On Equal Terms

by Catherine O'Connor

  ‘Well, I was determined to be noticed,’ she defended herself, and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

  ‘You certainly were,’ Sebastian agreed, laughter bubbling up inside him, and the sound was totally infectious, so that Kate laughed too. ‘Yet we expected you to come back despite the row,’ he finished.

  Kate grimaced as he spoke, furiously trying to think of a reply which would avoid telling Sebastian why she had not come home. ‘I was homesick,’ she finally admitted cautiously, ‘especially for you.’ I missed you more than anyone, she thought to herself as she looked at him.

  ‘So, why didn’t you come home?’ he challenged. Kate froze; she heard his tone, the demand for a reply that she felt unable, unwilling, to give. She let the silence run on as she struggled to choose the right words.

  ‘I couldn’t,’ she said simply, her eyes dropping to her hands, which lay limply on her lap, her fingers twisting in agitation. ‘I wasn’t ready,’ she added quietly.

  ‘You still felt unwanted, rejected?’

  He moved as he spoke, his actions and words flowing into one natural movement. He drew her towards him, allowing her head to sink on to his chest. Kate nodded, her head still bent, her eyes aching with the exertion of staring for so long and hard at her hands, unable to face him.

  ‘Poor Katy,’ he whispered as his fingers stroked her long hair, soothing and reassuring. ‘I didn’t realise. Perhaps I’ve misjudged you.’

  Kate lifted her face to his. There was something in his expression that stirred old memories. Their closeness had rekindled the dangerous flame that flickered between them and Kate, frightened that she might be overwhelmed, swiftly sat up. She turned her head to look at the dusty red landscape, throwing Sebastian a glance that she hoped appeared casual, despite the vortex of emotions that now raged within her.

  ‘Be careful, Sebastian.’ She grinned playfully, the smile never reaching her troubled eyes. ‘That sounds almost like an apology to me.’

  She waited for him to speak but the clear voice of the guide cut in, his excited tone alerting everyone, and Kate was grateful for the distraction. She stared out across the landscape and narrowed her eyes, scanning the horizon, desperate to see the wildlife. It was difficult, because the animals blended into their habitat, but beyond the thorn bushes, amid the gauzy acacia trees that shimmered in the deep heat, Kate caught her first sight of the tall, long-legged giraffes. They seemed to drift in and out of the trees, their necks stretching to nibble at the very tops of the trees where the freshest, greenest leaves were. She gave a cry of delight as Sebastian trained his binoculars in order to achieve a clearer view. It was a breathtaking experience and they were warned to watch out for many more sightings.

  White-bleached bones and barren carcasses were an indication that they were entering an area that was teeming with animals. The Jeep bounced over the bumps and ruts of uneven, dusty tracks. Kate continued to scan the landscape like a hawk as she tried to distinguish, in the hazy distance, animals from bushes and birds from branches. The sharp-eyed guides had no problem as they drove through the acres of the national park, instructing their audience where to look.

  ‘No wonder most of the animals go under cover till dusk. This heat is exhausting me,’ complained Kate, pulling a floppy hat from her bag and pushing it over her eyes to shelter her head from the relentless, hot sun rays.

  ‘The heat and the fact that we set off at five-thirty. I didn’t even know a time like that existed,’ agreed Sebastian, his eyes now shielded by a pair of dark glasses.

  ‘I feel sleepy,’ murmured Kate, surprised at how close Sebastian was and forcing herself not to be affected by the nearness of him.

  ‘Have a sleep, then, or you won’t enjoy tonight,’ he said softly. She could feel the warmth of him all the way down to her toes.

  ‘Tonight?’

  ‘Yes. Remember we have a grandstand view of the waterholes.’

  Kate’s mouth widened into a huge yawn and she nodded in agreement. ‘You’re right,’ she said, settling down and resting her head on her elbow. The Jeep jolted over yet another rut in the uneven ground and her arm fell uncomfortably as she tried to settle.

  ‘Come here,’ Sebastian said tenderly, drawing her towards him again and resting her head on his chest She couldn’t look at him. ‘Is that better?’ he asked as she relaxed against him, responding immediately to his dangerous closeness.

  Lifting her confused gaze to meet his, despite her resolve not to, she mumbled, ‘Yes, fine thanks.’

  His lips grazed across the top of her forehead.

  ‘Then sleep.’

  It was the gentlest command she had ever heard and obediently Kate allowed her head to fall heavily on his chest, enjoying the sound of his heart thumping against her ear. A thrill of forbidden desire stirred in the pit of her stomach, warning her that her safetyarmour was not impenetrable. She closed her heavy-lidded eyes. She was much too tired to think about that now.

  She fell asleep.

  Nothing could have prepared her for the magnificent view that Sebastian awoke her to: the sun was already setting, turning the sky a vivid orange, bright and burning, that was a perfect backdrop for the bare ebony branches of the trees silhouetted against the flaming sky. The Shimba Hills rose like a row of uneven pyramids in the distance, shimmering behind a veil of heated mist that rose from the scorching earth.

  ‘Come on, sleepyhead,’ Sebastian said, offering Kate his hand as she climbed from the Jeep, her eyes still absorbing every inch of the vivid landscape, memorising every unique detail.

  ‘Thanks for your shoulder,’ she said, effectively covering her embarrassment as his hands wrapped around her waist and lifted her to the ground. ‘I feel great now,’ she reassured him, breaking loose from his grip then immediately sensing the loneliness she felt when his hands left her sides.

  ‘You can have my shoulder any time.’ Sebastian’s tone was oddly wistful and strangely at odds with his usually efficient manner. ‘See you at dinner in ten minutes.’

  She knew she had to have a very quick shower and change, and her room turned out to be even more unusual and spectacular than she had expected. Better quarters were situated above ground in the tall, strong branches of an ebony tree. A veranda gave access to a splendid, never-ending view. Unfortunately, however, Kate had no time to waste on enjoying it. She knew Sebastian would not want to be kept waiting so she dived under the shower, amazed by the force of hot water that stung her tender flesh. Her hair was washed but she didn’t have time to wait for it to dry. Instead she curled it carefully into a loose bun and secured it at the nape of her neck with an intricately carved wooden clasp. She slipped into a free-flowing coral silk skirt and topped it with a matching camisole with shoelace straps. Her face was beginning to tingle with the heat of the day’s sun, which had taken its toll, so she did not bother applying make-up—just a thin layer of moisturiser.

  She made her way carefully down the steps from her tree-house and over to the hotel restaurant. The rooms were all linked by a wooden bridge at a lower level that stretched from tree to tree. The restaurant was an impressive sight, the tables all strategically placed to allow everyone a full clear view of the waterhole. Kate paused, her eyes skimming over the other guests till they fell on Sebastian. Her heartbeat quickened at the sight of him: he too had changed from his casual attire of linen shorts and shirt into a very formal dark suit The whiteness of his shirt seemed brilliant against the dark cloth of his jacket and the subtle lighting of the restaurant. Kate watched him in the shadowy light, the glow of the candle softening the hard angles of his face yet not robbing it of the strong masculinity that was an integral part of his nature. He leaned back in his chair, his long legs outstretched and crossed casually at the ankle. He was gazing out into the night but his mind was clearly not on the view below. He was lost in private thoughts that Kate longed to share.

  She took a deep breath, hoping to arm herself against him, as she marched across the room, a ready smile al
ready forming on her soft mouth. His attention was caught before she reached him. There were few men who had not noticed her entrance—not that Kate was aware of them—she only ever had eyes for Sebastian.

  ‘I bought you a beer,’ he said as he drew out her chair, pausing slightly as he drank in the sight of her. ‘You’re looking good,’ he added, the sincerity in his voice making her glow with pleasure. ‘I thought you’d be thirsty.’

  ‘Thank you, I am,’ she said breathlessly, a little disturbed by the flicker of male interest that passed through his eyes. She slid into her chair, grateful that she could cover her own feelings by taking a drink. She poured her beer with a remarkably steady hand till a white frothy head edged the top of her glass, then raised the glass to her lips, aware that Sebastian’s gaze was still on her with an interest she found unnerving. She drank thirstily, finishing the tall glass without stopping. She grinned as she placed it back down on the table and caught Sebastian’s stunned look.

  ‘I needed that,’ she gasped. ‘I finished my bottle of water by mid-morning,’ she offered by way of explanation.

  ‘Come on, it’s a buffet and I’m starved.’ Sebastian rose with languid grace, his movements slow and deliberate, and he offered his outstretched hand to Kate. She hesitated. It was wrong, no man should be that damned attractive, she thought to herself, knowing that her lack of immunity to him was shared by most women. She tried to assume the relaxed air that came so naturally to him and stood to join him.

  The buffet table cut the length of the restaurant, effectively making a barrier between the bar and the diners. The food was as colourful as an Impressionist’s landscape, a vast array of bright, vivid colours splashed across a white linen tablecloth. It was hard to choose as each dish was a temptation: the spicy scents teased Kate’s appetite still further and she went back to their table with an assortment of dishes.

  ‘Here, try this,’ Sebastian said with a wicked grin, leaning over the table and offering Kate a very orange tiger-bay prawn. She looked at it dubiously, casting a wary glance at Sebastian’s face. His grin widened, and Kate’s insides curled with delight as she opened her mouth like an innocent baby bird. She allowed her lips to close a little too soon and they touched Sebastian’s fingers. She paused, her lips parting slightly to allow his escape, but her eyes were fixed on his, trapped in the smouldering depths of his dark gaze. She felt her pulse leap at the sudden atmosphere that seemed to have surrounded them. There was a disturbing quiet that was pregnant with a hidden undercurrent of sexual awareness. It was a dangerous game, but one that Kate longed to play.

  ‘That’s hot!’ she complained, her throat burning with the spicy heat of the food, and she picked up Sebastian’s glass, downing his beer to drown the burning sensation that permeated her mouth and stung her tender lips.

  ‘Even hotter than Jasmine’s chicken?’ he asked, with a teasing grin, as he nodded to the waiter to bring a fresh supply of drinks.

  ‘Even hotter,’ admitted Kate, her eyes sparkling with delight as she cast her glance over her plate, looking for an equally tasty morsel.

  ‘Have you any of this?’ she teased, waving a twisted piece of chicken under Sebastian’s nose in an attempt to entice him. She drew back as his mouth tried to snap the meat from her fingers, leaving him biting into air. He frowned and, with the sudden unexpected strike of a prowling animal, gripped her wrist, pulling her back over the table. She gave him a quick smile in defence but he paid no heed, despite her protests. His white teeth sank into the dark meat and he pulled his head back aggressively with a low growl.

  ‘Mmm, delicious,’ he crooned softly, his voice deepening with emotion and his grip relaxing to a slow caress over Kate’s throbbing pulse. She froze; she couldn’t play these games, flirting when she cared so much for him; it hurt far too much. She pulled her hand free, confused by his behaviour.

  ‘Look at the waterhole,’ she cried, glad of the distraction, and turned her chair round as a barrier against him as she forced herself to concentrate on the moving pictures outside.

  ‘Lovely,’ agreed Sebastian as a herd of cumbersome elephants with great grey ears waded in, sinking into the damp mud that surrounded the water, their trunks splashing before releasing a fountain of water into the sky.

  Kate was silent. There was something in his smoky tone that warned her he was not referring to the animals but she did not risk contemplating what he did mean. She had been hurt before and was not prepared to leave herself open to that unnecessary pain again. She took another large mouthful of beer. It felt good—a gentle analgesic against what she felt. They talked, passing remarks about the wildlife, safe comments that Kate felt she could cope with. After a while it became dark but she continued to stare out into the safe dusk.

  Suddenly, her reverie was interrupted by the steady beat of a drum. She jumped in surprise as a host of lights moved about in the darkness till the area below the restaurant was filled with a whole tribe of Masai warriors, their ochre wigs adding to their apparent ferocity. They stamped their feet as they drew closer, brandishing spears with a realism that startled Kate.

  ‘It’s all part of the holiday entertainment,’ Sebastian reassured her, pulling her chair closer to his. She nodded, keeping her eyes fixed on the noisy display below. She took another mouthful of beer. It had been a long day and though the night air was chilly her skin still burned with the memory of the midday sun.

  ‘What now?’ she asked as the last warriors disappeared into the blackness of the night. She was growing more excited with every passing minute— this was the first time she had been in Sebastian’s company and treated as an equal. She had begun to feel better and no longer threatened by the closeness of Sebastian, but delighting in his company. She was so thrilled—she wanted to enjoy each moment to the full.

  ‘Dancing.’

  ‘I love dancing,’ she giggled, getting to her feet and pulling at the lapels on Sebastian’s jacket. ‘Come on, let’s do it.’

  Sebastian remained immobile, a troubled look on his face. He obviously did not want to dance with her. Despite how hard she had tried to make herself attractive, he never saw her that way. Kate suffocated her disappointment but nothing was going to dampen her spirits tonight She did not wait for him to partner her, the music was far too infectious, the rhythm seemed to vibrate through her and she felt her feet joining the energetic beat with enthusiasm. She danced, twirling round and round, enjoying the incessant drum-beat that echoed through her head, shutting out her feelings for Sebastian as she became lost in the sway of bodies. Her laughter grew louder as she danced and she was unaware of the glitter of annoyance that gleamed in the depths of Sebastian’s dark eyes. Every time he heard Kate laugh he flinched, as if struck by an unseen assailant. Finally he jumped to his feet. Kate was still dancing, her body swaying now in a slow, sensual movement that seemed to fuel Sebastian’s temper. He marched across the floor, pressing firmly on the backs of the dancers who did not see his approach, though most did and moved swiftly.

  ‘Come on, Kate,’ he said, his voice as sharp and cutting as a newly sharpened knife.

  But the music, combined with effects of the sun and the alcohol, was acting as a real confidence-booster to Kate and she objected to her fun being interrupted.

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she laughed. She shrugged off his grip and turned her body back towards the other dancers.

  ‘Come and sit down.’ Sebastian spoke through clenched teeth, his words coming out in a warning hiss that Kate paid no heed to.

  ‘I don’t want to sit down.’ She swayed again to the music as she spoke, her hips moving sensuously. ‘I’m enjoying myself, having a bit of fun.’ She giggled and threw her arms around the man dancing next to her. Sebastian’s body stiffened with anger, his face draining of all colour, his eyes freezing and hard.

  ‘Kate!’ he snapped, the quietness in his voice more effective than if he’d shouted. She paused and he caught her by the shoulders, twisting her round. ‘Sit down now,’ he commanded, a
deep growl adding menace to his voice as he began to escort her firmly from the floor.

  He pushed her into her chair. Kate picked up her glass of beer from the table—all the dancing had made her thirsty again—and began to drink, but Sebastian intervened. He took a firm grip on the glass, pulling it away from Kate with a flash of anger.

  ‘I think you’ve had enough,’ he told her, taking in the high flush on her cheeks with cold regard.

  ‘I’m thirsty,’ she protested, hating his high-handed attitude. Surely he couldn’t imagine she was drunk on a couple of bottles of beer? But then, that was all he ever saw her as—a child—not the woman she had become. He had watched her grow, yet still, deep down, refused to acknowledge it.

  ‘Then drink water,’ he ordered, pulling her to her feet. She fell against him, her soft breasts hitting against the hard firmness of his muscular chest. The effect was both electric and sobering. She felt the heated flow of blood rush through her trembling body as she struggled to move away from the magnetic pull that seemed to draw them closer together.

  ‘I think we’d better go up,’ Sebastian told her. He drew her closer, his warm breath touching her skin and his familiar aftershave stirring hidden memories. She tensed for an instant, then smiled playfully and nodded in silent agreement.

  ‘Where’s your key, Kate?’ he asked, with a flicker of exasperation, as she fumbled in her bag, still unsteady on her feet.

  ‘Here.’ She giggled as she waved the key in front of his eyes, enjoying the discomfort she was causing him, feeling sure it was because she was behaving exactly as he saw her: a silly child.

  Sebastian snatched at the key, his patience finally coming to an end. He drew Kate close to him, his arm wrapping around her waist so that she was unable to escape.

  ‘Come on,’ he said abruptly, marching her out of the restaurant.

  ‘Oh, aren’t we masterful?’ Kate crooned, twisting her fingers round his tie and pulling at it so that he was forced to lower his head. The brooding black look that welled in his eyes at her action alerted her to the thin control he had on his temper.