See Through Heart

by Amie Knight

  “Yes…yes…yes!” I cried out. My body shattered into a thousand tiny pieces of blinding light. My eyes were tightly closed, but a mirage of colors burst behind my lids, and it made me feel like I was living in one of Adrian’s beautiful paintings.

  He frantically pounded into me twice more before he stilled. “Fuck…fuck, Ainsley. Feels so damn good,” he breathed into the skin between my breasts.

  I felt wetness and warmth pool deep inside me before he sagged against my body, his breath fast against my chest.

  Contentment and the heavy weight of Adrian lulled me to sleep.

  Fuck. I was hot. So hot. Like I’d been banished to Hell hot. I tried to dig myself out from underneath the covers, but they wouldn’t move and I needed them to get the hell off me because I felt like I was suffocating. I pushed at the covers again only to realize they weren’t covers at all but a solid wall of muscle. Oh God. Adrian. The sexual escapades of last night flooded my mind. Me flirting with Anthony to make Adrian crazy. Adrian actually going crazy and dirty-dancing with me at the club. The make-out session in the cab. The spanking in his front hallway. Oh my shit! The spanking! God, it’d been hot. His face pressed so snugly between my legs. Him fucking me. Not making love to me like when we’d been teenagers, but seriously fucking me. Wow. Adrian Davis had put it the hell on me. And it had been amazing, but I had a pounding headache, my mouth tasted like ass, and I was ninety-nine percent sure my hair looked like a rat’s nest and I was still wearing last night’s makeup. Sweet baby Jesus, I needed to get the hell out of there before he woke up. I was in no way prepared to face him after last night’s sexual Olympics. Especially not looking like I did right now.

  I opened one eye and looked around, trying to gather my bearings. I glanced across the room toward a big window without blinds or curtains. It looked like it was just before dawn, and the little bit of sun peeking through made me wince in pain. It was going to be a long day with this hangover.

  I was lying on my stomach, the side of my head firmly planted on a pillow and Adrian firmly planted on top of me. His head was so close to mine that he was lying on all of my hair that wasn’t hanging in my face. Even in Adrian’s sleep, it was like he could read my mind, because he had me pinned ridiculously tight to the mattress beneath us. His entire upper body was pressed into my back, his arm around my waist. One of his big, hairy legs was thrown across my body, effectively blocking my escape.

  I blew out a frustrated breath at the hair in my face and cringed at the smell. Oh, God, I needed out now. This was not the time to discuss last night. We could discuss it when my head wasn’t killing me and I didn’t smell like death. Also, I was terrified he’d wake up and I’d find out he regretted last night. Or what if he didn’t even remember last night? What if he did remember last night and it didn’t mean anything to him? Or what if he remembered and he wanted to “talk about it all.” My entire body heated with embarrassment at the thought. Fuck me. My head throbbed.

  A soft snore from Adrian took me from my inner ramblings, and I attempted to open my eyes again. This time was slightly less painful, but it still sucked pretty damn badly. I slid my body to the edge of the bed, away from Adrian, and I was almost there. Almost. Then Adrian mumbled in his sleep, “No,” wrapped his arm tighter around me, and pulled me back over to him. Holy hell. I was never getting out of this bed.

  I didn’t even attempt the slide to the side of the bed again. This time, I shimmied down the bed. Down and down I went, keeping my stomach as close to the mattress as I could so I didn’t wake Adrian. I was almost scot-free when I stopped and looked over at Adrian. Big mistake. Huge. Because I was right at eye level with his dick. It looked soft and sleepy lying against his leg, and I had the ridiculous urge to giggle. Fuck, I was probably still a little drunk. My body shook with concealed laughter as I shimmied the rest of the way out of the bed.

  I’d made it! Yes! Now, if only I could find my dress and purse. I looked back at the bed, making sure my dress wasn’t somehow tangled in the sheets, but then Adrian started to move around. Because I was a complete chickenshit, I dropped to the carpet on all fours and prayed that, by the grace of God, Adrian was still asleep. I waited a few moments. I didn’t hear him move around anymore, so I crawled on all fours around his bedroom floor, looking for my dress. I finally found it in the corner near my shoes and my panties. I grabbed everything and crawled out of the room as fast as I could. Carpet burn be damned.

  As soon as I’d made it down the hallway, I found the courage to stand up, slip my dress over my head, and put my shoes and my panties on. Shit. I felt a wetness between my thighs. I slapped myself on the forehead and buried my face in my hands. We hadn’t used a condom. Why hadn’t we used a damn condom? So stupid. I wasn’t on birth control because I didn’t have sex. I didn’t get drunk at bars and go home with men. Well, I hadn’t before, but I guess I did now. I blew out a deep sigh. I guess I had to add this to the list of things I didn’t want to talk to Adrian about but would need to anyway.

  Where the hell was my purse? I needed it because it had my phone and I needed a ride out of there. I walked toward the front door and saw it lying on the floor right next to the wall Adrian had pushed me against. Guess I’d dropped it while he had been spanking my ass. I had to suppress the urge to giggle again. Yep, I was completely insane at the moment, so I was probably definitely still a little drunk.

  I typed out a quick text to Miranda.

  Me: SOS. Come to Adrian’s now!

  I changed my phone to silent, still terrified of waking Adrian. I walked out the front door and made my way to the parking lot. I took a seat on the curb and waited.

  Miranda: On my way! I can’t wait to hear all about it. ;)

  I rolled my eyes at that damn winky face.

  As soon as I heard the front door close, I rolled over to Ainsley’s side of the bed and brought her pillow to my nose. Fuck, she smelled good. And last night had been the most amazing night of my life. She’d been so uninhibited, real, and raw. My cock hardened again from just thinking about her up against the wall in my entryway, her magnificent ass on display and so very red from the bite of my hand.

  I smiled. I know. Crazy, right? You would think that I would have been fucking livid. Fuming mad, even. And maybe I should have been. But I wasn’t. I fully anticipated Ainsley’s freak-out this morning. I’d even expected it, so when she’d tried to ease out the side of my bed this morning, I’d just pulled her back to me and mumbled a firm no. When she’d started scooting down the bed, I’d decided that maybe she needed time to process what was happening between us. And a lot was fucking happening, so I hoped like hell that she was paying close attention.

  Ainsley and Adrian were officially a thing again and I didn’t give two shits what she had to say about it. I was done doing the fighting thing. I was done doing the ignoring thing. I was even more done with doing the friendship thing. Basically, I was just done.

  And the final straw had been seeing Anthony Jackson about to put his hands on my girl’s ass. Hell would freeze over before anyone touched what was mine. I couldn’t fight it any longer, and the sooner Ainsley came to terms with last night, the better. Because she was mine. Always had been. Always would be.

  Ainsley James had been mine since I’d seen her standing on the bank of that creek. Her pink dress had been covered in mud, but she’d still been the prettiest thing I’d ever laid my eight-year-old eyes on.

  And I was never going to give her up again. Ever.

  I thought of her friend Kelly’s comment last night. She hadn’t been with anyone in four years. And that knowledge broke something inside me. It was impossible to hold on to years of resentment when it proved what I secretly knew—she was mine just as much as I was hers. Now, I just needed to figure out a way to get her on board.

  She could take a breather for the next couple of days. I’d give her some space to figure her shit out. But this running crap was over. She’d passed out last night with me still on top of her, still in
side her. And I’d rolled over to the side, bringing her with me. I’d wrapped myself around her and made a vow that I’d never have her look at me and ask why I hadn’t come for her again.

  She could run from me, but what she couldn’t do was hide her heart. Whether she liked it or not, I owned it. It was mine.

  I would always come for her because, when you love somebody, that’s what you do. You put up with bad because the good is just so damn great. And I wanted all of that greatness again. And I’d get it even if I had to chase it down over and over again.

  I’d just finished making myself some lunch when I heard my front door open and Miranda say, “I hope you’re decent because I just can’t deal with that shit again today.”

  “Yep. I’m in the kitchen.” I put some chips on the plate next to my sandwich, and Miranda took a seat at the bar across from me. “You hungry?” I asked.

  “God, yes. I’m starving and freaking exhausted,” she said, rolling her head around on her neck.

  I smiled at her dramatics and grabbed the stuff to make another sandwich. “It’s exhausting running around town, picking up damsels in distress at six thirty a.m., huh? Did our girl make it home okay?” I asked.

  Yep, I was fishing for information, and Miranda knew it. Her sneaky smile was a dead giveaway.

  “I dunno. I can’t remember. She might have, or she might be wandering the streets all alone.” She pushed her bottom lip out and blinked a lot at me. “But an exchange of information might jar my memory,” she said with a smile.

  I laughed out loud. Ah. So she had picked up Ains this morning, and it looked like she hadn’t shared. Oh, this was too damn fun.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, babe,” I said through my laugher. I set her sandwich in front of her and poured a Coke before stuffing my face with my own food.

  “Spill it, Adrian. I don’t have all damn day. I have three books to edit and a hot neighbor to stalk. I’m a busy girl,” Miranda grumbled around a mouthful of ham and cheese.

  I pushed her Coke next to her plate and leaned against the counter, finishing my lunch. “Nothing happened, Crazytown. We came back here and went to sleep and she snuck out this morning before I woke up. End of story,” I lied through my teeth.

  “You are so full of shit right now, Adrian. And I don’t like it one damn bit. Tell your bestie all about your hot night of sex so I can live vicariously through you, please and thank you,” Miranda said, picking at her chips.

  “I told you. Stop calling me your bestie. That shit’s for girls.” I hated that bestie shit. She’d been pulling it for years.

  Miranda laughed. “Spill it, now. Ainsley wouldn’t tell me a damn thing,” she said.

  I gave her a serious look. “Fine. I brought her back here. Pushed her up against the wall and spanked her ass in my foyer. Then I walked her back to my bedroom and sucked and fucked her for hours until she virtually passed out with me still inside her. Happy?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

  Her mouth dropped open and a chip fell out onto the counter. “You are lying. You’re a filthy, dirty liar, Adrian.” She narrowed her questioning eyes me. “You are lying? Right?”

  I tried to look serious, but I couldn’t hold my grin back any longer. “Guess you’ll never know, babe.” I shrugged.

  “You and Ainsley both suck. I get nothing,” she said, picking at her sandwich.

  I was cleaning up the mess from lunch when she asked a question I could answer.

  “So, does this whole thing mean that you and Ainsley are back together?” She’d asked this so tentatively that I answered her right away. I wanted her to know I meant business.

  “Yes. She’s probably not on the same page with that yet, but I’ll get her there,” I confirmed, rounding the counter and hoisting myself up to sit on the bar. “I let her run out of here this morning. I’m giving her a moment to get her shit together, but soon, I’ll be coming for her.”

  A loud squeal came from Miranda as she jumped from her stool and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Oh my God. Finally. You finally did. I’m so proud of you.” She paused all of a sudden, taking a step back and looked at me seriously. “Holy shit, you really did spank her, didn’t you?” she asked through laughter.

  I grinned proudly, and she poked me in the stomach.

  “So, what’s your plan now?” she asked sitting back on her stool.

  “Plan?” I asked back. What in the hell was she talking about?

  “Yes. Your plan to get you and Ainsley on the same page again. To win your girl back. How are you going to do it?” she asked, looking at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet.

  “Oh, I don’t need a plan. I’ll talk to her after she’s calmed down a bit. We’ll figure things out,” I said nonchalantly.

  Miranda shook her head. “No. Wrong answer. Now is the moment that you win your girl back with a grand gesture, Adrian. You have to go after her. You need something epic. Something she will never forget. Something that will prove that you’ve always loved her. Know what I mean?”

  “A grand gesture? She left me, Miranda,” I reminded.

  “Yeah, but women are insane. We can’t be held responsible for that. And besides, you want your woman back. You might as well go big.”

  I pondered Miranda’s advice and wondered if maybe, for once in her life, she wasn’t being completely insane. Hmmm. A grand gesture? If she could hold out for me for four years while our hearts healed, there had to be at least one way I could show her without a doubt I’d loved her almost my whole life. I thought on that idea for a few seconds longer before deciding what I had to do. But what I couldn’t do was tell the mouth of the South seated on the stool beside me. She’d be blabbing all over town.

  “Time for you to go home, babe. I got work to do,” I announced, moving her off the stool and herding her toward the front door as politely as I could. I had two days to get this shit done, and it really wasn’t enough time.

  “But what are you going to do? Don’t you need my help? Or advice?” she asked, standing in front of the door.

  “Nope. I got it all under control,” I replied, opening the door and crowding her through it. “Bye,” I said, closing the front door on Miranda’s shocked face before turning the lock.

  As I was walking away, I heard the doorknob jiggle. Muffled through the door, I heard her groan, “Now, he locks the door,” in an exasperated voice.

  I laughed. “It’s for safety reasons!” I yelled loud enough so she could hear me.

  “It damn sure is!” she shouted back before stomping off down the breezeway.

  I practically ran down the hallway to my work studio and opened the closet next to the futon. I pulled a truck load of miscellaneous art supplies out but finally made my way to the back of the space, where I found what I was looking for.

  I stood inside the closet, looking at all the work around me, and dug into my back pocket to pull my cell phone out. I found Greta’s number in my contact list and prayed that, when I made this call, the woman didn’t act a damn fool. I pressed the send button.

  She answered right after the first ring with a, “Hello, Adrian.”

  I ran my hand through my hair, thinking about all the work doing this would entail. It would be hard, and I’d be pushed for time. But it would definitely be a grand gesture. It would be the grandest.

  “Hey, Greta. Listen… There’s been a bit of change of plans with the show. Could you come over right now to discuss it?” I asked. It was a hell of a lot more than a bit, but she didn’t need to know that right now. Besides, this was my debut as an artist and I had the final say.

  “Sure. Let me wrap up what I was doing and I’ll be over in, say, an hour?” she asked professionally.

  Maybe Greta and I could have a professional relationship. She wasn’t losing her shit on me, which I considered to be winning.

  “That sounds perfect. See you then,” I replied before hanging up and glancing around me. I was feeling a little stressed but a hell of
a lot excited.

  Looking at these old sketches and drawings brought the best of my memories back. I studied them all one by one while I pulled them out of the closet. I thought of what color paints I would add to old sketches. I contemplated how to pair some of the art together to make bigger pieces. And, while I did all of this, nostalgia rolled through me in soothing waves. I’d kept these beautiful memories buried too long, and letting them free felt so damn good.

  Ainsley Michelle James had been in my heart for as long as I could remember.

  I was only just realizing she’d been in my soul for just as long.

  Our destinies had been written the moment I’d laid eyes on her, and I wasn’t going to give her up ever again.

  I’m coming for you, Sunshine.

  “Oh, God. I feel like hell warmed over,” Kelly groaned beside me.

  We were both lying in my full-size bed, freshly showered. Miranda had dropped both of us off this morning. She’d stayed for all of two minutes when she realized I wasn’t going to spill the beans about Adrian and me. I knew where she was running off to. She and Adrian were very close now, and all I could do was hope that he wouldn’t tell her about last night.

  Now, it was early evening and we’d slept most of the day away. I needed to get up and make Momma some dinner or at least do something productive. But the truth was I felt like hell warmed over too. I was never drinking again.

  “Me too, girl, but I need to get up. I have things to do,” I told Kelly. “Did you stay at Miranda’s last night?”

  “Not exactly,” she answered, giving me an embarrassed grin.

  Stop the presses. Kelly was not the type of girl to just go home with a man. I knew I looked shocked because I was.