On Equal Terms

by Catherine O'Connor

  ‘Did you pack any oil?’ he asked as he sank back on to the sand, his dark eyes skimming over her as she continued to stare out to sea. ‘Kate?’

  ‘Yes—yes, of course. It’s in here somewhere,’ she murmured, and dived into the depths of her bag, searching for the elusive sun oil. ‘Here,’ she said, offering the bottle to Sebastian but keeping her eyes firmly on the ground.

  ‘No, you do it,’ he drawled lazily, lying on his stomach and propping his head up on his elbows.

  Kate froze. Her hands were hot and clammy with the beads of sweat that had broken out across her palms. She looked at the expanse of his back, his shoulders firm and glistening in the sunshine, broad and rigid.

  ‘Come on, Kate, I can already feel the heat,’ he complained, his eyes closed and unable to read her hesitation. She opened the top of the oil and trickled it down the ridge in his spine, watching the golden liquid descend till it dampened the top of his trunks.

  ‘Mmm, this is the life,’ said Sebastian, shifting in the sand. His movements shocked Kate into action. Bracing herself, she placed her palms on his shoulders and began a slow and methodical massage. She could feel the tension in his body begin to ebb slowly away and it gave her an impetus. She sank her fingers deeper into his warm flesh and enjoyed the soft groan that escaped from his lips. Her fingers grew stronger and she began to enjoy the feel of his skin next to hers. She stroked the oil across his back till it gleamed. Then Kate hesitated. She moved her hand down lower till she was close to the edge of his trunks. She paused as she felt the tension return swiftly to Sebastian’s body; there was a sudden tightness she had not expected.

  ‘There,’ she said, glad it was over but not questioning herself too much on why that should be. Sebastian had opened his eyes; they looked sleepy but knowing. He looked at her for a long, uncomfortable moment before speaking.

  ‘Haven’t you a swimsuit with you?’ The corners of his mouth curled into a delicious, sensuous smile that was warm with a dangerous invitation. Kate nodded as her skin-tone pinkened.

  ‘Underneath my shorts and T-shirt.’

  ‘Well, go on, then,’ he said, closing his eyes again, totally relaxed as the hot sun washed over his body.

  ‘I’ll set the picnic up first,’ Kate answered quickly, not sure that she would feel comfortable sitting with Sebastian in her new, very trim swimsuit. ‘I wonder what we’ve got?’ she thought aloud, pangs of hunger beginning to gnaw at her. Jasmine had packed a substantial meal: spicy hot chicken drumsticks and delicately spiced rice studded with fat raisins and topped off with slivers of coconut Here was a salad of tropical fruits: fresh mango with juicy pineapple and purple passion seeds. Several bottles of the local Tusker beer jostled against a home-made crusty loaf that had been wrapped up in a soft, freshly laundered white linen tablecloth. Kate’s appetite was aroused by the cocktail of aromas; she suddenly felt very hungry indeed. She sank her teeth deeply into a piece of chicken and her eyes filled immediately with tears. She gasped, eating as quickly as she could to rid her mouth of the burning chilli sensation. She waved her hand in front of her face, blowing frantically as her cheeks burned. Sebastian looked up then sat up immediately, pulling a bottle of beer from the box and flipping off the top. He placed the cold rim of the beer bottle on Kate’s soft lips, encouraging her to drink. She swallowed gratefully, almost choking as the cold fizzy liquid filled her mouth. She swallowed the icy fluid and gasped as her throat cooled.

  ‘That was hot!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Serves you right for being so greedy,’ laughed Sebastian, taking a generous mouthful of beer and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before offering the bottle back to Kate.

  ‘I’d forgotten just how hot Jasmine’s spicy chicken could be,’ Kate confessed, taking a drink and passing the bottle back. ‘Do you want some?’ she asked, offering Sebastian the chicken. He eyed the box dubiously. ‘Go on, it’s delicious—hot but delicious.’

  ‘All right,’ he agreed, taking a piece while Kate pulled a hunk of bread from the loaf. For a time they both sat contentedly, eating the picnic in comfortable silence. The sun was high in the clear sky, the beach deserted; it was like paradise and the sun’s rays were heating Kate more and more but she still refused to take off her shorts. She felt vulnerable enough in such close proximity to him without adding to the tension that teased at her every muscle. Sebastian ate heartily; the swim had obviously given him an appetite.

  ‘You’ve a crumb there,’ he said, pointing to the corner of her mouth. Kate stuck her tongue to it, flicking tentatively to remove the offending crumb of bread, but it refused to budge.

  ‘Here, let me,’ he said, his voice as warm as the sun that was heating her body. He lifted his hand, reaching out to touch her, stroking her chin with a gentle swoop of his well-manicured finger. She felt the rough pull of the bread as it fell away but Sebastian’s fingers remained motionless and slowly he began to outline her lips with a fingertip. She moved back, tormented by his touch, the burning intensity of his gaze heating the blood within her. He studied her, her face tilted upwards and an angry confusion flickering in her troubled eyes.

  ‘Katy.’

  She turned away. What had happened to her armour? Her protective shield was her control over her so powerful emotions. She stared out to sea, envious of its tranquillity, when she was lost in a storm of emotions.

  ‘Katy,’ Sebastian repeated, the use of her childhood name acting like an incantation to evoke the past. Memories flooded into her mind. She had not realised how much she had missed this gentle familiarity, how much she had missed being called Katy. She remained still, apprehension and anticipation jostling for supremacy.

  ‘I think it’s time to go back,’ she said tonelessly as she gathered the tablecloth corners and deposited everything into the picnic bag. Sebastian watched her actions in silence for a moment, then scrambled to his feet, dragging on his clothes. His actions were hurried and betrayed his deep-rooted anger. They began to walk back to the boat, a wall of resentment building between them that neither wanted to scale.

  * * *

  Kate pushed away the fine mosquito net that draped her bed and moved towards the window. The night was still, disturbed only by the call of some far-away nocturnal bird. She opened the window a little wider, allowing a cool draught of air into her room. She couldn’t sleep, tired though she was from the exertions of the day. Her mind was still too active. She replayed each moment with the same crystal-clear clarity. She could see his expression, the movements of his body, feel the warmness of his touch as his hand stroked the corner of her mouth.

  She sighed, then took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh, sweet air delicately fragranced by the abundance of flowers that filled the garden. She looked up into the heavens and saw the sky sprinkled with millions of starlights. She mentally called on the gods to help her. She couldn’t go on like this, being so close to him and knowing that he cared so little. And yet had she not seen that he did? Not felt?

  She shook her head; brother and sister, old friends, that was how he saw them. It was her own foolishness that made her think otherwise. She interpreted his reactions as expressions of love but they weren’t and it hurt—the situation was impossible.

  ‘Damn him,’ she cursed to the solitary moon before climbing back into bed and staring at the ceiling, unable to settle. Finally she fell into a fitful sleep but she awoke determined to resolve the situation. She wasn’t prepared to take any chances. Yesterday’s incident with Sebastian had only confirmed her worst fears. Still, despite her logical mind telling her that she was foolish, she wanted him. She knew she only had one alternative—to keep well out of his way.

  That morning she was determined to go to town, anything to avoid Sebastian.

  ‘On your own?’ echoed Clare when Kate announced that she was going. ‘Are you sure you’ll be all right?’ she asked, pouring Kate’s coffee with a doubtful look on her face.

  ‘Yes, of course, I’ll be fine,’ laughed Kate, avoiding
the look that Sebastian was giving her, his disapproval apparent without his even uttering a word. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she helped herself to some freshly baked bread, still warm from the oven. ‘It’s market day, I thought it would be fun,’ she said, helping herself to the thick juicy marmalade that glowed invitingly in a cut-glass dish.

  ‘It will be hot and overcrowded,’ Sebastian stated.

  ‘I thought I’d go and see if I could pick up any bargains,’ Kate continued, effectively cutting out Sebastian by directing her conversation solely at her parents, though she knew he was listening to every word. ‘I glimpsed some marvellous carvings on the way here. I just have to take one back. One of those warriors would look fantastic in my flat,’ she explained, disregarding the snort of amusement from Sebastian.

  ‘Well, just remember your luggage allowance.’ Her father grinned affectionately, already withdrawing his wallet from the inside pocket of his jacket

  ‘No!’ protested Kate, recognising the familiar pattern and no longer needing money as a sign of love. ‘Honestly, I’ve plenty of my own money; besides, I shan’t be buying anything that expensive.’

  For a moment her father looked disappointed, but then he pushed his wallet back into his jacket and raised his eyebrows to Sebastian, who had watched the exchange with interest.

  ‘These independent women!’ Howard scoffed in mock-horror. ‘Well, at least let Sebastian take you up to town—he has some business there and he can pick you up later.’

  Kate’s eyes darted in alarm to Sebastian; that was the last thing she wanted. She was trying to avoid him, not spend time with him. ‘I’m not going just yet,’ she lied, stalling for time and knowing that Sebastian would want to leave directly after breakfast

  ‘I’ll wait,’ he said grimly, his eyes flashing a warning to Kate that actually he would not want to be kept waiting too long. Kate swallowed at the dry lump forming in her throat and took a large mouthful of coffee to help ease the tightness. She knew she had no alternative but to agree to the arrangements. She finished her breakfast and picked up her bag, eager to be off to spend a day on her own.

  ‘I’m ready,’ she told Sebastian as she slipped her arms into a lightweight long cardigan that she could easily slip off and into her bag later when the sun grew too hot.

  The drive into the town passed quickly, much to Kate’s relief, and the bustling crowds made a colourful picture that she longed to be part of.

  ‘I’ll pick you up at twelve-thirty outside that bar. Be there!’ Sebastian warned, thrusting the car into gear and roaring off, leaving Kate choking on the warm red dust that his car wheels had disturbed.

  She began to investigate various stalls. Each one specialised in a particular trade. Some displayed small leather items: gloves, belts, purses. Others had larger leather garments: waistcoats with ornate tooling scrolled into the sides, or large leather holdalls. Wood carvings ranged from miniature pieces to huge designs, standing at least three feet tall, but it was the silks that really caught Kate’s attention. The vast array of designs and colours was amazing, as if someone had captured a rainbow. A woman greeted Kate with a huge welcoming smile, unravelling her fabrics with a flourish and offering to make Kate any item of clothing she cared to name. It was impossible to resist; within moments, Kate was being measured up. She ordered a beautiful teal-blue stone-washed silk, with a very fine silver thread running throughout it, for a fraction of what it would have cost back in England. She also ordered a pair of loose trousers, and a camisole top with a matching long blouse. It was a perfect three-piece for the evening. She then wandered happily from stall to stall, buying an intricate carved figure, a colourful woven shoulder-bag, and before long she was weighed down with the amount she had bought. The sun was growing hotter and her arms ached with the strain of carrying so much. She knew her cheeks were pink and she pushed her fringe back off her damp forehead as she tried to push her way through the heaving crowds which now seemed to press down upon her, making moving difficult. Her feet ached, her head was beginning to throb and her English manners were getting her nowhere: nobody seemed to be able to hear her polite requests over the hustle and bustle.

  ‘Excuse me, excuse me,’ she said breathlessly, cursing herself for buying so much as her bags thumped against her sore legs. One of the bag straps suddenly gave way and Kate was near to tears as the contents emptied themselves on to the ground.

  ‘A damsel in distress,’ a heavy-accented voice crooned at her as a tall man dropped to his haunches and began to retrieve her packages.

  ‘A knight in shining armour, I hope,’ replied a grinning Kate, glad of some help, and immediately responding to the kind stranger who had come to her rescue.

  ‘Here. Allow me,’ he drawled, relieving Kate of her bags and collecting her parcels together. ‘Would you like a drink?’ he asked, inclining his head to indicate one of the roadside bars. ‘You look like you need one.’

  ‘Love one,’ agreed Kate. It was just what she needed. She sank exhausted into a rickety wicker chair, under the cooling whirl of an electric fan.

  ‘Mmm, what’s this?’ she asked as she tasted the deliciously sweet drink, her tongue quite unconsciously flicking over her softly parted lips.

  ‘Mango and lemonade—it’s delicious, yes?’

  ‘Yes, wonderful,’ agreed Kate, looking up and realising for the first time just how handsome her companion was. He had steel-grey eyes, sharp and intelligent, straw-coloured hair, cut in a precise shape, and a face that looked as if it had been carved from an excellent piece of perfect marble. Yet his features were softened by his full, sensuous mouth.

  ‘My name is Allan—Allan Doran,’ he said, extending his hand, unembarrassed by the scrutiny that Kate was subjecting him to. It was obvious that he was a man used to admiring looks from women.

  ‘Kate—Kate Peterson,’ she replied, enjoying the warm strength of his hand as it enveloped hers. His thumb rubbed over her wrist, sending a tingle of anticipation the length of her arm.

  ‘You are here on holiday?’ he asked, looking at the assortment of parcels around Kate’s feet.

  ‘Yes, sort of…’ Kate hesitated. ‘A family reunion really. And you?’ she asked, not wanting to dwell on her personal problems—and Allan was an excellent distraction.

  ‘Business, unfortunately,’ he said, drawing his mouth down in a sulky look that made Kate giggle. Sebastian always wore clothes to suit the climate and this man looked strangely out of place, still wearing a smart western suit in the heat. Kate couldn’t help but compare his dress with Sebastian’s more casual look.

  ‘Business?’ she asked, tipping the rest of her drink into her mouth. He looked far too slick to be engaged in business in Africa.

  ‘Another?’ he said, already turning his head to attract the young boy’s attention with an assuredness that was rather attractive.

  ‘Please.’

  ‘Would you like a bit to eat to go with it?’

  Kate remained silent for a moment, but the warmth of the sun, the easy conversation and her desire to forget Sebastian outweighed any doubts. Still, she couldn’t help but wish she were sitting with Sebastian. She tended to compare all men to him, and not one of them came even close to the mark—not even Allan.

  ‘It is lunchtime.’ He glanced at the wafer-thin expensive gold watch that gleamed against his bronze skin. ‘And I do hate to eat alone,’ he added persuasively.

  ‘It will be my pleasure,’ said Kate with a smile.

  ‘And mine,’ he said smoothly, his voice smoky and his eyes dancing with delight. ‘Let’s go to the beach. I know a wonderful place.’ He was already on his feet and collecting up Kate’s parcels.

  The restaurant on the beach was wonderful. It was situated in a low building of pure white, and had a large veranda reaching out on to the silvery beach. The aromas from a long black range barbecue, set up on the sand, filled the air.

  ‘Please sit down.’ Allan drew out a chair with a flourish and Kate sat down, enjoyin
g the expensive surroundings. The wooden veranda afforded them a wonderful view of the beach and also protection from the heat of the midday sun. The colour scheme of apple-green and soft candy-pink gave an air of sophistication to the white cane furniture. The glassware was fine and delicate, decorated with a thin gold rim, and an artistic display of native flowers adorned the table.

  ‘It’s lovely here,’ Kate gasped, unable to suppress her pleasure. ‘The menu is wonderful too,’ she said, carefully focusing on the lists to avoid the interest which she saw flickering in the depths of Allan’s eyes. It pleased and alarmed her. He was charming, but a little too charming. He was not like Sebastian—he had an easygoing charm. Allan’s was a little too polished and she felt he used it deliberately to attract women rather than it being a natural asset.

  ‘How about something off the barbecue?’ he asked, pointing to a young local man who was holding up a huge freshly caught fish that was speared and waiting to be cooked.

  ‘Amazing,’ Kate said as she saw the size of the fish and admired the rainbow of colours that gleamed on its wet skin.

  ‘Let’s have lobster. Yes?’

  ‘Sounds great.’

  ‘Do you want wine?’ Allan asked, pulling his chair a little closer and leaning forward. Kate felt threatened by his actions but put her worry down to a culture difference. Though she couldn’t place where he was from, he definitely wasn’t English. She shook her head, her fringe swishing to and fro, drawing attention to her eyes.

  ‘No, it’s a little early for me.’

  ‘Good. I have a meeting later and I like to keep a clear head.’

  For some reason, Kate didn’t know why, she felt a sense of relief when he told her he would not be drinking. When she thought about it, there was something about him she didn’t trust. The food arrived at once and Kate wasted no time breaking open the shining orange shell of the lobster and squeezing sharp lemon juice over the pure white flesh.