Saucy and Bubba

by Darcy Pattison

  He raised his eyebrow. He was waiting for an answer.

  No. Anger spread from her core until she couldn’t keep it under control. No. She wouldn’t choose. Daddy had to decide.

  Suddenly, Saucy shoved out of the depths of the sofa cushions. She ran to the door, snatching up her jacket as she ran. She flung open the door. The cool air struck her face, but she still burned hot and mad. She ran into the dark, ran away from the question of where she wanted to live. Daddy had to decide.

  “Saucy, come back!” Daddy yelled. He ran to the door after her. “Don’t run away from me. I don’t know what to do if you run away.”

  But she ran. Where could she hide? She slid under the big red truck and lay flat.

  “Dave, get a flashlight,” Aunt Vivian called. She came out onto the porch, still jamming her arms into a jacket.

  “Saucy, where are you?” Daddy yelled. Daddy and Krissy were standing side-by-side on the porch. Bubba stood in the doorway, his hand in his mouth.

  Saucy just lay there watching them. She wouldn’t come out until Daddy made a decision

  19

  Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

  “Saucy, where are you?” Daddy called several times.

  Saucy watched him from under the red truck. Uncle Dave came out with several flashlights.

  Daddy told Krissy, “Stay inside with Bubba. We’ll find her.”

  The bright doorway closed, and a moment later Bubba’s nose was pressed against a window. Daddy strode north, shining his flashlight at the shrubs where she might be hiding. Uncle Dave went south. Aunt Vivian went to search the back yard. In the bright window, Krissy knelt beside Bubba and lowered the blinds.

  The street lights gave enough light for Saucy to see, but cast deep enough shadows that no one could see her unless they lay flat on the ground.

  Saucy rolled onto her back and stared at the underside of the truck. It was full of machinery she didn’t understand, just like her life was full of hard things that she didn’t understand. Rolling onto her stomach, she used her arms to drag herself back toward the edge of the truck. Something dug into her stomach, and she realized her jacket pocket was still full of white rocks. She pulled a rock from her pocket and set it behind the front tire. One wasn’t enough for Daddy to find her; she needed more. She used all the rocks to build a white pyramid.

  Krissy peeked out the window, but she let the blind drop.

  All this was Krissy’s fault, and Saucy wanted to get back at her someway.

  She was still alone. Everyone was still off looking for her.

  Saucy crept out from under the truck. Staying in the shadows, she ran to the van. She jerked open the driver’s door. No light came on: the van was too old, and Krissy didn’t do things like change light bulbs. Saucy felt under the front seat. Just as she thought, there was a smelly bottle. It was only half full now.

  The house door opened. Krissy tiptoed out and looked around.

  Saucy quietly closed the van door and slid around to the back of the van, staying in the shadows.

  Krissy trotted to the van.

  Saucy held her breath. Would she be caught?

  Krissy opened the driver’s door and bent down.

  Saucy realized Krissy was looking for the bottle. Even now, she just wanted a drink.

  Saucy’s empty hand curled into a fist. She stepped out of the shadow and held up the bottle. “Is this what you’re looking for?”

  Krissy spun about and stood with her hands on her hips. “Yes.”

  “You can’t have it. You’ve had enough to drink tonight.” Saucy’s voice was hoarse with anger.

  “I didn’t want a drink. I was going to dump it out.”

  Saucy considered. Could that be true? Was Krissy trying to get along?

  Saucy unscrewed the bottle top, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. She thrust out the bottle. “Prove it. Dump it out.”

  Krissy took the bottle, and Saucy immediately stepped back. No way did she want to touch Krissy.

  Krissy held the bottle to her nose and smelled it.

  “Do it!” Saucy cried.

  Quickly, Krissy upended the bottle. Rum gurgled and splashed, at first on Saucy’s hand, then, as it came out faster, onto the concrete drive. She moved so the rum fell silently onto the grass.

  There, thought Saucy. That was one bottle Krissy would never drink.

  “I want to get over this problem.” Krissy shook out the last few drops and turned the bottle upright. She licked the back of her hand and shivered.

  “You’ll slip up,” Saucy said with conviction.

  Krissy nodded. “You want me to prove myself to you?”

  “Tell Daddy about the bottle. Tell him you just dumped it out. Tell him about the rum under the kitchen counter.”

  “No,” Krissy said quickly. “He doesn’t have to know.”

  “Do you know why I ran away? Do you remember anything from that night?”

  “No.”

  “You were cooking, and the circuit breaker blew. You went downstairs to flip it, but I didn’t know you were there. So, I went down, too. When you flipped the breaker the lights came on, and you saw me. You thought I had flipped the breaker switch just to make you mad. So you tried to pull your belt out of your jeans. You were going to hit me.”

  “No. That’s not true.” Krissy held out a hand toward Saucy and waved it, like she could wave away the words.

  “You snapped the belt and chased me. I ran outside, and you locked me out.”

  “Saucy, I wouldn’t do that.”

  Now that she had started, Saucy couldn’t stop. “I slept out in the barn all night. It was cold. I won’t come back and sleep in the same house with you again. I can’t.”

  “I won’t drink again. I promise. I’m going to get help.”

  “You’ll slip up. And I’ll know. Even if Daddy doesn’t know, I’ll know.”

  Krissy stuck the empty bottle back under the seat. When she stood upright, her face was stone cold, her voice hard. “Then maybe I don’t want you around watching me all the time.”

  The words struck Saucy like cold water had been thrown in her face. She had tried to get along, but there was no reason to any more. Krissy didn’t like her and she didn’t like Krissy.

  Krissy turned her back to Saucy and walked to the porch. At the steps, she said over her shoulder, “Are you coming in with me?”

  “No.” Saucy wouldn’t go anywhere with Krissy.

  “I won’t tell him, you know,” Krissy said. “I need him too much.” She opened the door and went inside.

  Both of Saucy’s hands were tight fists now. “I need him, too,” she whispered. But no one was there to hear.

  “Saucy!” Daddy was coming back.

  Saucy raced to the big truck and slid back under.

  Daddy’s footsteps came closer and closer. His light flashed dizzily back and forth on the ground, then stopped. Saucy could tell from his feet that he was leaning his back against the truck. The back of his work boot was scuffed where he always dragged his feet. He polished them every day, a habit from his two years in the army, but the heels were scuffed anyway. He worked so hard.

  “Saucy, where are you?” He was talking softly to himself. Beside his left boot was Saucy’s pyramid.

  Look down, Daddy. I’m right here. But Saucy couldn’t say that out loud. Tears spilled over.

  “Saucy, I don’t know what to do with you. Why are you running away like this?”

  Why didn’t he listen to her? How could he not understand? It was his job to decide things for her and to keep her safe.

  Daddy shifted his weight. His boot touched the pyramid of rocks. He was so close. Saucy wanted to touch him. She whispered, “I love you, Daddy. Please find me.”

  She stretched out her hands to him. Her heart drummed a frantic beat. Of course, she wanted to live with Daddy.

  Suddenly, Daddy kicked at the rocks, shattering the pyramid and sending the stones scattering. “What can I do?” His voice caught
in a sob, and he stamped his foot.

  Saucy curled away from him and cried silently. Please, Daddy, find me.

  Daddy strode to the porch. He looked up at the sky and held his arms wide. “Saucy!”

  Daddy! She almost scrambled out.

  Krissy opened the door behind him. “Did you find her?”

  Daddy dropped his arms. “What am I going to do? I don’t understand Saucy. I’m so confused. Why does she keep running away? I don’t know what to do when she runs away.”

  Lit from behind, Krissy looked like a glamour model. She tossed her hair to the side, leaned gracefully against the door and shrugged a slender shoulder. “Saucy’s right. She and I don’t always get along.”

  “But it’s just little stuff, right?” Daddy asked. “Nothing big? I’ve trusted you with my kids, and you’ve done a great job. Right?”

  Now was Krissy’s chance, Saucy thought. She could tell the truth, and Daddy would understand how bad things had been.

  Krissy took a step forward, put her arms around Daddy’s waist, and pulled him inside the house. “Nothing big.”

  Daddy kicked the door shut behind him, cutting off the stream of light.

  Saucy caught her breath. In a curious way, she felt a sudden kinship to Krissy. They both wanted Daddy to like them, to think they were special. Krissy couldn’t tell the truth. Daddy had to like her, or she would drink even more. The air felt suddenly cool. Saucy made her fists open up so the cool night air could blow away her anger. Now all she felt was sadness. Now she could cry.

  Through thick tears, Saucy scooped the rocks together again piling them back into a pyramid. She turned back to lay on her stomach and pulled out her notebook and pen. Lying where a street light shone on the paper, she wrote: “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Had a wife and couldn’t keep her.”

  She stared at the words. She crossed out the word “wife” and above it, in her best cursive, she wrote “daughter.” Now it read: “Had a daughter and couldn’t keep her.”

  “Saucy!” Aunt Vivian came around from the back of the house. She sat on the front step. Under the streetlights, the brass numbers stood out clearly: 118 Baxter Street. Switching off her flashlight, she pulled her knees up to her chin and hugged them. She looked around, as if waiting for the others.

  Suddenly, she sat up and stared at the truck. Saucy slid farther under, away from the light. Aunt Vivian’s tennis shoes came closer and closer. They stopped at the pyramid.

  Softly, Aunt Vivian said, “Once there was a boy and girl named Hansel and Gretel. Whenever they went to the woods, they took a pile of white stones to mark the trail. And the moonlight would shine on the stones, and they would find their way home.”

  Saucy tried to smile; instead, she wiped away another tear.

  Aunt Vivian lay flat on the ground. “You been under here all this time?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You want to come out?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Saucy was surprised because she did want to come out.

  “Right now?”

  “I can’t live with Krissy. Can I really live with you? Just for a while.”

  “Yes.”

  Saucy crawled out. Aunt Vivian sat up.

  Saucy picked up the rocks and put them back in her pocket. “I might need them some other time.”

  “Yes, you might,” Aunt Vivian agreed solemnly. She held out her hand. “Let’s go talk to your Daddy.”

  Saucy wiped her dirty hands on her jeans. She put her hand in Aunt Vivian’s. “What about Bubba? Where will he live?”

  20

  Find Your Way Home

  By the time Saucy and Aunt Vivian found Uncle Dave and went back inside the house, it was past midnight.

  Aunt Vivian said, “It’s been a long day. Let’s all sleep and tomorrow we’ll talk more.”

  Saucy slept on a pad in the living room. She liked that room because it had the picture that said “Home, Sweet Home,” and pictures of Daddy and Momma and pictures of Daddy and Krissy. It would be strange for this house to be her home.

  Most of the household slept late the next day. Saucy woke to the sound of giggles.

  Sleepily, she went into the kitchen with her eyes half-closed. Something warm licked her toes. It was Jack, the boxer.

  Uncle Dave carried a cup of coffee toward the bedroom. “I got up early and got Jack from the kennel,” he explained. Then, he winked. “Gotta give my new wife her coffee. See you in a little while.” He closed the bedroom door.

  Bubba giggled and rolled onto his stomach. Jack rooted at Bubba’s arms, trying to reach his face again. Bubba rolled sideways and grabbed Jack and hugged him. He beamed at Saucy. “I like Jack.”

  The dog licked him again. “That’s twenty six licks!”

  Saucy sat beside the boy and dog and smiled. Then, “Bubba, I’m going to live here with Aunt Vivian.”

  Bubba’s face grew somber. “I know. But I want to stay with Daddy. We’re going to pick up the new horses this week.”

  Saucy hoped the horse ranch would work out, so Daddy could stay home. But he might not be able to make it work. He might need another job to keep the ranch going for the first year or two. He might even have to go back to trucking.

  Bubba’s cowlick was sticking up, and Saucy wanted to smooth it down, but that would make him mad. He would love riding and even grooming the horses. She tried to smile. “Are you going to be safe?” Would he be drowning some day and need her to save him? Saucy didn’t know, but she had to find her own life jacket before she could help him.

  “I know how to take care of myself.”

  “What about the cookie man?”

  “OK. I learned something. But Krissy will keep me safe, and Daddy will keep me safe, and I will keep me safe.”

  Bubba is different, Saucy thought. He had been brave, he had been a good accountant, and he had escaped the chocolate chip cookie man. Saucy pulled the chain and key from under her T-shirt.

  Bubba sat up and pushed Jack away. Saucy and Bubba sat cross-legged, facing each other. The warm sun shone on the patch of floor where they sat.

  Saucy kissed the key and held it out. “Stay safe, Bubba.” Her hand trembled. “This is for you. You take care of yourself. Don’t expect anyone else to take care of you. You trust yourself.”

  Bubba held the key in his palm and let the sunlight flash from it. He slid it over his head and under his T-shirt. “I understand,” he said solemnly. “I’ll be safe.”

  It was scary to let Bubba go back to the ranch with Krissy. He had learned a lot about keeping himself safe. But had he learned enough? Saucy didn’t know. It was a gamble she had to take because she had to be safe, too.

  Bubba asked, “Saucy, would you read me a story?”

  With a smile, she rose to get her new book.

  She read him two stories before breakfast. Daddy and Krissy came bustling into the kitchen, and they drank coffee while they made pancakes and bacon. At breakfast, Daddy told about his trip to California and Aunt Vivian and Uncle Dave told about their wedding.

  Saucy poured syrup on her pancakes, then passed the bottle to Bubba. From the other side of Bubba, Krissy was looking at Saucy. Saucy turned back to her breakfast.

  After breakfast, they all watched the wedding DVD. Saucy sat on the small couch, and Krissy sat next to her. Saucy moved to sit beside Aunt Vivian. Someone started the DVD. Once, Saucy looked across the coffee table to find Krissy watching her. Saucy looked away quickly.

  Everyone laughed at the DVD when Uncle Dave messed up and said, “I did,” instead of, “I do.”

  Then everyone went to get dressed. Daddy, Krissy and Bubba gathered up their clothes and things.

  When they were ready to go, Saucy said, “Daddy, I want to show you this.” She handed him a copy of Bubba’s Budget. “We took the money out of the safe, but here’s the rest of it, and here’s what we spent it on.”

  Daddy looked over the figures carefully. “Thank you,” he said. “You kept a good record. You’re al
ways careful about everything. You’ll be OK.”

  Hesitantly, Saucy asked, “Will Bubba be OK. With Krissy, I mean?”

  Daddy knelt beside her. He gently tilted her chin. “Saucy, I’m making you a promise right now. You kept Bubba safe even when it was hard. But it’s my job to keep you both safe, and that’s what I’m gonna do. We’re gonna get this horse ranch going so I don’t have to travel. And Krissy and I have some figuring out to do about her problem, and it’s best you’re here with Viv while we do that. But I’m not satisfied with this arrangement. You’re not staying here forever. Just give me a little time. You’ll be home soon. You can trust me.”

  Daddy’s blue eyes were solemn. Saucy knew that until she was an adult, she couldn’t keep Bubba safe all the time. She had to trust Aunt Vivian and Daddy. Most of all, she had to trust that Bubba could keep himself safe, even when the adults didn’t see what was happening.

  Daddy was looking straight at her.

  “Will you do something for me?” Saucy asked.

  Daddy nodded.

  She leaned against his chest and said, “Laugh for me.”

  Daddy hugged her tight. “I don’t know if I can laugh right now.”

  The laugh was slow coming. Saucy thought that it had to fight through all the problems of the last year. Momma dying. Figuring out how to live again. Figuring out how to love again.

  But Daddy chuckled.

  That wasn’t enough for Saucy. She needed his big laugh.

  Right now, before she lost her courage, she had to ask him the question. “Daddy, do you need me as much as you need Krissy?”

  “Oh, Saucy. You’re my little girl, and I’ll always need you.” He studied her face for a minute. “Saucy, I love you. You always make me happy.”

  And now the laugh came. Big. Long. Deep. The laugh echoed through her, starting to ease all the hurt of the past year.

  Finally, it was time for them to go. Saucy followed Aunt Vivian and Uncle Dave outside to the porch. Daddy and Bubba climbed into the tall cab of the red truck.