A Deeper Blue

by S. E. Harmon

  She tugged on my arm while Connor watched us with an amused expression. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

  You’re gonna have to, lady. I had no intention of watching the game next to the Housewives of Stoneface Mountain. “I really need to stay with Connor. It’s his first time here, and he doesn’t know his way around.”

  Connor twitched an eyebrow, but he went along gamely. “Right. I need Kelly to show me the ropes.”

  “What ropes? You sit, you eat, you drink, you cheer.” She squinted at us. “What am I missing?”

  “I’d rather not sit so close… to the edge,” I said lamely.

  She sighed. “Is it the other girls? They just look that way, I promise. They’re really a bunch of sweethearts.”

  I’m sure they were. To Autumn. Ivanovich was an important member of the team and one of the highest-paid veterans to boot. She ruled their mother ship, and she either didn’t know or chose not to acknowledge it.

  “Maybe we can just get together another time,” I said a little desperately.

  “Or maybe I’ll just sit with you two. Let me just go get my purse.”

  “But I—”

  I found myself talking to the traces of her flowery perfume since she was already gone. I sighed.

  “She seems nice,” Connor ventured.

  “Shut up.”

  His mouth curved as he took another bite of his hot dog. “You’re never gonna be a good Stepford with that attitude.”

  Before I could contemplate how much trouble I’d get in for snatching his hot dog and winging it across the room, Autumn was back, Louis Vuitton bag in hand. She plopped down on the other side of me and patted my arm. “Now we’ll have some quality time to chat.”

  I smiled weakly. “Just what I wanted.”

  By the time the game started, I wasn’t even sure why I’d been nervous. Autumn was sweet as always, and it was nice to watch with someone who knew what the hell was going on. I knew the basics pretty well, but the finer points escaped me, even with Autumn’s help. She found my ignorance of the game all too amusing, and I enjoyed making her giggle, so it was win-win. It wasn’t long before I was cheering as loudly as the rest of them.

  Before the first quarter was even over, the Puffins’ quarterback threw an interception that made the entire club box erupt. Everyone cheered. Some even stood and clapped as the offensive line trotted back onto the field. I managed to keep my butt in my seat, but just barely. I wanted Vaughn to turn that interception into a touchdown, dammit.

  They snapped the ball, and Vaughn scanned the field for open receivers and came up empty. Just when it looked like he would be sacked, he fired off the ball. A receiver with Williams on his jersey caught the pass and ran a few yards before he went down in a tackle.

  I rolled the name over in my mind for a minute, and then I connected the dots. “Dane,” I exclaimed. “I know that guy.”

  Connor rolled his eyes, but I cheered extra loudly anyway. Of course I was rooting for the Outlaws as a whole, but it was different when you personally knew the players. It was hard to connect the football giant down there on the field with the man I’d shooed out of my recliner.

  I was so busy cheering that I almost forgot to be nervous—almost.

  I hated the fact that the quarterback always seemed to look for his tight end in clutch plays, when it was do-or-die for the first down. And time and time again, Vaughn sought out Blue on the field to make something happen when the play seemed dead. And Blue was so determined to get yardage that there was no move too risky, no catch too high, no tackle too hard to take.

  I tensed as Vaughn drilled a ball directly at Blue, and I crumpled my discarded cocktail napkin into a tight ball. Blue caught it one-handed and tucked it securely against his body in one smooth motion as he took off. He cut a swath through the mass of bodies, going left and then right, using openings I guess only he could see. Some overzealous guy tackled him sixteen yards later, but the Outlaws got the down. A repeat of that same play a moment later wasn’t quite so lucky, and the guy got crushed under two defensive players.

  On the third down, Vaughn finally passed the ball to someone else—thank fuck—and I let out a breath I hadn’t even been aware I was holding. Connor stilled my hands with one of his, and when I looked down, I had a lapful of shredded napkin.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “It’s okay.” He gathered the pile of paper snow as I sat there like a messy toddler. I glanced over, and Autumn was watching me sympathetically.

  “Nerves,” I said lightly.

  “I’m sure.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “But we still have more to go, so maybe you should… I don’t know, breathe?”

  I followed her advice. She had to know what she was talking about. She’d had plenty of years to worry about her guy down there in the crush of bodies and helmets.

  In the second quarter, they were pretty much even, with the Outlaws putting up two touchdowns and the Puffins hitting back with two touchdowns of their own. I don’t know who the fuck named that team the Puffins—they were nothing like those cute, fluffy birds. They were absolute animals who were constantly penalized for excessive roughness. I indignantly said as much to Autumn after their second penalty for late tackling.

  She nodded, eyes glued to the action below. “They play a very physical game.”

  I scowled. “Physical? They’re the most penalized team in the league.”

  That got her attention. Connor and Autumn both stared at me long enough to be insulting. “I know things,” I insisted. As the staring continued, I slouched and held up my phone. “Well, I google things, anyway. They’re practically—”

  “Shh.” Autumn flapped her hand at me. “I think they’re going for the blitz.”

  Jeez. You’d think we were here to watch football or something. I sat back with a quiet harrumph. That was the last time I’d try to talk to her about anything.

  By halftime I forgot my vow of silence, and I was pestering her again. The Outlaws were up by three, but she warned me that sometimes halftime had a way of putting a fire under the asses of the team that was behind. She was midway through a lecture about how halftime could destroy momentum and detailing examples to prove that theory when we were interrupted. I needed no further proof that God still loved me.

  One of the WAGs came over—a woman with satiny brown skin and dark doe eyes with long lashes. She looked at us curiously, clearly wondering why their queen bee was wasting her time with a perceived nobody like me. “Autumn, I was hoping you’d get a minute so I could run some ideas past you for the upcoming charity dinner.”

  Autumn winged her blonde brows together. “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

  “It’s fine,” I said quickly. I certainly enjoyed her company, but the last thing I wanted was any scrutiny. “We’ll talk another time.”

  She turned narrowed eyes on me that were as invasive as an MRI, and then she turned to the other woman. “Kimberly, can you give us a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  The moment Kimberly walked away, Autumn gave me the squinty eyes again. “That’s the second time you’ve promised me that. Do you really mean it?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Another time like when?” she demanded.

  I didn’t blame her for being suspicious. She’d offered to meet with me many times, and I’d always come up with a good reason why I couldn’t. “Umm… Friday?”

  “Oh, that’s not so good for me. We usually meet on Fridays. The Bonnies, you know.”

  I looked at her blankly. “The Bonnies?”

  “Our WAGs club? We do charity events and things like that for the community. We call ourselves the Bonnies. After Bonnie and Clyde.” At my blank look, she huffed a breath. “Because they’re the Outlaws?”

  “Got it,” I said before she drew me a diagram. “Clever.”

  She brightened. “Maybe you can come to one of our meetings.”

  I stared at her like she’d lost her ev
er-lovin’ mind. Why on God’s green Earth would I do something crazy like that? I tried to think of another location where I’d be more out of place, but I came up blank. A bunch of girlfriends and wives of the players and… me.

  And then it hit me. God, I was such an idiot. She knew. She fucking knew. Ivanovich was a lyin’ son of a bitch when he said he was capable of keeping a secret from his wife. I narrowed my eyes, and she smiled at me innocently.

  “Why’re you doing this?” I hissed. “I’ve been here a number of times and you’ve never shown this much interest before.”

  “Things are different now.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why,” she said stubbornly.

  I looked at her, and she looked at me with her hazel eyes as wide as they were determined. Clearly she was trying to wait me out, but I just stared at her coolly. When you had been interrogated by the best, you didn’t give in that easily. If I didn’t crack when my mother did it, I wasn’t going to crack when—

  She swiftly poked me in the forehead.

  “Ahh,” I yelled at her unexpected attack. At the people turning to look at us, I smiled sheepishly. I pumped my fist. “Go Outlaws.”

  Connor spluttered his drink all over his jersey. Served him right. I rubbed at my injured forehead and cast her a baleful eye. “What the hell was that for?” I muttered.

  “I’m trying to be your ally here, and you’re not making it easy,” she hissed. “Now stop pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “I’m protecting him,” I said.

  “That’s fine. But when you guys are ready, you have a friend on the team. And you have a friend up here.”

  “Jesus?” I guessed.

  “In the skybox, Kelly,” she said with exasperation, and then she thumped me again. “How has no one killed you yet?”

  “I have dibs,” Connor said quickly.

  “No one is killing me,” I hissed. “Now will you get over there before your mean-girl squad gets suspicious?”

  “Mean girls?” She gasped like I’d electrocuted her. Seeing I was kidding, she got ready to thump me again.

  “I’m sorry. Jesus.”

  Instead of thumping me, she leaned in and kissed my cheek and then twisted my ear. I barely held in a yelp. “You will become my friend, Kelly Cannon, because Blue is important to Evan, and Evan is important to me. So you might as well stop fighting it.”

  “But—”

  “No buts.” She paused. “That will make a fabulous gay joke when I know you better.”

  When she finally let my ear slide free of her talon, I rubbed it dramatically. She waggled her fingers and headed for the front of the box where her Bonnies eagerly waited.

  Indignant, I turned to Connor. “Can you believe this?”

  He shrugged. “I kind of like her. Who can I date so we can be honorary Bonnies together?”

  I stared at him. “I think I might hate you a little bit. Even more than that week when you wouldn’t stop singing ‘Despacito.’”

  “It’s a good song.”

  “You don’t know Spanish.”

  “I know enough.” He scowled. “You know, I think I like you better when you drink.”

  “The feeling is entirely mutual.”

  I gave him the stink eye as he headed off to the bar. When he came back with a couple of fresh mojitos, I gracefully accepted one of them. We clinked glasses and drank fitfully, ending the shortest grudge in history.

  We spent the rest of the game drinking, eating delicious canapés, and cheering the team on. Blue scored twice and added a sixth and seventh touchdown of the season to his stats, and I struggled to cheer the appropriate amount and not jump up and down like a lunatic. There would be plenty of time for that later when I did a reenactment for him with a Nerf football in my bedroom. I didn’t know how I’d top the last time, when I spiked the football and did the chicken dance, but I was fairly confident I would come up with something.

  The Outlaws won 28-17, and Connor and I practically cheered ourselves hoarse. It was a fantastic way to spend a Sunday.

  AFTER THE game we headed out to the parking lot, Connor’s arm slung over my shoulders, our pockets full of smuggled snacks. I’d only had a few drinks, but Connor had thrown back at least four amaretto sours, a mojito, and a couple of craft beers. He didn’t seem drunk, but his coordination wasn’t all there. I grinned as he tripped on seemingly nothing at all.

  “Fuck you, Cannon,” he said as though he could read my mind.

  “I’ll get you home safely,” I promised. “But not laughing at you is asking too much.”

  “Why are we going to the parking lot anyway?” He scowled. “Why can’t we meet Blue in the locker room? I wanted to see some naked gladiators up close.”

  “It’s not that kind of locker room, Con,” I said, which was a bit of a lie. The guys didn’t walk around buck naked all the time, but they weren’t shy either. It was nothing for some of them to give interviews with a towel wrapped around their bottom half and nothing else. I wouldn’t even venture outside to get the mail that way. “Besides, I thought it might be awkward.”

  “I lost my chance to see naked men to make Blue comfortable?”

  “Yes. Horndog.”

  He shrugged. “I am what I am. I can’t believe he asked you not to meet him anymore.”

  “He didn’t ask. I just… don’t. Things are different now.”

  “You guys are making things different now.” He shook his head and winced. “It’s like you started dating and went backward.”

  It would be easier to argue with the bastard if he weren’t right. “I just don’t want to say the wrong thing… or embarrass him.”

  “Is that what he said?” When I glanced over at Connor, his expression matched the outrage in his voice. “That you embarrass him?”

  “Of course not. I just… it’s kind of hard to explain.”

  Somewhere along the line, I guess I just became wary of how close we seemed to other people. Last year, before we’d even crossed over the lines of friendship, Ivanovich warned me about how close Blue and I seemed. It wasn’t long before I realized he was right.

  When you were in a relationship, especially with someone you’d known practically forever, it was easy to give off a couple vibe. You knew what the other was thinking and finished each other’s sentences. You called each other by endearments without even realizing. You touched without thinking about it. I couldn’t count the number of times I looked up from watching TV on the sofa and found Blue’s hands in my hair. And since he was still engrossed in the program or game film or whatever he was watching, it was clear he didn’t even know he was doing it. The closer we became, the more worried I was that people would notice. All it would take was one ill-timed “baby” to turn things upside down.

  Try explaining any of that to Connor and his cross face. “Stop looking at me like that, and watch where you’re stepping,” I muttered. “I don’t think I’ll be able to lever your fat ass off the ground.”

  “I wouldn’t be throwing around the term fat ass.” He looked meaningfully at my posterior. “Fat ass.”

  “As I was telling Blue, I have started exercising.”

  “Your mouth doesn’t count.”

  “Shut your evil little face, O’Rourke.”

  We hip bumped our way to the car until he proved he did indeed have a bigger ass than mine. Halfway there, my phone buzzed in my pocket for the second time since we left the stadium. I checked to see if it was Blue and sighed when I saw the name on the screen. Autumn. Good gravy. In possession of my number for two goddamned hours, and she’d already texted me two pictures and an invitation to a charity dinner.

  I stuck my phone back in my pocket. I didn’t know what part of the phrase secret relationship she was having trouble with. As far as the team was concerned, Blue and I were just best friends. That’s all we could be.

  I furrowed my brow. For now. That’s all we could be for now. I didn’t know why it was so imp
ortant to amend that line of thought, but it made all the difference. I wasn’t going to throw in the towel on the best thing that ever happened to me, and whatever mind games I had to play to make things easier, I would play.

  I looked askance at Connor’s flushed face. He was a little tipsy, certainly, but he was probably still capable of good advice. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Dear God, yes. I’m glad you finally asked.” He whacked me on the back companionably. “Your classes are boring as fuck.”

  “Not that, you idiot.” I had to get him back for that crack before we got down to business, and there was only one real way to do it with any expediency. “By the by, Robert Frost is overrated.”

  His gasp could’ve been heard clear to Japan. “You said you loved my thesis.”

  “I say a lot of things.” Before he could get started on a litany of all things Frost, I hurried on. “Do you believe in true love? Like being the perfect match for someone else?”

  “Of course I do. And I think you’ve found it. I’m surprised you’d even question it.”

  “I know he’s mine.” I hesitated before saying the rest, not because I needed to figure out what to say, but because I almost felt disloyal saying it. “I know Blue is it for me, Con. But am I it for him?”

  He furrowed his brow. “What’re you saying?”

  “What if I’m just not worth all the trouble? All the upheaval? Last year he offered to come out, but I could tell he didn’t really want to. And he hasn’t really mentioned it since.” I was holding on to my key fob so tightly I was surprised it didn’t leave a Lincoln-shaped impression in my palm. “Maybe I’m just not important enough.”

  “He’s scared,” Connor said quietly. “You know that. But if all the secrecy has gotten to be too much for you, then you need to tell him.”

  “It’s not just the secrecy. It’s putting our lives on hold for God knows how long, and then who knows what will happen after the fallout. I don’t know,” I said with a big exhale. “Maybe I’m just thinking too much… in my head too much.”

  “You know what?”

  Connor propped himself up against the SUV, his studded jeans resting against the door. I resisted the urge to chide him about scratches and asked, “What?”