Flawbulous

by Shana Burton

“She was at a party with some friends. A fight broke out, and a couple of guys started shooting.” Desdemona struggled to recount the painful ordeal. “A bullet tore off half her chest. The guy who shot her was only sixteen years old. They even took a class together at school. He said he had never intended for her to be struck by the bullet, but what does that matter? He took her life, whether he intended to or not.”

  “That’s awful. My heart goes out to you and your family.”

  “Thank you.” She squeezed Sullivan’s hand. “I know right now it seems like you’re going to feel sad and empty forever, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that it does get easier. Now I cry only on her birthday and sometimes during the holidays. Mostly, I think about the joy Madison brought into my life, not the fact that it was cut short.”

  “At least you have memories of your daughter to comfort you. I don’t even have that. All I have is this.” She opened her hand to reveal the pair of tiny socks Christian was wearing when he died.

  “You still have that beautiful little girl of yours. Besides, you’re young. You can try again.”

  Sullivan shook her head. “No, this was it for me.”

  Desdemona offered up a smile. “Give it some time. You may see things differently six months or a year from now.” Desdemona reached into her purse. “I want to give you my card. You can call me if you feel the need to talk to someone who’s been through what you’re going through.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I know you have a strong support system and a great group of girlfriends. They mean well, but they can’t always relate to your pain. I can. Now, you get some rest.”

  Sullivan curled up into a fetal position and wrapped the blanket tightly around her body. She sank down into the bed and shut out the rest of the world.

  Chapter 17

  “I won’t set myself up for that kind of heartbreak.”

  –Reginell Vinson

  Between tending to Reginell and Sullivan, Lawson was starting to feel like she was the resident nurse instead of Angel. She’d come to Mark’s house, which he now shared with his wife, Reginell, following her outpatient laparoscopic surgery.

  “Endometriosis,” repeated Lawson after hearing Reginell’s official diagnosis. “I know that the doctor suspected that’s what it was, but I was still hoping . . .”

  Reginell slouched down in her bed. “Yeah, me too. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to treat it during surgery, so I’m really no better off than I was before.”

  Mark kissed Reginell on the forehead. “Reggie’s doctor is concerned about it spreading to her bladder. We’re praying that it won’t, though.”

  Lawson handed Reginell her pain medication. “I still don’t understand how this happened.”

  “I didn’t get it from stripping or sleeping around, if that’s what you’re implying,” barked Reginell.

  Mark came to Lawson’s defense. “Baby, I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way. None of us really knows much about this condition, how serious it is, or what the best way to treat it is.”

  “It’s serious, Mark,” attested Reginell. “You heard the doctor. I’m not going to die or anything, but there could be long-term consequences.”

  “Like what?” asked Lawson.

  “Like needing a hysterectomy,” replied Reginell.

  “Only if it spreads or if the pain can’t be treated with the medication he has her on, but that’s a worst-case scenario,” reported Mark.

  Lawson knew what Mark and Reginell were both worried about. “If it came to that, I guess that would mean . . .”

  Reginell finished her sentence. “It would mean never having children of our own. Even if I didn’t have a hysterectomy, endometriosis can still affect my fertility.”

  Mark could tell that the prognosis was crushing to her. “Hey, I can live with that. I have Namon and Mariah. Heck, I’m about to have a grandchild. I can handle not being able to have any more children. It’s not having you that would be devastating.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine for you, Mark, because you have two children,” interjected Lawson. “She doesn’t.”

  “We don’t subscribe to all that stepkid stuff,” Mark informed her. “My kids are our kids.”

  “You know how much I love my nephew, and I adore Mariah, but they’re not my children, not biologically. We’ve been planning to have kids all along. I don’t want to give that up,” said Reginell.

  “Then we’ve got to explore other treatment alternatives,” responded Lawson. “A hysterectomy can’t be the only solution.”

  “No, but it’s the only guaranteed solution,” acknowledged Reginell.

  Lawson wasn’t all too keen on the thought of Reginell and Mark having children, but she loved her sister dearly and wanted to see her happy, even if that meant having children with Mark. It was then that the ideal solution sparked in Lawson’s head.

  “I think I have the perfect solution. In fact, I think it’s genius!” Lawson started laughing hysterically. “Isn’t it awesome how the Lord works?”

  Mark was leery. “I guess that would depend on what the solution is.”

  “Simple! Reggie may have to have a hysterectomy, which would eliminate the chance of her of ever being able to conceive. However, she still wants a child who’s biologically linked to both of you,” pointed out Lawson. “On the other hand, we have Namon, who is in no shape, form, or fashion anywhere near ready to have a child. Neither is Shari.”

  Mark was taken aback. “Lawson, are you seriously suggesting. . .”

  Lawson’s face lit up. “I think it’s the perfect solution, don’t you, Reggie?”

  “You want us to adopt Namon’s child?” Reginell asked, seeking clarification.

  “Even if you didn’t want to commit to a full adoption, you could just raise the baby until Namon and Shari finish school,” proposed Lawson.

  Reginell and Mark exchanged puzzled glances.

  Reginell shook her head. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

  Lawson gave her sister a stern look. “Why not, Reggie? This could be the solution to everyone’s problem.”

  “Yeah, temporarily, but what happens in four years, after I’ve grown attached to that baby and love him or her like my own, only to have Namon and Shari come snatch him or her out of my arms?” Reginell shook her head. “I won’t set myself up for that kind of heartbreak.”

  “Well, then adopt the baby outright.” Lawson looked to Mark for encouragement.

  Mark sided with his wife. “Lawson, Reggie’s right. Why would you even assume they want to give their child up? Has Namon said anything to you to make you think that?”

  “Do you really think our teenage son wants to be saddled with a child? He may not admit it, but you know he doesn’t.”

  “That may be true, but I still think trying to adopt my grandchild is a bad idea,” admitted Mark.

  “You haven’t even thought about it. Better yet, you haven’t even prayed on it. How do you know this wasn’t God’s will all along?” said Lawson.

  “I think it’s more Lawson’s will than God’s!” concluded Mark. “You keep trying to find ways to keep this from happening, but Shari’s pregnant, and they are having this child. You’ve got to find a way to deal with it, like you found a way to deal with Garrett’s son.”

  “I have accepted it. I honestly don’t know why you can’t at least consider raising this baby as your own.”

  “Why can’t you?” Mark fired back.

  Reginell intervened. “Lawson, your best friend just lost her baby. It doesn’t seem right that we should be talking about snatching another baby from his or her mother’s arms.”

  “How is Sullivan, by the way?” asked Mark. “I was sad to hear about Christian. Sullivan is crazy, but I know she’s also crazy about her kids.”

  “She’s still in the hospital. She’s supposed to be going home the day after tomorrow. Physically, she’s in a much better place. Emotionally, she’s falling apart,” Lawson divulged.

 
Reginell sympathized with Sullivan. “I can’t imagine how awful it must be to bury your kid. Are they doing any kind of funeral for the baby?”

  “It’ll be a quiet, small graveside memorial. But you just had surgery, Reggie. I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t come.”

  “No, I’ll be there. Sully and I have our differences, but at the end of the day, she’s fam. Plus, my doctor cleared me to resume normal activities as long as I don’t overdo it.”

  “I’ll make sure she takes it easy,” Mark assured Lawson.

  Reginell pointed at Mark. “You see why I love this guy so much? He’s always taking good care of his wife.”

  “While we’re on the subject of you being his wife, why all the secrecy with the wedding?” blurted out Lawson. “I mean, we haven’t really talked about it. I kind of felt like I had a right to know up front.”

  Reginell and Mark were both caught off guard by the question, but Reginell was more irked than thrown by it. “Why would we need to tell you anything up front?”

  Lawson was exasperated. “Mark and I share a child, Reggie.”

  “No, you and Mark share a young adult who’s in college. At this point, what Mark does in his personal life doesn’t really affect Namon, which, in turn, means it doesn’t really affect you.”

  “Okay, I’m going to let the two of you hash this out while I go check on Reggie’s dinner,” said Mark, all too happy to escape the sparring sisters.

  Lawson advanced her tirade. “Don’t you think you should’ve told me about the wedding as a courtesy? I’m the mother of Mark’s son, but I’m also your sister.”

  Reginell tilted her head a little. “Why do you keep trying to insinuate that we owe you some kind of explanation or justification for our actions? What Mark and I do is our business, just like what you and Garrett do is yours.”

  “All I’m saying is that I’d like to be kept in the loop.”

  “And all I’m saying is that Mark has a wife now, and you need to respect that.”

  “We are all a part of each other’s lives, and you need to respect that, Reggie.”

  “I do, but you’ve got to learn some boundaries. All this being possessive over Mark and wanting people to keep you looped in and laughing it up with my husband—that’s got to stop.”

  Lawson copped an attitude. “Oh, so Mark and I can’t be friends now?”

  “I don’t tell my husband who he can and can’t be friends with. More to the point, we’re family, and you and Mark work together. What do I look like saying he can’t talk to you and you’re his baby mama? But don’t overstep, Lawson. Stay in your lane and respect the boundaries. You’re my sister and I love you, but don’t push me.”

  “Or what?” challenged Lawson.

  “Or I can be real quick to forget I love you and forget we’re sisters, and can treat you like I would any other chick in the streets.”

  “Seriously, Reggie? You’re stooping to gutter tactics now?”

  “Like I said”—Reginell gave Lawson the once-over—“don’t push me!”

  Chapter 18

  “I knew I couldn’t have stayed with him, but that didn’t

  make it any easier to let him go.”

  –Kina Battle

  Kina watched stealthily from the breakfast nook as Elvin and her fifteen-year-old son, Kenny, bonded over a football game on television. It was the third time Elvin had come over since his initial visit a little more than a week ago. To her astonishment, he seemed to be genuinely interested in getting to know his grandson.

  Kina checked the time. “All right, Kenny. It’s after nine o’clock, and I still haven’t seen you crack open that math book since your granddad got here.”

  Kenny kept his eyes glued to the television as he spoke. “Granddad has only a short time to be with us. Math will be here forever.”

  Elvin’s arms shot up in the air. “Touchdown!” He and Kenny slapped hands.

  Kina moved in front of the television, blocking their view of the game. “Elvin, did Kenny tell you he’s barely hanging on in math? He has a low C. He needs to study.”

  “Aw, Ma, I can do that later,” claimed Kenny. “We’re looking at the game.”

  Elvin grabbed the remote control and turned off the television. “Your mama is right. Them boys that we’re looking at on the TV have their millions, and you don’t even have your thousands! And you won’t get your thousands or millions if you don’t graduate and get into a good college, and you can’t graduate or go to college if you don’t pass math.”

  Kenny sulked. “So are you going to take her side on everything?”

  Elvin released a hearty laugh. “No, only when she’s right.”

  “And that’s nine times outta ten!” Kina shooed Kenny away. “Now, go get on in your room and study. I’ll be back there to check on you in a minute.”

  Kenny addressed his grandfather before peeling himself off the couch. “Are you still gon’ be here when I finish studying?”

  Elvin nodded. “If your mama don’t kick me out first!”

  Kenny left, and Kina took his spot on the couch next to Elvin. “You seem to have made quite an impression on my son!”

  “Well, he’s made quite an impression on me. He’s a good kid.”

  “Yeah, he goofs off sometimes, but he’s sharp and skilled with his hands, just like E’Bell.” She paused. “Hopefully, his hands won’t be used to abuse people, like E’Bell’s were.”

  Elvin groaned.

  “I know you don’t like to talk about that, but it’s the truth. E’Bell was abusive.”

  “I believe you,” conceded Elvin. “Kenny told me how my son would get drunk and terrorize everybody in the house. He also told me what really happened the night E’Bell was killed. I think in my heart, I always knew it was true, even though I’d hoped I had raised him better than that.”

  “E’Bell was a grown man who was responsible for his own actions. It had nothing to do with you. I actually think you’re a pretty good influence—at least so far. I like seeing you with Kenny,” confessed Kina, smiling. “It’s good for him to have a man around.”

  “Maybe it’s good not just for Kenny.”

  “What do you mean?”

  There was a twinkle in Elvin’s eye. “Maybe having a man around is good for you too.”

  Kina shifted in her seat. “I don’t need a man around. I have plenty to keep me busy right here. Men are an unneeded distraction.”

  “So you don’t miss having a husband?”

  “Jesus is my husband.”

  Elvin laughed. “You single women kill me with that. Jesus is not your husband.”

  “Well, he’s the most important man in my life!” attested Kina.

  “I guess that’s fair enough. I reckon he should be, but don’t say he’s your husband. God created man for that.”

  Kina nodded. “For some, yes.”

  “But not you?”

  “I haven’t had much luck in the relationship department. I’m starting to think marriage and a man may not be in the cards for me, but I’m okay with that. I have Kenny and my friends. I’ve got my church and my career. It’s a pretty full life. Honestly, I don’t have time for a man.”

  “Do you mean that for real?”

  She tensed up. “I want to.”

  “Kina, there’s nothing wrong with wanting someone special in your life. It doesn’t make you less of a Christian. Shoot, I’ll tell anybody I’m looking for a wife.”

  “But Brenda died just a year ago.”

  “Brenda didn’t die just a year ago. She’s been dead for a year. There’s a difference.”

  “Don’t you miss her?”

  “Yes . . . every day. But she’s gone, and I’m still here. Life goes on. My wife would want me to go on.”

  “What about the grieving process? Are you going to merely skip over that?”

  “Kina, her death wasn’t sudden and unexpected like E’Bell’s. Brenda was sick for three years. I took care of her and grieved that w
hole time. I was by her side when she took her final breath. I had time to make my peace with her dying, and so did she. There was nothing left unsaid, nothing more either of us needed to do. When she closed her eyes for the last time, we both had closure.”

  “You’re lucky. It wasn’t like that with E’Bell and me,” said Kina, recalling the past. “I was so angry with him—angry and sad and in love and hurt and scared all at the same time. I knew I couldn’t have stayed with him, but that didn’t make it any easier to let him go. E’Bell’s death was very hard on me. It was hard on Kenny too. He was in therapy for a couple of years after it happened.”

  Elvin appeared to be genuinely remorseful. “I’m sorry we weren’t there for the two of you, like we should’ve been, but with Brenda getting sick and all the confusion over how our son died, it was easier to stay away. I see now that it was wrong to do that.”

  “Thank you. I admit I could’ve done a better job keeping you in contact with Kenny.”

  “When you know better, you do better,” recited Elvin. “I hope you let me stay a part of his life . . . and yours.”

  Kina felt flushed and smiled. “I guess we’re kind of like a packaged deal. You get one, you automatically get the other one.”

  “You got a pretty smile, you know that?” observed Elvin. “You ought to smile more.”

  “I need more to smile about first!”

  “I can help you with that!” proclaimed Elvin. “Friday night. The fair is in town this week. I say we go and have ourselves a good time. I guarantee I’ll have you smiling all night long.”

  Kina clasped her hands together. “That sounds wonderful! Kenny loves the fair.”

  Elvin paused before continuing. “Kenny ain’t the one who has trouble smiling. Now, I’ll take him to the fair, but that’ll be a different night.”

  Kina blinked back, now realizing that he was asking her out on a date. “So it . . . it would be just me and you?” she stammered.

  “Yeah. Why not? You don’t mind being seen with a man old enough to be your daddy, do you?”

  She reddened. “No.”