by Vi Keeland
As we hit the parking lot, I began shouting “Really? Out of all the clubs in this fucking state he has to be here! With her. . . The Jersey Shore Douche of Honor!”
Nicole was rushing through the parking lot making a B-line for her car.
“Move your ass, Leila!” She yelled. “Before Miami Vice boys realize we’re not coming back and we have to explain what just happened.”
I kicked off my shoes and began running to the other end of the parking lot. I was cursing under my breath at the size of the parking lot. When we finally reached her car, I slumped into the passenger’s seat. I rested my head on the headrest, and I closed my eyes. This was all too much for me. One minute I was having a great time and felt like I haven’t felt in years. The next minute my heart was nearly beating out of my chest, and I was right back to where I was four years ago. Nicole pulled out of the parking lot, and we headed home. We drove in silence for some time.
“Leila?”
“Yeah?” I said sadly.
“Do you think you are ever going to move on?” She asked sincerely.
“You know. . .” I said with a huge sigh. “I really wish I could. I feel like every time I find myself feeling almost normal, he shows back up in my life. I need closure––there are so many things I want to tell him.” I felt a tear run down my cheek and quickly wiped it away before Nicole noticed. The rest of the ride we sat in silence. Nicole dropped me off at my apartment.
“It’s going to get easier, I promise,” she said to me. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Chapter Ten
The next three weeks went by like a blur. I had an emergency session with Helen after everything that happened at the Halloween Party. She didn’t fault me for running away, though she thought I really should get closure with Garrett. She’d been encouraging me to get in contact with him. She actually suggested we have him come to her office and she could act as a moderator, if needed. I had been warming up to the idea, but I just wasn’t ready to make that step.
It was already the night before Thanksgiving. Originally, I hadn’t been on the schedule, but Danny had asked me if I could work at the last minute. Although, I needed a break, I couldn’t say no to him. It really helped me out by him giving me the extra hours because I needed the extra money to pay for my therapy sessions.
Danny was expecting the bar to be packed and wanted everyone working. I was glad he put me on the earlier shift because that meant I could hang out with Nicole and Hillary and dance for a few hours after my shift was over. I put on my usual work outfit of a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I’d planned on coming back up to my apartment after my shift to freshen up and change.
As I walked through the employee entrance, I could feel the heat had already accumulated in the bar. The place was hopping. All of the bar stools at the bar were occupied. Wow! This is going to be a great night for tips. I pushed my way through the crowd and made it behind the bar. I grabbed my apron and my order pad and hit the floor.
As I pushed my way through the crowd, I heard a bunch of guys laughing in the corner. I turned my head to see what was so funny and saw Garrett sitting in the corner surrounded by five guys.
My heart felt as if it was going to explode inside my chest. Why was he here? Even though sheer panic was rushing through my body, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He looked amazing. He had a huge smile on his face and looked like he was having a great time. He was wearing a tight Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. His arms were exposed revealing the tattoos that covered them. He had what was called “sleeves”, there was no skin exposed just ink. I hadn’t noticed them at the wedding because he had been wearing his Marine uniform. I laughed to myself, when we were together I had always told him I wanted us to get matching tattoos. He told me I was corny and that he would never get one. Obviously, something had changed his mind for him to be covered in them now.
I began to feel a little lightheaded. I wasn’t sure if it was the heat, the amount of people in the bar, or the fact that Garrett was in the same room as me again. I wanted to run for the back door before he saw me. As I turned to make a B-line for the kitchen, I heard my name. I stopped dead in my tracks, “Fucking A,” I said. I turned back towards him.
He was on his feet walking towards me. “Garrett? What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see you. I ran into Nicole earlier today, and she told me you would be working tonight.
“Oh, remind me to thank her later,” I said.
“I didn’t like how we left things at the wedding and I haven’t stopped thinking about you since. . . .” His head dropped slightly and his voice became softer. “The Halloween Party. I wanted to make sure you were ok. You left in such a rush.”
Part of me became angry, and I wasn’t sure why. “Well, you’ve seen me. I’m fine. Thanks for stopping by.” As I turned to walk away he grabbed my arm.
“Don’t run from me, Leila. I need to talk to you,” he pleaded.
“It’s too late for talking. There is nothing left to say so please let me go.”
I could feel my anger growing inside me. I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. For the past few weeks, I had been sitting in Helen’s office telling her how I had longed for an opportunity to talk to him because I needed closure. Now here I was pushing him away. I think the reality of it all was too much.
“Is that what you really want? Just say the word and I will walk out the door.”
“Garrett, I can’t do this. Not here, not now. Please, just go.” I freed my arm from his grip.
His head dropped. “Goodbye Leila.” He walked past me and out the front door.
I ran to the bathroom, dodging the crowds of people. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I was furious. As I paced back and forth, I began rambling to myself. “He has some fucking nerve. Who the fuck does he think he is? He walked out on me four years ago and thinks he can come back and act like nothing has happened. He left me when I needed him the most. I know I hurt him, but I was hurting too. He expects me to drop everything. He can go fuck himself. And what the hell is the matter with me? Helen has been preparing me for this. He was standing right in front of me and I freeze up like a freaking asshole!”
I couldn’t live like that anymore. I was trying to get myself to a good place, I had to move forward. Going back to him would be like taking twenty steps backwards. I went to the sink and splashed water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror. “Come on Leila, pull it together. You can do this,” I said, trying to convince myself. A group of girls busted through the door laughing, they gave me a strange look as I stared at myself. I gave them a small smile and walked out the door.
I took a deep breath and went back onto the floor. I hoped my shift would fly by. After that run in with Garrett, I needed to let off some steam. Hillary and Nicole were meeting me here at ten, and I wasn’t going to let him ruin my night.
Even though the place was packed, and I was busy my entire shift, the night seemed to drag. When ten o’clock hit, I was thankful and headed over to Hillary and Nicole. They had been waiting for me at our table since nine.
“I will be back in a few. I want to shower and change,” I said looking directly at Hillary. I turned to Nicole, “You need to come with me.”
“Me? What did I do,” she said shocked.
“Oh, you know exactly what you did,” I snapped.
Nicole looked at Hillary uneasily shrugging her shoulders.
As Nicole and I headed toward the back door I heard Hillary shout, “I’ll have shots waiting for you guys when you get back.”
I went storming up the stairwell that led to my apartment refusing to even look at Nicole. I was livid.
“So are you going to tell me why you’re so pissed at me?” Nicole asked.
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to her. “Really? Really? You honestly have no clue why I am so pissed!”
“No! I don’t,” Nicole snapped back at me.
“I can’t believ
e you told him where I work!”
“What? Who?”
“Garrett! That’s who. He showed up here.”
“He did what? I’m going to fucking kill him! He promised me he wouldn’t come here. Oh Christ, Leila. I’m sorry. I didn’t actually think he would show up here,” Nicole said with regret in her voice.
“Yeah, well he did,” I said continuing up the stairs to my apartment.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. He told me he wanted to talk to you. I made him promise me he wouldn’t come here while you were working. Obviously, he lied. Stupid fucker, I am going to kill him the next time I see him.”
As she followed me up the stairs her voice lowered. “So what happened? Did you talk to him?” She said flinching.
“No, I didn’t talk to him. I have nothing to say to him,” I snapped.
“Oh please don’t give me that shit. You know you want to talk to him. He’s all you think about. You need to stop lying to yourself.”
I fought with the lock on my door. “Really? You’re now saying this to me?”
“I don’t see what the big deal is. I thought your therapist wanted you to talk to him.”
I pushed my door open and stormed through my apartment and into my bedroom taking off my clothes as I went.
“The big deal is . . . It should be my choice if I want to talk to him not yours!” I yelled and slammed the bathroom door behind me.
I turned the shower on and stepped in. I heard the bathroom door open and shut.
“Okay, you’re right. I shouldn’t have told him you were working tonight. I guess I thought I was trying to help. I should have warned you.”
I poked my head out from the shower curtain. “I accept your apology, but I’m still pissed at you.”
“So . . . How did he look?” Nicole said trying to stifle her smile.
“You really have a set of balls on you don’t you?” I said shutting the shower curtain.
Nicole laughed, “Bigger than most men.”
I began to laugh too. I could never stay mad at her for too long. I knew what she did was not intended to hurt me. She was trying to help.
I shut the water off to the shower. “And to answer your question. . . He looked fucking hot,” I laughed. “Now, can you hand me a towel and get out so I can get ready?”
I wrapped a towel around me and ran a brush through my hair. As I entered my bedroom, Nicole was sitting on the corner of my bed.
“I picked out some clothes for you,” Nicole said sheepishly. Lying next to her on my bed was my favorite denim mini skirt and my black knit top that had sequins on the front and was cut into a V in the back. For shoes, she chose my black leather high heel boots. I looked at her and sighed, “Nicole, don’t worry about it. I know you what you were trying to do.”
“I just feel so bad. I honestly didn’t think he was going to show up.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It is what it is. Maybe someday I’ll get the courage to talk to him. He was the last person I expected to see at Danny’s. It really threw me for a loop.”
Nicole stood up from my bed. “Alright that is enough talking about him. Let’s get you ready, Hillary is waiting for us. You want me to do your hair?”
Forty minutes later I was finally ready, and we headed back down to Danny’s. Nicole convinced me to leave my hair down, and she teased it so my waves were crazy. My stomach was full of nerves. I was hoping and praying Garrett hadn’t shown back up while we were gone. I don’t think I could handle another run in with him at this point. I need a few drinks in me to settle my nerves. I took a deep breath as we walked through the employee entrance. The DJ had Let’s Get it Started by the Black Eyed Peas blaring. We spotted Hillary on the dance floor. She was wearing black leather shorts that barely covered her ass, fishnet stockings, and a black almost see through top with a red, sequin tank underneath. Her feet were sporting red stilettos that matched her tank top. She had her hair styled in a high ponytail with a few tendrils coming down in the back. Nicole grabbed my hand. “Come on let’s dance.”
I hesitated scanning the room for Garrett. Hoping to God he wasn’t here. “I need a drink first,” I shouted over the music. Nicole gave me a look.
Nicole walked out onto the dance floor to get Hillary and I headed to our table. I flagged Kimberly, one of the waitresses, down. Kimberly walked over with a big smile on her face. “Hey ladies how are we doing tonight?
“Hey Kimberly, we are doing great!” Hillary replied. “We need a round of shots,” Hillary said with a smile. “You better make it a double for Leila. She looks like she needs it.”
“Yeah, what happened earlier?” Kimberly said looking directly at me. “I heard some dude made a scene.”
“Eh. . . It was nothing. He’s my ex. Let’s just say he’s an ex for a reason,” I said trying to make light of the subject.
“Oh, I know about ex’s drama,” Kimberly said giving me a reassuring smile. “Alright, a round of shots coming up. Don’t worry, Leila, I’ll make it double for you,” she said with a wink.
While we waited for our drinks Nicole filled Hillary in on what had happened earlier with Garrett. I was half listening to their conversation, but most of my attention was on the front door. I was hoping that Garrett was not going to walk through that door. Kimberly returned with our drinks. “Here you go, Ladies. Danny said he would run a tab for you.”
“Thanks, Kimberly,” we all said in unison.
I reached for the shot glass, but before I could grab it, Nicole put her hand over the top of it. “Not so fast, promise me you’re going to behave tonight, you’ve been doing so well. I know seeing Garrett tonight threw you for a loop, but I really would hate to see you fall back into your old habits because of one little incident.”
I rolled my eyes and put my right hand over my heart and raised my left hand. “I promise I will behave tonight,” I said laughing. Inside, my heart was racing and I was full of self-doubt. Nicole removed her hand from my shot glass and down the hatch it went. “Wooooo!” I yelled. “Let’s dance!”
The three of us were out on the crowded dance floor having a great time. I was definitely feeling a buzz. We were dancing with a few different guys around us, and I noticed Justin by the bar. He was a regular at Danny’s. He and I had hooked up quite a few times over the years. He was one of the only guys I had remained friendly with. With Justin, I knew exactly what I was getting. Neither of us wanted a relationship, so a night of meaningless sex every few months was exactly what we did.
Justin was almost six feet tall and had dirty blonde hair that he just let hang everywhere. He was average build and was always wearing a black leather biker jacket, white t-shirt, jeans and white sneakers. The very first night I met him I told him he was a Jax Teller look-a-like from Sons of Anarchy. This for me was a very, very good thing. Tonight was no exception. He sauntered onto the dance floor and by the look in his eyes, I knew he wanted to do more than just dance. I waved him over, and I started grinding on him. Tonight I’m Lovin You was blasting as he moved his hands up and down my body, raising my skirt a little bit at a time. Things definitely were beginning to heat up between us. The music was pumping and the alcohol was quickly going to my head. I could feel myself losing control. I closed my eyes as he started to kiss my neck and ear.
I felt a sudden jerk. I quickly opened my eyes and saw Justin on the floor and Garrett standing over him. “Don’t you fucking touch her!” Garrett yelled.
I pushed him away from Justin. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“You’re just going to let him touch you like that, like some cheap whore?” He yelled back at me with rage in his voice.
Justin stepped behind me. I felt him forcefully pushing up against my back. “What the fuck is your problem?” He screamed at Garrett as he breathed heavily on my neck.
Getting between these two was not some place I wanted to be. But I knew Danny would call the cops in a second if a punch was thrown. He did not tolerate any sort of violence in his bar.
He closed his eyes tightly and tried to control his breathing. As he opened his eyes “Leila, I’m not going to let some asshole come in here and call you a whore. It’s not going to fucking happen.”
“I can handle him,” I said adamantly. “Him and I . . . We have a history. I want you to leave before Danny calls the cops. You know how he is about fighting in here.”
“Are you sure you know what you are doing? I swear to fucking God, Leila, I will knock his fucking block off for you.”
His words brought a small smile to my face. “I know you would Justin and I really appreciate that, but what I really need you to do is go.”
He lifted my chin with his fingers. “I am doing this only because you asked me nicely,” he said with a smile and then kissed my lips gently.
Justin backed away from me slowly and raised his hand pointing directly at Garrett, “You’re lucky mother fucker.”
“Justin,” I said raising my voice.
Raising his hands up like he was surrendering. “Alright, I’m outta here. You have my number if you need me,” he said loudly, staring Garrett down. “If you hurt her, I’ll fucking kill you.”
Once I knew for sure Justin was leaving I quickly spun around to face Garrett. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You have no right to call me a whore!” I began walking toward him. “How dare you come in here and judge me, I am not your girlfriend. You made that perfectly clear four years ago. Just remember you were the one that left me. You deserted me when I needed you the most. Did you think I was going to be celibate for the rest of my life? That I was going to pine over you?”
I could tell by the look on his face my words hurt him. A crowd of people began to surround us. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I started to see spots. The atmosphere was real thick in the bar, and I needed fresh air. I took off out the front door and ran as fast as I could down the sidewalk. Tears were falling, and I started to gasp as if I was going to hyperventilate. I couldn’t catch my breath. I bent over, my hands on my thighs and my head down, taking deep breathes.
