by S. K. Lessly
I swayed on my feet the room starting to spin, making me queasy. I thought about sitting down, but my stomach started to churn. I ran upstairs to my bathroom as a wave of nausea hit me. I didn’t want Samson to hear me throwing up and wonder what was wrong. I emptied the contents of my stomach, which by the way consisted of absolutely nothing. I brushed my teeth and gargled before I made my way back downstairs. As I descended the steps, the concerned look on his face told me I didn’t mask as much as I wanted to.
“Look, Lauren, I understand what you’re going through,” he started in a soft tone of voice.
“Do you?” I asked, a bite to my voice. I gave him a hard stare before returning to my seat. Samson handed me a bottled water. I opened it, thanked him, and I eagerly took it down.
“Yes, I do. My sister was in a coma for two months before we let her go. I know what that feels like. I know how much hope can fill you and how disappointment can destroy you.”
I stared at Samson. Paul never told me about his sister, but I guess it wasn’t something that you would talk about in normal conversation either.
Samson went on. “She was in a car accident when she was seventeen. Some drunk driver hit her car. She had a seatbelt on and everything, but it was a vicious accident, and she sustained severe head trauma. I was nineteen at the time, in college playing football when it happened. It tore my parents apart. It tore my family apart. All the hoping and wishing and wondering put a toll on all of us. Some of us wanted to let her go and stop the suffering, but my mom said no. She felt my sister would come back. She claimed she felt her squeeze her hand and open her eyes, but no one saw it but her. Finally though, my mom realized she wasn’t coming back, and we were finally able to let her go and heal, but my mom was never the same. She blamed us for a long time. She felt we gave up and didn’t give my sister a chance.”
Samson reached and grabbed my hand. “I’m not saying this is the same situation. I know Paul’s injuries aren’t as severe as my sister’s was. However, I understand why you feel the way you do, and I understand his parents as well. They don’t want to live like that hoping he will wake up. Their faith isn’t as strong as yours is, but you can’t be angry at them for feeling the way they do. You and Paul share something that they obviously don’t understand. And they shouldn’t be angry at you for feeling the way that you do about their son either.”
I wiped the tears away from my face with my free hand. I closed my eyes and listened to Samson.
“I can go to the hospital tomorrow, after my shift or before if I can, and find out what’s going on for you. I’ll see if he indeed woke up or if he’s doing about the same.”
“You will?” I asked softly, sniffing.
Samson squeezed my hand. “Yes, I will, and I’ll call you the moment I find out anything.”
I smiled at him. It was weak, but I was eternally grateful. “Thanks so much.”
“Anything for you.”
Needing a subject change, I frowned and asked, “How’s Melissa?” I knew Melissa wouldn’t have sent Samson here to check on me if she was able to do it herself.
“She’s good. This pregnancy has her on bed rest though, and it’s driving her crazy.”
My eyebrows rose with that bit of news. I also felt like shit for not knowing. My world had consisted of Paul for so long that I didn’t even know she was pregnant. I was a horrible friend.
“She’s pregnant?”
He chuckled. “Yup, she’s about two and a half months pregnant.”
I stood and hugged him tightly, as best as I could with him still sitting.
“Wow, Samson, congrats to you both.”
“Thanks.” He beamed up at me when I stepped back and sat down in my chair. “Melissa and Tonya have been exchanging stories and talking a lot, but they miss you.”
I sighed. “I know, I haven’t been a very good friend.”
Samson shook his head. “No, don’t say that. They know what you’re going through and they understand. They just miss their friend that’s all.”
Samson sat with me for a little bit longer, and I was actually glad he came to check up on me. I felt somewhat human after hearing about Melissa and the new life growing inside her. It gave me hope that the life growing inside me would not be the only thing left I would have of Paul.
Samson stood letting me know he was heading out. I walked him to the door, and before he left, I asked him, “What was your sister’s name?”
He looked solemnly at me and replied, “Her name was Lauren.” That had the breath whooshing out of my chest. Samson nodded knowingly. “I know. I don’t talk about her much. It’s too painful. You remind me a lot of her, though. She was very strong-willed and bullheaded.” He pointed at me and said sternly, “You better not ever pull a stunt like that again, hitting a grown man like that. If you get in any type of situation like that again, you call me or John, understand? We’ll take care of it. Now, if I see this son of a bitch at this hospital, I’ll be sure to set him straight.”
I shook my head. “Samson, don’t. It’s not worth it.”
“You’re family, Lauren, so whoever hurts you, hurts me. You best believe I’m not going to let this go. Besides, Wolf would kick my ass if I did.” I gave him a weak smile and then chuckled. Samson hugged me again and left.
That night I tried to fall asleep, but couldn’t. I tried to eat dinner after breakfast was a bust and lunch nonexistent, but twenty minutes later my food came right back up. I couldn’t understand how I was supposed to take these stupid prenatal vitamins when I couldn’t keep anything down.
I went to see the doctor earlier today, and he told me I needed to try to eat small meals that were very light, nothing heavy. I had taken his advice and tried to eat small meals, but the lunch I had came right back up, mightily I might add. I ate crackers and toast, for dinner thinking that would go down easier than the soup it had at lunch. I also drank ginger ale, but I guess my system didn’t like the ale and I threw up chunks of toast. It all reminded me of Tonya and what she went through.
The doctor said I was about three months pregnant. I couldn’t see how that was possible when I had periods, but he told me that could happen. He also assured me that the baby should be fine from the drinks I had during Memorial Day weekend and the other times early on. Jesus, I hoped so. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see or feel any signs of being pregnant, but at that time, I was about seven weeks. Maybe I would have paid attention if my mind was focused the changes in my body and not Paul.
The doctor did advise me that my blood pressure was extremely high, and I needed to get some rest, but I just smiled and said okay. I didn’t tell him that I couldn’t rest; my head and heart were in turmoil. It wouldn’t matter anyway. No one understood what I was going through but me, despite what Samson said.
After my doctor’s appointment, I had tried to see Paul before I left the hospital. However, there was another big goon stationed right outside his room. I was relieved. That meant he was still among the living. I had a chance to see him.
I decided to camp out in the waiting area outside his room, hoping the sentry would leave so that I could go inside and check on Paul. Except the fucker wouldn’t leave. I knew I couldn’t stay there any longer without being spotted, so reluctantly I left.
I continued to toss and turn in my bed, restless. I kept telling myself that Samson would tell me what’s going on tomorrow. I just had to hold on until then, but the next thing I knew, I was dressed and driving to the hospital at three in the morning. I didn’t know how I was going to get in to see Paul, but I knew I had to find a way.
Paul
“Sabrina you don’t have to stay here, I’m fine.”
I was watching SportsCenter while Sabrina was camped out in the lounge chair next to me. It was half past eleven at night, and I was about tired of having company. Ever since I woke from the coma, people have been consistently in my room. The first day I was okay with it, as a matter of fact, I welcomed it. However, the second and now goin
g on the third day it was weighing on me.
What was really bothering me, I knew, was Lauren being a no-show. Where in the fuck was she? I asked my father every time I saw him if he called her and he would say time and time again, “Of course I did, son. She just isn’t answering.”
I looked over at Sabrina. “Let me see your phone?”
Without looking from her book, she replied, “I don’t have it.”
“Then go out there and find me one.” I didn’t hide the bite in my voice. I was tired of waiting around relying on everyone to do shit for me. I wasn’t an invalid. The sooner I got on my feet the better off I would be, I knew this.
Sabrina looked over at me. “Why do you need a phone?”
“Why do you think? Because there isn’t one in this room for some fucked up reason. You know what, never mind. I’ll do it myself.” I threw my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.
“Where are you going?” She shrilled, putting her Kindle down.
“I’m going home.”
“No, you can’t!” she blurted out, which made me pause my movements
I looked at her skeptically. “Why?”
Sabrina rose from her seat and walked closer to me. “Paul, look, I didn’t want to tell you this because I know you’d be mad at me.”
“What is it?” I said simply.
“Okay, the other day I heard Lauren talking to some man in one of the open rooms on this floor. I was coming to visit you when I heard her voice. They didn’t know I was there, but the things I heard kind of explains why she isn’t here.” She hesitated a second and blurted, “She’s seeing someone else.”
“Bullshit!” I boomed without hesitation.
“No, not bullshit. I heard her.” Sabrina challenged right back. I stared into her eyes looking for the lie, the hint of the games she used to play, but I didn’t see anything, but the truth. Still, I couldn’t believe that. Not Lauren.
“That can’t be, Sabrina.” I sat back on my bed and shook my head.
Sabrina took a step closer to me. “I’m sorry, but it is. She even told him she loved him.”
“What exactly did she say?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “What did you hear tell me all of it?”
“Look, I know what she said okay. That’s probably why she’s not here. I mean if you think about it, she knows you’re awake, and she isn’t here, why is that?”
“Well according to my dad, she doesn’t know,” I told her in a matter of fact tone; still my eyes remained hard and unyielding.
“Oh, Paul,” Sabrina spoke in a condescending tone that grated on my nerves. She shook her head. “Your father is just telling you that, so he doesn’t hurt you. He told us he talked to her, and she knows you’re awake.”
I looked at Sabrina stunned. I didn’t want to believe a word she had to say. I needed to speak to Lauren myself and find out what’s going on. I started to get up again. I had zero energy in my legs, but I didn’t give two shits. I needed to find her and talk to her.
“Well, I’ll make sure I get to the bottom of this myself.” I planted my sock covered feet on the cool floor. My body screamed at me, and I gritted my teeth and straightened to my full height.
“Paul, she’s pregnant!” Sabrina blurted.
I stopped and stared at her.
“Look, I didn’t want to say anything, but you’re being ridiculous. She’s not here because she’s obviously pregnant with someone else’s baby. She’s chosen to be with someone else.”
The color in my face and in my entire body drained, I could feel it. The room started spinning, and my heart was crashing against my chest. I felt lightheaded as if I was going to pass out. I plopped back down on the bed, defeated, at a loss for words and my heart aching.
Sabrina moved to within touching distance and went to touch my face. I leaned back and looked up at her; the warning etched in my glare.
Smartly she stepped back, but she didn’t keep her mouth shut. “I’m sorry Paul, I really am. I know this isn’t something that you want to hear from me.”
“Tell me again what you heard?”
Sabrina sighed as if she was losing her patience. She even rolled her eyes for effect. “I know what I heard, Paul. She was in the room with someone else, crying. She was saying that she was pregnant and the man said it was his. I didn’t hear her refute it. Plus, she told him she loved him.”
“What else did you hear?” I asked, making sure she wasn’t holding anything else back.
“What do you mean? What else is there? The bitch is with someone else, a black guy from the sound of his voice. Why can’t you get it through your head that she doesn’t want to be here? She lied to you; do you hear me? You’re so better off.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting her words wash over me like a tidal wave. I felt her hand cover mine and squeeze. Her touch turned my stomach. No matter what she just said, I didn’t want her touching me.
I moved my hand from hers and opened my eyes. I looked up at her; my body drained of emotion.
“Sabrina, go home,” I said softly.
“Paul just—"
“I said go home. Now!” I ordered more firmly.
“I really don’t think you—" Sabrina attempted to say, but I cut her off.
“Damn it, Sabrina. Get the fuck out!” I yelled and instantly regretted it. The pain that rocked my head was blinding.
I closed my eyes briefly and heard Sabrina moving about, quickly grabbing her things. She didn’t say anything to me when she left, and I was thankful for that. I laid back in the bed drained of all energy. I needed to think. So many things were scrambling my brain, and I needed to make sense of everything before I reacted.
Could what Sabrina just told me be true? Could Lauren be pregnant with someone else’s baby?
I shook my head, no. There was no way. I would have known if she was cheating on me. Just as that truth eased my heart rate, another thought popped into my head. I slouched further in the bed as the realization of my past reared its ugly head. I didn’t know shit, just like I didn’t know about Sabrina. Maybe that’s why I kept having dreams about Lauren leaving me, being with someone else in my face, getting killed. Maybe the dreams were my sub-conscious telling me that she didn’t belong to me anymore.
I slammed my fist against the mattress in frustration, wishing I had enough energy to throw something, anything. This fucking sucked.
Lauren
I arrived at the hospital and found a way inside through the emergency room entrance. The security guard was too busy flirting with one of the nurses to see me slip away when someone emerged from the secured double doors of the ER. I found my way inside the main section of the hospital and located a bank of elevators. With it being three something in the morning, visiting hours were way over. I had special privileges to stay in Paul’s room overnight, but since I had been banned from seeing him, I knew the second I was found I’d be escorted out of here.
So, you better not get caught, Lauren.
I took the elevator to Paul’s floor all the while praying for a miracle. When it opened, I stepped out right next to the nurse’s station of the floor. Lucky for me the station was empty. So far so good.
I moved quickly around the station to find Paul’s door free of the goon from earlier today. I guess luck was finally on my side. Or it meant I had been too late and he was gone. I closed my eyes and shook off that horrible thought. I needed to stay positive. I walked purposefully to his room and opened the door. I took a deep breath, closed the door behind me and walked inside.
The room was quiet, sans the television, which was on SportsCenter. I figured maybe his brother had been here earlier and left it on. He tended to do that saying that Paul would want to wake up to the latest sports news.
My eyes gravitated to the bed, and there he was, lying there quietly. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief, biting back the tears that were threatening to fall. Oh who was I kidding, there was no way I was stopping the flow of tears. He was still
alive!
I smiled through the steady tears and moved to his side. I touched his bearded face, feeling the life flowing through his veins. I kissed his forehead and stayed there for a moment, inhaling his scent, breathing in his strength. Just being here made me feel better. It made me feel more relaxed and at home.
Someone walked into the room behind me, and I jumped.
“What are you doing here?” a face I didn’t recognize came into view.
“Oh, I was just—" I replied quickly, trying to think of a reason for my presence this late at night. I didn’t want to go just yet. I needed my fill of the man I loved.
“You can’t be here,” the frowning nurse scolded harshly.
“I know,” I confessed, placing my hands up in a pleading gesture. “Please, I was just…”
“She’s fine,” a very familiar voice spoke behind me, and I froze. I slowly turned, eyes wide as saucers, to find Paul watching me. He was awake and giving me that disappointing look that he always did when I made him angry.
“You have fifteen minutes and you have to leave.” I heard the nurse announce but I was no longer paying her any attention. He was awake. Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus!
I heard the door close behind me, and Paul slowly rose from the bed. I put my hands to my mouth and gaped at him in shock.
“Paul, you’re awake,” I managed to get out before my legs started moving. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him. I expected him to wrap me tight in his arms and hug me back, but he just stood there, his body stiff as a board.
“Yes, I’m awake. Where have you been?” He pulled back from me, putting distance between us, distance I didn’t want. I was confused by the way he was treating me, but as I thought about it, no telling what his family told him about me.
I shook my head, trying to figure out if this was real or a cruel dream. “How long have been awake?”
Paul backed up from me and sat back down on his bed. “Don’t you know?”
I walked closer confused at the harsh, cold tone in his voice. “No, I… I don’t.”
