Holding Out for a Hero

by Codi Gary

  Hannah sighed heavily. “You owe me.”

  “Yes! I’ll make our beauty appointments, and this weekend, we’re shopping! Love you, got to go! Bye!”

  Hannah didn’t even get a chance to say good-bye before Nicki was gone and she was getting off the freeway. For the last few minutes of her drive, she conjured up an epic fantasy to rival Cinderella’s happily ever after. She’d show up at the ball, and Blake would just happen to be one of the military guys. He’d see her from across the room talking to some other guy, and he’d make his way over to ask her to dance.

  As he spun her around the room, he’d hold her tight and tell her he couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss. That he didn’t want to just be friends.

  Then he’d kiss her once more in the middle of the dance floor.

  Hannah parked in the staff lot and walked into the elementary school. Once she was directed from the office to the classroom, she read through the teacher’s lesson plan, which was pretty loose considering it was kindergarten. They’d go over the letter O, practice their addition, and have story time with a book that started with O.

  Hannah pulled out her laptop, checking the time. The class didn’t start for another half hour, so she had some time to work on her manuscript while she waited. Smoothing down her dress as she sat in the chair, she read through the chapter before and started typing.

  When the first student arrived, escorted by her mother, Hannah closed down the laptop and smiled at her. The little girl’s hair was braided with pretty blue and pink beads that clicked when she turned her head away to hide against her mother’s stomach.

  “Hello there. I’m Miss Hannah, and I’ll be substituting for Mrs. Reichling. What’s your name?”

  Hannah squatted in her floral dress so she was eye level with the child, who peeked at her with one eye.

  “I’m Nita. This is my niece, Tasha,” Nita said, her hand brushing lovingly over the top of Tasha’s head. “She’s a little shy when first meeting people.”

  “I can completely understand that. I used to be really shy, still am sometimes, but you know what helps me relax when I’m around new people?”

  Now two brown eyes were staring out at her, curiosity etched in her pretty features.

  Without waiting for Tasha to ask what, Hannah continued, “I make silly faces, and it usually breaks the ice. What do you think?”

  Hannah stuck her fingers in the sides of her mouth and pulled, rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out.

  A tiny giggle shook Nita’s skirt, and Hannah pulled her fingers out of her mouth, smiling.

  “You know what I can’t find? The Play-Doh. If only there was someone who could show me where it was.”

  “What do you think? Do you want to be Miss Hannah’s special helper?” Nita asked.

  Tasha hesitated, still hanging onto her aunt’s skirt. Then, she nodded.

  “Great! Let me put some sanitizer on my hands since they were in my mouth, and you can help me set up the Play-Doh before everyone gets here.”

  Tasha was already making her way over to the cupboard, and Hannah pulled her little container of hand sanitizer out of the pocket of her skirt.

  “Thank you for trying to make her comfortable.” Nita was an athletic woman in a pair of black slacks, a tan shirt, and black cardigan. She was beautiful, like her niece, but Hannah could see the lines of stress around her eyes and mouth.

  “Of course, it’s important for children to feel safe at school.”

  “Yes, it is.” Tasha’s aunt appeared to have tears in her eyes, but in the next second, they were gone. “Anyway, thank you for taking the class. I need to get back to the office, but I’ll be back to get her after school.”

  Hannah watched the two say good-bye and then held a plastic container of cookie cutters and shape makers.

  “Hey, Tasha, what are these things? Do you think we can use them with the Play-Doh?”

  Tasha studied what was in her arms, nodding. As Hannah opened it and held it out to Tasha, asking her what the different shapes were, Nita disappeared.

  Other students arrived as Hannah and Tasha finished setting up, and when Hannah stood up, Tasha latched onto her hand.

  Hannah looked down at the little girl and squeezed her hand. “Do you want to show me where your seat is?”

  The relief on Tasha’s face made Hannah smile and long for a permanent teaching position. Where the students were hers and she was able to help them long term, not just for a day.

  Once Tasha was seated, Hannah pulled a pack of stickers from her skirt pocket and handed Tasha one with Elsa from Frozen.

  “Thank you for all of your help.”

  In a tiny voice, Tasha replied, “You’re welcome.”

  BLAKE SAT IN the lobby of Dr. Stabler’s office, waiting for his mandatory therapy to start. If there had been a way out of it, he would have tried again, but Sparks had been adamant.

  After this appointment, he had a meeting with General Reynolds, and Blake had a feeling that might be more torturous than the therapy. At least in therapy, he could refuse to speak.

  “Sergeant Kline?” A woman in her forties appeared from down the hallway, her black hair laced with silver and her face only slightly lined.

  Blake stood up. “Dr. Stabler?”

  “That’s right. Come on back, and we’ll get started. Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “No thank you, ma’am.”

  Blake followed her into a small room with three comfy-looking chairs, and as she took the one on the other side of the room, Blake went ahead and sat across from her.

  “So, Sergeant Kline, tell me a little about yourself.”

  Blake rubbed his hands over his face, finally settling them on his knees. “I’m sure you read the file, Doctor.”

  “Yes, I’ve read your military file, but I mean who you are personally. For instance, why do you want to continue to work at Alpha Dog? Is it because of the work with search and rescue dogs you were involved in with your father?”

  Blake shook his head. He didn’t want to get into his parents’ death with this woman. “That’s why I got the job, not why I stay.”

  “Then by all means, tell me why you stay.”

  Shifting in the chair, Blake tried to appear casual, but his shoulders hurt where the muscles bunched tensely. He hated therapists, always picking apart everything you said, even if there was no other hidden meaning behind your words. It was a bunch of hokum, and he wasn’t going to play into this woman’s game.

  “Because this program deserves to succeed. It had helped a ton of kids, dogs, even—”

  “But why do you stay? You’ve been with the program for over a year and have just now started training your own dog and having your own squad. That’s a long time to be involved without actually being involved. There are thousands of other jobs you could be doing in the military, so tell me, why is this one important to you?”

  It was almost exactly what Sparks had said. Had he put his concerns in Blake’s file, or had the general given Dr. Stabler a full report on the issues they were having with Blake?

  “With all due respect, I have been looking for a place so I can bring Charge home with me, and I want to be at Alpha Dog because I enjoy it. It’s fulfilling. And to be quite honest, I really don’t need to be here, talking to you.”

  “If that were true, then why would your commanding officer and the Alpha Dog director suggest that you would benefit from three sessions a week?”

  Blake clenched his jaw, pissed at Sparks’s nosy traitorous bullshit.

  “I’m sure you know I lost my wife two years ago, and I guess you could say that I struggled the first year, but I went to group therapy. I discussed and dissected my feelings, and I got better. I don’t know why they’re concerned about me, but I assure you, I am working to alleviate their worries.”

  Dr. Stabler smiled at him, the expression behind it bland; she was obviously humoring him.

  “It’s interesting you would say that, because it al
so says in your file that you’ve been exhibiting signs of depression.”

  “I am not depressed,” Blake ground out.

  “Let me ask you this, Sergeant. What steps have you taken to mourn your wife?”

  Blake couldn’t believe the brass balls on the woman. “I buried her. I organized her funeral, and I stood by her grave as they leveled dirt over the coffin.”

  “And have you been back since?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “Have you thought about going back to Texas and visiting her grave site?”

  “My wife isn’t in that grave. She isn’t anywhere. She’s just gone.”

  “Your theology is your own, but many people in mourning find it healing to visit their loved one’s grave and even talk to them. Tell them about what is going on in their life as if they were there.”

  Blake scoffed. “You mean they go to a cemetery, stand over a grave, and talk to themselves? Sounds crazy to me.”

  She scribbled something down on her little yellow notepad and asked, “What about dating, Sergeant Kline? Have you been out with anyone since your wife passed?”

  “Let’s be clear. My wife didn’t pass. She was brutally terrorized and murdered. She didn’t die quietly in her sleep. She died scared and alone.”

  Dr. Stabler sat back in her chair, as if waiting for him to say more, but he was done.

  “And the distinction is important to you. Do you blame yourself for the way she died?”

  “What kind of stupid question is that?”

  She glanced down at his file. “It says here that she was at the store. Where were you?”

  His chest squeezed tightly as she pressed him. “Does it matter?”

  “I think so. Were you on duty?”

  “Doesn’t my file tell you that?” he sneered.

  “Are you going to avoid my questions or make this easier on yourself? We both have to be here, Sergeant Kline, so we might as well work.” Her calm, no-nonsense tone was grating on his nerves. “Now, were you on duty?”

  “You already know the answer to that.”

  “Were . . . you—”

  He cut her off, shouting out in frustration, “No, for fuck’s sake, I wasn’t on duty. I was watching football with my buddies and asked her to go to the store for more beer and food. I could’ve gotten off my ass and gone, and she’d still be alive. So no, I wasn’t on fucking duty, and yes, I blame myself.”

  She scribbled something down and met his gaze head on. “But then you might be dead, and she’d be a widow now.”

  It would have been better that way.

  Blake didn’t add anything else, knowing he’d already said too much, if the way the doctor went about scribbling was any indication.

  “You were going to tell me if you had been out with anyone since your wife was murdered.”

  “Actually, I wasn’t.”

  Dr. Stabler’s eyebrow rose. “Are you embarrassed by the answer?”

  “No, I’m not embarrassed. I just don’t think it’s any of your business.”

  Dr. Stabler sighed heavily. “Sergeant Kline, let me be blunt. The way that this works is I ask questions, and you answer them. If you don’t cooperate, I’ll have no choice but to inform General Reynolds and Sergeant Sparks. If that occurs, you may be removed from the Alpha Dog Program. So, if there is any reason why you may want to stay, I suggest you stop fighting me and let me help you.”

  Blake was so close to telling her to go to hell and leave, but he took a second to think, his fingers running through his hair and rubbing his scalp painfully. He’d told himself he would try, that he’d commit to Alpha Dog and work to benefit the program. He could take a transfer and walk away, but then he’d have to leave his friends. And as big of a pain in the ass as they were, they were the glue that had kept him from falling apart.

  Plus, if you left the city, you wouldn’t see Hannah again.

  “Sergeant Kline?”

  Blake took a deep, calming breath and answered, “No, I haven’t been out with anyone. My friends have tried to set me up, but I haven’t been interested.”

  “What’s holding you back?” she asked.

  “It’s only been two years. I’m just not ready, I guess.”

  “Have you been attracted to anyone?”

  She must have noticed his hesitation, because she smiled reassuringly. “It’s completely natural to be attracted to other people and feel guilty about it. In fact, it is very common.”

  “If it’s so common, then how do you make it stop?”

  “The guilt?”

  “The attraction,” he corrected.

  “Ahh. Why do you want to make it stop? Is she wrong for you?”

  “Because it’s only been two years. My wife and I were together for eleven and knew each other our whole lives.”

  “What was her name?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “What was your wife’s name? I ask because you haven’t said it once in fifteen minutes. You continue to simply call her ‘my wife.’ Are you afraid to say her name aloud? Is it painful?”

  Blake shook his head, disgusted. “Anyone ever tell you that you have the sensitivity of a gorilla?”

  Instead of being offended, the doctor laughed. “Once or twice. Are you avoiding the question?”

  “Fine, her name was Jenny. Are you satisfied?”

  “Yes, for the moment. Tell me about the other woman. Does she look like Jenny?”

  Sweat broke out on Blake’s forehead; he was uneasy for reasons he couldn’t even put together. “Why do we need to talk about her? It’s a moot point.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I told her I wasn’t interested.”

  “I see. So you lied because you felt guilty that you don’t feel enough time has passed for you to be able to move on. What is a decent length of time?”

  Blake shifted, ready to jump up and leave. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, historically in Western culture, the proper length of time to mourn a spouse was one year, regardless of the time you were together.”

  “It’s not enough time for me.”

  “Shouldn’t the fact that you’re finally feeling attraction for someone else tell you that enough time actually has passed and you are fighting it because you blame yourself for Jenny’s death?”

  “Do you always jump right into the hard shit with your clients?” he asked.

  Dr. Stabler smiled as she wrote something else down on that yellow notepad. “To be honest, I find that working through the hard stuff is easy. It’s taking what you learn from that work and applying it to the rest of your life that is the tough part.”

  Blake didn’t understand that for one second, but he was going to do his best to stick it out. Three hours a week of intense therapy wasn’t going to break him.

  He was determined that nothing would ever break him again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  HANNAH ENDED UP staying the rest of the week at the school, falling in love with the students in Mrs. Reichling’s afternoon kindergarten class, especially Tasha. The parents had been singing her praises; at least, that is what the vice principal, Mr. Jones, had told her on Thursday.

  On Friday, though, he’d called her into his office early before class started, and she was really nervous about it.

  “Miss York, Mrs. Reichling called this morning, and due to some medical issues I cannot disclose, has chosen to retire early. She’d already cut her workload to the single afternoon class, so it is only a part-time position at this time, but as she has chosen not to return for the remaining school year, I was hoping that you would agree to take on her class until the end of the year.”

  Hannah was beyond thrilled. She didn’t care if it was only part-time; it was a real teaching position. It was consistent and exactly what she needed to get her foot in the door.

  “Of course, I would be happy to. I have really enjoyed working with the kids this week. I appreciate the opportunity.”

  “Good, t
hen we’ll get a contract drafted, and when the school year ends, we’ll reevaluate and see if maybe we might have a permanent place for you here.”

  Hannah stood up, wanting to hug the man, but she refrained. “Thank you so much, sir.”

  “You are welcome.”

  Hannah shook his hand and went to her classroom, then grabbed her cell from her purse. When she pulled up her contacts, her thumb slowed as her gaze fell on Blake’s name. She should just delete it and stop torturing herself. Although Blake told her that they were going to be friends, she didn’t actually believe it. Especially since he still hadn’t come back to Dale’s, and it had been four days since she’d last seen him.

  Still, she couldn’t bring herself to do it, so she just kept scrolling past until she found her mom’s number, trying not to dwell on Blake.

  She’d been just about to press the call button when her phone blew up, Nicki’s smiling face popping up on the screen.

  Hannah answered by swiping the green phone icon.

  “Hello, Nic.”

  “I just wanted to remind you that you have a date with me tomorrow for some girly shopping awesomeness!”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “I know, even if I didn’t have you in my calendar, I wouldn’t forget.”

  “Just making sure, because I know how you get. If you can weasel your ass out of this, you will, and I will not allow it!”

  “You know you missed your calling as a dictator, right?”

  “Who says I can’t still rule a country someday with an iron fist?”

  “Speaking of jobs, I just got offered a part-time position at Fairview Elementary teaching the afternoon kindergarten I’ve been doing all week.”

  Nicki whooped so loudly, Hannah had to hold the phone away from her ear. “That is fantastic, babe!”

  “Thanks, I think so.”

  “Well, congratulations! This just means we’ll have more to celebrate when we meet up for shopping tomorrow!”

  Hannah grimaced at the reminder of the ball. “Are you sure . . . ”

  “Oops, got to go, sweets. There is a cute guy next to me at the light. I’m gonna see if he wants my number. Love you!”

  The call ended, and Hannah slipped her phone into her pocket. She’d just gotten a job and was going to spend some quality time with her best friend this weekend. She wasn’t going to dwell on Blake or any other guy.