Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  Feeling brave, I turn to Jake who has an incredulous expression on his face, as though he can’t quite believe the nerve of the idiot standing in front of him. His focus soon shifts over to me from the piece of paper that Callum is holding, he tilts his head to the side, feigning amusement as he waits for me to accept Callum’s note.

  No matter what I do right now somebody is going to be hurt. If I accept the number it will be like I’m betraying Jake but if I don’t accept then I’ll be throwing my friendship with Callum away. I bite down on my lip, struggling with the best way to handle this when I notice two pairs of eyes drop down to my mouth. Both men have a lustful expression on their face and I shift my weight from one foot onto the other, feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

  Realising that they’re both awaiting my next move, I drag my fingers through my unruly hair before reaching out and snatching the piece of paper from Callum’s grasp. This is going to cause a lot of problems between me and Jake but I really feel like I owe it to my old friend to do this. I can’t reject him again, he thought I’d abandoned him and after finding out how desperate he was to find me after I left college… I just can’t turn my back on him again.

  I’m just about to shove the scrap of paper in my pocket when Jake’s hand reaches out and grabs hold of my wrist, curling his fingers around me possessively and preventing me from pocketing Callum’s number.

  “I don’t think so.” Jake speaks confidently but there’s an underlying threat hidden underneath his words.

  I look up at him, hoping to silently convey my anger but his attention is not aimed at me, his frightening glare is focused on Callum, making it obvious that he’s warning him to keep away.

  “Look, she’s my friend and I haven’t seen her for a really long time. She’s taking my number.” Callum says firmly, taking a step closer towards Jake.

  “Jake, we’re just friends, I promise you. You have nothing to worry about and you need to trust me.” I turn my back on Callum and stand directly in front of Jake, imploring him with my eyes to believe me.

  His expression softens when he says the honesty on my face but his fingers still remain tightly wrapped around my wrist. I close the gap between us and moisten my lips whilst gazing up at him beseechingly.

  “Bethany…” He whispers, advising me to stop with my seductive approach.

  He knows exactly what I’m doing because he’s guilty of doing the same thing to me just a few minutes ago. Despite his caution, he reluctantly relinquishes his hold on my wrist, allowing me to pocket the tiny piece of paper.

  “Callum, you better go.” I glance over at him, trying to convey my need for him to leave discreetly.

  There’s things I need to talk about with Jake, things we can’t discuss whilst Callum’s here. I still need to find out why Jake was so late, I have to know why he didn’t let me know he wasn’t coming.

  “Ok, I have to get going anyway.” Callum moves closer towards me and I notice Jake clenching his fists out of the corner of my eye.

  “Bye, thanks for waiting with me.” I whisper quietly.

  “No problem. I look forward to hearing from you, Bethany.” He lowers his head towards mine so that his words are spoken close to my ear.

  “Ok.” I mumble, feeling awkward and uncomfortable being in such close proximity to Callum, especially in front of Jake.

  “Bye, Beautiful.”

  He says it quietly but loud enough so that Jake can hear, causing him to inhale sharply as he takes a step forward. The fury Jake is feeling is written all over his face, making me realise how difficult this must be for him to remain so calm and in control. I’m actually amazed by his willpower.

  All of that changes when Callum tries to hug me…

  He reaches out but before I can even decide whether I should return his embrace or not Jake has already pulled me out of the way, positioning himself between me and Callum so that I can no longer see him at all. My entire view is blocked by Jake’s protective stance in front of me and I don’t know if I should be relieved or annoyed by Jake’s jealousy.

  “Jake, just let him walk away. It’s you I want, not him.” I speak so softly, my words are merely a whisper. Jake is the only person I want to hear my voice.

  “Just go.” Jake growls menacingly, the underlying threat causes me to tremble with fear, even though I’m not the one he wants to intimidate.

  He must sense my unease because he turns his head slightly and some of the tension dissipates from his shoulders. I’m longing for the Jake I know and love, the one who makes me feel safe and cherished, not this jealous, possessive alpha male who wants me all for himself.

  “See you around, Bethany. Call me!” Callum shouts over his shoulder as he walks away, leaving Jake and I alone for the first time in seven days.

  I watch Jake’s knuckles turn white as he clenches his fists and his breathing once again becomes uneven and heavy. Deciding I need to get this confrontation over with, I cautiously walk around Jake until I’m standing in front of him.

  “What are you playing at, Jake?” I demand angrily.

  “Me?” He asks incredulously, his eyes widening in astonishment.

  “Yes! What the hell were you thinking? That public display you just put on for Callum was sick and wrong.”

  “Don’t even think about trying to make me feel guilty for that. I’m not the one who has just been caught with somebody else, Bethany.”

  I glower at him in indignation. How can he stand there and say that to me? I was not all over Callum, when Jake interrupted us we were just stood next to one another, we weren’t touching at all.

  “Jake, I’ve already told you that there is nothing going on between us, Callum and I are just friends and that’s all we’ve ever been to each other.”

  “Why doesn’t that make me feel any better?” He sneers sarcastically, wounding my heart like he never has done before.

  “Look, there is something that I need to tell you, something I didn’t even know myself until tonight.” I confess, knowing that I have to be completely honesty with Jake if I want him to believe me.

  “What is it?” He demands, taking hold of my shoulders firmly.

  “Callum told me that he tried to keep in touch with me after I was forced to leave college. He wrote to me and would come by the bookstore my father owns, hoping he would get to see me but he never did. I never got any of those letters; my father must have kept them from me all this time.”

  “He wrote to you and tried to see you?” He squeezes my shoulders possessively, revealing the true extent of his resentment and jealousy.

  “Yes.”

  “This is exactly what I’m saying. He obviously wants you. He wouldn’t have spent the last two years trying to get in contact if he didn’t have feelings for you, Bethany.”

  He drags his fingers through his hair and turns his back on me, leaving me desolate and desperate to make him see reason.

  “It doesn’t matte if he does like me. What I feel for Callum is nothing in comparison to what I feel for you. I haven’t seen him in years and I’m not dumb enough to believe that our friendship can just carry on like before.”

  Jake sighs heavily before turning around to face me. There’s so much anguish and torment in his eyes, it hurts for me to see him vulnerable like this.

  “Don’t look at me like that.” He says sadly, hanging his head in shame.

  “Like what?” I challenge him

  “Like all you want is for me to hold you. It makes me feel like shit and I hate myself for making you look like that.”

  “That’s all I want, Jake. All I want is for you to hold me.”

  He’s by my side in a second, pulling me towards him and stroking my hair as he tries to comfort me and make up for all of the mistrust and doubt.

  “I’m sorry.” He mumbles against my hair, tracing his fingers along my neck in a soothing, reassuring caress.

  “Where were you? Why were you so late?”

  “I tried calling you, I swear I di
d I also texted you several times and as soon as I knew that I was going to be late I tried to get in touch. There was… a bit of trouble at the bar where I work and I had to go down there and sort it out. I tried countless times to let you know that I was still coming but I’d be a little late. When you didn’t respond to me I started to get really worried, I got here as soon as I could.”

  “I was really worried about you too. I convinced myself that something awful had happened, it was horrible not knowing where you were.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I promise I won’t do that to you again.” He kisses the top of my head before gently pushing me away so he can take a look at me.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you either, the battery on my phone died so I didn’t receive any of your texts or anything.”

  “Nothing had happened, right? Because I’ve had a horrible feeling all week that something was wrong, you’ve been so distant in your texts.”

  Every single instinct inside of me wants to tell Jake the truth. I’m dying to tell him about the night my father came into my room and what he did but he’s already so protective over me, if he finds out the truth there’s no way he’ll let me go back home and I can’t leave my mum with that monster.

  “Nothing has happened, everything’s fine.” I plaster a false smile on my face, hoping he won’t see through my lies.

  “Are you sure? You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” His eyes bore into mine as though he somehow knows I’m not being truthful with him.

  “Seriously, everything’s fine.” I reassure him.

  “Before I forget, I need to put some more money on your phone. I was going to do it for you but seeing as your phone isn’t working right now you’ll have to do it instead, you think you’ll be able to manage?”

  “Sure, just tell me what I have to go.”

  “Ok, this is the top-up card and there’s forty pounds on there so you should be good for a while, all you have to do is call this number on the card.” He hands it over and I take it from him, feeling guilty for accepting his money. I don’t like it but at the same time I love being able to talk to him everyday, no way am I about to give that up.

  “Thanks so much, Jake, I feel bad for taking this. You’ve already done so much for me.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’ve told you before that I need to be able to talk to you, this is as much for me as it is for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “It’s fine.” He says curtly, turning away. I can see that he’s not entirely happy with me, there’s something which is keeping him at a distance.

  “What’s wrong? There’s something you’re not saying.”

  “Are… are you sure that you were just friends with that guy, Bethany? You two looked pretty cosy when I first saw you.” He refuses to look at me, his gaze focused on the ground beneath his feet.

  “Jake, I promise you all we’ve ever been is friends. Maybe I thought for one moment that I might have felt something more for him tonight but then I saw you and the way I feel about Callum is meaningless when it compares to what I feel for you.”

  “And yet you still accepted his number. Do you know how much that hurt me, Bethany?” He glares at me with accusation and I swallow nervously.

  “I shouldn’t have taken his number but I didn’t want to be rude. I felt so guilty about my father keeping all of his letters. I just wanted to make it right.”

  Jake spins around, staring deeply into my eyes. He somehow manages to convey every single emotion that he has through them and once again I find myself wondering what I would see in them if he were making love to me.

  “What are you thinking?” He asks, as though he instinctively knows my thoughts had turned sexual.

  “Don’t make me say it.” I beg.

  “Only because you look so uncomfortable but one day you will tell me every time you have a dirty thought about me. I can see it on your face when you imagine me doing something to you.” He leans in towards me, whispering seductively into my ear.

  “Am I that transparent?” I ask, feeling lame and far too innocent.

  “No but you go red every single time, you look flustered and embarrassed and that’s how I know you’re having an impure thought.” He teases, grinning at me wickedly.

  “I always seem to blush whenever I’m around you; it’s what you do to me.”

  I wait for Jake to make a suggestive innuendo or to tease me even more but he says nothing. He looks troubled and conflicted which makes me incredibly nervous. It’s as though he can’t quite decide whether he should say something to me. I watch him struggle to find the right words before he finally takes a deep breath and grabs hold of my hand.

  “You still don’t get it, do you? Bethany, I feel like you’re the only reason I’m still alive, that you’re the only reason I’m still here. I know this is crazy but the idea of you not being there, the thought of you not being a part of my life… the thought of anyone else touching you drives me insane. My feelings for you are hardly normal and the dependency I have on our relationship is unhealthy. I don't expect you to understand it but the truth is... I’m nothing without you. Your existence keeps me breathing, you're all I need to survive and that's why I need you to promise me something. I need you to swear that you will never leave me; I want you to promise me that you’ll be mine forever and I need you to swear to me that this is it… you and me together. I need to hear you say it, Bethany. I won’t rest until I hear it spoken from your lips. Put me out of my misery, I’m begging you. I can’t take this anymore, I’ve tried to be patient and wait until you’re ready but after tonight and seeing you so close to somebody else… I just can’t wait anymore. I want to make us official, I want to be exclusive. I need you to be mine, Bethany. I don’t want to keep on torturing myself by worrying that someone else will take you away from me. If we’re together and in a committed relationship then it might be easier for me to be less jealous and possessive. So I guess that’s what I’m asking. I need to be with you. Say yes and I’ll make you happier than you’ve ever been. Say you want this and that you want me. Please, say it.”

  He gazes down at me, a powerful determination and resolve etched all over his face. He is absolute in his decision to make me his and knowing that the passion and the uncontrollable hunger that’s burning fiercely in his eyes is all for me makes my body feel like it could liquefy and combust at exactly the same moment.

  Jake’s intensity can sometimes scare me and yet it is the same unyielding intensity that draws me to him. I’ve never wanted anything or anyone as much as I want Jake. I crave him and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that he’s now become the centre of my world. He’s completely taken over my mind, my body and my soul. The truly messed up thing is... I don’t mind.

  I understand his desperation; I understand the essential need that he has to make me belong to him. There’s only one way that I can relieve his anxiety, I have to convince him that I feel for him exactly what he does for me.

  “I am yours, Jake. I have been since the moment that we met and I want the same things that you do. I want us to be together.”

  He exhales loudly and grins at me, it’s as though all of the tension and unease he was carrying has been lifted from his shoulders. The relief that he feels exuberates from him and I can’t help laugh along when he picks me up, spinning me around in a circle. He’s puts me down and is just about to lower his lips towards mine when I suddenly remember the promise I made to gran last week. I told her that I’d bring Jake to meet her and I had completely forgotten about our plans until now.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Jake, we have to go. I can’t believe that I forgot to tell you but I promised gran that I would bring you to her house tonight, she wants to meet you.”

  I try to pull away from him but his hand which is now cradling my neck refuses to let go. He pulls me towards him, asserting his power and his strength over my own.

  “No. You’re not going anywhere, bab
y. I need that kiss…” He tries to initiate another kiss but I press my hand against his chest, preventing him from moving any closer.

  “Jake, I’m serious! I promised her last week and I’m not going to break that promise. We need to be quick, we really have to go.” I say urgently.

  “But you never said anything, why didn’t you mention it before now?”

  I’m not sure how to answer him; I guess I’ve had so much on my mind all week I just forgot to say anything to Jake. I’ve spent the last few days trying so hard to avoid my father it just slipped my mind.

  “I’m really sorry. I don’t know how I forgot to tell you but we really need to hurt, can we go?” I tug on his hand using all of my strength, feeling incredibly disappointed when it’s not even enough to cause Jake to move. I know that this initial meeting with gran might be a little rushed but I’m not going to let her down, meeting Jake means a lot to her.

  “Ok, fine. Let’s go.”

  I grin like an idiot when Jake admits defeat and agrees to come along and it’s only when we start walking that I decide to question him about the screwed up performance he put on earlier in front of Callum.

  “If you don’t want to talk about it then it’s fine but I have to ask, what was the purpose of what the hell was all that about when you first saw me. It was really intense.”

  “You didn’t enjoy it?” He asks with a huge self-satisfied smirk on his face.