I gave her an apologetic smile when she jumped slightly. Goosebumps flooded her warm skin, but she soon settled under my touch. I slid my hands along her thighs to her waist, around to her ass. I squeezed and slid her closer to me until her hot heat was covering the hard bulge inside my jeans.
“Paul,” Lauren whispered on a soft moan when I slowly rotated her hips against me.
“Hmmm,” I replied, leaning closer to her neck and nipping her goose-pimpled skin. I circled her hips slowly again, loving the way her pussy felt against me. I missed this, missed her in my arms, writhing against me, needing me, wanting me.
My name floated from her parted lips again, and I nipped her bottom lip before I captured her mouth with mine.
Her fingers caressed the back of my head, as she took over and grinded her center against me. Pleased she got the hint and took over, I let go of her ass, gripped her nipples through her shirt and squeezed. She cried out and broke our kiss.
“Paul, wait!”
“For?” I responded, not wanting to stop for anything. With the way I was feeling, my body was going to murder me if we stopped. I missed her. My dick missed her. I didn’t care if Jesus himself walked in on us. He'd have to put judgment day on hold until I made love to my woman.
Lauren looked in my eyes, hers dilated and filled with the same longing and desire I knew was evident in mine. If that was the case, why was she stopping us?
Lauren breathed out slowly and rested her forehead against mine again.
I breathed out, trying to calm myself down and rubbed her back and her sides soothingly. When she lifted her head to look at me again, the lust that was once swimming in her chocolate eyes had been replaced with uncertainty and inquisitiveness.
“What, baby? What’s wrong?”
