Winter Signs (Season Named Series Book 2)

by Sarah Gai

  "No, please I have to say this. There is nothing I could say to tell you how sorry I am for the way you were treated by me. When I lost your father, I felt like life was not worth living. I wanted to ruin myself. I turned blessings in curses. Instead of loving you as the gift he gave me, I chose to hate you, to hate the world I was stuck in. He always had a special place for you and I chose that to fuel my bitterness. It's not an excuse and I understand if you can never forgive me. I’m so sorry Winter. I hate myself for the choices I made, but I’m trying really hard to start over,” she finished.

  It took a lot of patience for Winter to understand what she was signing; her mother had to singularly spell a lot of the words. But it was also unexpected; she never thought she would ever see her mother say she was sorry, ever.

  "I needed you more than ever when Connor died. I needed a mother, a kindred who knew the pain of loss, but you weren't there," Winter cried.

  Her mother began crying also. "I know and I can never go back and change it. Please, I don't know how to do this, Winter," she pleaded, her eyes darting around anxiously.

  "Neither do I," Winter threw up her hands. They stood there looking everywhere else, but at each other. Winter expected her mother to turn and leave, but Abigail remained, waiting and ready to take whatever her daughter threw at her.

  Winter deliberated. There had been too much hurt for too long. If she was going to start anew, she needed to put her best foot forward. She changed the topic. “So, how has it been with Aunt Peggy being here?"

  Her mother’s eyes lit up with appreciation. "A nightmare," she smiled. She looked over towards Peggy and laughed before continuing, "But, she has been a Godsend and every day becomes more of a joy."

  Winter smiled at the thought. Who would have believed these two stubborn women would one day get along?

  "Well, maybe I will drop by sometime."

  "That would be really great. Really…thank you” Her mother knew her queue, turning back to Peggy’s car.

  Winter wanted this part of her day to be over. She longed to return to Nolan's bedside, but there was one more thing she had to do.

  She wound her way amongst the headstones. Her memory of the day they said goodbye to Connor was hazy, but before long she was standing at his plot. She dropped down to the ground and wept in front of the stone with his name on it. Such a short-lived life. She missed him terribly as she cried for the years gone by without him. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out the letter Nolan gave her. Extracting it from the envelope, she unfolded it and began to read.

  Hey Nolan,

  I pray this note never reaches your hand, man. If it doesn't it means I'm still alive, happy, healthy, and married to the girl of my dreams. In that case, I'm being an idiot and wasting my time writing this depressing thing.

  If it does reach you, then I've probably already asked you to look after Winter if something ever happens to me.

  I can't explain it, but the past few weeks have been torture. I just keep getting this sick feeling in my stomach like something is going to happen. When I try to go to sleep at night I usually lay there dreaming about my future with Winter. But it's like I've stopped picturing it, and that scares me.

  Sometimes I think I was put on this earth solely to be with her. Nothing else interests me or pulls at me. It's Winter and it always will be. I need you to get that before I go any further. She is my everything.

  Now to the hard part, for you or me, I'm not sure who I’m writing this bit for, but here it goes. She may not know it yet, but I sometimes see the way she glances at you. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I see it all the same. I know she will never leave me—she loves me too much. Here's the kicker, I most definitely see the way you look at her. I saw it the first day you walked into school. I don't blame you one bit for falling under her spell. She's amazing. She has no idea how truly unbelievable she is. I know it kills you to see us together and I also think what you feel for her isn't just some crush.

  This is the part that breaks my heart, but also offers me hope. If something ever happens to me, I need you step up. Please promise me if she is ever alone or lost somehow, some way you will be there to help her. We are so entwined I don't think she will cope well. If at first it's just from a distance, keep tabs on her; make sure she is looked after. If the time ever comes that she opens up and allows her heart to beat again, grab hold and love her as fiercely, if not more, than I have. If I'm gone, just know that I'm cheering you on. She deserves to be with someone who will treasure all that she is.

  This letter, along with a journal and a box filled with keepsakes, will find it's way to you. The box belongs to Winter and one day when the time is right I want you to give it to her. I want you to wait until she can look at its contents without grieving, but smiling as she remembers the memories we created together. She's gonna be pissed you kept it from her and I don't envy you my man, but you can blame it on me. The journal...I want you to have it. It is everything to me—every moment I shared with her, everything she likes, every quirky face she pulls. I want you to know her like I do and then I want you to add your own memories to it. Or you can chuck it away and never look at it. Whatever you decide, it's yours. I want you to love her even more than I could. She deserves the world because there will never be anyone quite like her.

  If I'm completely off base and you don't see or feel for her that way, then make sure you support her as a friend until the time comes for the right person to come along.

  Okay, well I'm seriously bummed right now. This letter was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be. I'm going to end it now and go see my girl.

  Connor

  Winter couldn't hold back as the pain tore through her body. Her throat hurt from the grief that left it as her chest convulsed in agony. Oh God, he knew. Her heart was aching for him. How did he feel thinking something might happen to him? And there he was making a plan B in case he was no longer there for her. Her mind screamed for the boy of her youth. She missed him with every fiber of her being.

  She pulled herself together enough to sit upright. It was time. "God, please let him see me right now," she pleaded. She signed for him; she signed everything her mouth could not say knowing he knew her hands better than anyone. "Oh Connor, I miss you so much. I spent so many years grieving for the person you were and the person you could have been. There isn't a moment I have not thought about you—your smile, your touch, your love. The day you died a piece of my heart died with you. I just read your letter to Nolan and you were right. He does love me and I love him. Oh, I love him so much it physically hurts. Please know I will never forget you and you will always be right here," she touched her chest, "with me. He kept his promise to you. I'm ready to let go and move on now. I want a life with him and this is what I promise you. I will live each day trying my best. I will honor your memory as I walk this earth. I will make you proud, my love."

  Winter kissed her fingers and touched the headstone. This was her goodbye and she cried every tear she had left in her knowing she would never return. It was too much and no more needed to be said.

  As she rose from the ground, she looked back one last time and signed one last thing to him. "If you could just ask God to wake Nolan up, that would be really great."

  She blew one last goodbye kiss before she walked away, leaving her grief, her brokenness, and her pain behind. She would keep her promise to Connor and move forward, smiling at life and taking the second chance she had been given.

  Winter

  Her phone buzzed as she entered through the hospital front doors. "Quick! He's awake!" the message from Kim read.

  Winter stopped in her tracks, the shock taking hold. Her hand shook as she covered her mouth and thought, Oh God, he's awake. Charlie was standing in front of her, his hands resting on her shoulders. She held the phone up so he could read it. "Go!" he mouthed and stepped out of her way.

  Adrenaline pumped through Winter's body as she ran down the hallway, turning left at the end of the corridor. F
our rooms down she stopped, took a deep breath, and entered. Kim was practically bouncing up and down, as the doctor looked him over. Winter’s view of him was hidden, a nurse blocking her line of sight. She didn't want to just stand back; she walked around to the other side of the bed as Kim grabbed hold of her, hugging her hard before pulling back and gently nudging her towards the bed.

  Winter’s eyes landed on Nolan and began to well-up as she watched him watching her with an arm held out, palm up, and a half-smile on his face. Winter stepped forward and took his hand. She leaned over, kissing his face while cradling it with her other hand. She knew the doctor was still trying to examine him, but she didn't care.

  Without letting go of his hand, she pulled back and signed with three simple letters: I-L-Y.

  He knew what she was telling him as he began to nod his head and mouthed, "I know." In that moment, promises were made; she wasn't going anywhere, ever again.

  It was another twenty minutes until the hospital staff left the room. Winter waited patiently as they examined him; her body begged to lie beside her love.

  Kim spoke, yet Winter struggled to understand her as she spoke quickly. Nolan nodded his head and his mother left the room. Finally alone, Winter pulled the chair beside the bed, her hand brushing his face and his eyes closing momentarily at her touch. "Mom's going to call everyone and let them know while she runs out to the waiting room to see Charlie and Nicole," he signed.

  He still looked beat up and tired, but Winter was just happy to have him alive, awake, and responsive.

  "Hey, what's wrong?" Nolan asked as, once again, Winter's eyes began to water.

  "I'm so sorry, Nolan—about everything. When I found out you were in an accident I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't imagine my life without you. It took me almost losing you to see how much I really love you."

  "Hey, that's enough. I'm here and I'm alive. I'm not going anywhere, beautiful,” he tried to soothe.

  "No, I need to finish this. I went to see Connor today and I finally said goodbye. I know it's taken a long time, but I…I'm ready to move on. You have my whole heart, Nolan, every piece because I know we belong together."

  Nolan pulled at her arm and Winter carefully stood up and laid down beside him, cautious not to hit his leg. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Releasing one hand and holding it up in affirmation, he swore, "I will look after you and love you forever, Snowflake. Promise." His eyes held her captive with the depth of his commitment.

  Winter had only just snuggled in when Kim re-entered the room with Charlie and Nicole in tow. She tried to slip off the bed, but Nolan wasn't having it, as he tightened his grip.

  "I'm so glad you're okay, man. You had us worried there for a second," Charlie, standing at the end of the bed, grinned like he knew it was all going to be okay. Nicole walked to the other side of the bed, kissing Nolan’s cheek before going to join Charlie.

  Kim took his other hand in hers. "We've called everyone to let them know you're awake and out of the woods, so Rosie and Carl are coming in soon along with Henry and Sadie.”

  Winter felt Nolan's chest moving beneath her resting head. She knew he was hoping to have some news about his sister, Summer.

  Charlie must have sensed the same disappointment as he shook his head back and forth. "Winter texted her and James tried to call her, but nothing. James got in his car two days ago and headed for Savannah. He says he's gonna bring Summer back, come rain or shine."

  Winter panicked for a moment. She had never met his half-sister, but James said he did three years ago when she came to see Nolan. They stayed in contact until almost a year ago when all communication ceased. It's as if she just stopped talking to everyone. Winter prayed she was okay and would come see her brother.

  Speaking of praying, Winter pulled out of Nolan's grip and sat up; reaching into her back jean pocket, she pulled out her cell and messaged Autumn. “He's awake!” As she waited for a response from Autumn, she also quickly texted Holly the same message.

  Her phone immediately buzzed back a text from Holly. "So I guess I'm gonna have to come and visit you in Port Townsend from now on?"

  "Yes, you will. I'm staying for good this time xoxo."

  Holly replied, “Go you! Now go look after that man of yours and I'll message you soon xoxo."

  Winter went to put her phone down, but was alerted with another message. It was Autumn saying, "Praise God! Just told Eric, we are on our way."

  Winter tucked her cell away and turned slightly to look at Nolan. "I just let Holly know you're all right and I messaged Autumn. She and Eric prayed for you every day. They are coming by to see you."

  Nolan nodded, "I'm a pretty lucky guy, huh?"

  "Well that makes me a pretty lucky girl then."

  Everyone came by that day to see Nolan, not staying long, as he was still recovering and tended to fall asleep a lot. With his swift healing, he was released a week later. Winter felt contrite she wasn't there to bring him home, but she wanted to make sure his house was prepared for his arrival.

  Rosie, Nicole, and Sadie cleaned from top to bottom and stocked the fridge with everything he would need. An extra-special visitor would be arriving and Winter needed to ensure the spare room was ready for her. She was so nervous about meeting Summer for the first time.

  Rosie tapped Winter on the shoulder and she rushed for the front door. Charlie was pulling up in the driveway in Nicole's sedan. As Winter walked down the steps, Kim jumped out of the passenger’s seat to help Charlie maneuver Nolan awkwardly out of the back seat. Kim grabbed his crutches as Charlie held him upright. Winter stopped in front of him as he rested on a crutch and looked down at her. Reaching up on her tiptoes, she planted a soft, longing kiss on his lips. "I'm so glad you're home," she signed.

  "Me too. I'm even happier to see your beautiful face today, Snowflake."

  Winter blushed, looking away. Would she ever get tired of him? Yes, she was pretty sure there would be days in their future in which the two of them would annoy each other and she couldn't wait. Those would be times in which true love prevailed, holding on for dear life, and fighting through the storms life would throw at them. Winter did not want it any other way.

  They settled Nolan inside on the couch and had coffee with the guests. An hour later, it was just the two of them. Winter fussed around, trying to keep him comfortable and playing nurse. "Where is Summer?" she queried.

  "She's out with James right now. Things are not the same since I last saw her. I have to warn you," he stated.

  "Warn me about what?" she asked.

  Nolan shook his head anxiously as he wiped his brow.

  Winter was worried. "What's wrong? Are you too hot? Do you need anything?" She jumped up from her seat ready to do whatever was needed.

  "No, I'm good. Promise. I'll tell you about my sister later. Look, this isn't the way I was going to do this, but after my near-death experience, I don't want to waste any more time. And I know I'm probably about to shoot myself in the foot with how fast I'm going to do this, but..."

  Winter knew where the conversation was going. Was it crazy to say that after everything they had been through he couldn't say it fast enough? "Nolan, just ask me already!" she smiled down at him.

  He stopped moving altogether, not expecting her reaction. Winter knelt down beside him next to the sofa. Nolan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. She watched as he popped the lid; sitting in the black satin box was a gold band with three diamond-encrusted snowflakes atop.

  He placed the box on his lap and took her hands. "Winter, I have loved you from the first moment I saw you many years ago. I never thought I would be so lucky to be in this position. I know we haven't talked properly about us, but I was hoping you kinda wanted to stay. So, what I'm trying to say, is, well...will you marry me?" he finished, biting at his lip.

  It wasn't often Nolan Reed looked nervous. It was cute and endearing to see him so ruffled. She saw the scared look in his eyes, as if he was hold
ing his breathe a little, expecting her to say no. Oh, how wrong he was!

  "Yes, I will marry you!" she signed furiously. The ensuing grin spread across his face was something she would never forget; she still wished she had been prepared enough to remember to take a photo. No matter as the memory would be seared into her mind for eternity.

  Nolan reached down and plucked the ring from the box. Winter held out her hand, shaking a bit with anticipation and joy, as he slid it on. She reached up and flung her arms around his shoulders, kissing him with fervor. She did not need romantic when the moment was positively perfect. As Winter pulled back to gauge the ring, she couldn't believe how beautiful it was. Nolan caught her by the chin, directing her gaze back to him.

  "I had that ring made up after you left. Even if you never came back, I knew without a doubt we were meant to be together and somehow, someway, I was planning to win you back. When I got it designed I... wanted it to mean something, to always be a reminder. So the snowflake on the left represents your father. He's not here, but I know he will be looking down on you and smiling." Winter’s heart melted watching him sign the words. "The snowflake on the right represents Connor. He was your first love, your best friend, and although he's also not here, I know he wanted you to find love and be happy.”

  Winter choked back the tears knowing he was right. Connor would want her to love and be loved, seeing and feeling all life had to offer.

  Nolan wiped the tears from her eyes and continued. “The larger snowflake in the middle, that's me. I spent years trying to capture a snowflake every time it snowed. I wondered if you could ever hold one long enough to truly appreciate it, to see how each one was intricately sculpted. The day you floated into my life, I knew I had found mine. For a time, I thought you had melted away and I was only able to glance at you momentarily. Now, I know to keep a perfect snowflake you need to encase it and preserve it with love and tenderness. So if you look closely you'll know what I mean."