Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “Oh, ok. Do you want one, Bethany?” Mum asks me, a hurt expression on her face from being dismissed so soon.

  “I’m ok, Mum.” I offer her a grateful smile, hoping she’s not too hurt about gran’s comment.

  I’d offer to go myself but I can sense gran wants to say something to me in private.

  “Gran, how are you really?” I ask, as soon as mum leaves the room.

  “I feel rough, Bethany. I guess it’s just a wake up call for me. I’m no longer as young as I used to be and I need to realise that.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Gran.” I take hold of her hand and squeeze it tightly before remembering how frail she looked when I first came in. I immediately release my firm grip, not wanting to hurt her.

  “You know you’ll never be without me. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She smiles weakly, clasping the hand I just held her with.

  It’s good to know she still has some strength left in her and that underneath her fragility she’s still the same person.

  “That’s good to know.” I laugh softly.

  “Now, I want to hear all about you and that young man of yours. Last week he turned up at my house in such a state, he was so worried about you, Bethany. He wanted me to tell him where you lived, he was so anxious to see you. Of course I knew the trouble it would cause if he were to just turn up at your house so I told him the address of the bookstore instead, hoping he’d be able to catch you alone there. I felt so sorry for him. He was out of his mind with worry and tormenting himself thinking something bad had happened to you. What on earth happened? You were both so happy when you left my house last Friday night.”

  I know I owe gran an explanation but I don’t know if I can face going into everything that happened that night. It all seems so long ago and now that Jake and I have managed to sort things out it seems silly forcing myself to remember what we were rowing about in the first place.

  “It was just a misunderstanding. It was our first real argument and it was awful at the time but we’re fine now, it’s been dealt with. Jake came to see me at the bookstore and we talked. It actually brought us closer together. I love him so much, Gran. He takes my breath away and I forget everything when I’m around him. Everything in the world ceases to exist, everything except him and how he makes me feel.”

  I avert my gaze, not wanting her to notice my humiliation when I remember what Jake and I did in her house last night.

  “Sweetheart, I can see that. You’re glowing with happiness and it’s so lovely for me to see. I’m happy for you both; you’re made for each other.”

  I glance behind me towards the door; making sure mum isn’t on her way back in here yet. There’s no sign of her so I decide to ask the question that’s being troubling me for a week now.

  “Gran, what did you tell Jake about my father? He knows something but he won’t tell me what you told him and I just can’t understand why you would tell him anything about my father when you had only just met him for the first time.”

  “Bethany, I just want you to be safe. I felt like Jake should know the severity of your father’s control over you and he’ll be much more capable of protecting you if he knows the truth. I’m sorry if you feel like I went behind your back, that wasn’t my intention. I just needed to know that someone will be taking care of you.”

  Her eyes glaze over, revealing her true emotions. She cares so much about me, I can’t be angry with her for confiding in Jake.

  “I can understand why you felt you had to speak to him but it’s my personal business and I didn’t want him to know anything.” I argue.

  I know she didn’t mean to interfere but Jake is already so protective over me, it’s going to be difficult now to convince him that I’m safe staying at home. Especially after he saw the bruises my father gave me last night. Something my gran doesn’t even know about.

  “I won’t do it again, Bethany. I promise you. I sometimes forget that you’re a young woman now. Every instinct I have still urges me to protect you.”

  I lean forwards and kiss her on the cheek, loving her more than anybody in the world right now.

  “I wonder what’s happened to mum, she’s been gone ages.” I wonder, turning around in my chair to see if there’s any sign of her.

  I hope she’s not too upset, it must hurt her to know that gran and I are so close. I don’t want her to feel like she’s always on the outside.

  “Oh, she’ll be a while yet. There’s no coffee machine on this floor.”

  “Gran, that’s cruel!” I scold her.

  “I didn’t mean to be, I just wanted to talk with you alone for a few minutes.”

  “It’s still pretty mean.” I say, feeling guilty for my mum having to search around the hospital for a cup of coffee that will probably taste horrible.

  “Did you manage to see him yesterday?” Gran enquires eagerly, an expectant grin on her face.

  “Yeah, I saw him. We actually met up at your house, I hope you don’t mind. I used your spare key, the one you kept for me all those years ago.”

  “Of course I don’t mind, I’ve always wanted you to think of my house as your home and whilst I’m in here I want you to treat it as your own.” She assures me.

  I’m so relieved gran doesn’t mind us meeting up at her house. I still feel a little guilty about Jake and I having sex there yesterday, it feels slightly immoral and… dirty. Even if was in my own bedroom there.

  I’m about to respond when mum interrupts us, returning with the coffees. I stay pretty quiet throughout the rest of our visit and allow mum and gran to catch up with one another. Gran is thrilled when we tell her that my father has gone away for a week and I’m also relieved she won’t be spending the rest of her time in hospital worrying about me being with him.

  After we leave the hospital, mum and I catch another bus to take us home. The remainder of the afternoon is quiet. It’s so great having the house to ourselves, I constantly remind myself to cherish and appreciate every moment he’s gone. It really is a blessing to be without his constant oppression and domineering presence.

  I send a text to Jake letting him know that I plan on meeting him at gran’s house again tonight. I meant it when I said I don’t plan on wasting a single second of my freedom this week. I need to see as much of Jake as possible.

  I tell mum that I’m meeting up with Amy again tonight, I don’t know whether she believes I’m telling her the truth or if she’s just choosing to keep quiet. I long for the day when I won’t have to lie to her anymore, although I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

  I spot Jake as soon as I round the final corner onto gran’s road. I race over towards him, throwing my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist. I’ve missed him so much and it’s only been twenty four hours since the last time I saw him. He reciprocates my embrace, circling his arms around my waist and pulling me even closer against him. He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply, delighting in my scent as much as I do his.

  “God, I’ve missed you.” He says huskily, trailing his lips against my skin.

  “I’ve missed you more.” I reply, tugging on his hair so he’s forced to look at me.

  “You wanna show me how badly you’ve missed me?” He teases me, whispering into my ear.

  He’s not yet put me down and we’re still outside in front of gran’s house. The fact that we are out in the open hasn’t escaped my notice and I wriggle my hips, trying to get Jake to put me down so we can go inside. He refuses to relinquish his hold on me and tightens his arms around my middle. His tongue leisurely glides across the skin on my neck, causing me to breathe in sharply. I have to admit I’m shocked by how passionate things are between us already, it’s as though we’ve been apart for weeks. Jake tangles his right hand in my hair, firmly keeping me in place so I can’t move away from him.

  “Jake, we should go inside.”

  I’m so breathless, trying to evade his merciless kisses; the dangerous ones that
make me forget my own name. I can scarcely control myself when I’m around him. It doesn’t matter what he does to me, I’ll always end up surrendering myself to him.

  Jake ignores my request to go inside, only increasing the pressure of his hand in my hair, tilting my neck towards him for easier access.

  “Bethany, you drive me insane. Everything about you turns me on and now that I know what you taste like… God help me, I need to taste you again. Can I?”

  I moan into his mouth, remembering what it felt like when he pleasured me so intimately. It’s so easy to recall how his tongue felt inside of me; I’ve never felt so sexy in my entire life. Jake always manages to make me feel beautiful.

  “You can.”

  I try to rub myself against him, hoping to entice him into taking me inside.

  “I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from tasting you, even if you said no. I have to be with you again, Bethany. I need to make you come. Please don’t deny me that.” He growls, grabs hold of my thighs which are still locked around his waist and presses his arousal against me.

  I’m about to demand that Jake put me down so that we can go inside when he turns us around and strides towards the house, only putting me down when we reach the front door.

  “I need to get the key.” I say, hating the fact that I didn’t insist on getting it straight away.

  “Be quick.” He orders, holding my chin between his fingers and brushing his lips against mine.

  I walk away from him on legs that tremble, there are butterflies in my stomach and my heart is beating so rapidly in anticipation of what’s to come.

  Jake’s leaning against the wall when I return. I allow myself a moment to take in his attire and gorgeous appearance. He’s wearing a white T-shirt which fits him perfectly. I can see the muscles in his arms and how toned his stomach is through his clothing. My excitement begins to build when he walks over to me. He stands directly in front of me, stroking his fingers through my hair and playing with the strands as it falls between them. There’s so much devotion in his eyes when he looks at me and it takes my breath away. It takes my breath away because I never thought anybody would ever look at me the way that Jake does

  “How do you do that?” I wonder out loud.

  “Do what?”

  “A couple of minutes ago you were all over me, you were practically dragging me upstairs. Now you’re looking at me with adoration, as though I’m the most divine thing on this earth.”

  “You are and I’ll always adore you but I’m only human. Sometimes it’s really hard for me to remain in control around you. I want you so badly, even more than I did before because I now know how amazing we are together.”

  I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. It’s chaste and innocent, the most virtuous type of kiss and yet I still feel the raging fire inside of me ignite. I want more. With Jake I’ll always need more.

  “Shall we go inside?” I take hold of his hand and unlock the front door, making our way into the hallway.

  “What did you tell your mum? That you were visiting Amy again?”

  “Yeah, I hate lying to her but I know I can’t tell her the truth.” I shrug, knowing that it’s hopeless.

  “I know you hate lying to her, baby. I promise you this won’t last forever. All of the lying and sneaking around is just temporary.”

  He’s so resolute and determined; I wish I shared Jake’s optimism. Unfortunately, I’ve resigned myself to the life I lead. This time with Jake is a luxury for me, it’s sacred and I will cherish it for the rest of my life but I don’t ever imagine this could one day be my life. Dreams never really come true.

  “I can’t stop thinking about last night.” I say softly, closing the gap between us.

  Jake’s hand reaches out and gently runs his thumb over my bottom lip. I open my mouth, circling my lips around it and causing him to inhale sharply. I suck methodically on his tongue, gazing up at him the whole time so I can observe every single reaction.

  “Baby girl, you have to stop or I’ll end up taking you against the wall right here.” He warns me.

  “Is that a promise?” I ask, kissing the tip of his thumb one more time before releasing it from my mouth.

  “I promised myself that I wouldn’t start pressuring you into anything and now that we’ve had sex, I don’t want you to think that it’s expected or all I want from you.”

  “I don’t think that at all.” I reassure him, taking his hands in mine and interlacing our fingers.

  “You sure about that? ‘Cause the way I acted just now was wrong. I’ll be honest, it’s really hard for me to keep my hands off you but I need you to know that sex isn’t what this about for me. Last night was the greatest night of my life. I couldn’t sleep from thinking about it, from thinking about us and how sensational you were.”

  I press my finger against his lips, halting his speech.

  “Jake, I know. You don’t have to convince me of anything.”

  “What I’m trying to say is, no matter how badly I want to be with you again. No matter how desperate I am to recreate what we had yesterday, I’m also willing to wait. It’s important for me to let you know that you’re the one in control here; I’m not forcing you into anything.

  “Jake, you can shut up now.”

  I feel like we’ve done enough talking. All I want to do is recreate the magnificent moment we shared last night. I decidedly lead him up the stairs, amazed that I don’t even need to fake my confidence anymore. Is comes natural to me because I know exactly what I want and what I want is Jake.

  Leading the way into my bedroom, I stand before him. His eyes widen in amazement when I begin to remove my clothes. I remain still, allowing his gaze to travel over my body and I surprise myself by the fact that I don’t even flinch. I’m completely naked in front of him but in no way do I feel self-conscious.

  “I’ve got to be the luckiest son of a bitch alive.” He mutters to himself, shaking his head incredulously.

  I quietly walk over towards him, running my fingers down his chest, delighting in the incredible muscles I can feel through his shirt. I raise my eyes to look at him, emboldened by the smouldering heat in his eyes.

  “Kiss me.” I beg him softly.

  “You don’t even have to ask.” He whispers, caressing my cheek with the palm of his hand.

  I close my eyes, awaiting the feel of his lips on mine. A loud moan escapes my lips when he traces his tongue along the length of my bottom lip. He nibbles on it gently before allowing our tongues to finally meet.

  “Make love to me, Jake.” I whisper, breaking away from his intoxicating kiss.

  His strong hands move from either side of my face down towards my chest. His steady gaze is locked onto mine, causing my breathing to increase and my chest to rise and fall with each breath.

  “I don’t even have the words to describe how astonishingly radiant you are. I truly am one enviable bastard.”

  He moves towards me again and I almost stop breathing altogether when his fingers finally touch my skin, putting me out of misery. His fingertips lovingly stroke my arms and before moving onto my waist. My body is tingling and trembling in anticipation. I’m yearning to feel his hands on me again and I know my frustration will be apparent to him but he still tortures me by making me wait.

  The agonising pleasure Jake’s fingers bring me when they touch between my legs is unexplainable. I bite my lip, trying to contain my erotic cries of pleasure that are longing to escape from my throat.

  “More.” I beg him, rocking back and forth against the steady rhythm his fingers are creating.

  “Don’t try to hide those sound on my account, baby. I want to hear you. You’re so wet for me, so responsive. It drives me crazy knowing how badly you want me.”

  His fingers continue to caress me and I find myself closing my eyes, wanting to lose myself to the exquisite sensation of Jake touching me. There’s something so wanton and outrageous about me standing here entirely naked and vulnerable whilst
Jake is fully clothed. It symbolises the fact that he remains in complete control of me; something I have come to realise is a huge turn on for me. I trust Jake with my life and I’ve never felt as safe as I do when I’m with him.

  He slides two of his fingers inside of me and I feel myself clench around him. My body is much more accepting of him than it was yesterday; it no longer denies him and I’m now more familiar to the intrusion his penetration brings.

  However, what Jake does next takes me by complete surprise. He eases his fingers out of me and fixes his intense gaze on my face. My mouth falls open in shock as I watch Jake bring his fingers up to his lips, enclosing his mouth around them and tasting my arousal. I’ve never witnessed anything so sensual or seductive and I’m left feeling absolutely speechless, gaping up at him in amazement.

  “I can’t believe you just did that.” I say incredulously.

  “You taste so fucking good; I told you I couldn’t wait to do that again.” He grins at me mischievously, enjoying my dumbfounded expression.

  “What?” I ask him, not in on the joke.

  “Well, now that I’ve been reminded how incredibly sweet you are, I’m going to have to taste you a second time.”

  Before I even have a chance to respond to him, he pushes me back onto the bed. My legs are left hanging over the side and Jake eagerly kneels before me. I support my upper body by propping myself up on my elbows, wanting to be able to see his face. He looks up at me and winks, oozing confidence and self-assurance. This only provokes my previous insecurities and I try to rid my mind of the niggling concerns I have about his sexual experience and capabilities.

  His eyes burn fiercely, ablaze with such an ardent, all-consuming desire for me. Knowing how badly Jake wants me, knowing how attractive and appealing I am to him helps me feel brazen and unashamed. I let my legs fall open for him, inviting his affection and encouraging his desire.

  “Jake, I need you.” I moan, moving my hips closer towards him, desperate to make contact with his lips.

  “You are so beautiful, baby.” He says reverently, grabbing hold of my hips and pulling me even closer towards him. He doesn’t take his eyes from mine as his tongue sensuously glides down the centre of me, tasting my arousal for him. I fist the quilt beneath me, almost delirious with longing. His tongue languorously makes love to me, plunging inside over and over again. I arch my back, craving so much more of this exquisite feeling. Jake is the only one who can do this to me, he somehow manages to transport me to a dreamlike, serene world where nothing and no one else exists. The liberated exhilaration that crashes through me is out of this world.