“You don’t get to do that, Finn.” Ainsley steps between us. “You don’t get to bully your way into what you want. Ryland and I want to be together and there isn’t a thing you can do about it?”
“No?” he snarls.
“No.” She stands her ground.
If I wasn’t so fucking stunned by the sudden turn this evening has taken, I might actually be impressed by her strong will. Another reminder that this is most certainly not the same soft-spoken little girl she once was.
“Is that what you want?” His gaze flies to me. “You want to be with my fucking sister?”
“Finn.”
“Don’t fucking Finn me, Ryland. Answer the fucking question.”
“Yes.”
He takes a full step back, his eyes going back and forth between me and Ainsley.
“So that’s how it’s going to be. Years of friendship and you’re going to choose her.”
“There isn’t a choice. You are my best friend. And she,” I stop myself from saying something I can’t take back, “I want you both in my life. I need you both in my life.”
“If that was true you wouldn’t have been fucking my baby sister, in my house, behind my back. You practically helped me raise her. What kind of sick fuck does that?”
His words cut deeper than I thought they would. Mainly because a part of me knows he’s right.
“Stop it, Finn.” Ainsley cuts in again. “I’m not a little girl anymore. Ryland and I are both adults and we have done nothing wrong.”
“Except lie to me.”
“So we lied. Boo fucking hoo.” Ainsley keeps going. “I’m sorry we lied, but Jesus, you’re acting like we committed some cardinal sin. What about you and Lily? How is that any different?”
“Lily isn’t a part of this family. Lily did not help raise me. Lily and I did not hide anything from you. Lily wasn’t living under your roof all the while betraying you at the same time. The two are nothing alike and you fucking know it.”
“No, what I know is you do whatever the hell you want with no regard for how it will make other people feel, but when the shoe is on the other foot you lose your fucking mind.”
“That’s enough, Ainsley.” His nostrils flare. “Go the fuck home. Now!” he says through gritted teeth.
“Make me,” she challenges.
“Finn, if we could just talk.” I try again but he’s having none of it.
“Fuck you, Ryland. You are no longer welcome in my home and we are no longer brothers.”
Considering everything I’ve done for him, his words slice me to the bone.
“When this all blows up in your face and he fucks you over,” his focus shifts to Ainsley, “don’t come crying to me because for once in your life, I won’t be there to pick up the fucking pieces.”
“Well lucky for me I don’t need you to. I’m a big girl. I think I can manage.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, and even though she’s trying really hard to hold it together, I can hear the quiver in her voice.
“Good, because I’m done. You’re on your own now.”
“Finn, wait,” I start but his murderous gaze stops me before I can say anything else.
“Fuck you,” he says, his voice riddled with defeat. “Fuck you both,” he repeats, shaking his head as he spins and exits the garage.
Chapter 21
Ainsley
“I...” I turn toward Ryland, the adrenaline that surged through my veins moments ago giving away to the absolute devastation in my heart.
Ryland’s face is pale, making the blood dripping from the gash under his eye that much more prominent.
Without a word, Ryland pulls me into his arms. It’s only seconds before I disintegrate into a ball of hysterics in his embrace.
I’m not even sure why I’m crying. Because I’m hurt. Because Finn is hurt. Because Ryland is hurt. Or maybe it’s because for the first time in my life, my brother looked at me like he had no idea who I was.
I expected him to be a little upset about Ryland and me, but I never expected him to react as violently as he did.
“I’m so sorry.” I sob into Ryland’s chest, feeling like I’m to blame for all of this. Had I just listened to him and went to Finn when all this started maybe we could have avoided this.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Ryland’s hand brushes softly over my hair. “This isn’t on you. It’s on me.”
I pull back, wiping my hands across my tear-soaked cheeks.
“How is this on you?”
“I’m the one that knew better. I knew he would never be okay with this and yet I fooled myself into believing that he would.”
“I don’t care.” I take his hands in mine. “I don’t care if he never accepts us. I still want to be with you.”
“My sweet Ainsley.” He releases one of my hands and cups my cheek. “I can’t let you sacrifice the only family you have left for me.”
“You’re my family, too,” I argue.
“He’s your brother. And he’s given up a lot to give you a good life. I can’t be the one that gets in the way of that. You both mean too much to me for that.”
“What are you saying? That because of Finn we can’t be together?”
“I’m saying you should go home. I’m saying you should talk to Finn. I’m saying let’s give things a little time to cool off before we figure out how to proceed.”
“How to proceed?” I draw back, pushing his hand away. “I just went toe to toe with my brother for you. I just broke his heart. For you. Because I thought we were on the same page. And now you’re telling me that we aren’t.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Ains. I’m just saying, maybe we should take a step back. At least for now. You have to make this right with Finn.”
“Do not tell me what I have to do. Finn will come around or he won’t. All I want is to be with you.” Emotion clogs my voice.
“I want to be with you, too.” His voice is soft and yet there’s an edge of apology to it that tells me he’s not done. “But I can’t be with you knowing that it will take away the only family you have left.”
“You talk as though Finn would actually write me off. We both know he won’t. He’s just mad right now. He’ll come around eventually,” I insist, panic rising in my throat.
“And if he doesn’t?” His gaze drops to the floor.
“He will.” I tip his chin back up, forcing him to meet my eyes. “He will.”
“I know you want to believe that, but the truth is you can’t know for sure. Go home, Ainsley. Talk to your brother.”
“And what about you? I’m just supposed to leave you here with no one and nowhere to go?”
“I’m a grown man. I’ll figure something out.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Yes, you are.”
“You said you wanted this. That you wanted us,” I croak, desperation clawing at my chest.
“I do.” He steps forward, his hands resting on either side of my face. “Which is why I need you to do this for me. Please.” He drops his forehead to mine.
“Ryland.”
“Please, Ainsley. Go home.”
“I love you,” I whisper, fresh tears brewing behind my eyes.
He drops his hold on me before stepping around my car, pulling the door open moments later without uttering a single word. My heart feels like it’s about to cave in on itself at any moment.
I don’t want to leave. The last thing I want to do is go, but I also know I can’t stay.
Without another word, I sink into the driver’s seat and fire the engine to life. Ryland is still standing in the same spot as I back out of the garage and reluctantly drive away.
It takes me less than five minutes to pull into the driveway of my house. To my surprise, Finn’s car is out front. I half expected him not to come home after the blowout we just had.
Shoving the car into park, I kill the engine and quickly make my way inside. The living room is dark when I enter but the
kitchen light is on so I head in that direction.
I locate Finn immediately. He’s sitting at the table, a rocks glass and an opened bottle of whiskey in front of him.
He lifts the glass to his lips and throws back the contents when he sees me enter, instantly moving to refill the glass.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be somewhere consoling your boyfriend?” His lips curl around the word like it’s painful for him to say.
“Finn.” I hesitantly step further into the kitchen. “You have to know, Ryland and I never set out to hurt you. If anything, this is my fault. He wanted to tell you weeks ago.”
“Weeks?” His wide eyes sweep upward to mine. “This has been going on for weeks?”
“Around the same time you and Lily started dating,” I admit, knotting my hands in front of myself.
“Well, you two are damn good liars. I’ll give you that.” He knocks back the second glass of whiskey and fills a third.
“We weren’t lying... Exactly.”
“Lying by omission is still lying, Ainsley,” he scolds, hurt and anger evident in his eyes.
“I know. I know that. And I know we should have come to you from the very beginning but I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“That you wouldn’t be okay with it.”
“That should have been your first indication that what you were doing was wrong.”
“But it wasn’t wrong. In fact, nothing has ever felt more right. But I knew that if you were against it, Ryland would never go along with it. So I convinced him to stay quiet. I needed time to show him that he could love me the way I’ve always loved him. I just needed time to do it before you messed it all up.”
“You know the most fucked up part?” Finn cuts in like he didn’t hear a word I said. “I keep replaying all the times I left you with him when you were younger. Hell, he’d sleep over here when you were fourteen and fifteen. Fuck, he slept in your room. I never in a million years thought I had anything to worry about.”
“You didn’t. Ryland never once made a move on me back then. He never once did anything that would suggest his affection for me was anything more than brotherly. Ever. I promise you that. But Finn, look at me. I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m a grown woman. And I started this, not him.”
“Do you honestly expect me to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth right now?”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe because everything I’m saying is true.”
“I raised you to be a lot of things, Ainsley, but a liar wasn’t one of them.”
“Finn,” Lily calls through the house right as the front door opens and closes.
“In the kitchen,” he calls out, knocking back his third glass of whiskey in less than five minutes.
Moments later, Lily steps into the kitchen, freezing when she catches sight of my red, tear stained face.
“Um,” she hesitates. “Should I come back later?” she asks, looking toward Finn.
“No. You should hear this, too. Seems my little sister and my best friend have been fucking behind my back for weeks.” He pours another glass of whiskey as Lily’s uncertain expression swings in my direction.
“He’s being ridiculous. You should go,” I tell her, not wanting Lily to get caught in the crossfire. Especially considering we’re already on shaky ground after the way I behaved toward her yesterday.
“No, you shouldn’t.” Finn stands, the amber liquid sloshing over the edges of his glass as he does. “After dealing with liars all day, I need someone who actually knows how to tell the truth.”
“Actually.” Lily clears her throat, stopping Finn before he can take more than a step toward her. “I knew about Ryland and Ainsley.”
If looks could kill, Lily and I would both be bleeding out on the floor right now.
“What?” He pales, his sole focus on Lily. “Why would you keep this from me?”
“Because it wasn’t my place to tell you,” she explains simply. “Just because you and I started seeing each other doesn’t mean I suddenly have no loyalty to a person who’s been my best friend for years.”
“I should have known,” Finn spits, his anger now mixing with the alcohol, making a lethal combination. “You’re just like the fucking rest of them.”
“If that’s so, then what does that make you, Finn?” she challenges, stepping up next to me.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He grinds his back molars in annoyance.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. If tonight is the night that we lay everything on the table, then I think you owe Ainsley the truth, too.”
“What is she talking about, Finn?” My eyes dance between Lily and Finn.
“Ainsley’s right. You should leave.” He throws back the whiskey before slamming the empty glass on the table.
“No, she should stay. What is she talking about, Finn?” I stare at him expectantly, my chest tight with anticipation.
“She doesn’t know anything.” He gives her a look, one that I can say I’ve never seen before. A look that makes me afraid for my friend. Not physically but for what this might mean for her relationship. A relationship that I know she’s happy in.
“Ainsley.” She turns toward me, but I hold my hand up to stop her. As much as I want to know what she has to say, I can’t let her be the one to tell me. I can’t have her throw away what she has with Finn to tell me something that he clearly needs to be the one to say.
“Don’t.” I shake my head, trying to convey everything I’m thinking in one brief look. “There’s no reason for you to get caught up in this. This is between me and my brother.” I tilt my head toward the front of the house. “Just go.”
Lily gives me an apologetic look and takes a step back, her face turning toward Finn. “Okay. I’m leaving.” With that, she spins around and quickly exits the room.
Finn and I stand in heated silence as we listen to Lily’s footstep grow more distant, the front door finally opening before snapping shut behind her.
“What was she talking about?” I ask, my voice eerily calm.
“It’s really none of your business.”
“No? Because from the way she acted, I’m pretty sure it has something to do with me.” I drop my hands to my hips. “Here you are, chastising me for keeping the truth from you when clearly there’s something you’ve been keeping from me. And I want to know what it is.”
“Well too fucking bad.” He kicks his foot to the side, sending the kitchen chair next to him skidding across the floor.
“You always do that. You expect me to be an open book. You expect me to do everything you want me to do. You expect to know all. And yet, you don’t tell me anything. We used to talk. I used to feel like I knew you. But since Ryland’s been home, you haven’t been the same with me. You’ve shut me out. I can feel it.”
“Pretty sure you’re the one that shut me out.”
“No I didn’t. I kept one thing from you.”
“You, my best friend, and apparently my girlfriend were all in on it,” he sneers.
“Don’t be mad at Lily. She never agreed with me on keeping this from you.”
“And yet she still lied to me,” he fires back.
“To protect me. Her best friend. Or have you forgotten that part?” I square my shoulders. “You moved in on Lily without any regard for me. And yet here you stand on your high horse acting like I did something wrong.”
“Again, I never kept Lily from you.”
“True. But you also didn’t ask me how I would feel about you sleeping with my best friend before you did it. You just did what you wanted. You had no idea how I’d feel. How is that any different? Other than the fact that Ryland and I kept our relationship quiet for a few weeks?” I add at the end, knowing that’s going to be his argument.
“We’ve been over this. The differences between me and Lily, and you and Ryland, are incomparable. Stop trying to use that as your justification for what you’
ve done.”
“I don’t have to justify anything to you. I’m an adult who is free to make my own choices. But because I love you and I care about our relationship, I’m trying to explain.”
“I don’t need your version of an explanation. What I need is for you to stop fucking Ryland.”
“God!” I throw my hands up in the air. “Is that really all you think we were doing? That we were just fucking? We were building a relationship for Christ’s sake. We were spending time together and getting to know each other again.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you were doing. It ends now.” He snags the whiskey bottle off the table and lifts it to his lips, bypassing the glass completely this time.
“That’s not your call.” I try to keep my voice as even as I can.
“Actually, it is. That is, if you want to continue to live here.”
“Are you threatening to kick me out?” I draw back.
“End things with Ryland or you are no longer welcome in this house.”
I stand stunned for several seconds, tears blurring my vision.
“You know what, I don’t want to be here with you anymore anyways.” With that, I spin around and quickly walk away.
Chapter 22
Ryland
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Finn’s gaze narrows when he opens the front door to find me standing on the porch.
“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now,” I start, not getting the opportunity to finish before Finn cuts me off.
“Pretty fucking observant,” he grunts.
“I would have asked if it was okay if I stop by had you shown up for work today. I just need to get some clothes. Five minutes. That’s all I need.”
“Tell my sister to come home and you can have your shit.”
“What?” I’m momentarily caught off guard by his words. “Ainsley isn’t here?”
“Don’t fucking play that game with me. I know she went to you after she left here last night.”
“No, Finn.” I shake my head. “I haven’t seen her since I sent her away after you left.”
A Thousand Cuts (CELL BLOCK C) Page 17
