Lustful Gaze (London Loves #6)

by Julie Farrell

  “You wouldn’t understand,” Harry said. “You’ve had plenty of experience. But… I…”

  “Haven’t had much?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Oh… you haven’t had any?”

  Harry shook his head forlornly. Bless him. Well, he was in for a shock when he went to Brighton and all the young guys started vying for his attention – and his body.

  “Look, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Edward said. “It’s pretty easy to pick things up as you go along.”

  “Thanks.”

  Harry gazed deeply into Edward’s eyes, and something in the air between them popped and pinged, binding them together with a connection that was soul-deep. Edward’s body shivered.

  He held out his hand. “So we’re friends?”

  Harry smiled kindly and took Edward’s hand. His fingers were long and beautiful; he had artist’s hands. They were smooth and soft. Edward saw a sudden flash of those hands exploring his body. Hey, maybe he could offer Harry some guidance? But he couldn’t just blurt it out, could he?

  Still holding Harry’s hand, he asked, “Would you ever ask anyone for sex tips?”

  “What? Like who?”

  Edward faltered. How was he going to get out of this? “Er, someone close to you, who you trust. Like… I dunno, like Scott…?”

  “No, I never would ask him! He’s married. Exclusively, he says.”

  “Yeah, that’s what his husband says, too. So, okay, so how about someone nearer your own age?”

  Harry gazed silently into Edward’s eyes as if he was trying to decipher this proposition. Edward suddenly realised they were still holding hands, which wasn’t a good thing, because his body was now quivering with lust and intimidation. He decided to abandon his seduction plan before he completely humiliated himself, so he eased his fingers out of Harry’s lovely grip, feeling his heart – and thighs – flutter with a desperate yearning.

  He glanced towards the end of the road. “Um, I gotta go. I’ll see you around, okay?”

  Harry’s expression didn’t flicker. “Oh, sure.”

  Edward turned on legs filled with sunbeams, and started to stagger down the street. Self-consciousness gripped him; he was sure Harry was watching him leave. How did walking go again? One foot in front of the other… Don’t you dare trip over!

  “Hey, Edward, wait a minute!”

  His muscles tensed with nervous energy, and he turned back, desperate to seem cool. “Yeah?”

  “I… er… I wanted to ask you something?”

  “You do?”

  “Well… You said you wanted to talk to me about Brighton. What was it you wanted to specifically say?”

  “Oh. Er…” Edward’s mind scrabbled for a good excuse, eclipsing his disappointment at not being asked on a date. “Er… my friend’s got a room to rent in Brighton and I was wondering whether you wanted to take it, but you’re probably staying in student accommodation, right?”

  “Right. Yes I am.”

  “That’s what I thought. But I figured I may as well ask you as I was here. It's not like I came all the way here just to ask you that. But I thought... you know. You might be interested.”

  Harry smiled kindly. “Well, thanks. But I don't think I am.”

  “No… I guess you probably aren’t. It’s no problem.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, and – even though Harry’s rejection was pretty clear to Edward – he couldn’t bear to let this guy slip away just like that.

  Harry gestured towards the gallery. “I’d better get back inside. Scott said he’s going to teach me to get what I want.”

  “Oh. Lucky you.”

  “Yeah. Bye, Edward. Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.”

  Without looking back, Edward rushed off towards the Tube station. A black hole was already starting to form in his chest where his heart used to be, and he could feel his brain stretching away to another galaxy. He hadn’t expected to crash into his dream man today, and it felt awkwardly unpleasant. But at least he’d acquired some good news for Paul; Scott definitely wasn’t sleeping with Harry.

  Now if only Edward could figure out how he could win the affections of that glorious man, his life would be complete.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Paul smoothed down his tie and stood in the peaceful foyer, watching Sam bow to the two Japanese men in front of her. Optimism jangled inside him like gold coins. The meeting had gone better than expected, and it was all thanks to Sam. She was brilliant at this sort of thing – her presentation had been captivating and she’d easily won them over. Paul was sure they would agree to invest in the app for the Japanese market.

  The two suited men turned to say goodbye to Paul. He resisted offering his hand for them to shake, and instead he bowed in the way Sam had showed him. He felt stupid, but he’d survived doing it when he’d first met them an hour ago, and he could put up with it again now.

  “Thank you, Paul and Samantha,” the subordinate said. “We have several scheduled meetings in your country during the course of this week, but we will ponder what we learnt this afternoon from the enjoyable presentation you honoured us with.”

  “Well, thank you!” Sam said. “It’s been our honour to present to you today. And now, if you’d like to take a seat over here, I’m sure your taxi is on its way.”

  Sam gestured to the leather seats in the waiting area, so both men wheeled their cases over and sat bolt upright by the window. Sam joined them and continued to schmooze.

  Paul turned around and threw the receptionist a warm smile. She was a bubbly young lady, who couldn’t do enough for the people in this building.

  “How did it go?” she whispered.

  Paul winked and gestured a thumbs-up. She squealed excitedly and clapped her hands, making Paul chuckle.

  He glanced over at where Sam was making small talk with the clients. “Is their taxi on its way? I’m not sure how much more bowing she can take.”

  The receptionist laughed kindly. “I’ll just chase it up for you.”

  She reached over and grabbed the phone, so Paul turned back and tuned-in to Sam’s conversation about what their guests could do in London. Paul opened his mouth to say they shouldn’t miss a visit to the HMS Cutty Sark, but his attention was seized by Edward as he pelted through the reception door.

  “Hi, Paul!”

  “Hey, Edward. Did you drop off the brochures?”

  “Yes, I did!” Edward announced loudly. “And no need to worry: I’m a hundred percent sure your darling husband isn’t fucking his apprentice! Great news, huh?”

  Time froze around Paul like a nuclear explosion. He stared aghast at Edward. Surely he hadn’t really just said that, had he?

  Edward halted in front of Paul, grinning satisfactorily. Paul resisted throttling him.

  Sam’s faraway voice babbled to the Japanese men that their taxi had arrived, and she forcefully ushered them outside, acting as if Edward’s bombshell hadn’t just smashed the triumphant atmosphere to smithereens.

  Paul transferred his attention back to Edward, and saw that his cocky grin had been replaced by dread, now that he’d realised the clients had undoubtedly overheard him.

  Paul tried to contain his fury and stop his hands from shaking. He gripped his fists and glared into the young man’s eyes. “Thanks a lot Edward, those ultra-conservative Japanese blokes didn’t actually know I was gay, but I’m sure they’re as relieved as I am that my husband isn’t currently fucking his work-experience boy behind my back!”

  Edward’s big grey eyes welled with tears, derailing Paul’s anger and filling his chest with heavy affection.

  Sam dashed back into the reception area, looking worried.

  Paul cringed. “How did they take it?”

  “Oh god, Paul, I’m really worried about what Edward just said!”

  “Were they angry?” Paul asked.

  “What? No, they were okay. But do you really think Scott’s being unfaithful? He wo
uldn’t Paul. I promise.”

  Paul smiled kindly. “I know. Edward’s just trying to be helpful.”

  Edward’s eyes were full of worry. “I’m so sorry, Paul. I honestly didn’t see them there. I never would’ve said anything like that in front of your clients on purpose!”

  Paul sighed. “I know. Look, why don’t you go back up to the office and log on? I’ve popped a couple of spreadsheets into your folder – you can start working on those for me, okay?”

  “Okay. Sorry, Paul – I honestly am. It won’t happen again – I just got carried away. I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity and now I’ve completely fucked… messed up.”

  Paul squeezed him on the arm and realised he was shaking. “Go on up. We’ll have a chat about it in a minute.”

  “Okay.” Edward turned and slunk towards the elevator.

  Paul rubbed his eyes wearily. “Sorry, Sam. I obviously didn’t expect an outburst like that. I don’t know what the fuck he thought he was doing.”

  “It’s okay. He’s a nice kid and I can see why you wanna give him a chance. But… he’s a bit feral, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah. I think he’s just got used to doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. But he’s got potential. He’s a bright kid, and I’m sure if we can just get him to learn a bit of self-restraint…”

  “I know; I like him, too. I hope it works out.”

  “Me too. Come on; let’s get back up there before he causes any more trouble!”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Scott sat on an art deco chair in the centre of the gallery feeling as joyful as a spring lamb. Everything was perfect today. The sun was shining, he was here with Harry, and he’d just managed to sell three of Kate’s paintings to Trinnie and Simon – a commission that was worth thousands to the gallery. Scott’s boss always generously rewarded Scott for his hard work, so he was quietly confident that a cut of the commission would be included in his next pay-check. Maybe he could buy Paul something nice. What would he like?

  Scott sucked on the popsicle that Harry had just brought back from the shop, and tried not move too much, because the young man was sitting opposite him – drawing his profile with a pencil on a large sketch pad.

  Harry studied him for a moment then looked down to sketch a few lines. “You have nice shaped eyebrows.”

  Scott laughed. “Thanks – years of plucking.”

  Harry glanced up and they shared a smile.

  Scott knew he should keep still – including no jaw movements – but he needed to know what had happened with Harry and Edward earlier. It’d been so weird that they’d started shouting at each other like that. “Have you and Edward already met somewhere before?”

  “No, first time.”

  “So it was hate at first sight, then?”

  “Something like that.”

  “And did you resolve whatever it was you were arguing about?”

  Harry sighed and stopped drawing. “Scott, I must apologise for what happened. It was totally unacceptable for us to argue in front of your clients. I was deeply ashamed.”

  “It’s okay. I assume you weren’t the one who started it. I like Edward a lot, but I get the impression he’s got a bit of a rebellious streak.”

  “Actually it was me who started it. He exposed a deep insecurity of mine. Something that I’m very worried about.”

  Scott frowned. “What is it?”

  Harry glared into Scott’s eyes. “This probably sounds crazy to you, but I’m terrified about not knowing what to do with a guy when I first go to bed with him.”

  “Oh – well, that quite normal. I’m sure you’ll be okay.”

  “Not really. I’m clueless in sex and I’m petrified of it. My only experience has been with that girl at high school. It was utterly humiliating. I don’t actually think I can face losing my virginity.”

  Scott smiled tenderly. “It’s something most people worry about. But you’ll be okay – there’s no need rush into anything.”

  Harry huffed. “You don’t understand. What if I try to be with a man, and he laughs at me like she did? My whole university will know, and I will feel ridiculous.”

  “That won’t happen – you’ll have plenty of guys to practise with in Brighton!” Scott crunched the last bit of popsicle in his teeth and stood up to put the stick in the bin behind the counter – hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

  Harry stood up with his sketch pad and strolled over to join him. “Will you tell me how to do it, Scott? Or show me?”

  Arousal surged through Scott’s body at the thought of him tutoring Harry through his first blowjob. Thank goodness his semi-hard cock was now hidden behind the counter. “Show you? What? No, absolutely not – I’m a married man!”

  “I don’t mean do it with me. Just show me. Please. I need to know what to do. Otherwise I simply won’t go to university – it’s that bad a worry for me.”

  “Surely you must’ve picked up some techniques from watching porn.”

  “Pornography! No, I’d never watch anything like that.”

  “Why not?”

  Harry seemed affronted. “Well, apart from the fact it’s obscene, I wouldn’t know where to find it.”

  Scott gazed at him in disbelief. “I assume you know how to use Google?”

  “Of course.”

  “And you’ve never typed in the letters P O R N?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Scott grabbed his ipad from his bag. “Here, help yourself. Just look in the history – you’ll find some good sites.”

  Harry took the ipad tentatively, as if Scott was passing him a holy relic. Scott knew it would be inappropriate to stand there watching porn with the lad – as well as awkwardly arousing – so he squeezed out from behind the counter and strode towards the other end of the gallery, desperate to get away from this temptress. Or tempter, rather.

  “Where are you going?” Harry called after him.

  “To write up the info for Trinnie and Simon. Have fun.”

  Scott blocked out the muffled cheesy music and animalistic groans that emanated from the front of the gallery, and instead focused on writing creative platitudes about the paintings that his clients had selected. He didn’t dare look over at Harry – the combination of him being so damn attractive and watching porn would throw Scott over the edge. His cock strained in his trousers, keen to join the party. But he ignored its protests and forced himself to concentrate on the right words for his clients to use to sell the paintings on.

  Scott trusted Harry enough to know that if anyone walked in, he’d mute the volume. But after only ten minutes, the other end of the gallery went silent. Scott looked over. Harry was sitting behind the counter on a tall stool, sketching again.

  Scott padded over to join him. “So what did you think? Did you learn what you needed?”

  Harry shaded in Scott’s hair in the drawing. “No. It was rough and unfeeling.” He gazed up at Scott with sad eyes. “Is this what it means to be gay? Being rough and tough? I mean, what happened to love and romance? Or aren’t we allowed to enjoy those things?”

  Scott chuckled. “Of course. But this is just a way to get you there, you know?”

  “I don’t want this. I want to make a romantic connection with someone. Like in a Bollywood movie.”

  Scott leaned on the counter. “Harry, life’s not a Bollywood movie. God, you sound like Paul when he was your age. He was always going on about love and romance – is this what it means to be gay? Is that what it means to be gay? But you’ve gotta do whatever you want in this life – it’s your life after all.”

  Harry chewed the end of his pencil. “Yes, you’re right. Um… have you ever made your own porn – you and Paul, I mean?”

  Scott grinned. “Not a movie, no. But we do go to parties. Although I’m sure you’d disapprove.”

  “What sort of parties?”

  “People watching us having sex; us watching them.”

  Harry eyed him up cautiously.
“Wow. How did you get into that?”

  Scott smiled at the memory. He glanced over at Kate’s paintings. “It was something Kate Jagger got us into, actually. Don’t breathe a word, but me and Paul… well, long story short, she fell in lust with Paul, and I needed to let her know he was mine. And she wanted to watch us… so we gave her a voyeuristic thrill that none of us will forget.”

  “So you enjoy being watched?”

  Scott snapped himself out of his lustful nostalgic. “Hey, no, look I know what you’re doing and that’s not the same as us teaching you how to… you know.”

  “No, it’s less – what’s the word… seedy – because it wouldn’t be sexual for me. I just need tips on how to give a man pleasure. A live demonstration in action.”

  Scott folded his arms across his chest. “It’s not difficult, Harry. You just put it in your mouth and suck.”

  Harry banged his pencil down, which made Scott jump. “Look, please,” Harry said. “You’ve slept with lots of men; surely you can show me what to do? Just as tuition. No more different than an art lesson.”

  “Actually, I’ve only slept with one more man than you have.”

  Harry’s passionate scowl morphed into a sweet grin. “So it’s not all about sleeping around?”

  “It just depends on the person. Or the couple. We’re all different and want different things. I wouldn’t mind sampling another guy, to be honest, but Paul’s driven by the green-eyed monster, so we remain faithful.”

  Harry sat up straight. “And so you should. You and Paul have something special. Respect and love. Like my parents – they’ve never been unfaithful on each other. This is one of the benefits of an introduction marriage rather than a love marriage.”

  Scott raised an eyebrow. “I’m not getting drawn into that conversation.”

  “Okay… But please will you give me instructions on how to satisfy a man, Scott? Please?”

  “No! Harry, where’s all this coming from? Edward said something to you, didn’t he?”

  “It’s not his fault. He just reminded me of my inadequacies. There’s no way I could feel comfortable being with a man at the moment – I get panicky at the thought. I’m sure I’ll freeze if I get into a romantic situation and end up humiliating myself. Again. I’m destined to remain a virgin forever – I just know it.”