BreakMeIn

by Sara Brookes

  “No, of course they aren’t.”

  “Then why are you giving them such power over something you enjoy?”

  “I’m not.”

  One of her eyebrows lifted. “You’re afraid people will stop frequenting your business if they find out you enjoy being bound. Flogged. Gagged. Made to kneel before someone who holds your pleasure in the palm of their hand. Whatever it was that happened wherever you were, it doesn’t matter. How are you not giving them the power?”

  He rubbed his hands over his face. “Damn it. You’re right.”

  “You’re too close to the problem to see and there’s nothing wrong with such a reaction.” She reached out and slipped her hand around his wrist, running her thumb over a small patch of chafed skin. “My advice? Relax. Enjoy. Have some fun. I think you’ve more than earned the right.”

  “Conners relax? I didn’t know those two words fit together.” Dade plopped down in the chair across from Alex, stretching his long legs out in front of him and crossing his ankles as he placed his feet on the coffee table.

  Beth stuck her tongue out at Dade. “You aren’t helping matters.”

  Dade reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Do I ever?”

  “No.” She laughed and pushed up out of the chair. “You always, always try to make them worse. Troublemaker. Thank you for the lovely cup of tea, Alex, but I really need to get going. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour.”

  Alex turned to Dade. “Can I get you anything?”

  “No, I’m good right now. Just came by to see how you were doing since the last time I saw you—”

  “I was rip-roaring drunk.” Alex snorted as he remembered Elena’s account of the night.

  “That’s putting it bluntly.”

  Blunt seemed to be the way he was going about this new aspect of his life. “Thanks for your help. I’m sure the last thing you wanted to do then was to play babysitter to a grown man who was falling-down drunk.”

  Dade waved away his regret. “Don’t apologize for letting a tough situation get the best of you, man. It happens to all of us when we’re down. It’s what any friend would have done.”

  “I’m just lucky I have friends in the first place. What I did was enough to make everyone shut me out forever.”

  He swept away the empty mugs and circled behind the counter to dump them into the sink. When he turned Dade was standing at the counter. “Look. You’re not alone in this. You never were. I’m not even the exception as I’ve had a few binge nights like that myself. Some of us just know when to quit. You may have been a little more hard-headed than the rest of us, but it seems to be typical for the Conners family. Or do I need to start pointing all the times you had your heads so far up your asses you couldn’t see daylight? The point is you recognized what you were doing to yourself and took corrective action to stop it. Some people never even reach such a place.”

  A lot of what Dade said he’d faced down during rehab. But it was nice to hear from someone else. “How’s business treating you?”

  “Decent. The bigger area I moved to is certainly more welcoming than where I was. Just not used to the fact I have to share space now though. Going to take some getting used to.”

  “Sharing space? Finally settle down with a few special someones?”

  Dade snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets “Hardly. Bought Old Man Reevers’ ranch when he passed about six months ago. Could finally set up a workshop I’ve always wanted and now I have more space to work with than I can shake a stick at. Of course, someone else saw the opportunity and badgered me into renting them space in one of the extra buildings I wasn’t using.”

  “Let me guess. Elena.”

  “Told you—fucking mother hen.”

  The words caused Alex to laugh. He’d understood Dade’s comments before because he’d been around Elena enough to know how she felt the need to watch over those she loved, but now they made even more sense after the night he’d spent with her at Sanctuary. “I’m sure she means well.”

  “Oh I’m sure she does. But she’s worried about something that isn’t there. Like she needs to make up shit in order to see I’m all right. Busybody is what she is. You won’t get her to cop to the fact, but she cares for people more than she likes to admit.”

  Chapter Ten

  Elena combed her fingers through Alex’s hair as he lay stretched out on her vintage couch. The sweat he’d worked up from their scene was still drying on his skin even though his heart had long ago settled into a normal rhythm.

  She’d learned he didn’t care to rush into the cleanup phase. She didn’t mind either as it allowed them both to take a moment to simply enjoy the intimate connection. She’d also learned he didn’t need to be helped or cossetted after a scene. But he did like some amount of contact with her. Usually a tender hand against his neck. Or he liked to stretch out on the couch, head in her lap while she slowly caressed his hair.

  “I heard about…” He trailed off as he gestured toward the center of the room.

  She looked over her shoulder, remembering the night in question as though it had only happened yesterday. Sweaty bodies writhing in ecstasy on the floor, everyone seeking enjoyment for everyone around them as well as for themselves. “Worried I’m going to force you to participate in a mass orgy? Suck some guy’s dick just because the sight of two men together in such a way turns me on?”

  “Christ.” His eyes popped open. “You’ve done that?”

  She smiled at the quick flash of panic that darkened his expression. “I had a sub once who enjoyed it from time to time. It suited his needs. He wasn’t gay and didn’t date men—but he occasionally wanted something…more. Like the orgy, which is apparently a popular story.”

  “Your sub at the time enjoyed multiple partners.”

  “A great many of them.” She laughed as his face blanched. She was pleased to discover her observation from day one was correct. Alex wouldn’t be someone who would enjoy sharing. He was a one-woman sort of man. It suited her as well. She liked the idea of having him completely to herself. It simplified details and ruled out a vast list of things.

  “Again, it suited at the time. You may lean on the vanilla side of things a bit when it comes to being dominated, but you are most definitely straight. No dick for you.” She winked as she tapped the end of his nose. “But it doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage of your ass. Your very spectacular ass, which is just begging me to explore.”

  Her hand snaked under his prone body, cupping one of those very firm globes. He hissed, shifting against her hand. Not to stop her, but to encourage her. He’d made great strides in the two months since his first night at Sanctuary. So many she had to remind herself not to get attached.

  He still had a long way to go, but each time they were here was progress for him. There were still a few walls he had erected she’d avoided pushing too hard on. Instead of fighting them directly she’d taken a different approach to tackle the hard work for them both.

  “How did you know?”

  “Know what?” She pulled her hand away, skipping her fingertips over his bare hip.

  “You wanted to be a part of this world?”

  “I didn’t. At first. At another point in my life I was a submissive. While I enjoyed the role, felt some level of fulfillment from the act, something was always missing. Some piece that didn’t align correctly. Even with as much as I knew, I couldn’t figure out what it was. It bothered me enough I couldn’t let it go.”

  “How did you finally figure it out?”

  “With someone’s very careful and patient guidance. A someone you know, in fact.”

  His eye opened again. “Patrick?”

  “There are some boundaries I will never cross. Even I have a few hard limits. Patrick would be one of them. No. My trainer was Ryan.”

  If he was surprised he didn’t let on. “Before or after…”

  “Before he met his first wife, Lisa. I knew Ryan back when we were all in coll
ege. About the same time I knew Beth, in fact. Had I known then she identified as submissive I would have introduced them. But I was a little caught up in my own confusion to worry about someone else’s needs at the time. I wouldn’t have recognized them with a ten-foot pole.”

  His fingers brushed against her knee. “I’m jealous. You knew at a very young age what you wanted. You weren’t afraid to go out and take the world by storm.”

  “Your situation was much more complicated than mine.”

  “You mean you didn’t have a father lording over you, controlling every move you made and when you made a misstep—BAM. Right in the kisser.”

  She winced at the very brutal explanation. Sure her parents had abandoned her at a young age, but such a problem seemed miniscule in comparison to what Sadie, Patrick and Alex had gone through. Her parents might not have loved her enough to keep her around, but they’d never hit her.

  “Nevertheless, you’re here now, learning about yourself. Some people can never say such a thing. They’re just happy going along with the flow. You knew you had some piece of you that needed attention.”

  “Maybe my life would have been simpler if I’d known then. Ah well, different time, different life.”

  “There are things you’ve denied yourself because of her, aren’t there? And I don’t just mean sexually. When did you stop playing golf? You used to love it. Which is a shame because you were really good too.” His silence spoke volumes. “You’re embarrassed aren’t you? You gave up everything for someone who you discovered didn’t really love you at all.”

  “A bit. Can’t say it’s an easy thing to swallow.”

  “The last way you should ever feel around me is embarrassed. Especially with what’s going on between us now. So—tell me. I’m not going to judge you or tell you something is wrong the same way your ex used to. Sanctuary is a place where you should be free to be able to speak however you want.”

  “I didn’t play as much the last few years of school. I stopped playing altogether just after graduation.”

  “Was it just a way to get through school without having to rely on your parents?”

  “Not really. I had scholarships.”

  She massaged the faint line that had appeared between his eyes. Another painful part of his past, definitely something he needed to purge from his system. “Go on.”

  “My father hated the fact I played so well because he thought it was a sissy game for sissy men. He wanted me to play football or basketball. Maybe even baseball like Patrick. Everything was always ‘Why can’t you be more like Patrick, Alex?’ It didn’t bother me too much because I was proud of Patrick’s accomplishments. At least someone in the family was going to do something with their life. Soon I just stopped listening. Even when I got the full ride it didn’t faze him. I knew no matter what I did, I was never going to measure up to his high standards. Best thing to do was just keep your head down and try to stay out of trouble.”

  “Then why did you stop if you loved it so much?”

  Alex stared up at the ceiling, obviously dealing with some tough emotions. “Vivian didn’t want to be married to the guy who worked in the pro shop at some country club.”

  Ah, so that was the issue. Status. “Plenty of men do. And are well respected for it.”

  “They weren’t married to her. She was more interested in our social standing. She wanted to be a member of the country club, not have her husband teaching members to play golf. Since I wanted to marry her I thought the right thing to do would be to find a normal, forty-hour-a-week job.”

  “So you quit.”

  He nodded. “I tried to keep playing with the guys from the office, but it just took too much time away.”

  “From her.” Elena struggled to not let her distain for the catty woman show, but everything Alex was telling her wasn’t helping.

  “She had this carefully laid out plan. Marriage. Career. White picket fence around a two-story brick house. Kids.” He paused, obviously deep in thought. “For a long time I thought I wanted the same things. I think I still do, but…”

  “But now you have the opportunity to figure out your own answers. Figure out what you really do want from your life. You’ve already taken steps. Look at what you and Patrick have done with the shop.”

  “She fought with me a few times about the shop. She didn’t want me to open it. Not as though she didn’t trust Patrick’s business sense.” Despite his words Alex didn’t sound convinced.

  Who could blame him? She also didn’t believe Vivian thought about anything other than herself. “It meant you were doing something for yourself and not her.”

  “Exactly.” Alex was quiet for a long time. She wasn’t interested in rushing along his thought process either. There were some things he needed to come to terms with on his own. She could start him on the path, but he would have to find the direction.

  He suddenly sat up, his eyes bright with emotion. “You know, I can do whatever I want now. No reason I can’t dig out my clubs and gear. See if Falken Country Club has any times. Interested?”

  The idea of playing golf with Alex again was exciting on more than a few levels. And it was more than having someone play who could really challenge her. It was another sign Alex was returning to his old self.

  “It’s June. My clubs live in my trunk. Tell you what…dust off your clubs and we’ll go to the range tomorrow morning.”

  * * * * *

  As Alex pulled into the Falken Country Club parking lot he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Did he even belong here? While he doubted it, he also he knew he needed to take back a part of his life he enjoyed. Much as he’d known Elena would need to be one who guided him during this part of his recovery.

  He had every right to do something he enjoyed without wondering if he was going to come home and find out someone wasn’t speaking to him. The silence had been deafening.

  He dumped his keys into his pocket and headed toward where Elena had parked her car. “I forgot golf means early rising.” He handed her a travel cup filled with Perfect Shot’s bold house blend.

  “I would have thought you’d be used to early mornings because of the coffeehouse.”

  “Patrick has been working the morning shift. Have to say I’ve been enjoying sleeping a little late. It’s not an indulgence I entertain often, but someone I know has been working me extra hard.”

  As Elena lifted her bag from her trunk, the short skirt she wore shifted higher. He admired the view, the sloping curves of her strong calves. Her thighs flexed as she shouldered the bag to clear the lip of the car trunk. He caught the faintest glimpse of her ass as she bent over into the trunk to retrieve something else.

  “Alex?”

  He jumped, turning away so she couldn’t see the flush he felt creeping into his cheeks. “Sorry. Just daydreaming.” When he felt it was safe to face her again Elena’s knowing smile caused his cock to twitch. Things between them were always shifting and changing.

  She was playful one minute, commanding the next.

  He loved that about her.

  He loved the fact she could keep him guessing about what would come from her luscious mouth next. Elena was anything but boring and predictable even with her organization and attention to detail.

  Elena was everything Vivian wasn’t.

  “Alex?” Her hand pressed lightly against his chest.

  “Sorry. Did it again.”

  “No. This time was different.” Her eyes narrowed, her fingers flinching against his shirt as she clutched the material. “You were thinking of her weren’t you?”

  Caught. “Sometimes it’s hard not to.”

  “I understand. Let’s go hit a bucket or two and see how you feel. Get your mind on other things.”

  The scent of freshly cut grass drifted in the air, sprinklers distributed water and the quiet hum of the ball-collecting tractor buzzed around him. Everything felt so normal. And right. As though he hadn’t stepped away from the game he loved so much because som
eone had asked—no, demanded—he stop.

  “You weren’t kidding about your clubs.” Her nose wrinkled at the sight of the frayed bag and dull clubs.

  “Had to dust everything off when I pulled them out.”

  “All right. They’ll do for now. Let me see you hit a few and we’ll go from there.”

  He gripped the handle, feeling every ridge and valley of the worn rubber grip. He thought back, pulling up the memory of everything he’d worked on during high school and college.

  He remembered how it felt to be out on the fairways, nothing more than him, the ball and all the time in the world. Taking a slow, deep breath, he swung. The club face connected with the ball, the hard tap resonating through his soul as he watched the ball fly.

  Elena whistled. “Not bad for someone who hasn’t picked up a club in years. Sucker had to go about two hundred yards.”

  A thrill shot through his chest. “That felt good. Damn good.”

  “Oh boy. Watch out. He’s got the bug again.” She tossed a few spare balls down in front of him and smiled. “Have at it.”

  After a few swings, many of which were misses, he found his stride as he consistently connected with the ball and sent it soaring the same number of yards each time over and over. A small thrill shot through him when the ball sailed past the two-hundred-yard marker for the third time in a row.

  Elena’s low whistle made him smile. “Pretty. Be interesting to see what you can do with a new set of clubs in your hands. I say it’s time we take this show on the road.”

  “Already?”

  “Hey. I still owe you a rematch from freshman year.”

  “I’d forgotten. Everyone else was heading for the beach and here we were planning a golf getaway. Spring Break in Williamsburg, wasn’t it?”

  “The River Course at Kingsmill. Tough course even for the pros. You handed me my ass that day. I think my ego still has a few bruises.”

  The memory of the warm spring day came flooding back with a rush. He’d loved spending the day with her on the course next to the James River, doing something he’d loved. He had kicked her ass pretty well, a feeling that had vanished the second he’d returned from the trip to a raging fiancée.