BreakMeIn

by Sara Brookes

  “You are.”

  Hot tears streaked down his face as he realized his brother was right. As much as he wanted to force his way through the crowd of medical personnel helping her, he would just be in the way. He didn’t know the first thing about attending to an injured person. He felt so helpless and alone. Now he knew how Elena had felt watching him spiral down into the depths of his alcoholism. Why she’d given him the ultimatum she had. Why she’d paid for his rehab.

  He allowed Patrick to pull him to safety, his gaze never leaving the tight knot of people attending to the woman he loved. Allison wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a warm, loving embrace.

  As she held him close, he watched the workers lift the stretcher, Elena’s still form lying so peaceful and serene, as though she was merely asleep.

  A worker, the same one who’d given him the blanket, nodded as he glanced his way. “She’s breathing. Shallow, but it’s something. We’re taking her to the university hospital.”

  Alex stared at the lights of the ambulance as it sped away, his heart hammering as they faded then disappeared. He needed to get some clothes. Find a car. Most of all he needed to be with Elena to make sure she was going to be okay.

  For some reason, however, he was rooted to the spot.

  Shock, maybe?

  He was still trying to process the events of the night. And he couldn’t forget the sickening sensation of flying through the air. Of seeing Sanctuary in ruins. Of experiencing the gut-wrenching sensation Elena was dead.

  That she would no longer be a part of his life.

  He didn’t want to go through the rest of his life without her. He needed her there, at his side. And for more than just sex and companionship. But something nagged at his thoughts, working to convince him she didn’t share his feelings.

  “Mr. Conners, someone would like to speak to you for a moment.”

  He blinked, focusing on the town sheriff standing a few feet away. “Who is it?”

  “Your ex-wife.” Sherriff Batty hesitated, clearing his throat before continuing. “She just confessed to setting the fire.”

  The knowledge Vivian was responsible for the explosion hit him like an out-of-control freight train, stealing the last ounce of energy he had left. He’d always suspected the determined woman would go to great lengths to get what she wanted, but he never expected anything of this magnitude.

  This was the act of a desperate woman. A woman, he realized only now, who had been toxic for him. Now her toxicity had touched his loved ones. Had nearly stolen those loved ones away from him.

  After a long minute he turned, coming face-to-face the woman who had once again tried to shoulder her way into his life by any means necessary. He’d been stupid enough to allow it to happen once.

  He refused to let it happen again.

  The emotion of the entire night finally got the best of him and he held nothing back as his gaze met Vivian’s. “I have nothing to say to this psychopathic bitch. Get her out of my fucking sight.”

  * * * * *

  Three days.

  Three days and Elena was already damn tired of all the beeping machines. Not to mention she was ready to throttle the next nurse who came through the door and interrupted her rest just to take her temperature.

  Stupid hospitals.

  Stupid injuries.

  And stupid, stupid ex-wives who went all freaky psychotic.

  She’d dealt with a few upset spouses who’d learned their significant others had joined the club and were troubled by the fact. Most had simply been looking for a way to help along a stagnant relationship. It had always turned out fine in the end, but this kind of fuckery was new.

  She’d promised herself she wouldn’t think about what had happened and instead focus on her recovery. Getting well was the main goal now. Well, besides getting out of this damn over-sterilized building.

  The burns under the layer of goop and gauze the nurse had applied to her leg an hour ago were starting to itch. Not to mention the ones on her arms and face. According to the doctor she should heal with relatively minor scarring in those areas.

  She’d never been vain her entire life, but she’d made the mistake of glancing in the bathroom mirror a few hours ago. Freddy Krueger had looked better. Not as though she had anyone to impress right now. Though she had a suspicion his bladed glove would be a perfect complement to her mood.

  She knew exactly who she would use it on too.

  A soft cough caught her attention.

  Alex stood in the doorway, a small box tucked under his arm. Dark smudges under his eyes showed he hadn’t slept well recently. Hopefully he wasn’t suffering from the same kind of nightmares that kept waking her. The medication they kept forcing into her system knocked her out so she couldn’t help but dream. No dreams of electric sheep for her. Instead she had the pleasure of reliving the horror of the explosion.

  The images would haunt her forever.

  Much like the green Jell-O they’d tried to pass off as lunch. Did anyone actually like the stuff? She was already looking forward to the moment she broke free of this place and could dig in to some real food. Like a thick, juicy steak and a baked potato topped with butter and sour cream.

  Her heart leaped as her gaze met with Alex’s again, reminding her he’d come for a visit. A thick pad of gauze covered most of his right forearm and a line of dark bruises started at his hairline, traveled across his forehead and down the side of his nose before disappearing under the collar of his shirt. A few minor cuts scored his cheek, giving him a rakish air she would never have thought possible for him.

  “Seems as though we both were lucky.”

  “Some more than others. Doctors say you’re doing well. Better than they could have hoped for.”

  A surge of emotion flared bright. He’d been checking up on her. She swallowed it back, forcing the flow down deep. She didn’t have the presence of mind to deal with the kind of raw emotion she’d exposed before the warehouse had exploded around them. They’d both been so exhausted afterward they’d barely made it to the bed. Lucky for them both they had since the monstrous frame she’d insisted on having ended up saving her life.

  “Is that all the damage?” She gestured to the bandage on his arm.

  “Yeah. A few bruises along my back where I landed out on the street. But no worse for wear.” He reached out, carefully brushing his knuckle against the back of her hand—one of the few spots on her body that hadn’t been injured. Heat flared where he touched. “Embarrassed mostly. Knowing I’m responsible for this.”

  “You’re not.”

  “Not directly. But close enough.”

  “You look like you’ve lost your best friend.”

  “In some ways I think I have.” He swallowed, setting the box gently on the rolling desk beside her bed. “This belongs to you.”

  “Alex?”

  He nudged the table closer, stepping away from the bed. The harsh floodlights illuminating the front of the hospital added sharp lines to his face through the window. It reminded her of how he’d looked when he’d sunk into the depths of his addiction.

  Hesitantly she pulled the small box closer and opened the lid. An ugly knot of dread formed in her stomach, the horrid hospital food she’d just ingested roiling violently in protest.

  His cuffs.

  “I don’t deserve to have those anymore. Let alone wear them. I’m not even sure I ever deserved to wear them in the first place. Feel like a bit of a fool for even trying. But they say sometimes you have to experience something to know if you’re meant for it or not.”

  “Alex.”

  “You did exactly what I asked for, Elena. You showed me what I wanted. I know more about myself now and I know divorcing Vivian was the right thing to do. I’m not the same man I was a few years ago and I am eternally grateful to you.” He crossed to the bed, tapped the box shut. “But I was wrong.”

  “No, you weren’t.”

  “I meant I was wrong to ask you for mo
re. To demand you give me something in return for what I was giving you. You made it clear from the beginning you needed to keep your distance in order to fulfill whatever requirements I asked for.” His gaze met hers.

  “I love you, Elena. But it’s not enough. I need someone who loves me the same way in return. I’m not convinced you do. I’ve done the one-sided relationship deal and I know with everything I am I’m not willing to walk such a path again. I think you’re capable of loving, despite what you’ve said otherwise. You just haven’t found the right person worthy of what you have to offer. Any submissive would be lucky to have you. And I hope to god whomever you choose to spend the rest of your life with is worthy of everything you have to offer him.”

  She wanted to tell him she loved him and she wanted that man to be him, but the determined look on his face told her he’d already made up his mind. He had new plans for himself and his life—new plans that didn’t include her.

  She’d done her job so thoroughly she’d pushed away the very person she cared for.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I have no idea. I may take some time and figure out what it is I truly want to do. Bit late in my life to have an identity crisis, but better now than later, I suppose.”

  “Those plans include Perfect Shot, I hope.”

  “I’m not sure they do. Patrick seems to have everything under control. In truth I don’t think he ever really needed me there. It’s always been more of his baby than mine. He’s a survivor. Who knows? There’s a world of possibility stretched out before me.” He leaned over, his hands sinking into the pillow to bracket her head. His mouth pressed hard over hers. “Take care of yourself.”

  Needing a solid connection with him, she lifted her hand to the side of his face. She dismissed the pain of her injuries. Her fingers molded to his jaw, pulling his face closer as she tilted her head. His tongue slipped between her parted lips, a sweet caress filled with pure emotion.

  He pulled away suddenly, breaking the kiss. “I would have given you everything I am, Elena. Body and soul. They were both yours for the taking. I love you that much and I would have surrendered to you until the end of time. I know down deep inside I will never, ever love anyone the way I love you. You gave me more than you’ll ever know and I will always be grateful. But until you’re ready to accept the fact it’s not a weakness to allow yourself to be loved I can’t continue to be with you. Goodbye, Mistress.”

  As soon as he cleared the door, the dam deep inside her burst, shattering the walls she’d erected around her heart. The ones she’d always used to protect herself. She had given Alex everything he needed. And he’d unknowingly given her something she’d needed.

  Hope.

  He spoke of failure, but it truth she was the one who’d failed. She hadn’t been able to give him what he wanted the most.

  Her heart.

  And now the opportunity was gone.

  He was done.

  They were over. Even though they should have never really begun in the first place. She’d allowed her emotions to get tangled up in the mix and was now paying for it by watching the man she loved walk out of her life—again.

  Beth would label this an epic fail.

  She pushed away the table, unable to look at the box knowing what it contained. She’d made a mistake letting him bore deep down inside her soul. She’d turned over a power to him she’d said she’d never give any man—the power to shatter her heart. He made her want things she’d never wanted before.

  The home and the kids.

  The bondage and the discipline.

  Two very different lives when she could only have one.

  Every time they’d been together she’d wanted to give him more. She hadn’t expected what was between them to be so raw and sexual despite the very nature of their relationship.

  He’d stripped her bare in a way no submissive had ever done before.

  As much as she wanted to her mind wouldn’t let her forget the fact she’d unconsciously made her choice when she’d elected to remain distant from Alex—both emotionally and physically. She’d done a damn fine job of keeping her emotions out of the mix and had caused herself irrevocable damage.

  Except she’d done exactly what she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do—she’d fallen in love with Alex Conners.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Alex found his brother hunched over his desk, papers scattered everywhere in their normal fashion, but they weren’t invoices and receipts for the coffeehouse. Police reports, insurance papers. Photos of the blackened remnants of Sanctuary. The place so many people looked to for redemption—including himself—now lay in ruins.

  Gone forever.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Patrick waved off his apology. “It wasn’t your fault, Alex. I’ve told you over and over.”

  “Tell me all you want and I’m still going to claim responsibility. Mostly because my ex-wife caused all of this. Things could have been much worse.”

  “But they weren’t.”

  “You and Allison lost your home.”

  He held up an expandable folder stuffed full of colorful pieces of paper. “And as you can see I have plenty of insurance. I’ll rebuild. Here, I need you to sign this.”

  “Do you need any money? I want to do my part.”

  “Relax. It’s the bill from Genevieve for the month for Perfect Shot. Handwritten of course because she refuses to get someone to help her with the accounting.”

  “If you rebuild it won’t be the same.”

  “No. I’m going to make sure it’s better.” Patrick continued to fill out a few more checks, handing them to Alex so he could add his signature. They finished doling out the business’s bills for the month after a few minutes. Patrick sat back in the chair, crossing his legs. “How’s Elena?”

  “Stubborn.”

  “Wouldn’t expect less.”

  “Doctors said to take a few days to rest. Her cuts and bruises will heal in time. As will the burns. She’ll scar in a few places, but you know Elena, she’d resilient.” He’d wanted to joke the scars would add a dangerous air to her Domme persona, but it didn’t feel right. Not after he’d returned the cuffs. “She’s a survivor.”

  Patrick dropped his pen, blinking a few times as he studied him. “You’re done, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah. Turned my cuffs in so to speak.”

  “Ah. Sorry to hear. What did she say?”

  Alex rubbed his hands over his thighs. “Asked me what I was going to do now.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yup. Now I’m left to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Can’t say I’m going to rush off and use this knowledge anytime soon. I’ve got to figure out a few things first. How’s Allison?”

  “She’s fine. The morning sickness started the other day. She’s miserable and happy at the same time if that makes any sense. Are you sure you’re going to be all right?”

  “I have no intention of picking up a bottle and drowning my sorrows if you’re worried about that. I don’t think I’m all right now, but I will be. I’ve been at the bottom before and I’m not interested in going there again. I’m just glad things didn’t turn out differently for everyone.”

  “Damn it, Alex. Stop blaming yourself. It’s unnecessary. None of us could have predicted Vivian would have done something like this. I know she’s been volatile and spiteful since the divorce, but this is just insane.”

  Alex rocked forward on his feet, a thread of nervous energy running through his gut. There had been a lot of changes in his life recently, but one thing still remained. A constant that wasn’t going to change until he did something. “I thought about visiting her at the jail.”

  Patrick leveled his gaze at him, a sign he didn’t agree with Alex’s decision at all. “She doesn’t deserve your time. You’re just fueling whatever mess is going on inside her head by going to see her.”

  “I hurt her, Patrick. There were problems between us long before
she moved out. Most of which I let happen. I didn’t want to be some overbearing ass like Dad. So I let her walk all over me. Wasn’t fair to anyone.”

  “I don’t agree.” Patrick pulled Alex into a tight embrace. “But I understand.”

  * * * * *

  Alex breathed out slowly as he sank into the hard orange plastic seat the county correctional facility provided. The large room felt cold and confining despite its large size. How was it possible for a place like this to make the innocent feel so guilty?

  Patrick may not have liked his reason for being here, but this was something he disagreed with his brother on. He had questions he needed answers to. Not as though he expected to actually get those answers.

  But he at least needed to try.

  He stood as the door opened and Vivian appeared. She shuffled forward, her hands bound in front of her with heavy tan leather cuffs. Her normally perfect hair was disheveled, flat and lifeless. Her bright eyes were shaded, the darkness in them not helped along by the pastiness of her skin. Her ankles were bound by similar security measures.

  The irony of the bondage she now faced wasn’t lost on him.

  The officer unlocked her ankle cuffs and pocketed the key. “Ten minutes.”

  The sound of her chains shifting resonated through him harder than he expected. The noise reminded him of Elena and the fact she’d kept pushing him away.

  “Why did you come, Alex?”

  Vivian’s quiet question reminded him why he was here. “To see you. To apologize.”

  “For?”

  “Not speaking to you sooner.” She snorted and Alex pushed ahead with what he felt he needed to do. “What happened to us, Vivian?”

  Metal clinked together as she shifted her hands in front of her. “I don’t know. We started out all right, didn’t we?”

  “I thought so.” He remembered the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach the first time he saw her. The way his heart fluttered the first time their gazes met. “Just a couple of young kids in love, I guess.”

  “I did love you, Alex. With all my heart.”

  He believed her. “I know, Viv. So did I.” The memory of their early years didn’t erase the horror she’d inflicted. “Why did you do it?”