“It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?”
He tensed up, releasing his hold on me.
“You mean… you still haven’t decided if you want to keep the baby?” He asked quietly.
“That’s right.”
“But you were so relieved the baby was ok after you went to the hospital.”
“Jake, I love this baby. I care about it and of course I want to keep it from harm but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m absolutely terrified. Everyday I wake up and think I can’t do this.”
“You can, baby.” He insisted, taking hold of my hand again.
I decided to change the subject; I didn’t want to discuss something so important in a furniture store in front of everyone.
“How was Miss. Enthusiastic over there? She gave you her number yet?” I teased him, even though half of me was being serious.
“I can’t believe you left me alone with her. I was trying to make it obvious that we were a couple and then you went off and left me there.” He frowned, a hurt expression on his face.
“She was irritating me.” I sulked, remembering the way she had looked at him.
“Same here but we don’t have to see her again, I signed all the paperwork and the bed will be delivered by tomorrow.”
“Really?” I squealed excitedly.
“Yep. You know that I was completely serious about wanting us to christen it, right?” He stroked the bare skin peeking out underneath my T-shirt, pulling my body towards his.
“Oh, I know you were.” I flirted back, delighting in the jealous scowl being pointed at me from our friendly sales advisor.
“The problem is I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until then. I need you now.”
“And what do you suggest?” I frowned, faking confusion.
“That I take you home. Now.” He said huskily, practically dragging me from the store.
I had no idea how we were going to cope and I spent a lot of time worrying about the financial issues we would have to deal with. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about living over a bar and the long hours that Jake would be working now that he’d been promoted to bar manager. Sometimes my anxiety would take over and I’d start to feel another panic attack coming on like the night I left home. Whenever I have one of these frightening moments, Jake is always there for me. He says all the right things and soon manages to calm me down. He comes up with a reasonable and rational response every time I start to freak out and he never seems to tire of the endless conversations we seem to have when I’m feeling on edge.
Every day I wake up next to him and smile, it’s like a dream come true and I count myself extremely lucky to have found such a wonderful man who loves me. Jake’s promotion obviously meant more money but I was still a little reluctant to spend most of my evenings by myself whilst he’s at work. Jake didn’t like the idea of leaving me alone but explained how important it is for him to make sure he’s earning plenty of money, he’s desperate to provide a safe and comfortable home for us to live in and I really do admire his determination. He hates working in the bar and counts down the minutes until he can crawl into bed beside me. He’s chosen to put his own feelings aside so he can take care of me and that in itself demands my respect.
I’ve started to feel sick in the mornings, I don’t fancy anything to eat and I’ve suddenly gone off coffee. One morning I really felt like I was going to vomit and quickly jumped out of bed. I raced into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. Jake followed me of course, wondering what the hell was wrong and I screamed at him to get out. I didn’t want him to see me being sick and I think I might have used a few expletives when I yelled at him to go away. I remember I came out of bathroom to find him leaning against the wall just outside. He was really worried and even wanted to take me to the doctor, I told him it was probably the start of my morning sickness and apologised for being such a bitch to him.
Jake and I must have christened every piece of furniture when we first moved in. It was incredible being able to spend every single moment together without worrying about getting caught. I’ve learnt to appreciate our time together and still treat it like its sacred. Some nights I still find myself sitting up in bed, frightened and trembling over the horrible nightmare I’ve just had. The worst one has to be when I dream that none of this is real. I wake up believing that my relationship with Jake, the pregnancy and me leaving home hasn’t really happened. My greatest fear is that I’ll wake up in my old bedroom and nothing will have changed. I’ll still be at home, imprisoned and alone, forced to live with the monster forever.
Making love with Jake is indescribable. I hate to admit it but the extent of Jake’s experience has certainly paid off. Some days we spend all day in bed, naked and happy. We savour every second, never wanting to leave the safe little bubble we’ve created for ourselves. We remember a time when we couldn’t be with one another like this and even though it’s forced us to appreciate what we have, it’s also difficult for us to rid ourselves of the memories, especially the dark ones.
Sometimes we stay up all night talking when Jake gets in from work, discovering new things about the other person, things we previously didn’t know. We talk about our favourite movies, favourite songs and spend a lot of time talking about our childhoods. Jake opened up to me about his home life and the earliest memories he has about his father. He witnessed so much violence growing up; it makes my heart ache for the dark haired little boy he used to be.
I know it’s going to be hard. It will take us both a long time to forget the years we spent at home with our families. I was trapped in my prison for a long time, never daring to dream about an escape until I met Jake. He offered me a way out and helped me find my freedom. I would have never found the courage to break out if it weren’t for him.
There are times I still get the peculiar feeling of being watched. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, trying to erase the uncomfortable sensation. I haven’t told Jake about it because I don’t want him to worry. It’s obvious he hurt my father the night he went round there but unshakeable feeling I have of being observed. I know he hurt my father the night he went round there but I don’t know how badly. I’ve never asked him about it and I don’t intend to. I’ve come to realise that there’s nothing Jake wouldn’t do to protect his family. If I confide in him about the feeling of being watched, he might just want to confront my father again and I can’t risk that.
Jake works in the bar most nights and doesn’t come home until three in the morning. I wanted to stay awake at first but soon realised I couldn’t do it. I spend most of my evenings watching TV on the huge flat screen Jake bought us when we moved in. I often question where all the money is coming from, he’s spent so much of it since we got the flat. I know he works behind the bar but the money Jake is spending is ridiculous, it can’t be coming from there.
I remember one night when I was flicking through the music channels, Jake was at work and I had the place to myself. Taylor Swift’s ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ came on and I just couldn’t help myself. Having my own space is still such a novelty to me, the idea that I can do whatever the hell I want is beyond anything I ever imagined and I was dancing around the living room within seconds. I jumped on the sofa, leapt onto the bed; I even picked up the TV remote and used it as a microphone. I was completely lost in the moment and squealed in delight when Rita Ora’s ‘How We Do’ came on. Its one of my favourite songs and I know every single word. It made me feel like a small child having fun for the first time in my life, I’ve never felt so liberated and joyful. I was never allowed to play my music loud at home and here I was cranking up the TV and putting on my own show for an imaginary audience. At that point I didn’t know I actually had one.
I was halfway through the song when I heard a chuckle from behind me; I dropped the remote to see Jake standing in the doorway with a huge smirk on his face, his eyes sparkling with amusement. I was absolutely mortified he had caught me dancing and the fact th
at he was observing me with a great big grin on his face made it even worse. I dropped the remote which I was still using as a microphone and covered my face with my hands. The song was still blaring as Jake strolled over towards me; he picked up the remote and muted the TV, his eyes raking over my body in appreciation. All I had on was a tiny pair of shorts and a small T-shirt. My outfit was quite revealing but he didn’t seem to have any complaints.
“Wow, that’s got to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, baby.” He smiled, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.
“Don’t. I can’t believe you just saw that, how long were you watching me?”
“I couldn’t help it. You looked so damn sweet, I had witness the whole thing.”
He was trying to stifle his laughter but I could see he was struggling to remain serious. I was still really humiliated and embarrassed. I knew I must have looked like a complete idiot.
“This isn’t funny, Jake.” I frowned sulkily, refusing to meet his gaze.
“Aw, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. My shift finished early downstairs and I could hear your music playing from outside. When I saw you dancing and singing along, I knew I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt. You seemed so happy and carefree.”
“That’s because I was.” I murmured quietly, averting my gaze to the floor. My cheeks were crimson and I was still feeling uneasy and a little awkward about it.
“I’m always going to remember that image of you, smiling, laughing and dancing like a loon.”
I playfully slapped Jake’s chest, pouting like a child as I pretended to scowl at him.
“By the way… I love your little outfit.” Jake said huskily, stroking them hem of my shirt and breathing heavily.
“So you should, you were the one who picked it out for me.” I retorted, nibbling on my bottom lip.
“That’s true. I must have good taste.” He lowered his lips towards mine, hesitating when there were millimetres between us.
“What are you waiting for?”
“Beg me.” He growled, trailing his tongue down my neck towards my collarbone.
“What?” I trembled, thinking I’d misheard him.”
“Maybe it makes me a sick bastard to admit this but I love it when you beg for me.”
I shrieked when he picked me up, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist. He carried me into the bedroom and gently placed me on the bed. His strong, capable hands tugged down my shorts, revealing my baby blue underwear. My T-shirt was the next thing to go; he yanked it over my head before circling my nipple with his tongue. I moaned and arched my back, desperate for more.
“Jake, that feels so….” I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence.
“What? How does it feel, baby? Tell me.”
“Amazing, please don’t stop.” I panted breathlessly, curling my fingers in the quilt beneath me.
“I have no intention of stopping. I want you; I want all of you, Bethany. This sweet little pussy of yours belongs to me. Your body is mine and no one in this entire world will ever be able to make you feel like I do. You know I’m right, don’t you?”
“Yes, yes, you’re right.” I agreed, desperately seeking the release my body needed.
“Say it. Tell me who your beautiful pussy belongs to.”
“You. It’s yours, Jake. I’m yours. Don’t stop.”
“I want to taste you, I want my tongue inside you and I want you to come when I tell you to, do you understand?” He spoke firmly; he knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it from me.
“Mmmhmm.” I moaned incoherently.
“Good. Now I want you to sit me.”
I jumped up, eager to do as he said. He was on the bed and I placed my knees on either side of him.
“That’s not what I meant. Sit on my face, Bethany.”
“What? You can’t be serious?” My eyes widened in surprise, I never thought Jake would ask me to do something like this.
“Do it. I want you to ride me, just like you would do if we were having sex. I need to make you come this way.”
My legs trembled as I made my way up his body, resting just above his shoulders on either side of him.
“Jake, I’m not sure about this.”
“It will feel good, I promise. Trust me, Bethany. I need this and I need you. Don’t deny me this, please.” His eyes were piercing; it felt like they could reach into my soul as he implored me to do as he asked.
I lowered myself onto his face, his tongue met with my clitoris straight away. He grabbed a hold of my ass, thrusting me down upon his tongue. I squirmed and writhed, overwhelmed by the exquisite sensation. Jake’s breath was warm and soft, it tickled my damp skin, encouraging me to start moving against him. Jake groaned deeply, demanding more as his tongue swirled around inside.
“Yes, more. Jake, yes!” I cried loudly, grinding my hips as I rotated them in a circular motion.
“Ride my tongue, baby. Bounce up and down on it, take what you need from me.” He urged me as I clung onto the headboard in front of me, using it to guide my movements.
As I approached my orgasm, I found myself letting go. I was no longer shy, bouncing up and down and throwing my head back as I rode his tongue, screaming with pleasure. I was frantic with need and desire, I’d never felt anything like it. Jake was getting off on it as well, lifting me up and down on his face over and over again. His fingers squeezed my thighs, encouraging me to increase my rhythm and I gripped his hair forcefully, relentlessly thrusting my wet core against his mouth. I could feel my arousal covering his lips and his tongue continued to lap me up, savouring every single drop.
“Oh, wow…” I was absolutely speechless, falling onto my back and gasping for air.
“That was in-fucking-credible.” Jake groaned, pulling my body up towards his as he cradled me in his arms.
“I should wear these little shorts more often.” I said playfully.
“Or you could just be naked. Every night I could come home from work to find you sprawled out on the bed, ready and waiting for me. Now that would be a magnificent sight.”
I rolled my eyes, it was typical Jake. He’d just spent a load of money on my new wardrobe when he really wanted me naked the whole time.
Jake had insisted we go shopping so he could buy me new things as soon as I was staying with his mum and his sisters. We had only been there a couple of days when he decided he wanted to spoil me. I wasn’t sure at first; I had very little experience when it came to shopping and didn’t know anything about fashion or what type of stores I should go to. We had a heated discussion about it one night and I finally decided to give in and let Jake take me into town. I knew it was necessary because I’d been borrowing Carla’s clothes and really did want my own garments.
We were in town for several hours because I was adamant that I wanted to try every single thing on before we bought it. Jake got me all the basics as well as the things I would never have considered wearing before. He actually convinced me to let him buy me a few skirts, something I’d never worn before. He refused to buy a couple that I liked unless I promised him I’d only wear them at home and he would be the only one who would get to see me in them. I promised him and he begrudgingly handed me the money over.
I was so grateful when he bought me a new phone, I didn’t really need one because Jake was the only person I’d need to get in contact with but he was determined to replace the one I’d left behind.
I’ve never worn make-up before so it was a little strange for me to think about wearing mascara and lip gloss. Jake told me I didn’t need all that stuff, he said I was beautiful without it and even though it was really sweet of him, I was eager to try something new. I felt like I wanted a new identity, I wanted to branch out and leave the old Bethany behind. For the first time in my life I could choose what to wear and how to look. I was sick of my boring and stale wardrobe, it reminded me of my old life and I wanted no memories from that time.
Jake was very patient with me that day but by
the end of it I could tell he was getting fed up. He was the one carrying all of the bags for me and I must have had twenty of them. His whole attitude changed when we went started looking for lingerie. I thought I’d just get the basics, a couple of bras and some underwear; it was Jake who had other ideas.
“You would look absolutely breathtaking in this.” He whispered huskily, coming up behind me and stroking the baby blue matching set.
“You think so?”
“The only thing I don’t know is how long I’ll be able to resist taking it off you.” He confessed.
“Let’s buy it and find out.” I smiled, moistening my lips with my tongue as I turned around to face him.
It was obvious that something was bothering me when we got back to Jake’s house after we were done shopping. Jake kept glancing at me, a look of concern on his face but I wasn’t read to admit what was troubling me. It was only when we were in bed later that night that I decided to admit what was wrong.
“If I decide to keep the baby, I won’t be able to fit into any of that stuff we bought today.” I murmured quietly.
“Aw, baby. Is that what’s been bothering you?” Jake asked, sitting up in bed so he could look down at me.
“Kind of, you were saying how gorgeous you imagined me to be wearing that sexy underwear and you’re not going to think that when I’m six months pregnant, are you?”
“Sweetheart, how can you even think such a thing? You will always be beautiful to me, whether you’re six months pregnant or not. You’re carrying my baby and that’s the most important thing in the world to me. Ok, the stuff we bought today might not fit you for very long but we can buy new things and I just know you’re going to look absolutely stunning when our baby starts to grow. So don’t be worrying about that, ok?”
I smiled up at the man who had become the centre of my universe. I trusted him completely and knew that every single word he was saying to me was true. Jake would always find me attractive and I could only hope I’d learn to see myself in the same way.
Always & Forever Page 62
