In Sickness and in Death

by Alana Ling

  ‘I just…I just wanted to talk to you about the last couple of weeks. I hope you understand that what you did was extremely dangerous.’

  ‘But—’ I started but he didn’t let me get another word in.

  ‘Yes, yes, you did get both murderers captured. But it could have been fatal for you. Or Samantha. You can’t go around playing detective just because you feel like it.’

  ‘I know, but—’

  ‘No, Jo. You’ve got to admit it was dangerous. What about your attack? That could have ended badly if Kit hadn’t been there.’

  ‘Can I speak? Please?’

  He gave me the go-ahead with a simple hand gesture and I thanked him.

  ‘Look, Daniel. I’m not the girl you used to know when we were younger. I’ve changed. Your brother changed me. I had to; otherwise I would have cracked a long time ago. Which in itself was a blessing in disguise. But my point is I can protect myself. I didn’t spend all this time with Preston without building a hard shell, you know. And I thought I could help with your investigation. It didn’t help that everyone was telling me I couldn’t do it because I’m a woman, and the fact that people were pointing their fingers at me as if I was responsible for Poppy’s murder. I lost half my clients. There was more in it for me than you might think.’

  ‘Yes, Jo, but—’

  ‘I’m not finished. The thing is that’s it. I’m done. I achieved what I wanted, I helped out, I proved I can do it, and that’s me done. I rather like my job, you know, so I’m not looking to do two of them any time soon.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What the hell?’ We turned to find Preston standing with his feet apart and his face agape, staring at the both of us.

  ‘Hi, Preston. I hope you’ve come to apologise,’ Daniel said.

  ‘Apologise for what?’ he screeched. ‘For you flirting with my wife—’

  ‘Ex. Ex-wife, damn it!’ I spat and threw him my most evil glare.

  ‘What are you doing? Are you trying to steal Joanna from me?’

  ‘Preston, are you for real? First of all, who are you to tell me who I can and cannot date? Second of all, it is none of your business, and thirdly—’

  ‘I’m not trying to steal anyone from any—’ Daniel said at the same time.

  ‘You can shut your mouth, or I’ll send a thug your way too,’ Preston said to his brother.

  ‘It was you? Are you joking? You sent someone to beat me up? So that you could what? Get my signature for my house?’ I tried to take slow breaths, but my chest was thumping like a drum. Sweat trickled down my back. ‘What did you expect was going to happen? That he would force my hand? I can’t believe you would do that Preston. I literally can’t. You used to be a good man. What happened?’

  ‘Put your hands up, Preston,’ Daniel shouted at him. Preston did not obey. ‘Put your hands up now, or I’ll add resistance to your list of charges.’

  Preston approached Daniel. Kit came out to the street and saw the event unravelling. A punch almost landed on Daniel’s chin, but he deflected it with his forearm.

  ‘Hey!’ Kit shouted and ran to restrain Preston.

  Preston struggled to release himself. When he did, he attempted to throw a punch at Kit, but Kit’s palm collided with Preston’s teeth and he stumbled back.

  Daniel put handcuffs on his brother and took him away without so much as a goodbye. I couldn’t blame the poor man. He did have a mental brother.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Kit asked me, his hand brushing my arm.

  ‘Yeah. I’m good. Turns out he hired a guy to beat me.’

  Kit frowned. ‘Who is he?’

  ‘Oh, my ex.’

  ‘Nice catch,’ he said and raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you sure you’re all right.’ His hand persisted on my shoulder.

  I stared at his beautiful blue eyes and my mouth twitched. ‘Well, now that you mention it, I think I might have a sprain. You might need to carry me home, you know.’

  ‘I’ll massage your sprain too, if you think it would help.’

  ‘That would be most appreciated,’ I said, unable to hide my grin.

  And so he carried me across the street and into my house.

  I crushed the biscuits and mixed them with the butter, then spread the mixture out on the flan tin making sure to pat it down evenly across the surface.

  Then I beat the sour cream with the cream cheese and the sugar and added copious amount of lime juice and zest. That was Amanda done.

  Once the cheesecake was setting in the fridge I made my coulis. I boiled sour cherries with sugar, water and lime and cooked them until soft, and then pureed the mixture and added a few shots of amaretto. Gemima and Poppy were best friends so they deserved to go together. I’d poured it over my setting cheesecake and had let it sit until Sam and Jamie had come over.

  Now, I carried it across to the table where Sam and Jamie were sat, while Alfie made circles around my legs. I set it down.

  ‘Oh, my God! It looks divine,’ Sam said, leaning in closer to the tray and taking a good long whiff.

  ‘I hope the flavours are balanced. I’ve never tried it before,’ I admitted.

  Jamie, who was used to my culinary adventures, cut through and enjoyed a bite.

  ‘Hm, I get a little bit of Amanda, there’s definitely a lot of Gemima. I don’t get a lot of Poppy, though,’ he said.

  ‘She was a bit harder to get to stand out. Ironically enough.’

  Sam was looking at both of us, befuddlement written across her face. ‘Are you guys all right?’

  ‘Perfectly,’ I replied.

  ‘No screws gone missing all of a sudden or anything?’

  ‘Nope,’ Jamie said. ‘Still all there.’

  ‘Then what are you talking about?’

  Jamie turned to me. ‘You haven’t told her yet then?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘I think you’ve got to, now. Otherwise, she will think you’re a looney-bin.’

  ‘I already think you both are. What are you talking about?’

  Jamie zipped up his mouth and threw away the key, leaving me the hard task of revealing my quirk to her. Which was a fair point. It was my quirk after all.

  ‘So, look, Sam. No one knows about this other than Jamie, so you have to keep it a secret.’

  Sam stared at me as if I was about to reveal my worst nightmare to her. ‘What—oh, don’t tell me you killed Poppy and you framed the girls. Are you—are both of you serial killers or something? Please, do tell me now, before I die of a heart attack.’ She slid her chair backwards, gripping on to the table for dear life while the rest of her body wanted desperately to flee.

  ‘No, you silly. The thing is, I have a cognitive condition that makes me taste things—people, mostly. It’s called visual-gustatory synaesthesia.’

  There was a dead beat while Sam absorbed what I’d said. When that moment passed, she cracked up laughing.

  ‘Is that it?’

  I exchanged glances with Jamie who looked equally puzzled.

  ‘I used to have a friend who was a synaesthesiac. Only her thing was colours. That’s so cool.’

  ‘I’ve never met anyone else who had the same condition as me,’ I admitted.

  ‘How do you know? Maybe they don’t broadcast it just like you don’t. So why are you referring to the cheesecake by names?’

  ‘I have this habit of, you know, making desserts out of the flavours people give me. And Poppy’s suspects all had a very interesting bunch of tastes going for them.’

  ‘Wow. So which bit is Gemima and which bit is Amanda?’

  I told her who each element of the cheesecake corresponded to and instead of cringing she kept taking bites, attempting to get hints of the people behind them.

  ‘What am I? What am I? What cake would you make out of me?’

  ‘I wouldn’t.’

  Her face begged for an explanation, but I didn’t want to tell her. I had only ever told Jamie what he tasted like
and that was because he was actually palatable, let alone Camembert being his favourite cheese. I didn’t know how people would react to being told they tasted of salt, octopus, or a really dodgy curry.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Maybe a salad, but I wouldn’t really do that either. It’d be a bit too boring,’ I said before I could stop myself.

  ‘Thanks,’ Sam said, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

  ‘I didn’t mean you’re boring. It’s just your flavour is not adventurous. And you can’t do much with cucumber, really.’

  ‘That’s what I taste like? Cucumber? Oh, my God, that’s horrible,’ she whined.

  ‘It’s not, actually.’

  ‘What does he taste like?’ she asked, pointing at Jamie.

  I told her.

  ‘That’s not fair. I love baked Camembert.’

  ‘You don’t like cucumber?’

  ‘That’s not the point. Cucumber is so boring. Who has strong feelings about cucumber?’

  ‘I like it,’ I told her.

  ‘But why would you?’

  ‘Because when everyone else tastes of all the spices and confectionery of the world, you cleanse my palate, every time I look at you, you’re like a little amuse bouche. It can get really overwhelming when people have contradicting flavours, but yours is simple and efficient. One of the reasons I hired you actually.’

  ‘So, you didn’t hire me for my skills, but my cucumber flavour? That’s comforting,’ she whined. Again.

  ‘Well, in all fairness, Sam, you didn’t have that many qualifications to start with.’

  She shrugged, admitting defeat.

  ‘I’ll let it go, if you tell me what people taste like.’

  ‘It would be tiresome.’

  ‘But you must. If I’m to work with you. Please,’ she begged.

  I huffed and she took it as an affirmative. I didn’t care to correct her.

  ‘Great. I’m glad this little family feud has been resolved. Now tell us what happened the other day with Kit. He won’t tell a thing,’ Jamie said.

  ‘A lady never kisses and tells,’ I sang to him and took a sip from my wine to make up for the silence that ensued.

  ‘So you did kiss him?’ Sam asked, slapping her hand on the table and making Alfie jump.

  Instead of answering, I stuffed my mouth with cheesecake, causing a mini riot.

  ‘You’re such a tease,’ Jamie snapped.

  ‘That’s what he said,’ I mumbled and both of them bombarded me with another million questions. ‘Boy, you really don’t know how to take a joke, do you? Now, you need to eat the cheesecake and scoot. We’ve got an early rise and a lot on our plate.’ I looked purposefully at Sam.

  ‘Why, what’s going on?’ Jamie asked.

  ‘We’ve got the mayoral gala to plan and it’s my chance—our chance—to make up for the clients we lost. So we’ve got to work hard over the next month to get everything right.’

  ‘Well, as long as no one gets murdered, it should be a breeze,’ Sam said and I agreed.

  Murder was so bad for business.

  Joanna’s Recipes

  Chocolate, Banana & Peanut Butter Cupcakes

  Makes 12 normal sized cupcakes | Prep Time 15’ | Cook Time 10’

  Those three ingredients are my biggest comfort food, just like Joanna, and there’s nothing I love more than combining the three and creating a little delicacy to indulge in. The fluffiness of the banana cake is complimented by the sweet chocolate frosting and they’re all brough to a nice round balance with the peanut butter filling so they’re not too sickly.

  Ingredients*

  1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour

  3/4 cup sugar

  1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

  1/2 teaspoon baking soda

  A pinch of salt

  1/2 cup butter**

  1 1/2 cups mashed banana (about 3 or 4 ripes bananas)

  2 large eggs

  1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

  For the filling:

  12 teaspoons of peanut butter (cruncy or smooth)

  For the icing:

  50g of dark chocolate

  1/2 cup butter**

  2 cups of icing sugar

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  (Milk, to loosen)

  For the garnish:

  Dried or fresh banana

  Salted peanuts

  * I’m only an amateur baker so it took me a few trial and errors to realise that different ingredients are measured differently in cups when converting from grams. I use cups for everything as I find it more consistent, but if you use a different measurement, make sure you’re converting for the right ingredient. 1 cup of flour weighs different to 1 cup of butter.

  ** I like sweet things, but sometimes, I find cupcakes way too sweet. If you’re like me, you can use salted butter (unsalted butter is usually recommended for baking) which will balance all the sugar, especially in icing.

  Method

  Preheat oven to 175°C (350°F).

  Get your muffin baking tray and line it up with cupcake liners.

  In a bowl whisk the butter until soft, then throw in the mashed bananas and eggs.

  In a separate bowl whisk together the flour, sugar and salt. Then, mix the two batters together and fold until just combined.

  Add the vanilla, baking powder and baking soda and whisk until just blended.

  Divide evenly among the muffin tray. Once you’ve filled all the cupcake liners, gently drop you tray on a flat surface to make sure the batter flattens before going in the oven. I’ve worked with lots of ovens in my years and this has helped me get even cupcakes out (otherwise they come out with little uneven mounts on them, although that depends on heat distribution in your oven too).

  Pop in the oven for at least 10 minutes. A lot of recipes will tell you 15 minutes, but that could overbake your mixture. Check your mixture after 10 minutes through the oven window and look at their color. You want it to be pale golden, but not brown. Do not open the oven if not sure as that will deflate the cakes if they’re still rising (usually opening the oven after 10 minutes doesn’t do anything as the cakes should already have risen, but again, depends on your oven).

  When ready, take out of the oven leave them in their tray for a few minutes, then transfer in a cooling rack if you have one, or a plate if not, and allow them to cool.

  Now it’s time to make the icing.

  Put the chocolate in a tin bowl and boil some water in a pan. Put the bowl over it, making sure it doesn’t touch the bottom of the pan. Whisk the chocolate until it has melted and remove from the heat.

  In a separate bowl, add the butter and whisk until smooth. Then add the sugar half a cup at a time and whisk. Now you can add the chocolate and fold the icing until it’s mixed.

  Add the vanilla and splashes of milk if that icing is too tough (be careful with the milk as it might make your icing too runny. If that happens, add icing sugar a little at a time until the right consistency)

  Once your cupcakes have cooled, removed the middle of your cupcakes (you can either buy a corer or like me go around the middle with a knife to remove the core)

  Using a teaspoon, add peanut butter to fill to the top (might need more or less than a teaspoon depending on the size of cupcakes).

  Lastly, pipe the chocolate on top of the cupcakes (for the swirl effect start from the outside and go in in a spiral finishing with the middle, piping a little extra there before releasing)

  To finish, garnish with a slice of banana (fresh or dried) and a few salted peanuts.

  Enjoy!

  Lime Cheesecake with Sour Cherries & Amaretto Coulis

  Prep time | Setting Time > 12 hours

  I experimented so many times to find the right flavours and recipe for Poppy’s murder (unlike Joanna, I don’t have synesthesia, which makes things harder) and I ended up loving this one, although I might make some revisions later on. I love limes so my version is very sharp, limey and mildly sweet, but you can adu
st to your palate. As for the coulis, you can use normal cherries (God knows I couldn’t find any sour cherries for my version) and you can be as generous with the amaretto as you wish. My cheesecake only lasted a day in my household so I would recommend hiding it from husbands and dogs until you get a chance to enjoy it yourself.

  Ingredients

  350g Digestives or biscuits

  2/3 cup of butter, melted

  3 1/3 cups Cream cheese (mascarpone is recommended, although I used Philadelphia)

  1 cup icing sugar

  300ml Sour cream

  Lime zest of 3 limes

  Lime juice of 3 limes (less if you’d like it less sharp)

  For the coulis:

  2 cups of cherries

  1/4 cup of water

  3 tablespoons sugar

  2 teaspoons lemon juice

  50ml of amaretto

  Method

  Crush the biscuit into a fine crumb (either blitz it in a food processor or do it by hand, like me)

  Add the melted butter and mix until combined.

  Empty in a flan tin (preferably with a loose base so you can remove pieces easily) and press down firmly.

  In a bowl empty the rest of the ingredients until smooth, then pour into the flan tin. Refridgerate to allow to set. Mine took 12 hours, but it could have been because I didn’t have a loose base flan tin so the only way we could eat was directly out of the tray)

  While your cheesecake is setting, it’s time to make your coulis.

  Put all the ingredients except for the amaretto in a pan and bring to boil until the cherries are soft.

  Pour the mixture into a food processor or blender and blend until smooth.