Quiet As It's Kept

by Monique Miller

Will turned his attention to his wife as he lowered his son into his crib. “Come on. Are you ever going to let me live that down?”

  “Just checking,” Morgan said.

  “That was months ago, and I’ve come a long way. You are acting as if I did actually scald him.”

  “It was close enough. If I hadn’t seen the steam coming off the water in his bath, then we would have probably ended up at the hospital. Then we would have been answering questions from the doctors, or, worse yet, child protective services.”

  Will shook his head. He still felt bad about the mishap, which had been thwarted by his wife. And every chance she got, she made sure he didn’t forget it. “I learned my lesson.”

  Morgan shook her head as she stepped out of the baby’s room. From the hallway she called, “Did that spot on your elbow heal yet?”

  Subconsciously, Will rubbed his left elbow. He didn’t reply. He and Morgan had had this conversation before. Just after she stopped him from putting his son in near-scalding water, she suggested he check the temperature of the water by using his elbow. She’d told him that the elbow was more sensitive to heat, and that if the water felt fine there, then it should be okay for the baby.

  Following her advice, he’d placed his elbow into the baby’s bathtub. Immediately, he’d pulled it back out, his elbow stung from the temperature. His eyes had widened as he thought about how much it would have hurt his little baby.

  The entire incident had brought tears to his eyes. He would never think of hurting his little boy. And it had taken him another two months before he dared to give his son a bath again, scared he would hurt him.

  Now he had no qualms about taking care of his son. He had been doing so for months by himself during the day while Morgan worked. Will was an avid reader, and read many books that gave him tips and information about the care of infants.

  He took pride in the way he took care of Isaiah. Deep down, he thought he did a better job than Morgan. Sometimes he thought that Morgan envied the time he got to spend with the baby. And it was during these times that she would throw the scalding bath water incident back up in his face.

  Will looked down at his baby boy in the crib and placed a pacifier in his mouth. The baby’s eyes fluttered until they closed into sleep. Will then took a blanket and placed it over the baby. He tiptoed out of the bedroom, and closed the door behind him.

  He descended the steps and headed to the kitchen, where he heard the microwave running. He walked up behind Morgan and placed his arms around her. “So what was that you were saying about getting some time with your husband?” Will asked. He pulled her jet-black, curly, shoulder-length hair up, exposing cocoa-colored skin, and kissed the nape of her neck. Will thought his wife’s body was perfect in every way, even down to the heart-shaped birthmark she had on her inner thigh.

  Morgan huffed and pulled away from him.

  “What?” Will asked.

  She turned around and waved a handful of bills in Will’s face. “Is that all you think about?”

  “Huh?” Will asked, perplexed.

  “Why don’t you think about all these bills we’ve got mounting? I am tired of carrying this household financially. And I am definitely too tired to be snuggling up with you right now.”

  Will’s mouth dropped wide open at a loss for words.

  “Maybe if I didn’t have to work so hard and I had some help around here, then I would have some time for a little rest and relaxation,” Morgan said. She looked at her watch. “See, I don’t even have enough time to enjoy my lunch.” She pulled the meal she’d heated out of the microwave. “I’ll have to eat and drive.”

  “I thought your lunch break was an hour,” Will said.

  “It is, but the earlier I clock back in, the more money I’ll make. I’ll have a few extra dollars in my paycheck.” She pushed the bills into his hands. “And Lord knows we need the money.” Morgan then mumbled something under her breath that sounded like she had called him a deadbeat.

  “What did you say?”

  “Nothing, Will, nothing,” Morgan replied.

  Will shook his head. “Baby, I am doing the best I can to find a job.”

  “Well, do better,” Morgan said.

  “I am,” Will said, and he tried to tell her about all the searching he’d been doing to find work.

  Morgan grabbed her keys from the counter. “Look, I don’t have time to discuss this right now. We’ll have to talk about it later on.” She stepped out of the front door of their home.

  “What time will you be home?” Will asked as he stepped onto their front porch.

  “Huh?” Morgan opened her car door. “I don’t know. I may work some overtime, so don’t wait up for me with dinner.” She slid into the front seat of her car, cranked it, and pulled out before Will could ask anything else.

  Again, he shook his head. For some reason, his wife’s emotions still continued to run hot and cold. He started to second-guess whether it really was her hormones or if her mood swings were his fault. Morgan was always telling him how the stress of financially carrying the household was taking a toll on her. He hated that he wasn’t contributing to their household.

  It had been a shock when he found out that the company he’d worked for had not taken the necessary steps needed to file with the employment security commission to assist their employees if they were laid off—thus, there were no unemployment funds for him. He figured that it was something that would have been automatic, but the sad reality was that it wasn’t.

  He stepped back into the house and immediately noticed that the living room lamps, as well as the kitchen lights, were on. He turned them off, in order to help keep the light bill down. Since Morgan had been the one paying the bills, she usually had a fit if appliances or the lights were left on in rooms when not being used. At one point she had even started unplugging almost everything so they wouldn’t pull electricity. The only things she left plugged in were the stove, refrigerator, and the deep freezer. But that had ended up being short-lived. She got frustrated fumbling around at night, trying to find the plugs to the lamps and microwave. After a few weeks she finally started leaving things plugged in again, but still had a fit whenever she found the television or lights left on around the house.

  She was so adamant about conserving energy that Will often found himself walking around in the dark at night, using the light from nightlights and the moon to see. He felt stupid about it, but with all of Morgan’s mood swings at a drop of a dime, he decided to do anything possible to prevent making her any more upset.

  Will ascended the stairs and walked into his son’s room. He stepped over to the crib and peered down at the sleeping baby’s face. He shook his head, wishing he was that young again, able to sleep without a care in the world. Not having to worry about how ends were going to meet, or how tense the mood was in the house.

  He looked upward. “Dear God. Lord, what’s going on here? I don’t mean to question you, but I just don’t understand why Morgan and I are having to go through this test in our lives. I never pictured any of this, Lord.” Will paused and took a deep breath. He clenched his fists, bringing them up toward his chest. “Lord, I want you to know that I love you and I trust that you will get us through this trial. Lord, I only ask that you give me the strength to get through it all. Thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord.”

  Will stood with his eyes closed, whispering, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” over and over again. He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there, but when he finally stopped whispering “thank you” to God, he realized his face was drenched with tears.

  He wiped the tears and looked back down at his baby boy in the crib. Isaiah had awakened and was looking up. Will smiled down at the baby and Isaiah’s face lit up, smiling back. Will picked up his son and hugged him as hard as he could without hurting the boy. The smile from the baby gave Will the strength he needed. And, deep down, Will knew God would take care of his family.

  “Dada.”


  Will held his son out at arm’s length. “Isaiah? Did you just say Dada?”

  Isaiah smiled and giggled, but didn’t say a word.

  Will hugged the baby again. “Oh, baby boy, you said your first word.” Will bounced the baby and then sniffed the air. “Oh now that isn’t a first now, is it?” Will held the baby back at arm’s length. “Now is it? This is more like your second time today. What is going on, little guy?”

  Will walked the baby over to the changing table and laid him down. “So what is up with this? I’ll just bet you’re teething. The book said you might start teething now.”

  Opening the diaper, he wrinkled his nose at the smell. The baby thought it was funny and started laughing.

  “You think this is funny?”

  Isaiah giggled.

  Will laughed also. “It’s okay. Daddy is going to clean you right up.” After cleaning the baby, Will pulled the last diaper from under the changing table. “Uh-oh, little guy, no more diapers. Mommy isn’t going to be happy about this.”

  The baby smiled up at his father as he was being changed. Once he was done, Will said, “Happy now? All clean.”

  Will grabbed Isaiah’s favorite stuffed animal, a little Winnie the Pooh rattle. He descended the stairs and picked up the diaper bag, his wallet, and car keys. Finally, he headed to the car.

  After securing the baby in his car seat, Will said, “Now do me a favor, little guy. Don’t use the bathroom until Daddy can get you another pack of diapers. And at the rate you’re going, we’re going to have to start potty training tomorrow.”

  Will turned the key in the ignition and cranked the car. As he waited for it to idle, he tried to shake the feeling that had been nagging at him ever since the episode between him and Morgan earlier. He could have sworn Morgan had called him a deadbeat, or something to that effect. It reminded him of the episodes when his father taunted him by calling him names as a child. Will gripped the steering wheel as he tried to put the painful memories out of his head—memories that he feared he was about to relive.

  Chapter 2

  Will clicked the mouse on his computer to scroll down another Internet page. He’d been on the computer for almost two hours, looking for jobs through Web search engines. He was tired from the night before. Isaiah had been teething and was up for most of the night. Early on, he and Morgan had agreed that he would be the main one to get up with the baby at night while he wasn’t working.

  Will figured that the arrangement would only last for a short time until he started working again. But that had been when little Isaiah was only two months old. And now, seven months later, he was still the main caregiver at night and during the day.

  He rubbed his eyes, tired from staring at the computer screen for so long and because he’d barely gotten an hour’s worth of sleep all night. He sat back for a moment and closed his eyes. Will knew that he shouldn’t let Isaiah sleep too long, but figured the baby needed his rest also.

  Will’s eyes bolted open when he heard the ringing of his cell phone. He couldn’t believe he had fallen asleep sitting there upright in the chair. He fumbled to pick the phone up, hoping the loud ring and vibration wouldn’t wake the baby, who was lying just a few feet away in his portable playpen.

  Pressing the answer button, he looked over at Isaiah and was relieved to see that he hadn’t even stirred. He breathed a sigh of relief before speaking.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, man. What’s up?” Phillip asked.

  “Me, unfortunately,” Will replied.

  “Oh, did I wake you?” Phillip asked.

  “Yeah, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t even know I was asleep.”

  “Whew, sounds rough. Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?”

  “Nah, sleeping is the last thing I need to be doing right now. I was on the Internet checking out some things. Isaiah didn’t sleep well last night. He’s teething.”

  “Ah, I remember those nights. Shelby and I would take turns the nights the babies couldn’t sleep.”

  “It would be nice to be able to switch with Morgan.”

  “You should try it, so not too much of a burden is placed on either one of you,” Phillip suggested.

  Will thought about this. Even though it sounded great, there was too much of a burden on his wife already in the financial department. Inwardly he chastised himself for even wishing that he and Morgan could switch off at night just so that he could get a little more sleep. He was being selfish.

  “Yeah, well, you know with me not working, we just figured it would be better if I did the night shift so Morgan can get all the rest she needs,” Will said. He hadn’t come up with the idea on his own; Morgan had. And, to appease her, he had agreed.

  “Oh, well yeah, I guess that does make sense, but you know if the tables were turned it would still be expected. You know, like when the man is the one working and the woman is at home. She would still expect the man to take turns at night to help.”

  “I guess you are right in a way. But this is working for us right now.”

  “Okay, if you say so. Don’t let me mess up what is working for you in your household.”

  “No problem.” Will yawned.

  “Well, I won’t hold you up. How are things going with the job search?”

  “Things are going pretty good.” Will felt horrible about lying to his best friend. “I hope to hear something soon from a couple of places.” That part wasn’t a lie. He did hope someone would call him for an interview. “Why do you ask?”

  “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. And it’s been in my spirit to check on you. I know it probably has not been easy these last few months, being out of work.”

  Will nodded to himself.

  “So I just wanted to let you know that you are on my mind and that I am here if you need me. Shelby and I are both here if you and Morgan need us.”

  Will nodded again. They’d been friends for so long that he couldn’t remember when Phillip wasn’t in his life. And if he could count on anyone for anything, it was his best friend and brother in Christ, Phillip.

  Will valued the friendship with Phillip more than his friend would ever know. There once was a time when Will was the one calling to check on Phillip. It was during a time when Phillip and Shelby were going through a rough patch in their marriage. Their problems were different than the ones he was experiencing in his own relationship, but they were problems nonetheless.

  “Hey, you still there, man?” Phillip asked.

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “So don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything. And I do mean anything—someone to talk to, money, or even a babysitter,” Phillip said.

  Will chuckled. “You would babysit for us?” Will knew they hadn’t been that close since he and Morgan had gotten married.

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “I mean, you say you would babysit, but it would really be Shelby babysitting, wouldn’t it?”

  “It would be a tag team effort.” Phillip laughed. “No, seriously, I, we, would babysit. And, in all seriousness, if Shelby were busy, I’d watch Isaiah by myself. I do have three kids, you know.”

  “I know, I know. But you can’t count raising Taren since you only met him when he was almost a teenager.”

  “Whatever. If you need something while you and Morgan are trying to get things back on track, then don’t hesitate to call.”

  “Okay, okay. I hear you, bro. And thanks for the offer.”

  “Good. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, when am I going to see my godson again anyway? The kids have been asking about Isaiah.”

  “Soon. I promise.”

  Isaiah started to squirm and whimper.

  “Is that the little guy I hear in the background?” Phillip asked.

  “Yep, that’s him.” Will rose from his seat and picked the baby up. “That gum numbing medication I gave him must be wearing off. I’ll be so glad when this tooth breaks through.”

&nb
sp; “Let me let you go. I’ll call you to see when we can grab some lunch. It feels like ages since I’ve seen you,” Phillip said.

  “It does. I promise we’ll get together soon.”

  “I know we will, because I’ll be calling you in a couple of days. I’ve already figured out that if I wait for you to call, it’ll never happen.” Phillip laughed.

  “Ah, man, that was cold.”

  “Just joking, but we do have to get together soon,” Phillip said.

  “We’ll do that.”

  “All right, bye.”

  “Later,” Will responded and hung up. Will held his son up. “Hey, little guy. Are those bad old gums and teeth bothering you?”

  The baby looked into his father’s eyes as tears welled up. Then he began to whimper and cry again.

  Will soothed him by pacing and gently bouncing him up and down. “Let’s go and get some more of that wonderful medicine that makes Isaiah’s gums feel better.”

  The volume of the baby’s screams increased louder and louder.

  Will didn’t like to hear his son scream. He especially hated it when he was unable to calm the baby. It made him feel out of control, just as he had often felt as a child when his father went on his screaming rampages, rampages that usually ended with his father hitting on his mother and sometimes on him and his sister.

  As a child, Will often shut down emotionally, knowing there was nothing he could do to protect his mom and sister. Those feelings often made him turn into a recluse. He did not want to experience those feelings again, so he did his best to fight the emotions and tried hard to focus on getting the baby to stop crying. Once he had the baby under control, Will felt relief wash over him. But just how long would this feeling last?

  Chapter 3

  “Okay, little man. Let’s check on your auntie in California,” Will said as he bounced Isaiah on his lap. Isaiah smiled up at his dad, then reached for the keys on the computer keyboard. “Oh, no, little guy, let Daddy do the typing.”

  Will logged on to the computer just in time to see his sister sitting down to her own computer in California. Isaiah’s face lit up when he saw his aunt smiling into the computer screen. Will checked to make sure he and Isaiah were centered in his own Web camera.