To be Maria

by Deanna Proach

  "Alex and I finished Carly!"

  Maria's brusque comment ends Alex and Marissa's love moment and makes Anya forget about homeopathic medicine. She looks from Maria to Alex, then back to Maria. Suddenly and for no particular reason, she bursts into a fit of laughter.

  "What's so funny? What are you thinking about?" Maria says.

  "I don't know. I really don't know why I'm laughing," she says once she regains control of herself.

  "Well, you'll be happier after you hear about what Maria and I did to that bitch and her dick of a boyfriend."

  Anya stares at them, the grin still plastered on her face. Revenge is sweet. You deserved it, Carly after everything you did to me. I hope you suffer the consequences for the rest of your life and beyond. "Tell me everything."

  ****

  Carly walks down the hallway ahead of Shondra and Kirsten. Her face is hot red and her heart is racing. She hasn't expected Maria to march into the cafeteria with some punk and confront her the way she did. And in front of, like, half the student body. It wasn't humiliating; it was earth shattering. The word is out. People know about what the three of them did to Anya, and she knows that they are not going to keep it a secret either. The word is going to spread like wild fire, not just throughout the school, but throughout the city. The very thought makes her tremble all over.

  Already, several people she passes by flash her looks of condemnation. Some of them whisper to each other, but most of them yell insults at her: Shondra and Kirsten included.

  "Wow, I didn't know they hated Anya that much."

  "Yeah. What were they thinking?"

  "You're one screwed-up bitch, Carly. Hope you and your psycho friends enjoy the rest of your lives in jail."

  "Ha! They'll spend all of eternity in hell. It serves them dang right."

  "Yeah. They sure don't deserve a place in heaven."

  Every comment stings, but that last one is the worst. It feels as if that person has just thrust a sword through her abdomen. It leaves her breathless; Carly is afraid to breathe. She wants to run away and hide where no one can find her. But what good would that do? She would have to face humanity at some point.

  "Hey, Carly," someone yells. It is Andreas, Jose's younger brother. Carly feels a sudden sharp pain in the side of her head. When she looks down and to her left, she spots a half-eaten apple. Tears sting her eyes.

  "Why don't you do everyone a favor and go screw yourself," he shouts at the top of his voice.

  "Hey, Shondra. Kirsten. You should join her because you guys are no better."

  "Yeah, you're all stupid, low lives!"

  "Bitches!"

  “Psychos!”

  "Losers!"

  Carly quickens her pace until she breaks into a run. She doesn't care about Shondra and Kirsten because she’s too wrapped up in her own feelings. When she reaches Mr. Hawthorne's studio, she is surprised to find Jose standing in front of the door.

  "Jose. So glad to see you," she says, trying to fake a smile and a cheerful look.

  The dour look he gives her is not the kind of look she wants to receive, especially after what she's gone through in the last forty-five minutes.

  "Seriously, Carly? How can you act so smug after what you did to Anya?"

  "So, you're taking everyone's side," she yells.

  "Yes."

  "Get out of my way!" She tries to walk past, but he blocks her path.

  Carly glares at him. "I said get out of my way, Jose."

  The expression on his face is as hard as stone. "I used to think Anya was a loser. Until she stood up to you. Now I know who the real loser is." He then walks away.

  "Oh, screw you, Jose. You're a good-for-nothing keyhole," she screams. But he keeps on walking, acting like he hasn't heard a word she said.

  When Carly turns around, she notices that everyone in the studio is staring at her, including Matt and Mr. Hawthorne. And their looks are not welcoming. She gulps. This is getting from bad to worse. Oh, when will it end? She wishes desperately that she could go back one week. No, three weeks. She would have never befriended that Spanish bitch. If I'd had rejected her from the start, none of this would have happened.

  "I've never heard such foul language from a beautiful young lady," Mr. Hawthorne says.

  Carly breathes out a long sigh. He doesn't know. Thank God. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hawthorne. I just had a really bad morning. I won't speak that way again. I promise."

  "I sure hope not. You better--"

  "This is complete bullshit," Patrick shouts.

  Carly whirls around to face him. He is standing and his face is beet red, making him look even more like a freak. Normally she would laugh at him, but this time, she stares at him, her mouth gaping. Her heart slams so hard against her chest, it hurts.

  "What is your problem, Patrick?"

  Oh, come on! You don't know what Carly did to Anya?"

  She can see that her teacher looks befuddled.

  "She pinned Anya to the ground by her hair with weights. She almost killed Anya," Patrick yells.

  Carly cringes at the horrified look that Mr. Hawthorne gives her.

  "Is this true, Carly?"

  She looks from him to her friends, then to Matt. Come on, Matt. Guys. Say something. But they don't. They sit still, avoiding eye contact with her. The only person who meets her eye is Matt, but he gives her a stony look. Come on, Matt. You're my boyfriend for god's sake. Stick up for me.

  "Answer my question, Carly!"

  Mr. Hawthorne's loud voice makes her jump. She turns to face him, but keeps her eyes peeled on the chalk board. "Yes. But I wasn't the only one who did it. Shondra and Kirsten helped me."

  There is a long pause. To Carly, the silence is unbearable. It makes her stomach churn with nausea. Suddenly, she feels a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turns around to find Patrick standing less than two feet away.

  Tears stream down his face. "Why did you do it? How could you hurt Anya and not feel any guilt?"

  "Get out of my classroom, Carly," Mr. Hawthorne says.

  "Fine," she says, keeping her back to him. She walks past Patrick, but she doesn't know that he is following her until they enter the hallway.

  "Why did you do it, Carly? he says, this time in a raised voice.

  She spins on her heels and shoots him a piercing look. "What does it matter to you, Patrick? She dumped you a week ago so she could be friends with me. She doesn't like you."

  His jaw drops. "That's not true."

  "Yes it is. She even told me so. She said that you were only using her to get what you want; Mr. Hawthorne's sponsorship. And she knew it all along. Why do you think she was so unhappy?"

  The wounded look on his face makes her feel somewhat victorious. She is not going to let everyone make her feel tiny and dirty. Certainly not Patrick. "Face it, Patrick. Nobody likes you."

  His face crumples. "You're a horrible person." He then runs past her.

  "Carly," Matt says, appearing in the same spot where Patrick stood.

  She shoots him an icy look. "Why didn't you say anything, Matt? You're my boyfriend."

  "Not anymore."

  "Oh. Not you too," she yells.

  "Anya's a loser and a nobody. Without a doubt. But you went way too far, and you used my weights."

  She glares at him. "You said I could use them."

  "Not for that reason. What the hell were you thinking, Carly?"

  "She…she. Don't you get it? She ruined Jose's party! And then she humiliated me in front of our entire acting class yesterday!"

  He shakes his head vigorously. "No, Carly. You ruined her. You ruined yourself. You ruined us. I can't take this. I'm done." He then turns his back on her.

  "Fine. Be that way! You're not my boyfriend anymore!"

  He turns around to face her once more. "Actually, I'm the one who broke off with you."

  "Then, take this," she yells, flashing him the middle finger. "I'm done with you. I'm done with everyone in this stupid, pathetic school. I'm getting th
e hell outta here and you’ll never see me again!”

  Carly marches over to her locker, opens it, shoves everything into her backpack then storms out of the building, using the back door in order to avoid being seen by people.

  CHAPTER 27

  "How could you do a thing like this?"

  Carly sits on the large, blue sofa in her parents' living room. She stares down at her hands which are folded tightly in her lap. Her father paces the room while her mother stands still, towering over her.

  She thought that she could escape Principle Mansfield. But no. Someone told him about what they had done -- after she left the school -- and then he phoned home to tell her that she had been expelled, as well as Kirsten and Shondra. He also issued a restraining order on them. Should they set foot on school property, he will call the police and have them arrested. But that's not the worst of it. When her mother found out, she was livid. Her father was sad.

  It's now five thirty in the evening, but her parents have not calmed down.

  "Answer me, goddamnit!"

  Carly looks up at her mother. She feels rather frightened by the thunderous look on the woman's face. "I don't know."

  "You don't know? For God's sake, Carly. You almost killed this girl! Murdered her! Do you know what that's going to do to our reputation?"

  "Please, Mom, everyone at school now hates me. And Matt broke off with me."

  "Well, you're not going to be the only person who's hated," Angela says, giving her a chilled look. "Once word of this gets out, people will hate your father and I. Our reputation, everything we worked so hard for, will be destroyed. No one will want anything to do with us. And your father might even lose his job."

  "I don't think that's going to happen, Angie."

  Carly can hear the anxiety in her father's voice. It makes her feel even more frightened.

  "It's all because you couldn't control your feelings!"

  Her voice is so shrill, it stings Carly's ears.

  "You're not going to get Mr. Hawthorne's sponsorship, so you may as well kiss your acting career goodbye."

  Tears spill down Carly's cheeks. Never before has she experienced anything like this.

  Her parents were always proud of her. They supported her in everything she did. They seldom got angry at her because she never gave them a reason to be upset. Whenever she did get into trouble at school, which didn't happen much, she pinned the blame on her friends in such a way where her parents believed her. But this is different. She couldn't lie her way out of this situation.

  Carly doesn't know what’s worse: losing her parents' love and trust, or being the most hated girl in school, in town possibly. The feeling is crushing.

  "I can't stay here," she says.

  "You're right," Greg says.

  Carly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "I can move to Vancouver and start my life over."

  "No. You're going to face the consequences of your actions," he says, giving her a grim look.

  Carly's heart begins to race. "How?"

  "We're sending you to juvenile boot camp."

  Boot camp? Carly shudders. She has heard all about boot camp. People are forced to get out of bed at three in the morning and they have to work all day, but not doing any kind of work: hard, physical labor. And they are yelled at, spat at and put down on a daily basis.

  "I don't want to go to boot camp. It'll be complete hell."

  "Well, you can't stay here. Carly, you're not a child anymore. You're a young adult. Even if you were a child, you would still have to pay the price for what you did.”

  "We don't know where we went wrong. Your mother and I never taught you that cruelty was acceptable."

  Angela sniffs. "Your brother and sister were always good. They never hurt anyone. And we thought you were the same way. Either we were wrong, or you lied to us all along. You're a disgrace."

  "No, she's not a disgrace. She just got caught up with the wrong crowd. Isn’t that right, Carly?"

  "Yes. All of my friends do stuff that gets them in trouble. At school anyway," she says, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.

  Angela grunts.

  "Well, that's going to change. Now. Carly, I want you to know that we're not sending you to boot camp because we want to get rid of you. We're doing this for your own good. We want you to get yourself back on track and we want you to be a good person, well liked for all the right reasons. We believe in you. You can succeed in anything that you put your mind to. You can do great things. But you're putting all of your energy in the wrong place, and your mother and I can't handle it."

  "Well then, maybe I'm better off at boot camp," Carly says, rising out of her seat. As shitty as it'll be, it'll still be better than staying here where everyone hates my guts, she wants to say. But she bites her lower lip.

  ****

  The hospital is close to Max's Music store where Patrick works, so once his shift ends, he walks over there. He is still sad, on the verge of tears. He has felt this way ever since he found out about what Carly, Shondra and Kirsten did to Anya.

  Patrick is relieved to know that Principle Mansfield has decided to expel the three girls, but nothing can ease the amount of guilt he's feeling. He can't stop thinking about Anya and how he hurt her with his anger. He wishes that he could take it all back. If he could turn back the hands of time, he would, and he would have embraced Anya's plea for forgiveness. But he can't and that is what hurts the most. She may have wounded him, but his love for her is stronger than rejection. He misses her smile, her laughter, her long hair, her talent and her companionship.

  Patrick's heart starts to race the moment he steps through the hospital's entrance doors. He can't wait to see Anya, but is afraid that he might burst into tears the moment he sees her, or worse, told to leave.

  "I'm here to see Anya Preschnikov," he says to the nurse's aide at the reception desk. For a moment, he studies her. She is young, not much older than him. Although she's not ugly, she is not pretty either. Her face is a mass of freckles and her hair is flaming red, curly and thick.

  She flashes him a smile, showing off a set of white teeth. "Now, what's your name?"

  "Patrick."

  "Lucky Anya. Are you her boyfriend?"

  I wish. "Uh…I'm a really good friend of hers."

  "She is in room two-twenty-one, on the second floor."

  "Thanks."

  As he enters the hallway, he sees Maria emerge from the elevator. Patrick half expects her to greet him cordially, but she frowns at him.

  "What are you doing here?"

  Patrick purses his lips. "I've come to see Anya."

  "No, you're not."

  He narrows his eyes. "Why not? Give me one good reason not to, Maria."

  She gives him an icy look. "Because she's sleeping, and she never said that she wanted to see you."

  His nostrils flare. "What the heck do you know? You've only known Anya for a week. I've known her for five years!"

  Her look is unflinching. "I've been here a lot and she hasn't talked about you. Never asked for you, never told me to contact you. Not once did your name escape from her lips. She doesn't care about you, so move on, Patrick."

  He glowers at her. "I don't believe you, Maria. I don't believe a single word you say, especially after all the crap you pulled. None of this would have happened if you'd have left her alone. And you know it."

  She thrusts her face close to his, but he does not back away.

  "Listen, Patrick. I confronted Carly in the cafeteria in front of a lot of people, so don't you dare throw dirt in my face when you don't even know the full story!"

  He gasps. "So that's how they found out. In the hallway, a lot of people yelled and whispered insults at Carly. And at Shondra and Kirsten. I asked someone what was going on, and that's how I found out. But that person didn't tell me that you confronted her."

  She backs away slowly. "So, what happened next?"

  "I told Principle Mansfield everything, and he took my word for it. He said
that he was going to expel those girls. And he did."

  The look on her face softens. "Good for you, Patrick. Did you hear him call them to the office?

  "No, I left. I was so upset, I couldn't handle being there anymore."

  Maria cocks one eyebrow. "So, you've also decided to quit school?"

  Patrick's eyebrows snap up. "No. Of course not. I hate it there, but I'm not gonna let them ruin my future. Why do you ask? Did you quite school?"

  "Yes. And, FYI self-righteous one, a high school diploma won't pave the way to success."

  Patrick shoves his face close to hers. "Who do you think you are to call me self-righteous? You'll regret that comment when you're still living from pay check to pay check ten years from now."

  She shoots him a furious look. "And do you really think that you're Mr. Hawthorne's chosen actor? Even if he does give you the sponsorship, that doesn't mean you're going to hit the big time. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who are extremely talented actors. And there are probably even more who are way better looking than you. It's time to face the facts, Patrick. You're a small fish swimming in a pond full of sharks."

  "Forget it," he yells. "I'm not gonna waste my precious time talking to a stupid girl who knows nothing. I'll come back later when you're not around." He spins on his heels, then marches through the foyer. But as soon as he steps outside, his anger vanishes and the sadness returns. It is so strong that it overwhelms him. Tears gush from his eyes, but this time, he doesn't care who sees him. He did not get a chance to see Anya, and it's all because of Maria. To make matters worse, she cut him down a size. No, two sizes. She has left him feeling insignificant, degraded and worthless.

  His vision is so blurry that he can barely see ahead, yet he keeps on walking. I can't understand how Anya can be friends with a person like that. Maria is no better than Carly. How could you, Anya?

  CHAPTER 28

  Anya stands in the front yard of her home. It is a cold and drizzly Thursday afternoon in the middle of March. She had been released from the hospital over two weeks ago, but her neck is still enclosed in the brace. Although, it doesn't hurt quite as much when she moves it.