She reached out and put her hand on my good arm. “Oh, X, I'm so sorry.”
I started to jerk my hand away, but the expression on her face was so genuine, so caring, that I found myself wanting to believe it.
“I would ask if you were okay, but that's a stupid thing to say right now.”
She started to lean closer, but then her eyes dropped to my hand, and I felt her entire body stiffen.
“What the hell is this, X?”
Before I could react, she snatched the pill bottle from my hand. She pushed herself up on her feet, whether to get the pills out of my reach or to put herself further from me, I didn't know. I struggled to stand. I wasn't drunk, but my legs didn't really want to hold me at the moment. I had to press my back against the wall and force myself upright.
“Why do you have these?” she demanded, her eyes glinting with tears. She jabbed her finger at the vodka bottle. “Planning on downing a few pills with that?”
I almost tried to reassure her, but I didn't have the strength for it. And, if I were completely honest, a part of me didn't want to be nice.
“That's none of your business,” I snapped. “The closest person I have to a father just died. If I want to drink, then I'm going to fucking drink.”
The expression on her face hardened. “I'm not going to insult your relationship with Father O'Toole by saying that I cared about him too, because I know the sadness I'm feeling is nothing compared to what you're going through.”
I felt some of my anger start to trickle away, and I fought to keep it. Anger was better than pain.
“Then just give me the damn pills and go away.”
She shook her head. “I don't think so.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why does it matter? He was my only family, Nori. And now he's gone, and you're leaving, so why the hell does any of it even matter?”
If I thought my short burst of anger would soften her, I was wrong.
“Why?” Her eyes were blazing, and several spots of color had appeared high on her cheeks. “Why the hell do you think, you stupid bastard!”
She threw the bottle at me, the action taking me so off-guard that I didn't catch it. It fell at my feet and I let it lay there on the floor as I stared at her. I hadn't seen her this worked up since she told me about her brother.
“I told you about Logan, about what losing him did to me.” Her hands were shaking. “I can't lose someone else I care about.”
For a brief moment, I almost wished that what she said was real. Not that I thought she was lying. I just knew that we had two totally different definitions of the word. I didn't doubt that she cared about what happened to me, but it wasn't the same.
I looked away from her. “It doesn't matter,” I said. “I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I took one of the pills and I wanted a drink. Don't worry. You won't lose a patient on your watch.”
I heard her take a step toward me, then caught the scent of her perfume.
“Dammit, X, look at me.”
I clenched my jaw.
“Please.” Her voice was soft. “Look at me.”
Fuck. How was I supposed to deny her when she asked like that?
I raised my head and my eyes met hers. My stomach clenched, and the intensity of what I was feeling nearly choked me.
“Why are you here?” The question came out flat, harsh. I regretted it the moment I saw Nori flinch, and I quickly clarified. “I mean, shouldn't you be out with your boyfriend, celebrating? Planning your move back to Texas.” I gave a bitter laugh. “You don't even have to wait until I'm completely better. I'll be fine whenever you want to go. I'm sure Tanner doesn't want to stick around here any longer than he has to.”
When I finally stopped talking, I realized that Nori had gone from pissed to quiet.
“Tanner isn't my boyfriend,” she said. “Not anymore and not again.”
“Oh.” It seemed like a pretty stupid response, but it was about all I could manage at the moment.
“I realized tonight what I'd already thought when he and I broke up before,” she continued. “I'm not in love with Tanner anymore, and I haven't been for a while.”
I carefully set the vodka bottle on the floor and straightened again. I felt like the moment had become fragile, like one wrong move could shatter everything.
“X, I–”
I didn't think, didn't take the time to consider the wisdom of my actions. I just knew that she was here and not with Tanner. That she was here and I needed her.
I leaned down and took her mouth the way I'd always wanted to. Harsh, demanding, needy. I poured every ounce of my frustration and grief into the kiss. Every bit of longing and desire.
And, to my shock, after just a moment, she kissed me back.
Chapter Seven
Nori
When I was with Tanner, I thought we'd had plenty of passionate moments, but I never realized that while we'd enjoyed vigorous, energetic sex, it hadn't been passionate. In fact, I'd never known what the word passion meant until the moment X kissed me. I felt it all. His pain. His desire. The sheer need.
Then his arms were around me, pulling me against his body. This was the moment, I knew, where I had to decide whether or not to pull away, or give in to what I was feeling.
I allowed myself a moment to think, even as my arms were wrapping around X's neck. I wanted to comfort him, but if I allowed this to happen between us, I needed to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. I wanted to take care of him, but not because I felt sorry for him. I wanted to take care of him because I'd done what I knew I wasn't supposed to do.
I'd fallen for him.
I didn't tell him that, not in words, because I didn't know the words to say. Plus, I didn't think he wanted to have the sort of conversation that kind of confession would prompt.
So I showed him.
I parted my lips and his arms tightened around me in response. I drew his tongue into my mouth even as I ran my fingers through his hair. I wanted to touch him all over, explore every inch of his body, but I held back. I knew where I wanted this to go, and I wasn't really worried about taking advantage of him, but I would follow his lead. I wanted him, but I also wanted him to take what he needed from me.
He took my bottom lip between his teeth and a jolt of desire went straight through me. The pressure was sharp, just this side of painful, and I wanted more. I moaned, scraping my nails across his scalp. He made a sound that was almost a growl, then dropped his hands to cup my ass. When he started to pick me up, I hesitated for only a moment before working with him and wrapping my legs around his waist. I had to trust that he knew himself well enough to know that he could lift me.
I wasn't surprised to find myself, less than a minute later, in X's bedroom. He'd kept what I assumed was military neatness. No clutter on the floor, or anywhere else for that matter. His bed was made, sheets barely wrinkled at all. The entire thing was done in warm colors, though I suspected that was more of Father O'Toole's doing than X's choice.
His hands slid up my back, one settling at the base of my spine, the other moving up to the zipper at the back of my dress. There was no hesitation as he pulled it down, then traced his fingers down my spine.
I shivered, the heat from his touch coursing through me. My hands slid around to his chest and I began to seriously second-guess my decision to only follow his lead.
I really wanted him naked.
Like now.
Then he was pushing my dress off my shoulders and second-guessing changed to completely changing my mind. I yanked on the hem of his shirt, but he pulled back and grabbed my wrists.
“No.”
His eyes were dark, the expression on his face making things low inside me twist and pulse. Even as much as I knew Tanner had loved me and been aroused by me, I'd never had anyone look at me that way before.
“I want you,” he said, his voice low, but definitely not soft. No, it was rough. The sort of rough that rubs in all the right places.
I nodded, not tr
usting myself to speak. Instead, I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. X's fingers curled into fists as I dropped the black lace onto the floor. Some men preferred skinny girls with small breasts. I was neither skinny nor small, but judging by the way X was staring at me, he apparently wasn't one of them.
“On the bed.”
I did as I was told, settling myself in the middle of the large mattress. He watched me with that intense stare of his, the one that made me want to squirm or tell him off. Maybe both.
Despite his injuries, X still exuded grace and strength. As he walked over to the bed, I saw something new. Well, not new exactly, but something I'd only seen in bits or in potential.
Power.
My pulse began to race as X leaned over me and hooked his fingers under the waistband of my panties. When I dressed for tonight, I hadn't expected to have anyone see what I'd put on under the dress, but, at least, the black lace matching set was one of the nicer pairs I owned.
Though based on the way X threw it over his shoulder without a second glance told me that he was less interested in the panties and more in what was under them.
Then he was parting my legs and stretching out on the bed. His fingers dug into my hips as he held me in place. I didn't have time to question why he was holding me so tight because his mouth was on me and I knew the answer.
I cried out, grabbing the sheets as X's tongue moved over and in me. He knew all the right places to touch, the right pressure to apply. He didn't hold back, and he wasn't teasing like Tanner sometimes had. His hair tickled the inside of my thighs, adding to the sensation racing along my nerves. I writhed and squirmed, torn between wanting him to stop and wanting more friction. Something harder, deeper, something to fill and complete me.
I swore as he pushed two fingers inside me. It was almost too much all at once. And then he was curling his fingers, pressing against my g-spot until my orgasm burst over me hard and fast. He rubbed that spot until he coaxed a second climax from me, and I was a quivering mess.
When I finally managed to open my eyes again, X was on his knees, a condom in his hand as he looked down at me. He'd left his shirt on, but his pants and underwear had, at some point, joined my clothes on the floor. I didn't comment on why he hadn't taken off his shirt. I knew why. He trusted me in some sense, but he still didn't want to let me see or touch him like this.
As much as I wanted to reassure him, wanted to see all of him, I didn't press the issue. What was happening between us was fragile, and I knew that the wrong word or move could spoil it.
Instead, I focused on the parts of him I could see. The tight muscles in his thighs. His narrow hips. And his cock, thick and full. I'd seen him soft before, the most recent of which hadn't even been in the hospital. Whenever I thought of his naked body – and it was far more often than I was comfortable with – it'd been of him walking out of the bathroom the day I first arrived.
He was attractive then, of course, but nothing compared to the way he looked now. It wasn't because his wounds had healed more, or because I'd become used to his scars. It was the confidence he exuded. The knowledge I could see on his face, him knowing that I wanted him.
Our eyes locked as he rolled the condom over his erection. Part of me wanted to watch, but I couldn't look away from his gaze. Neither one of us spoke as he leaned over me, propping himself up on one arm while using his other hand to position himself. I couldn't stop the slight exhalation when I felt the tip of him brush against me. Something flared in his eyes at the sound, and then he was pushing into me.
He didn't move fast, or pause and let me get used to him, to how different he felt inside me. Instead, he was relentless, moving forward inch by inch until he was finally all the way in. He stayed there, the small, slight movements of his hips sending little ripples of pleasure through me.
I ran my hands up his chest and around to the back of his neck. “Can I take off your shirt?” I whispered the question, the need to see him, touch him, almost overwhelming.
He shook his head. He made a short, shallow thrust and I gasped.
Damn, that felt good.
“I've already seen you,” I remind him. My hands run down his back and start to slip under his shirt.
“No.”
The word was sharp and I yanked my hands back, sure I'd just ruined everything.
“You touch where and when I say you can touch.” He held himself up with one arm and grabbed my wrists with his other hand. His fingers almost wrapped completely around both wrists as he pulled my arms up above my head.
A shiver ran through me as he pinned my hands to the bed. I knew he was strong, but there was a huge difference between knowing it and experiencing it. Just like there was a difference between knowing X would make a great Dom, and experiencing it firsthand.
“Okay,” I breathed the agreement. Anything as long as he didn't leave. My entire body was pulsing with need. The orgasms I'd already had hadn't sated me, only whetted my appetite. I wanted him completely.
Then he began to move, pulling almost all the way out before driving himself back in. Each thrust made me whimper as he hit that place deep inside me, sending sparks of pain and pleasure racing through me.
Tanner had once asked me to describe what it felt like, and the closest I'd ever been able to get was to say it felt like grabbing one of those electric fences that farmers use for livestock. Like my entire body was a conduit for the sort of electricity that could only happen when two bodies came together. No matter how quickly I could make myself come alone, it was never the same as it was with a man inside me.
X leaned harder on my wrists for balance as he ran his other hand up my side to cup my breast. His thumb teased my nipple into a hard point and I arched up into him. I felt the restraint in his touch, felt how much he was holding back.
I didn't want him to hold back.
When his mouth came down on mine again, I kissed him back hungrily, desperate to show him that he didn't need to be careful with me. I bit at his lips, sucked hard on his tongue, my arms struggling to get free so I could run my hands through his hair, dig my nails into his shoulders and back.
With a growl, X raised his head. His eyes were burning, his gaze searching for something on my face. When he drove into me this time, it was harder than before, and I cried out. I understood it then. He was watching me to see what I wanted.
“Again.” I meant for the word to come out as a demand, but it was a plea instead.
One, apparently, that he was more than willing to fulfill. There was no hesitation on the next stroke, only the wonderful sensation of being suddenly and completely full. I raised my hips to meet him thrust for thrust, forcing him as deep as he could go. His grip on my wrists was almost too much, and I had a feeling I'd end up with bruises tomorrow, but I didn't care. This was what I wanted from him. What I needed. The edge that I'd been craving.
Neither of us said a word as we pushed ourselves toward the edge. The room was full of harsh breathing, skin against skin, my own whimpers and moans, but no words. We didn't say each other's names or make declarations that we knew we couldn't keep. I didn't know what this was between us or what it would mean, but I didn't want any of that to get in the way of what was happening. I'd worry about the rest later. Right now, all that mattered was the man above me.
Tension was coiling tight in my body, and I knew I was close. It'd take only a little bit to push me over. I could feel his muscles tensing, feel him fighting his body to put off the inevitable. I understood the feeling. I didn't want this to end. As much as I wanted to come, I wanted us to be able to stay like this more.
He pressed his face against the crook of my neck, his body pressing down against mine as his thrusts became more erratic. The cotton of his t-shirt rubbed against my already sensitive nipples and the change of position made him press on my clit at just the right angle. Then his teeth were pulling at the skin at the base of my throat, worrying and sucking until I knew he'd left a mark.
Pleasure washed ove
r me as I came again. I clenched down on his cock and felt him groan more than I heard it. I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him to me as he came. His entire body shuddered and he finally released my hands. I didn't try to touch any of the scarred skin within my reach, but I did put my arms around him, the pinpricks of rushing blood making me shiver. My fingers were almost numb, but I didn't care. I just held him tight and prayed that he'd found some solace in me.
Chapter Eight
Nori
I didn't remember falling asleep other than the fleeting thought that I should probably go back to my own bed. But I'd been so comfortable, my muscles limp and relaxed, my pussy throbbing pleasantly. And X's arms around me.
One of the things I'd always loved about my relationship with Tanner had been how safe he'd made me feel. Even before Logan died, my parents hadn't been the most protective. My brother was the person who'd taken care of me. Then I'd had only myself to rely on until I'd met Tanner. While X and he were two totally different people, I did feel that similarity. The feeling that nothing bad could happen to me while I was with him.
I slept solid through, not waking until I felt X moving. Even then, I let consciousness come slowly. A part of me already knew that waking up would mean having to face what I'd done. X and I would need to talk about it, about what it meant, if it changed things between us.
I didn't want to have that talk.
X had been hurting last night, but there'd been no taking advantage. It had been comfort...and maybe something more. I just didn't know if the something more was what X wanted. I still had some conflicting emotions about how appropriate my feelings were, but I wasn't denying their existence anymore. I couldn't. They were too strong. Too much right in front of me.
Now came the fear that X didn't feel the same way. After he kissed me that first time, he said he'd only done it because it'd been a long time since he was with anyone. I'd been convenient.
Dom X - The Complete Box Set: Alpha Male Romance Page 25
