by S. K. Lessly
“Have you spoken to my father?” he asked me accusingly.
I shook my head. “No, I haven’t seen your father since…” I trailed off and touched the side of my face. I fingered my hair closer to my cheek to hide the bruise I knew was there. “I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in a few days.”
“Really?”
I looked at him completely puzzled. What had his family told him that caused this much animosity in his voice? This definitely wasn’t the welcoming I had dreamed about when he finally woke. I guess I needed to do damage control.
I walked closer to him and shook my head. “Yes, Paul, jeez don’t you think if I’d known, I would have been here?”
“Why would my father lie?”
I shook my head. “I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe he hates me. That’s my guess.”
Paul looked at me up and down, a look of disgust clouding his handsome features. “Well answer me this, are you pregnant?”
I gasped in surprise and looked around the empty room as if I’d find answers to my unspoken questions. How in the hell did he find out? Did Nurse Madeline tell him?
“Who told you that?”
“Why does it matter who told me,” he bit back. “Answer my question?”
Now I was getting angry. I wasn’t sure why he was being hostile toward me. I put my defenses up on impulse and narrowed my eyes on him. “Why are you being like this?”
“Answer my question, Lauren. Where in the hell have you been and who have you been with?” The rise in his voice, the hardness in his eyes made the blood rush straight to my head. I started feeling nauseated and dizzy. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had to keep telling myself that he must have been tainted against me somehow. I couldn’t understand how, but from the look in his eyes, things were bad.
I bit down my anger and breathed out slowly. I answered his question with as much control and patience I could muster. “I haven’t been with anyone, Paul. I told you I didn’t know—"
“You know,” he started, cutting me off, “I’ve been racking my brain for days trying to figure out why the love of my life wasn’t by my side. And I found out by someone I wouldn’t expect, that she’s pregnant with someone else’s baby.”
Now that shit took me by surprise. My eyes showed my surprise, and the derisive look in his eyes made my stomach churn with fear and confusion. “Wait, hold on a second—" I started, but he cut me off again, his facial expression changing from anger, to pain, to heartbreak.
It gutted me to see him like this, and I had no way of making this better. He wasn’t listening to me.
We stared at each other in silence, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Paul’s eyes filled with unshed tears that made me wish I could go back in time and refused to let them carry me out. I should have fought harder I should have…
“You know what. I can’t deal with this right now.” Paul shifted his body to lie back onto the bed, essentially dismissing me. “My head hurts, and I’m tired.”
I stood there stunned and filled with complete disbelief. What the hell just happened? I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, to us. This was unreal. I backed away from him, but then I stopped. I wasn’t going out like this, and I wasn’t going to let him dismiss me as if I didn’t matter.
“Paul, if you just.”
“Can you please leave? Go home.”
“No, I won’t go home.” I stared pointedly at the side of his face, willing him to look at me. When he didn’t, I moved until I was in his line of sight. I stood there waiting for his eyes to open and when they did, I let him have it.
“I’ve been by your side for weeks, hoping you would wake up, praying that you would come back to me. I’ve wanted nothing else, and I’ve prayed for nothing else. I love you, Paul Logan and I don’t know who you’ve been talking to but damn it, listen to me.” I walked closer to him and nervously pushed my hair behind my ears so he could see every expression in my eyes and face.
“My heart has been aching for you for weeks. I haven’t slept, I’ve barely eaten, and I look like shit. I’ve been longing for this moment, and this wasn’t how I wanted this to go.”
“For fuck sake, Lauren—” I held my hand up stopping him from speaking. It was my turn to speak, and he was damn well going to listen.
“No, I’m going to answer your question, and then I’m gone. First of all, I haven’t been with anyone these last few days, I’ve been home trying to figure out a way to sneak up in here without anyone noticing and staying out of jail at the same time. Your loving asshole of a father has a restraining order against me to keep fifty feet away from you.” From the look of surprise on his face, I guess good ole daddy dearest hadn’t told him everything. I continued. “Secondly, yes, I’m pregnant. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out but now that you know, fuck it. I’m pregnant, and you’re going to be a daddy. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling? A got damn joy?”
I was on a roll now, and if the look of shock and worry weren’t etched all over Paul’s face, I’d think this whole thing was comical.
“Oh, and to be crystal fucking clear, just in case you were about to purse your lips to ask the asshole question, I am 110% sure it’s yours. If you don’t believe me…” I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the sonogram picture the tech gave me earlier today. “Here you go.” I slammed the thin piece of paper on his bedside table. “Take a look at that, see how far along I am and do the fucking math.”
I was taking so many deep and hard breaths that I felt like my chest was going to cave in. I was trying to calm myself down, but it wasn’t working. I wiped the side of my face roughly then winced at the pain. I masked it quickly as Paul’s eyes studied me closely. I met his eyes with a hard stare of my own. I waited for him to do something, to move. Finally, he pushed the button for the bed to elevate. He turned on the light above his bed and picked up the picture.
It only took a few seconds for him to see the date I was due and complete the math. His wide eyes then fell back on me, and my back stiffened knowing he had the truth in his hands. His eyes became even wider, then narrowed to slits as he honed in on my face.
He stood quickly, his expression changing in the blink of an eye. “What the fuck happened to your face?”
I jumped at his tone and pulled my hair back along my cheek.
“Why does it fucking matter?” I replied harshly and backed up feeling as if I was about to lose it. I refused to let him see me lose it. I turned sharply on my heels and ran out of the room quickly and closed his door. I felt like I was about to be sick. I ran quickly to the nearest restroom, passing nurse Madeline as I went.
I barely made it before I collapsed on the floor, releasing bile and water and pain into the porcelain bowl, my new best friend. At least this was a sterile bathroom and not the one at McDonalds. Don’t ask.
I closed my eyes and tried to get my shit together. I was in complete and utter shock. I couldn’t believe what just happened. Why had he accused me of being with another man, of having someone else’s baby? I didn’t understand how he found out. Only three people knew I was pregnant. I knew my brother wouldn’t have said anything. Did Nurse Madeline say something?
The woman in question walked in the bathroom just as I was in complete freak mode. I was gasping for air, desperately trying to get my lungs to pull in the air my body needed. It wasn’t working. I couldn’t catch my breath, and it was starting to scare me. I looked up at her frantic.
“Calm down, Lauren. Take deep breaths for me.” She peeked out of the bathroom and called for Jerome. Jerome came in with a wheelchair and stepped towards me. I backed up from him, eyes wide, freaking out even more.
“I can’t…” gasp “breathe…” gasp “I can’t…” I was starting to panic even more at the fear I was going to die if I didn’t breathe. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t calm down enough to take in a breath. I was going to die right here on this very clean floor.
“I know, swe
etheart.” Nurse Madeline kept speaking to me in such a soothing tone, but I kept feeling like I was failing her. “I just need for you to calm down. Concentrate on the rise and fall of my chest and do what I’m doing. Breathe in and out. Come on, honey. Take deep breaths for me, okay?”
Nurse Madeline nodded to Jerome, and he slowly approached me. I didn’t flinch this time, and he bent down and scooped me off the floor. He carried me out of the bathroom and planted me in the wheelchair. He then scuttled out of sight and returned seconds later with an oxygen tank. He fiddled with the knobs then hooked the mask around my face.
“There you are, Lauren,” Nurse Madeline coached softly. “Take deep breaths… that’s it you’re doing fine, sugar.” She was taking my blood pressure and checking my pulse right here in the bathroom.
I tried to ask her what my blood pressure was, but she wouldn’t let me take my mask off. Much to my relief, I could feel my body starting to relax. I kept my eyes focused on her chest as I mimicked the rise and fall of her ample breasts. Whoa, I just noticed Mrs. Maddie had big boobies.
I snorted a laugh at my very inappropriate thoughts, and she narrowed her eyes at me.
“I see you seemed to be calming down and getting air, yes?”
Completely chastised I nodded soberly and continued to take deep breaths. When she was done looking me over, she glanced at Jerome, who was standing off to the side watching us.
“Jerome, call downstairs to the maternity ward and let them know Ms. Kelly is on her way. Make sure they have a bed.”
I looked frantically at her, and she tapped my arm. “Now, now, sweetheart, don’t panic. Your pressure is too high for my comfort, and I just want them to look you over, okay? Nothing to be alarmed about, it’s just a precaution.”
Ten seconds later, I was being wheeled to the elevator and taken downstairs. My doctor happened to be on call this morning and met Mrs. Maddie and me at the elevator.
She brought him up to speed on my prognosis, letting him know what my pressure was and how I just had a panic attack. Needless to say, my doctor wasn’t very happy with me. When I found out they were keeping me for observation, I wasn’t too happy either.
Paul
I watched Lauren storm out of the room helpless. I did my best to follow her, but I didn’t get very far before I damn near collapsed on the floor. I had no energy to go after her. The muscles in my legs hadn’t worked for weeks, so my muscles felt like jelly.
I was just about to fall to the floor and wait for someone to come in when a nurse popped her head inside to check on me. She saw that I was barely holding on to the thick rail along the wall of my room and immediately helped me back to my bed. She also scolded me for not using the walker and threatened to put the catheter back in if I didn’t follow instructions.
I promised her I wouldn’t leave my bed again without the assistance from my walker and she left me alone. I closed my eyes, trying to get my shit in order before I opened them and reached for the picture of my baby, of our baby. I could barely make out what I was seeing, but I saw enough to know that Lauren had a person growing inside her, someone that she and I made together.
I had a shit load of emotions surging all through me. I kept running what Lauren said through my mind, and I couldn’t understand what had happened. Why did my father lie to me about talking to Lauren? Why didn’t he tell me what happened? A fucking restraining order, was he out of his mind?
I shook my head and thought about how I treated her and how I chased her out crying. I was a got damn fool. I should have known better. I looked at the date the sonogram picture was taken, which was yesterday and again looked at the gestational date of the baby.
I had done the math and felt ashamed and pissed off at myself. I was so blinded by rage that I didn’t see how idiotic it all sounded. There was no way Lauren would cheat on me. There was no fucking way that this baby wasn’t mine. I laid the picture down on the table next to me and ran a hand down my face. I needed answers, and I knew just the people that would give them to me. Who I was surprised to see just a few hours later, just before the sun rose, was my best friend. Samson walked in the room with a huge grin on his face.
“You son of a bitch!” He headed straight for me, and we embraced in that quintessential bro-hug. “When were you going to call me and tell me you were awake?”
Samson stepped back grinning down at me. He pulled a chair up to my bed and sat down.
“I’m sorry, bro,” I told him, shaking my head— just another thing I needed to ream my family for. “I told my family everyone to contact to tell them I was awake. I had no idea they didn’t call you. I thought you were just working and would get here when you could.”
“Yeah well, I made it a point to get my ass down here to check on you myself. I wanted to make sure you were alright, for mine and Lauren’s sake.” I perked up at the sound of Lauren’s name. Samson, oblivious of the tension holding my body captive, continued. “Man, you should see her, she’s a wreck.” He shook his head then eyed me suspiciously probably because of the expression on my face. “What?”
“Lauren was here,” I admitted in a low tone.
“What?” Samson shook his head. “Man, that woman of yours is a trip.”
“When did you see her?” I asked.
“Last night around ten-thirty. I was sent over to your house by Melissa, oh, by the way. We’re having a baby, man.”
My eyebrows rose at that news, and I smiled. “Congrats man. That’s wonderful.” We had another quick bro-hug before he sat back down.
“Yeah, well it’s a little shaky for Melissa. She’s been sick as a dog. Being as though my nosy ass wife was down, she sent me over to your house to check on her friend. I have to admit. She didn’t look too good. I didn’t tell my wife this, but she hasn’t been sleeping at all. She looked as if she lost some weight and the light that I would typically see in her eyes was gone, dead. I was really glad I stopped over, man, for real. I take it Lauren knows you’re alive and well?” I nodded, and Samson looked around the room. “Okay, where is she?” he chuckled. “Hell, as many days and nights she spent in this hospital when you were down, I would think she would be posted up next to your bed again.”
I sighed hearing the confirmation of the constant vigil she held at my side. Samson stared at me for a few minutes before he sighed to himself and shook his head. “Man, what the fuck did you do?”
I ran my hand through my hair that had grown entirely too long for my taste and told him what happened between Lauren and me. First, though, I told him what Sabrina had told me. While I spoke, I could easily find the holes in her story. I wasn’t saying she wasn’t telling me the truth. She probably did hear everything she said. What I questioned was the person Lauren was crying on and who she told she loved them. There was no other man, besides maybe Samson or Tyler that Lauren would break down in front of, besides her brothers. More than likely Mark was here. I would have confirmed that if I had talked to her instead of accusing her. I was a fucking idiot!
After I was done bringing Samson up to speed, he stood and moved to the small window of the room. He stared out the window for a minute before he turned, walked back to the vacated chair, and fell into it.
He shook his head at me, admonishingly and declared, “I tell you when you fuck up, boy, do you fuck up.” I didn’t have shit to say because he was right. I fucked up big time.
Samson leaned closer to me and stared pointedly at me. “It seems you’re missing a lot. Let me help you fill in some of the blanks.”
It was Samson’s turn to tell me what Lauren told him. He filled in the gaps about my parents and how they didn’t want to resuscitate me when I coded. He explained how hard Lauren fought to keep me alive, especially when she discovered my Will and Power of Attorney documents.
He stood and shifted his chair back from me when he got to the reason for the bruise on her cheek. I fucking lost it. I grabbed the tray of food in front of me and hurled it across the room. And by the end of his upda
te, I was beyond livid. I wanted blood.
A nurse came in the room to check on me, and I yelled for her to get out. Samson tried to calm me down, and it took a lot for him to do it.
“She’s fucking crazy,” I said referring to Lauren attacking that guy. “I can’t believe she did that, knowing she’s pregnant.”
Samson’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Lauren’s pregnant?”
I nodded and handed the picture of the baby that had fallen on the bed next to my leg from my earlier tirade.
“Whoa,” was all Samson said.
I looked up at the ceiling trying to rein in my anger and frustration at this whole mess. I needed to speak with my parents or siblings. I didn’t want a day to go by without talking to them. I also needed to get to Sabrina, but most of all I needed to speak to Lauren. I had tried calling her before Samson arrived when a phone magically materialized in my room, but she didn’t answer her cell. I knew she wouldn’t, but I wanted to at least try.
Before Samson left, I told him what I had planned to do about this whole mess. I asked if he would check on Lauren before he went to work. I also asked him to get my belongings, namely my phone, from the nurses.
When Samson left, I dug deep and pulled myself up from the bed. I held on to the walker and with determination made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. It took a lot of energy on my part, especially when I shaved but once I was done and dressed, I felt more like myself. The hot water also helped clear my mind. The healing process was going to take some time, I understood that, but I also knew that it wouldn’t take as long as the doctor mentioned.
While I was in the shower, I ironed out my plan of attack. I thought about calling individuals first and see when they were coming to see me, but I didn’t want to give them any ideas. I also knew how impatient I could be and if someone took too long, I would go looking for them.
What I did do was call my buddy in the Bloomfield Police Department and inquired about the restraining order. I asked if there was a way to lift it and if I could do it myself. I was told I could, and I called my attorney, who happened to be a college buddy of mine and made the necessary arrangements to rescind the restraining order and to refile my documentswith the court system, giving Lauren as my power of attorney once again.
