The Color of Distance

by Amy Thomson

  This ts the most important Survey mission in decades,” Bremen responded. I don’t want to take any unnecessary risks. Vm sorry T› Saari but I m afraid that until further notice, you will continue to have a security escort.”

  “I understand, Dr. Bremen,” Juna said, fighting to keep her anger from showing.

  She stood. “Captain Edison, thank you for taking my part in this matter. I’ll try to prove that your trust in me is justified.”

  With that, Juna turned and walked out the door, too angry to wait for an official dismissal. Under her suit, her skin was alive with anger, hurt, and disappointment.

  She flung open the airlock door, slammed it shut, started the lock cycle, and began stripping off her suit, fighting back tears. Her gloves jammed on their threads, so she fought her way out of the suit, leaving its gloves and boots attached. Then she had to wait until the lock finished cycling to get into her room.

  Only when she was in the shower did she allow her tears to flow. The hot water flowed over her body, washing away the tears and soothing her tight, dry skin. She leaned her forehead against the side of the shower stall. Hot water poured around her ears and down her cheeks, trailing off the point of her chin. She knew that she should have stayed and tried to convince Bremen to change his mind, but she had been too angry to think straight. It was all too much—her cold, dry quarters, the quarantine, the constant surveillance, the way Moki clung to her, and the demands of the Tendu. Worst of all was the fear in the eyes of her fellow humans. Still, she had to bear it. The Tendu and the humans needed her to reach harmony. She wondered how the enkar managed.

  She climbed out of the shower, and began to dry off. She wanted to climb into bed, pull the covers over her head, and never come out again.

  The phone rang. She reached to answer it, then hesitated as it rang again, and again. She picked it up just before the messaging clicked in.

  “Hey, it’s Laurie. How’re you doing?”

  Juna sighed and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. “I’ve been better,” she confessed.

  “You want someone to talk to? I’ll be happy to suit up and come in.”

  Juna glanced around the anonymous cubicle she occupied. “I think I’d rather come out.”

  “Okay.”

  Laurie opened the airlock door after it finished cycling. “Let’s go sit on the landing dock. That way you can get out of that suit for a while.”

  “Can I do that?” Juna asked.

  “Sure. You’re under guard, after all. C’mon.”

  Laurie let Juna through the airlock to the outside first. She stood at the top of the steps, looking longingly at the low green line of forest-covered hills, inhaling the scent of the sea and the green, complex scent of the jungle. If only she could dive off the dock and vanish into the forest, leaving all her problems behind. She shook her head and stepped back from the railing.

  The airlock door slid open with a hiss, and Laurie stepped out, looking even taller and more imposing in her e-suit.

  “Let’s go sit down by the water,” Juna said. “I want to dangle my legs over the side.”

  Laurie nodded and followed her down the steps to the dock.

  “I’ve heard so much about the jungle and the Tendu from you and the others who’ve been ashore. I wish I could see it,” Laurie said when they were settled.

  “Do you want me to take you over there sometime?” Juna asked. “It would be easy for me to get permission from the Tendu.”

  Laurie looked down at the water. “I’d like to, but there are so many people who haven’t been ashore yet. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Fair?” Juna smiled, thinking of her own treatment. “What’s fair? You’ve been good to me, treated me like a human being.” She looked up at Laurie. “I wish more people did.”

  Laurie looked away for a long moment. “You don’t mind that I report to the captain about you?”

  Juna shrugged. “It’s part of your job. Captain Edison said that the reports she’s heard have been good.”

  Laurie nodded, but there was still a hunched and guilty look about her.

  “What is it, Laurie? What’s wrong?”

  “They watch you,” she said after a long pause.

  “I know that,” Juna said.

  Laurie shook her head. “You don’t understand. They watch you all the time. Everywhere. There are cameras in your room, and surveillance equipment in your suit. There’s a team of people trying to decode everything you say to the Tendu. They questioned Alison when they found out she was a friend of yours.”

  Juna put a hand on Laurie’s shoulder. “You think I don’t already know that they’re treating me like an exotic lab rat? They have to be watching me. I’d be surprised if they weren’t. They need to know how I’ve changed. I just wish I could explain to them that it’s still me inside this skin. I’m just a little older, a little wiser, and a whole lot greener than I used to be.”

  Laurie smiled, and then looked away, out toward the coast. “You still shouldn’t be treated like this, after all you’ve been through. You don’t need a security escort, Juna.”

  “They think I do,” Juna said with an ironic smile.

  “I’ve served under Captain Edison for four years. You work that long with someone, you get to understand them pretty well. She isn’t happy with this trip. There’s too many interdepartmental turf wars, and Bremen isn’t doing anything to stop them. When people go over his head to Captain Edison, he gets upset. I think he sided with Chang and Agelou because he wanted to assert his authority over the captain.”

  “Politics,” Juna said, “it’s politics. Most of the people on this ship are here because they’ve got pull. The Tendu are the most important discovery in years. Careers can be made here, especially for the AC people.” She looked out toward the green hills. “I liked being on the advance teams because there was a lot of good science being done without a lot of academic politics.”

  Laurie patted her knee. “I don’t think this situation can last very long. You’re too necessary to the success of this mission. Sooner or later Chang and Agelou are going to have to cave in. Besides, you’re well-liked, and everyone who’s dealt with you knows you aren’t a risk to the mission.”

  “It isn’t just the humans,” Juna told her. “There’s Moki and the negotiations with Lyanan. There’s pressure from all sides.” She shook her head. “It’s a lot to deal with.”

  “Just remember that you have friends on board.”

  “Thanks, Laurie,” Juna said. “It helps a lot.” She looked again at the forest. “You know, coming out here was a good idea. I feel a lot better.”

  “I’m glad it helped,” Laurie said. “You ready to go in now?”

  “We’d better,” Juna agreed. “They’re probably starting to wonder what I’m up to out here.”

  “Thank you for coming, Dr. Saari,” Captain Edison said. “Please sit down.”

  The captain sat behind her desk. “I want to apologize for this mistreatment. I think you’ve been through enough. If I could stop it, I would.” She spread her fingers in a gesture of helplessness. “But Bremen won’t budge. As a researcher, you’re in his chain of command. I can only advise him. There’s not a lot I can do about your situation, Dr. Saari, but I wanted you to know that I’m on your side, and that I’m doing everything in my power to help.”

  “Thank you, Captain. I appreciate it.”

  “I wish I could do more,” Captain Edison said. “Most people in your situation would have fallen apart, yet you’ve survived and adapted. The Survey needs more people like you.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help change the situation?” Juna asked.

  “Keep your head down, do your job, and hope that something comes along to help change things.” The captain held her hands up in a gesture of helplessness. “I’m afraid that’s the best advice I can give you.”

  Juna passed through the final airlock and stood on the landing, feeling the refreshing bite of fresh air on
her moist skin. Her sleeveless shirt fluttered in the light breeze. She closed her eyes, savoring these few moments of freedom before, the others emerged.

  “It must feel very good to get out of that suit,” Dr. Tanguay remarked as she came out of the airlock. “You’re turquoise all over.”

  Juna flushed brown with embarrassment.

  “I’m sorry,” Dr. Tanguay said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “It’s all right, Patricia,” Juna said, looking away toward the coast.

  “Could we— Could you talk in skin speech?” she asked. “I need to practice.”

  “Of course,” Juna said in Tendu. “Are you ready for the negotiations?” she asked, pacing her words more quickly than Patricia was used to in order to test her progress.

  “Slower, please,” Dr. Tanguay replied.

  Juna was repeating the question when the airlock door hissed open. It was Dr. Wu. Juna noted a look of concern on Dr. Tanguay’s face as she turned to escort Wu down the long stairway to the boat, asking him about the agenda for today’s negotiations. She helped Dr. Wu into the boat, and allowed him to help her step in. Juna followed them, accepting Dr. Wu’s hand to assist her.

  At last, the negotiation team was assembled in the boat and ready to leave. Today, the team consisted of Dr. Wu, Dr. Tanguay, Dr. Bremen, Captain Edison, and Juna. Bremen nodded to Bruce, and he cast off from the dock. As they headed for shore, Dr. Tanguay continued to work with Juna on understanding skin speech. Wu, who usually watched with interest, was looking down into the bilge of the boat. He looked a little pale, but that could just have been the reflection off the water. Juna was about to ask him, but Dr. Tanguay interrupted her with a question about skin-speech grammar. When she turned back to Dr. Wu, they were getting ready to land.

  As soon as they stepped onto the beach, Dr. Tanguay took Dr. Wu’s arm. The two of them plodded down the beach, chatting amicably. Patricia stopped often to pick something up and exclaim over it. They trailed the group by thirty meters by the time the others stopped to rest at the top of the cliff. Dr. Wu was sweating profusely and breathing hard when he and Tanguay reached the top of the cliff. She’s covering for Wu, Juna realized.

  He looked as if he needed a chance to rest before they continued on. Juna decided to make sure that he got it.

  “You wait here. I’ll go see if the Tendu are ready for us,” she said.

  Juna entered the cool forest with a sigh of relief, slipping out of her clothing as soon as she was out of sight of the other humans. Anitonen chittered at her from a branch in the lower canopy, and Moki swung down to greet her. They embraced and linked briefly.

  Wu looked better when Juna returned for the team. They followed her to the stream bank where the negotiations were being held and settled down to work. There was little progress. The Tendu would not discuss anything else until the question of reparations for Lyanan was resolved. So far, Wu and the others had refused every suggestion made by Lalito, except for a set of aerial photographs and detailed topographical maps of their territory, made of indestructible plastic. Even that was pushing the letter of the law, but it was the villagers’ most benign request so far, and the humans needed to give the Tendu something in order to keep the negotiations going.

  But Lalito wanted more. She kept asking for things she had seen on her trip to the ship: computers, electric lights, steel tools, plastic containers, bags, and sheeting. She even wanted some mice like the one in Juna’s room. Juna had suggested alternatives: more coils of hemp rope, beautifully woven baskets, flint-knapped arrowheads, and fishnets. All had been flatly refused. At least they were still negotiating, though Juna felt that was a tribute to the endurance and patience of the Tendu.

  After an hour and a half, both sides took a break. Juna pulled Dr. Tanguay aside.

  “What’s the matter with Dr. Wu?” she asked. “He’s been looking pale all morning. You’ve been hovering over him like an anxious mother hen.”

  “He said he wasn’t feeling well,” Patricia replied. “Perhaps it’s a touch of the flu.” Her tone of voice was not convincing.

  “You’re worried it’s something serious, aren’t you?”

  “I’m afraid that it might be his heart,” Patricia confessed. “He barely made it through the health screening, and he’s been getting steadily worse the whole trip. I’ve been trying to keep him from getting too tired. He’s too important to lose.”

  “Perhaps we should take him back to the ship,” Juna suggested.

  Patricia shook her head. “I’ve suggested that, but he won’t go.” She glanced over at Wu. “He’s afraid that the doctors will bar him from the negotiations.”

  “I’ll do what I can to help,” Juna reassured her.

  Juna watched Wu as the negotiations progressed. He looked distinctly unwell. She saw some of the others watching him also. Even the Tendu seemed to notice. She was about to call for another break when Wu suddenly doubled over, clutching his chest.

  “My heart,” he gasped.

  Captain Edison was on the radio immediately, calling for assistance.

  “What is it?” Anitonen asked.

  “Something’s wrong with his heart,” Juna told her. “We’re calling for medical assistance.”

  “He’s unconscious!” Patricia exclaimed.

  Anitonen pushed past the humans and squatted beside Wu. “Help me get his suit off,” she told Juna. “He needs help now!”

  “Let the Tendu help,” Juna told the others as she began removing Wu’s helmet.

  “No!” Patricia said, pushing Juna’s hands away. “It’ll kill him!”

  “The Tendu can stabilize him,” Juna told her. “By the time we get him to a medical team it will be too late.”

  “But it will kill him!”

  “No it won’t!” Juna insisted. “The Tendu saved my life. They can save his.” She took Dr. Tanguay’s hands in hers. “Patricia, I care about Paul too. Let me help Anitonen save his life. Please!”

  “They can’t get a medical team to us for at least fifteen minutes,” Captain Edison informed them. “Let the Tendu do what they can for him.” The captain slid an arm around Patricia’s shoulders. “Dr. Tanguay, I need you to come with me to help guide the medical team in.”

  “Thank you,” Juna said as the captain turned to go. She nodded at Anitonen. “All right.”

  Anitonen got Dr. Wu’s gloves off, and sank a spur into the palm of his hand. Wu’s breathing eased immediately and color returned to his face.

  “You know your own people better than I do. Monitor me,” Anitonen told Juna.

  Juna flickered yes. Aloud she said, “I’m going to help Anitonen with Dr. Wu. Please, don’t disturb us. It might kill Dr. Wu, and could harm Anitonen or me.”

  She helped Anitonen remove Wu’s helmet and open his suit. Juna clasped one of his arms, Anitonen took the other, and then they linked.

  Juna could feel Wu’s heart laboring. His oxygen-starved blood tasted flat and rusty. Anitonen dilated the blood vessels supplying the heart, increasing the blood supply. They fed all the oxygen their bodies could spare into Wu’s bloodstream. Then Anitonen set about repairing the damaged tissues of his heart. It began to beat more strongly as oxygen-rich blood began reaching the starved muscle, and Anitonen continued restoring the damaged heart.

  Wu regained consciousness. Juna felt him tense and begin to panic. She shielded him from the intrusion of their presences, as Moki had shielded her so long ago. Wu’s panic changed to curiosity as he felt Anito-nen’s presence exploring his clogged arteries. The Tendu began clearing the arteries around his heart, filtering the greasy cholesterol out through her allu. It was a long job. Juna could feel Anitonen tiring, so she fed her some energy.

  Wu’s presence reached out tentatively, full of wonder and excitement at this strange new contact. Juna enfolded him in reassurance and calmness. Anitonen finished clearing the arteries in Wu’s chest and lungs and began work on the rest of his body, but she was getting too tired to cont
inue. Juna gently eased the link apart.

  She opened her eyes. Dr. Wu was smiling, tranquil. His eyes opened, he looked at her, and his smile widened. “Thank you,” he said. He sat up and reached for Anitonen, grasping her hand. “That was amazing.” He stood. Juna reached to steady him, but he shook her off. “I feel better than I have for years.” He took a deep breath of the alien air. “It smells green,” he said. “Very green, and alive.” There were tears in his eyes.

  “Anitonen gave you something to help your body fight off an allergic reaction, but it won’t last very long,” Juna told him. “You should go before you start to react.”

  “There’s a flyer on the beach,” Bremen said. “We need to get you to the infirmary.”

  Wu nodded. He looked as if he were in a dream. He touched Juna on the arm, and Juna realized that she was finally touching another human being skin to skin. She took his hand.

  “Please thank Anitonen for me,” Wu said. “Not just for saving my life. But for the other. The allu-a—” He paused. “It was what I have wanted all my life. To touch the alien.” He shook his head, wonderingly. “It was—” He spread his hands wide, his face suffused with joy. “I don’t have words for it, but please, thank her for it.”

  “I understand,” Juna told him.

  “So do I, now. Thank you, Juna.” He clasped her hands in his for a moment.

  Juna translated Dr. Wu’s thanks. Anitonen rippled amusement.

  “Tell him that he has a good presence, and that it was an honor to link with him.”

  Juna translated, and Dr. Wu smiled in response. He clasped Anito-nen’s hands and turned to go.

  “How did he get like that?” Anitonen asked. “So full of things wrong with him?”

  “It happens to humans as they get older,” Juna replied. “I should go and make sure the doctors don’t do anything to reverse what you’ve done.”