Frenzy

by V. J. Chambers

  “Yeah.” He took a shuddering breath. “We, uh, we wrapped her up in one of the pee covers for the mattresses in the dorms? You know what I’m talking about?”

  I did. The dorm mattresses had plastic covers. Most people removed them because they were uncomfortable and noisy.

  “We put her in the backseat of my car. Jill knew about this spot where there was a boat that wasn’t locked down. And so we went to the river, and we tied Cori up and we tied her to some bricks we found to weight her down. We put her in the boat. We floated out, and we… we pushed her over… and there was this splash and then… and then she sank.” He rubbed his temples. “Jill seemed… relieved afterward. But I felt…” He shook his head.

  “Did you take Cori’s stuff up that night too?”

  He nodded.

  “And you used your car for that?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “It took a long time. It was maybe four or five in the morning before we were done. And then… we were all sweaty and gross and stuff, so I was going to go back to my dorm to shower and to try to get ready, because I still had to catch that flight to go home, but Jill didn’t want to be alone, so we ended up… That was how we got together.” A shiver went through him, almost of revulsion. “I guess I thought at the time that we were… like… comforting each other or something. I don’t know. I…”

  I didn’t say anything.

  Parker made a choking sound. He wrapped his hands around his head, and he rocked. “So, I went home, and it was all I could think about. I came back to campus early, because I couldn’t handle it, and I thought Jill would be just as freaked out as I was. But she… I don’t know. She thought she’d have a single, and she talked about that a lot. How I could come over, and there wouldn’t be roommates, and she didn’t seem very… She was cold. She could talk about it like it was nothing. And then we found out that Cori hadn’t been dead when we dumped her in the river. I couldn’t…”

  He looked up at me. “It was like we did it all for nothing, you know? Like, Cori wasn’t dead, and we didn’t have to cover anything up. She could have been… fine, maybe. I don’t know how bad the thing on her head was. And I… I thought Jill would… But she…” He looked away again. “Ever since then, I’ve just felt like I was falling apart. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking that I got to tell someone, because I can’t live like this anymore. And now, here you are.”

  “Do you want to tell, Parker? Do you want this all to come out?”

  He got off the bed. He started to pace. “I think Jill did it on purpose. I think she planned it all out. I don’t think it upset her at all. I think there’s something wrong with her. The way she changes. Like she’s angry one minute, sweet the next? You ever see that?”

  I thought about the first time that I’d met Jill. How bitchy she’d been. I thought about her about-face, suddenly acting like my best friend. Yeah, maybe I’d seen that.

  I reached out for him. And then I said something I never thought I would say out loud. “Parker, we need to go to the police.”

  * * *

  “I know who did it,” I said. I was on the phone with Levi. Maybe, if I was honest with myself, I’d been looking for some excuse to talk to him. This was the best I could come up with.

  “Molly?” he said. His voice sounded slurred. “That you?”

  I furrowed my brow. “Are you drunk?”

  “Well, now, why would I be drinking?” he said sarcastically. “It’s not like the infiltration I’ve been working on for two years didn’t just go up in smoke all because I got way too interested in some girl.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “You fucked everything up.”

  “I did not.” There was a tightness in my chest. I wasn’t sure if I was angry or hurt.

  “You fucked me up,” he said.

  “Levi—”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  I was confused. I didn’t like the way he was talking to me. I didn’t like how angry he was with me. But I liked the note of desperation in his voice even less. I didn’t want to believe that I’d hurt him too. I wanted there only to be my pain to contend with. It made everything simpler.

  “After everything, after you ruined everything that I’ve been working towards, you’re all I’m fucking thinking about. How does that make any sense?”

  “I know who killed Cori. I need to report it to the police,” I said. “Who should I tell?”

  He let out a disbelieving laugh. “That’s why you’re calling?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I figured you would know, considering.” I purposefully didn’t say that he was a cop out loud. Parker was still with me. He wasn’t looking at me, though. He was curled into a ball on his bed. That didn’t mean he wasn’t listening.

  “Well, I don’t,” said Levi. “I’m DEA. I don’t deal with murder.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  “You should be able to find a local police number on the town web page, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah.” I didn’t want to admit that I’d mostly called to hear his voice.

  “Who did it?”

  “Jill,” I said. “With a little help from Parker.”

  “Seriously? I didn’t expect that.”

  “Parker told me everything,” I said.

  “Wow, that’s crazy.”

  We were both quiet.

  I turned back to look at Parker, who was still huddled on his bed. “Um, I guess I should go.”

  “Wait,” he said. “Don’t hang up, Molly.”

  “I need to call the police. I can’t… talk right now.”

  “Can I see you?” There it was again. The desperation.

  “I don’t know,” I said. And I hung up.

  * * *

  “It was an accident, Molly.” Jill stood in the middle of the dorm room, her arms crossed over her chest. “It was all a big accident.”

  “Yeah,” I said from the doorway. “I heard that theory. Parker says that mushroom knick knack was covered in blood and hair, though. Which it wouldn’t have been if you’d only used it to hit her once.”

  “Wait, she hit her over the head?” said Wyatt from behind me.

  I stepped into the room, letting Wyatt in behind me.

  “What’s he doing here?” said Jill.

  “Helping me move my stuff,” I said. “I thought you got arrested.”

  “I did,” she said. “I’m out on bail. It’s just an arrest, you know. I’m not guilty or anything.”

  “Not yet,” I said.

  “Should we come back?” said Wyatt.

  “No,” I said. “Might as well just pack everything up now.” I’d managed to convince the school that it would be a really uncomfortable living arrangement between Jill and me, considering I accused her of murder and everything. They were letting me move out of the room. I’d gotten my new dorm assignment that morning.

  “Pack everything up?” said Jill.

  “I’m moving down the hall to the study lounge. They said you’d still be allowed to attend classes after the arrest.”

  “And you don’t want to be around me.” Jill shook her head. “I thought we were friends.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure Cori thought you were friends too.”

  Jill folded her arms over her chest. “I didn’t mean it to happen. I don’t know why you don’t believe me.”

  I went over to my wardrobe. I began to pull clothes out of it. “She wasn’t dead. You didn’t have to dump her in the river.”

  “I didn’t know that,” she said.

  “I think you did,” I said.

  “Well, you’re wrong.”

  I sighed. “Look, if it really was an accident, then you can prove that in court. But it doesn’t make sense, Jill. Why cover it up if it was an accident?”

  She looked down at the carpet. “You don’t understand anything.”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t.” I turned to Wyatt. “Can you get my microwave?”

  “Sure,”
he said, picking it up.

  Jill’s face twisted. “Oh screw it. I’m not going to be around you if you’re going to be like this.” She turned and ran out of the room.

  I watched her go. “That’ll make things easier.”

  Wyatt had picked up the microwave. “You want to load me up with anything else?”

  “No, you’re fine. It’s just down the hall.”

  “Right, I know where it is.”

  “Thanks for helping me move,” I said.

  He grinned. “Lucky I was here. If I wasn’t, maybe she’d try to kill you too.” He took the microwave and left me.

  Alone in the room.

  I turned in a circle, looking around at the place that had been both my room and Cori’s. And—for the first time—I didn’t feel as if Cori’s presence was seeping through the walls. It was as if she was gone. At peace.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  A week went by. I tried to get settled into my new room. I had four other roommates in the study lounge, and it was crowded. The other girls were nice, and there were times in which it felt like a constant slumber party, but there was also a complete lack of any kind of solitude or alone time.

  Word about what Jill and Parker had done traveled quickly over the campus. Parker disappeared—word was that he’d dropped out and gone home to live with his parents. He’d been charged with the murder of Cori as well. He was probably going to be able to work out a deal involving his testifying against Jill, but he wasn’t going to get off scot-free.

  But Jill stayed around, going to her classes, walking through the halls with her chin up defiantly.

  She tried to talk to me once or twice. She never seemed the least bit sorry about what had happened, though. She only seemed annoyed with me because I refused to believe it was an accident.

  I knew she wasn’t telling the truth.

  When I thought that I’d accidentally killed Heidi, I’d been racked with guilt. It had been hard to exist. And if I’d ever had to talk about it, I’d have been a mess.

  Whatever had happened with Cori, it hadn’t been an accident.

  Jill didn’t even seem sorry.

  I thought about what my father had done, the way he’d put the blame for Heidi’s death on me.

  It made me feel ill.

  Once or twice, I thought about calling him and confronting him about it.

  But I didn’t.

  In the end, my feelings didn’t matter. To my father, there was only one important thing, and that was the family business. Anything we had to do in service of that was just fine.

  At least as far as he was concerned.

  I knew my father wouldn’t be the slightest bit guilty either.

  Maybe he and Jill were the same that way.

  I thought about my family. I thought about Jill. But I didn’t let myself think about Levi.

  Or Scott.

  Whoever he was.

  I didn’t think of him. I didn’t call him. I couldn’t handle trying to figure out my feelings for him.

  Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I missed him.

  But I didn’t even know who he was. He’d lied to me about all sorts of things. He confused me.

  By the time it was the weekend again, I needed to cut loose. I couldn’t handle staying in the dorm, and I couldn’t handle wallowing in my confusion.

  That was how I ended up back at Guy Bancroft’s house, at another party in the basement, a D.J. spinning in the corner. I stuck to the dance floor, throwing my body into the movement, figuring I could simply dance everything away.

  When Wyatt found me and offered me a little white capsule, I didn’t refuse it.

  I wanted to feel good again. I wanted to feel bliss.

  The pill came on strong and intense, rolling bright colors and flashing lights through me, waking me up to joy. I basked in it, dancing in the basement amongst the other sweaty bodies, letting the drug do its work, letting myself go.

  Wyatt danced with me too.

  When he put his hands on my hips, I didn’t stop him.

  I leaned into him.

  I touched him back.

  There wasn’t anything going on between Wyatt and me. Not really. But I’d been spending time with him. He’d helped me move my stuff. He’d actually been pretty cool lately. I appreciated what he’d done to help me out.

  So with the music zinging through me, and the ecstasy bubbling up inside me like trapped laughter, everything brilliant and buoyant, it seemed natural and good to be close to him.

  When I looked at him, he was still as masculine and beautiful as he’d been that first night, and there was something in his eyes when he looked at me. Something that seemed to call to me.

  I surrendered to it.

  It didn’t matter.

  It felt good.

  * * *

  Wyatt stubbed out his cigarette. “I’m going back in.” We were outside the party smoking. The temperature had warmed up a little bit, and it wasn’t freezing outside. It was still cold, but it wasn’t punishingly so, like it had been last weekend.

  I was still smoking the cigarette he’d given me. I grinned at him. “I think I’ll stay out here for a couple more minutes.”

  He eyed me, and there was desire in his eyes. I felt it floating off of him in waves. “Okay. Hurry back.”

  I bit down on my lip.

  He pulled me against him.

  I closed my eyes. I let him kiss me.

  It felt nice.

  Then I was alone in the dark, the music in the background, the night air caressing my bare cheeks.

  “So. You and Wyatt, huh?”

  I turned in a circle, looking for the source of the voice.

  Levi was leaning up against the wall of the house. His eyes glittered like hard jewels.

  “Levi.” I looked down at my feet. “Scott? Should I call you—”

  “Levi’s fine.” He pushed away from the house and sauntered over to me. He peered into my eyes. “You rolling?”

  I nodded.

  “I told you it’s bad for you to do it so often.”

  I took a hasty drag of my cigarette. I felt nervous somewhere deep down inside, but it was hard to tell with the ecstasy pumping through my system. “I wanted to feel good.”

  His nostrils flared. “That why you’re kissing him?”

  “That was the only time.” I dropped the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. “I’m not really thinking about anything. It just… happened.”

  He nodded. “Right.” He gazed off into the distance. “Why should I expect anything different, anyway? You’re nineteen. You’re fucked up on E half the time, anyway. Now would be the time in your life to rack up crazy behavior before there’s consequences.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be crazy.” I stretched my jaw. I’d been clenching my teeth too much. I needed some gum.

  He turned back to me, coldly sardonic. “So, is Wyatt going to be number three? Hell, Molly, you keep this up, you could catch up to me in sexual partners in about a month.”

  I took a step away from him. “That’s not fair.”

  He laughed bitterly. “Whatever.”

  I swallowed. “You don’t get to be angry at me or whatever. You lied to me. You made me think you were a completely different person. If anyone gets to be angry, it’s me.”

  “Why be angry?” He gave me a hollow smile. “Just pop a couple pills and drown all your actual emotions in chemical bliss.”

  “That’s not fair either.”

  He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You and Wyatt have fun, now. Wonder if he’ll get you off.” He started to walk away.

  “Fuck you,” I said. How dare he throw that in my face? “That meant something to me, you know that? That was special.”

  “Yeah, it was real special,” he said without turning. He was still walking away. “Hell, it’s barely been a week, and you’re already making out with another guy.”

  “Levi…”

  But he just
kept walking.

  And so I turned and went back into the house.

  When I got back downstairs, Wyatt found me, and he tried to touch me again.

  I pushed his hands away. “Let’s just dance, okay?”

  * * *

  The ecstasy started wearing off sooner than I thought it would. Wyatt said that I should try to buy another pill. He said that if you worked up a tolerance, it took more to get the same high.

  But I didn’t think that was true. I thought it was more likely that I’d just used up all my serotonin, and that there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

  I left the party.

  But I didn’t go back to my dorm room.

  Instead, I wandered the streets until I found myself across town at Levi’s apartment. I went to his door and knocked. It was late—maybe three in the morning. It was at least two hours after I’d seen him.

  He didn’t answer the door.

  I knocked again.

  Waited.

  Nothing.

  I tried one more time.

  When he didn’t come to the door, I turned away and started walking back to the street. I wasn’t sure why I’d come here anyway.

  The door opened.

  I turned.

  “Molly?” Levi was only wearing a pair of pajama pants. His chest was bare.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Where’s Wyatt?”

  “Sill at the party.”

  Levi ran a hand through his hair. “Why are you here?”

  I hugged myself. “I don’t know.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “See, the thing is that it’s good that it’s over between us, because it never made any sense.”

  “Is that what brings people together?” I said. “Making sense?”

  He shut his eyes.

  “I shouldn’t have come.” I turned back around. I started to walk.

  “Wait,” he said.

  I peered over my shoulder.

  “Do you want to come in?”

  * * *

  Levi sat on his easy chair. He’d put on a sweatshirt, but his feet were bare. “It’s confusing a lot is the thing. Like, a lot of the people I meet and interact with, I don’t really think are bad people. Hell, Molly, sometimes I’m not even sure if the drugs are bad. Something like ecstasy? It makes people really happy and feel good. It makes people love everything around them? What’s so bad about that, right?”