The Lumberjack

by Erik Martin Willén

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  He smiled when he noticed a cup of fresh-brewed coffee and a mint sitting on the table next to him. He took a gulp of the hot coffee—he sure needed it now—and his eyeballs just about popped out. There was more than just coffee in the cup, and one should definitely not operate any motor vehicles after drinking it.

  Ruth looked back and winked at him just as she turned the corner.

  “Hey, Ruth, did you ever meet Abe Lincoln?”

  An old arm stuck out from around the corner wall, middle finger extended.

  Would someone please go get the prima donna?” Peter demanded.

  “I guess that one was meant for me?” An exhausted Tammy yawned and then dragged herself back upstairs.

  Christina was tired from last night’s drinking binge, but she wanted this day to be perfect for her and perhaps Robert. She hoped he would make a move, that shy dog. She had braided her hair into one long, thick ponytail. She wore a blue muscle shirt, black shorts, and socks, and now she was tying her black original S.W.A.T. Classic 9 boots. She chose her round blue mirrored sunglasses, then went over to her new backpack and checked that she had all her new equipment and some spare clothing. A sleeping bag and sleeping mat were attached vertically along the back of the backpack. Boy, now she was ready!

  She walked into the master bath and closed the door. There was a large mirror attached on the inside, and Christina needed one final inspection. She ignored the hounds snarling downstairs for her to hurry.

  Tammy knocked on the door. “You better not be sick, you little wasp. Now hurry your ass up.”

  Christina looked at herself in the mirror, and then shouted, “Oh NO, no fucking way, what the fuck have I done? What was I thinking?”

  The door slid open and Tammy peeked inside carefully. When she saw Christina, she gave her a snarky smile. “Well now, that looks great. All you need now is a couple of guns. Come on, Lara Croft, let’s go.”

  “No, no, no, not until I fix myself up, and—!”

  “What the hell is keeping the princess this time?” Peter stopped talking when he saw Christina. “Wow, Tomb Raider. Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming.”

  Behind him was Kevin, whistling, who contributed, “I saw that movie. Man, you look even hotter than Angelina Jolie.”

  “You’re supposed to be gay, Kevin.”

  “I can appreciate feminine beauty.”

  Tammy taunted, “So, Halloween came early this year.”

  “Fuck you all! And fuck you, too, Lara Croft,” she said, flipping herself off in the mirror.

  Peter had to toss Christina over his shoulder, carrying her downstairs under wild protest, while the others laughed. As they left her home, she managed to grab one of her cowboy hats hanging on the wall in the mudroom.

  “This is so immature! You know, I’m no longer a little girl, and would everyone please stop slapping my ass!” Christina shouted. Didn’t work, though.

  Early hours after another night of partying; boy, was that familiar. Christina and Tammy sat in the backseat of Christina’s new truck while Peter drove and Kevin navigated. Christina wanted to change her appearance, but for some reason all her so-called friends wouldn’t let her.

  They waited at a four-way crossing, and after a while Robert’s truck showed up. Robert slowed down, and then just winked his hand for them to follow. Next to Robert sat his sister, Pat, with her head leaning on his shoulder; and on the passenger side sat Blake, slumbering. It was still dark outside, but dawn was on the horizon. No one noticed the smoke and fire coming from the distant mountain peak. They drove for some time, and suddenly Robert turned into a well-concealed forest road. Here the driving was more off-road, and anyone who had slept before soon found themselves awake from all the bouncing.

  When they reached the campsite, it was almost daylight outside. It was a small clearing containing many cars and trucks, and one minivan bearing the legend Skull Creek Adventures; Sightseeing, Mountain Climbing & Rafting Tour. There were three large fire pits, and while some people were erecting tents, others were preparing a fire within a large circle of stones and branches. Another fire pit already contained a fire, mostly smoking coals and glowing embers. Several large logs had been placed as benches around the fire pits. Someone had lit half a dozen tiki torches containing citronella oil and placed them throughout the area. There were also a couple of long park-bench picnic tables.

  A bit further away lay the river, and at this location it was quite calm. There was also a natural pool with an entrance to the river—similar to the one on Christina’s property—near the camp site. A man directed them where to park, putting them next to several other cars and trucks.

  They got out and greeted everyone, who seemed busy erecting the camp, and soon they found themselves helping out. Christina received more than one humorous smile, and she just played along. Before long, a deer carcass was placed on a spit and hung up between two poles. “Oh look! They killed Bambi,” Peter joked.

  Christina and Tammy glared. “Yeah, well, I’m not eating that, and that’s for certain,” the latter said.

  “Bet you will, Tammy.”

  “No, Christina, I won’t. Look at it, it looks gruesome!”

  “Well, if you’re not eating Bambi, Tammy, you can always go for Ms. Piggy over there,” Kevin motioned with his head as he helped out with Bambi. On the ground, atop a plastic sheet, lay an entire medium-size dead pig.

  “Savages! That’s it. From now on, I’m vegan. What about you, Ms. Hollywood?”

  “Only if bacon is a vegetable.”

  “I hate you so much right now. No matter how much you stuff yourself, you never get fat.”

  “Because I’m always training, and so should you. Then again, I guess you do with your boy-toy collection. Oops, here’s your next addition.” Christina smiled and nodded at Blake as he walked up to Tammy.

  “So, guys, you want some breakfast? They’re making black-cakes over there. Typical lumberjack food.”

  “What the hell is that, Blake?”

  “I take it you guys have never had any. Come on, you don’t want to miss this.”

  The girls followed Blake to one of the fire pits. On top of the burning coals lay several cast-iron skillets. Each contained a lot of thick, diced bacon squares, building up a greasy surface. Robert, Pat, and a few other people mixed a concoction of half-flour and half-water in plastic containers and then shook them hard, finishing off by pouring the contents into the skillets and letting the batter cook with the bacon and its grease. They tossed in some pepper towards the end. There were a couple more skillets with higher edges on them, and inside there baked some fresh biscuits; and next to them was a large pot with gravy boiling. Two enamel pots on a tipper already had a line of people helping themselves to coffee.

  Pat hurried to them with a plate each, and then she ran and got her own. Everyone sat down at one of the picnic tables and ate as if they were starved. “Boy, this is real good,” Tammy let out between bites.

  “Yeah, and very warm.” Christina tried blowing on her plate. They ate with their fingers and cleaned the plates with the biscuits.

  A large van, built for tourists, showed up honking. A tall, muscular guy stepped out and introduced himself.

  “For all the new guys who don’t know me, my name is Gavin and I’ll be your tour guide today.”

  Several people booed him, and Roberts shouted, “Save that speech for the amateurs and tourists.”

  “Let’s get it on,” Blake added.

  Gavin gathered everyone around and then said, “My partners in crime will meet us up on the mountain, and hopefully we’ll make it back here later this afternoon. The river is all right, a bit low in a few places, and we might have to do some dragging and pulling. Except for that, everything should be all right. Now, I hope everyone brought their wet-suits; and if anyone is missing one, we do have some up at the launch pad, as we call it. If you can’t swim, you can’t come. We’ll use our van, and for you guys who will
remain here, we’ll see you soon. Try and keep the camp neat and clean.”

  More booing.

  Christina whispered to Robert, “Are we just leaving our stuff here?”

  “Yes, except for your wet gear.”

  A honking car horn blared, followed by the thundering roar of a very large, powerful engine. A shiny black Mercedes AMG S 65 pulled up, and it looked a bit out of place next to the rest of the old cars and trucks, with exception of Christina’s truck—which might be new, but was very muddy at the moment. Inside sat a short guy in the driver’s seat, and on the passenger seat was a tall woman trying to fix her makeup, using the vanity mirror on the back of the visor.

  “Finally, the Cuban master chef has arrived!” someone shouted, and hurried to the Mercedes.

  Out stepped Rohan and Daniela, both looking a bit flushed. Their clothes were wrinkled and both had leaves in their hair; Rohan’s knees were dirty.

  “Time to show up? And late as usual, Mr. Cuba?”

  “I’m never late, Gavin, and I’m not Cuban. It’s my wife’s fault—she saw some mushrooms on the side of the road, and she had to pick them.”

  “Let me guess. She bent over, and…”

  Rohan blushed. “Like I said, it’s all her fault.”

  Daniele just rolled her eyes.

  “That’s great. Did you bring the leaves for the pig?”

  “Sure did. Now, where is Mr. Porky?”

  Rohan removed a bagful of large palm leaves from the back of his car. He and Gavin together wound up the pig in the leaves, then lowered the package onto the hot coals at the bottom of a pre-dug pit. They then covered the hole, shoveling the pile of dirt surrounding it back in with a pair of shovels, ending with a nicely mounded earth oven.

  “Hey, Rohan, you forgot the mushrooms,” Gavin teased.

  “My wife ate them all, fucker.”

  “Yeah, I’ll bet she did.”

  Gavin gathered everyone around, “Remember, no phones on this trip—and for you guys hanging around here in camp, you can all toss your phones in the box over by the table or simply turn them off. Rohan will take care of the box. Everyone here?”

  “No, Adrianna and company haven’t shown up yet,” someone replied.

  Gavin looked around and said, “Not sure they will, after what happened at the fair yesterday.”

  “Pretty sad business, pissing on a dead cop,” Peter said, with a neutral expression. “no wonder the other cops went off the way they did.”

  An agreeable murmur followed.

  “No wonder the place turned into Hollywood,” Kevin said, and continued, “If they show up, then I can take them to your office and launch area. Okay with you, Christina?”

  Christina nodded. She thought of Peter and Kevin as family, having known them for many years; either one could use her truck whenever they wanted.

  While some choose to stay behind and prepare the camp and food, the majority headed up the mountain towards the so-called launch area. They were met there by Sammy, Gavin’s business partner, and their wives Megan and Pamela. There was a good-sized parking area there near a log house, used for an office and equipment storage, and a large storage building in the back of the large property, with a paved road leading all the way down to the river. A sizable dock, partially floating on the river, was protected by a natural bend in the waterway, keeping the river somewhat calm by the dock.

  Everyone wore their wet-suits with footwear, and anyone without a helmet was given one. Mandatory life jackets and a brief lesson on what to do and what not to do followed. Pamela, Gavin’s wife, had one of her legs in a cast, and would lock up and then drive the tour van back to the campsite. She limped around and was a bit shy.

  “That one’s name is Megan, and the other one is Pamela, and they both look almost like the ones back in Hollywood,” Tammy pointed out, nodding her head.

  “True, but only if you switch names on them.”

  “Yeah, but still, what the hell are these people eating? All of them look like models from a fashion catalogue…well, not you, Peter.”

  “What are you guys whispering and scheming about?”

  “What do those two chicks look like to you?”

  “Married.”

  Tammy poked her tongue out at Peter, who said, “No thanks, my boyfriend’s is better.” Then he looked at something in his hand, and Christina realized that he had his weatherproof cell phone on, and would most likely keep it on, no matter what Gavin had said. Peter walked up to the road, and soon afterward Christina’s truck pulled in with Kevin at the wheel. He parked and exchanged a few words with Peter, and then Adrianna and her police partners Lucy and Dex jumped out. Two had been sitting illegally in the back of the pickup.

  Adrianna hurried up to Christina and starting chatting with her. Lucy held her girlfriend—Sandra, the same girl who worked in the western clothing store—hard by the hand and they all got introduced, while the big muscular man, Dex, stood back looking jealous with his buddy Chip, who was obviously also a body builder.

  Peter walked between them and slapped them both on their backs. “Get over it, mates, the lassies are a bit busy right now, and I wouldn’t interrupt.”

  “What a waste of pussy, dude.”

  “You got that right, Chip,” Dex muttered. “You think Adrianna eats sushi too?”

  “For your sake, I hope not.”

  “Thank you, Chip.”

  “Hey, guys,” Peter said quietly. “So sorry about what happened to your boss.”

  “Only my boss,” Dex said, sighing deeply. “Chip here runs the only gym in town, over next to the medical clinic. Thank you, though. We…reacted badly when we saw what those fuckers were doing to his body. Bad enough that he was dead. We could have gotten suspended, all three of us, for what we did—but I guess even our bosses upstairs draw a line in the sand when someone pisses on a dead man.”

  “Shitty business. I didn’t mean to bring up something that might ruin the mood.”

  “Peter’s your name, right?”

  Peter nodded.

  “Don’t worry about it, Peter. We have very few internal rules back at the office, but one we keep up is to never let a crime ruin our day, no matter how atrocious it might be.”

  "Good rule. Well, why don't I introduce you two to some friends of mine?"

  He brought the two muscle packages to Christina and Tammy and introduced them, knowing full well they wouldn’t be interested. He glanced towards Robert and Blake, and neither hid their thoughts very well. Pat, however, got them thinking of something else when she asked them to help her with the zipper on her wet-suit.

  Rohan gathered everyone around, standing on top of a rock, waving his hands like schoolteacher drawing the attention of his class. “Time to divide out teams, and of course to name them. First down to the campsite wins! The losers will clean up the place tomorrow.”

  They quickly divided up into three large groups. The first two called themselves Team Rockies and Team Lumber. When it was time to name the third team, Rohan gave a mischievous look at Christina and announced that her team would henceforth be called Team Croft. Everyone laughed, and Christina turned bright red, edging toward purple.

  Daniele sided up to Christina and smiled. “I’m sorry for my husband’s behavior. He’s a bit mad.”

  “It’s okay. Not sure what I was thinking when I got dressed this morning.”

  Lucy shouted, “Hey, it looks hot, babe!”

  Christina looked at the tall muscular woman, who undressed Christina with her eyes while wetting her lips. Christina gave her a sultry smile and then ran her tongue over her own lips, batting her eyes at Lucy as several of the guys cheered them on. In your dreams, sweetie, Christina thought but didn’t say aloud.

  * * * * *

  THE THREE large rafts were lined up as well as they could be, while the crews tried to maintain them on a line in the middle of the river. Pamela fired off a blank, and then the rubber rafts took off. Kevin and Pamela waved them off at the dock, t
hen returned to the log cabin, locking it up. “You guys live here?” he asked her.

  “Yes, my husband and I, but we have the business together with Sammy and Megan. We’re hoping we can get a B&B license for next year. Business is going great, and we’d like to expand.”

  “Sounds like a smart plan. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your leg?”

  “We also have mountain climbing, and I fell like a clumsy oaf.”

  Kevin gave her a horrified expression.

  “Don’t worry; I fell over there, from the porch, fixing some climbing gear. Not my shiniest moment.”

  They laughed and went to their respective vehicles, and headed back down the road towards the camp.

  The rafts left the dock with about nine people in each. Gavin was in charge of the first and Megan was in the second, followed by her husband Sammy in the third. The water in the river looked almost too calm as they set out, but after the first turn came the first shower—and then the rollercoaster ride was on.

  * * * * *

  SIX HELICOPTERS—the lead helicopter with Malik was an old Bell UH-1 Iroquois, Huey and it bore the markings of the 7th Air Cavalry - left Skull Creek, and four times as many law enforcement vehicles headed up into the mountains. They split into two groups, one following a road towards the river while the rest headed up towards the burning mountaintop. Behind came several firetrucks and ambulances; last came five park ranger trucks.

  Acting Sheriff Malik Washington sat beside the pilot in one of the helicopters, looking out at the beautiful landscape rushing by with a dead man’s stare. He closed his eyes, and then he spoke into a microphone. “Eagle One to all Eagles. This one is for Carlos and his family.”

  Over the next few moments, he got multiple radio returns repeating, “For Carlos.”

  He finished by thinking aloud, “Let’s hunt.”

  The pilot turned on music—perhaps to ease the tension—Malik didn’t care his thoughts was elsewhere but strangely the song playing gave him the chills; Garryowen.

  There was a thundering roar when the helicopters flew over Skull Creek, waking anyone who might still be sleeping. Below, on the town square next to the mayor’s office, flew American and state flags at half-mast. One neighbor next to Carlos’ burned-out home had raised an American flag too, but this one was upside-down—a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property. As they flew by, more flags were raised over the small community, and all of them were upside-down.