Someone passed in the hallway, and their shoes squeaked in sedate rhythm. He jerked toward the door, preparing for the worst from the doctor. The footsteps continued on down the hallway. Was the nurse traveling faster than normal? Did they need extra help with his dad? What if the shock had stopped his heart instead of regulating it? The chemo treatments meant his dad wasn’t at his strongest. How could his body handle anything like this? Shouldn’t someone tell him something?
His own heart clipped along at an unusually fast pace. Sipping coffee wasn’t doing him any good. The cold coffee sloshed out of Joshua’s cup and over his hand. He sighed and dumped the rest of the liquid into the sink. No point in carrying it if he was going to spill it all over himself. He reached for a paper towel to dry his hands.
“I was dropping my rent off at Penny’s and heard your message. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I didn’t want you to be here alone.”
Sidney.
Relief kicked the loneliness and fear out the window. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let go. He wasn’t alone in this anymore. “Hi.” He crumpled the towel and tossed it into the garbage.
It may be awkward with her recent breakup, but he wouldn’t turn down her company.
“Is Buck going to be all right? It sounded serious.” She inched closer, concern etching her face. Her hand reached toward him, but stopped before actually touching him.
“Probably. His heart was out of rhythm, and they needed to shock it back.” Funny, how it sounded simple when he said it. One quick zap and everything would be back to normal. When they’d spoken to him, none of the words made sense over the screaming of the monitors.
Sidney moved toward him, but stopped before coming too near. The scent of vanilla reminded him of relaxing in front of the baseball game. Having Sidney here soothed his agitation. He searched her face for an answer about Colin. What had happened the other day? Had she sent him on his way, or had they reconciled? The answer was the distraction he needed right now. Something to focus on besides the shock the doctors planned to give his dad.
He could hardly resist touching her. Holding onto someone—Sidney,—holding onto Sidney would anchor his thoughts, but he didn't dare. What right did he have?
Instead his thoughts flailed on waves of anxiety. Where were the nurses? Surely the interminable hour had passed.
“The medical team made it sound routine. I suppose it is when you’ve done it a hundred times, but…When it’s my dad, almost the only family I’ve got…” He looked down and saw a spill of coffee on his khaki shorts. “Man…”
He fumbled for another paper towel from the roll on the counter, but Sidney stopped him. The coolness of her skin trapped his attention. His gaze tripped over her fingers and landed on the ringless third. Hope perked. Sidney free of Colin jumpstarted a rash of daydreams he shouldn’t be indulging, especially when his dad’s health waffled. It wasn’t the time or the place to give free reign to never-going-to-happen fantasies.
“Don’t rub it in. It will never come out. Spray it with water and vinegar when you get home.”
“Thanks.” He put the towel back on the counter.
“Have you been here all afternoon by yourself?”
“It’s supposed to be Dad’s normal treatment. Usually we hang out, watch some baseball. Dad takes a nap. I do a little work.” He gestured to the laptop case propped against the attractive, yet uncomfortable couch on the opposite wall. “They planned to keep him overnight for observation. It was supposed to be uneventful. Just watching. This…arrhythmia…” His attention tracked to the hallway where they had wheeled his dad away.
“Is he going to be all right?” He couldn’t believe he’d voiced the question.
Sidney moved closer now and brushed his arm with her fingertips. “He’s in good hands.”
The electricity of her touch burned his nerves. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold on. Bury his face in her hair and breathe in the vanilla scent lingering there. Share the anxiety and ease the terror of his dad’s condition.
What would it be like to surround himself with family and people who cared instead of his lone-wolf existence? From his work experiences, people only came at situations like this to take, not to share or support. They came to pretend they were part of the tragedy and garner sympathy and attention.
Joshua didn’t get that feeling from Sidney though. Even with the tragedy of a broken engagement, she wasn’t wallowing. She had dropped everything and come here to support him. He could hardly trust anyone to be as selfless as Sidney was. It was even more implausible that she could care for him, a near stranger.
He grabbed her hand, caressed her bare finger. “Is… Are…”
“We broke up.” She turned her hand over, then met his eyes. Hers glistened in embarrassment.
Joshua blinked, taking in the words. He swayed as she searched his eyes. Another shift to his already rocking boat. Was there any place in his life with stable footing? If she was free… he swallowed, and it caught in his throat. He coughed and blinked as tears formed in his eyes. He couldn’t cry now. He couldn’t. He blinked rapidly, coughing and facing the window.
Sidney grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the sofa. “Sit down and breathe for a bit.”
The temptation overwhelmed him. He sank into the sofa, but couldn’t relax his body. Sidney curled up beside him and held his hand. It was too much. He couldn’t abide her being this close without clutching her to his chest like the life ring he needed. Her scent filled him with a fog, blocking out everything around them, the whooshes and beeps of the life support machines and the toxic flavor of the too clean chemicals. With her he had safety, security… solace.
Sidney wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him against her into an embrace, engulfing him as the soft whisper of her hair brushed against his face. “It’s going to be all right.”
He pressed his face into her neck still fighting the tears. His arms slid around her body, holding on, desperate for her to anchor him, to keep him from being sucked into the whishing vortex of the hospital, where chaos and uncertainty lurked outside the waiting room door.
Joshua put his hands on either side of her face and pulled it up, so he could see into her eyes.
“Buck will be fine. Someone will waltz in here and tell us any minute.”
He clung to the word ‘us.’ He wasn’t in this alone. At least for the next few minutes, Sidney was with him.
He pressed his lips to hers, searching for peace.
And finding it. In spades. It took him a moment to realize she kissed him back, running her fingers through his hair. Lightning. Fireworks. It was all there.
He wasn’t going to let go. Couldn’t. He needed her.
****
Sidney swayed into Joshua and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. Little thoughts tried to push to the front of her brain. While this felt absolutely wonderful—she couldn’t imagine a place she’d rather be—her head screamed this wasn’t the time or the place. They should be praying for Buck. She should be mourning her breakup, not kissing a man in a vulnerable situation. But at this moment, she needed this. The comfort. The feeling of not being alone. Who knows when she’d feel the warmth of a male body, let alone Joshua’s, against her again? She wanted a moment more, one more memory to hold onto, but Joshua pulled his lips from hers, then rested his forehead against hers, his breathing ragged. Her heart galloped erratically.
A nurse cleared her throat in the doorway.
Sidney dropped her hands away from Joshua as if she had been cracked by lightning. Air rushed between them, but the electricity still swirled. Sparks, the glimmer of which she hadn’t experienced in ages, if ever, with Colin.
What had she done? She scooted away from Joshua, making sure the nurse who entered could see the upholstery between them. The nurse didn’t make eye contact with either of them.
Sidney used the opportunity to smooth her hair and try to suppress the blush flooding her cheeks.
; The nurse propped a metal clipboard against her hip and studied the second sheet. Sidney wished she could crawl under the sofa cushion. To be caught making out like a teenager in a hospital waiting room, no less.
Joshua scrubbed his hand over his face. Sidney bit her lip. He was humiliated too. What had she been thinking jumping all over him? And why was she contemplating when she could do it again?
The nurse cleared her throat again and flipped the paper back into place as if she had been gathering her thoughts rather than waiting for them to cool theirs. She finally met Joshua’s eyes and said, “Is this your wife?”
Sidney flushed scarlet. “No, umm, do you want me to leave?”
Joshua jumped in before the nurse could answer. “No, it’s fine.” Sidney had started to scoot off the couch, but Joshua grabbed her hand to arrest her movement.
She glanced back over her shoulder at him, then settled back on the couch. Whatever the news the nurse would impart, Joshua needed someone here with him. It was the least she could do before she apologized for her behavior.
The nurse pulled a chair away from the circular table and swiveled to face them. “Your dad came through the procedure fine. His heart is back on rhythm.”
The tension oozed out of Joshua’s body. He murmured words like a prayer of thanksgiving. “Did his chemo treatments cause it? Will he be able to continue them?”
“The cardiologist and oncologist will have to confer and answer those questions. Right now, his vitals are strong and steady.”
“Can I see him?” Joshua asked, clutching Sidney’s hands in his. Her knuckles mashed together in his squeezing grip.
“He’s still sedated, but once he comes out, I’ll come and get you. It’ll probably be a half-hour or so.” The nurse glanced at her watch.
Joshua nodded, but Sidney had a feeling he hadn’t heard more than ‘fine.’
“Do you have any other questions?” The nurse asked as she tucked the clipboard in the crook of her arm.
Sidney hated when the doctor or nurse asked that. In an hour, Joshua would have fifty. Right now, his head had to be a jumbled fog. No thanks to her and her mess.
He rubbed his eyes, looking as if what he needed most was a good night’s rest. “No, not right now.”
As he released her hand, she noticed the cold, like she was missing the part of her body connecting her to him.
“Okay, someone will come for you when you can go in and see him.”
Joshua thanked her, then stared at his hands. The nurse put her chair back to the table, then zipped quietly out of the room.
Sidney moved to stand again, to put some space between herself and Joshua. What had she been thinking? She couldn’t kiss him. She and Colin had only been separated a few days. She wasn’t ready for another relationship, and Joshua was too much of a catch to be the rebound guy for anyone.
She should apologize, so he didn’t think she was a complete flake.
“Sidney,” he croaked as she stood up. “I don’t know what happened here.” He gestured to the seat she had recently vacated. “But—”
“No, you’re right. It shouldn’t have happened.” At least they both agreed. It wasn’t a good time for either of them. He wasn’t planning to stay in Pine Bottom. She was mending from her breakup. She’d been a warm body when he needed one. That’s all. It wouldn’t do any good to flatter herself that the encounter meant something more. “It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”
Keeping that promise shredded her heart. She could do nothing but escape because fighting temptation was destroying her resolve where Joshua was concerned.
She grabbed her wrist and twisted her watch to check the time, but didn’t make sense of it. “I should go. Tell your dad I’m glad he’s feeling better. I’ll make him an apple pie. Umm—” She backed to the door, desperate to put more space between her and Joshua and the embarrassment burning her cheeks. She threw one last “I’m sorry” before dashing out the door and down the hall.
Chapter Nineteen
Aunt Penny handed Joshua a steaming cup of coffee. “Here’s to the last treatment.”
Joshua raised the paper cup. “As long as the test results agree.” He held the cup to his mouth and blew on the steaming liquid. The treatment last week had been uneventful; he prayed this one would be too. Two weeks from the episode in the hospital and counting. “Thanks for coming with us today.”
Having another person in the room softened the whirrs and beeps on the machines pumping drugs into his dad. Aunt Penny wouldn’t make it a relaxing three hours, but her company was appreciated nonetheless.
She waved away the gratitude and settled back into the upholstered chair. “I was in the mood for baseball.”
Joshua hid his snort behind the coffee cup. Whenever Aunt Penny joined them to watch a game, she’d tried to engage them in conversation that didn’t have to do with home runs or batting averages. She’d be going over the attendance of the latest church function and whose daughters were returning home from college. No underlying motives there. Despite the growing age difference between himself and a recent college co-ed, the rundowns hadn’t lessened. He couldn’t remember the tidbits she’d passed along about Sidney. Maybe he should have been paying more attention.
He suspected this time would be no different. Would his dad even find the channel for the game before she started her lecture?
Joshua shook his head and sipped his coffee, preparing to have his ear talked off for the next hour or so. The nurse finished connecting the IVs to the machine and patted his dad on the arm, handing him the remote. “Let me know if you need anything.”
His dad gave her a thumbs-up, and it only took him a few clicks to find the game, then fall asleep.
And that was all the cue Aunt Penny needed.
“Sidney and Colin seem to be on the outs for good. Finally.”
Joshua reached for the remote from the arm of his dad’s chair and thumbed the television to mute. He could keep track of the game well-enough from the screen and the scoreboard. Aunt Penny’s speech wouldn’t allow him to hear any of the announcer’s commentary anyway.
He grunted noncommittally. Aunt Penny surely knew his disinterest was false. All of Pine Bottom had been buzzing about the breakup. The gossip had spread all kinds of things, lacing his name into the cause of the breakup. If the rumors got much worse, he’d have to dodge Missy’s brand of land mines every time he ventured out.
“She canceled the wedding and everything, but there’s one thing I just don’t know.” Aunt Penny let the comment sit between them with more patience than he’d given her credit for.
Despite knowing he would regret it, he took the pitch anyway. Talking about Sidney was an addiction. It stung, but he couldn’t resist the high. “What’s that?”
“How is she going to win the trip now? She’s been looking forward to it forever.”
The canoe race and Sidney’s trip to the San Juan Islands. He’d done some research on it, and it wasn’t like any place he’d ever visited. They didn’t have wild orcas in New Orleans. To see if Aunt Penny was going to lead him through her play, he asked a dumb question. “What about Colin?”
Aunt Penny’s look told him she saw his question for the stinker it was. “Like she would race with Colin after they had broken up. I expect Missy and Colin will team up. Well, they haven’t a prayer of winning together, but I can’t see Sidney picking up Zach. She’d be better off sinking her canoe herself than letting Zach have a paddle.”
“They were close at the finish last time.” Joshua had to laugh at Aunt Penny’s strategy. She wasn’t throwing any curve balls. Each question went straight down the middle, tempting him to take a swing. He knew exactly what she hinted, but it was entertaining to see her try to entice him to hit it out of the park.
“Only with the help of a trolling motor. Zach’s too lazy to do any more work than think about how he can get out of it.”
“That’s a shame. Hopefully, Sidney will find another partner.”
“She had a pretty good one last race.”
Okay, that had reduced the league to tee-ball. He had to swing. Aunt Penny narrowed her gaze, daring him to step away from the plate.
Joshua rolled his eyes. From the bottom of his heart, he wanted Sidney to fulfill her dream. He wanted to do whatever he could so Sidney could go on her dream trip. Unfortunately, being in the canoe with her was too much. Then they were partners, joined, moving in sync, fighting for the same goal. He couldn’t risk a closer connection when she wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t going to be a rebound guy. He’d waited too long for the right woman to take the chance that the spark would flare and burn out.
And if they succeeded in winning the race, only she would reap the rewards. Their kiss flashed in his head. Ah, if it could be different, the rewards would be plentiful. He scratched his ear. Could he make it different? He was buying the house. She was free of Colin. There was the job at Disaster Rebound headquarters. He could stay around. Would it be enough?
His dad coughed. Joshua’s attention jumped to full alert.
“What’s the problem? You always were afraid of striking out.” His dad sniffed and closed his eyes again. “Even in little league,” he mumbled. A moment later, Joshua was sure he’d returned to sleep. Or he was pretending as well as he had been a few minutes before.
“Doesn’t she have a sister?” Joshua asked, trying to dig his cleats in. His dad and Aunt Penny could push however they wanted, but he wasn’t deceived by the situation. Recent breakup, new house, his dad’s illness, too many big life events to add another life-changer to the mix.
“Bailey’d be more useful than Zach.” Aunt Penny acknowledged.
“There you have it.” Joshua returned his attention to the television. His team had given up a bases-loaded home run. So much for their winning streak.
“If she wasn’t going to be at a leadership training that weekend.”
Yes, he was out of excuses, but he didn’t owe Aunt Penny an answer. If Sidney asked him for help, he’d consider—no, he’d shove all those fears of drowning aside and hop in the canoe. If she asked.
In For a Pound Page 16
