by H. Karhoff
His lips brushed my ear as he whispered, “Not telling,” causing goosebumps to erupt on my arms. Then he settled back in his chair with a grin.
“Not fair.” I pouted.
He only chuckled in response. It was as if he delighted in toying with me, but to be honest, I enjoyed every minute of it. For the duration of detention, we continued our banter. It was nice to get attention from a boy. Aside from parading me around at social events, Chad was more interested in hanging out with his friend, Andy, than he was in spending time with me. Devon treated me like I was the only other person in the room. For forty-five minutes, I was the center of somebody’s world and it was the coolest thing ever.
As I walked home, I looked forward to the next day. I couldn’t wait to see Devon again. It concerned me that he was on probation, but he hadn’t hurt anyone or broken any major laws so I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. For hours, I pondered whether or not I should break up with Chad. My friends wouldn’t like it, but if I did, I’d be free to go out with Devon. He obviously liked me. At least, I thought he did.
When I got to school the next morning, I discovered my mistake. Devon was in the commons area with his friends and there was a dark-haired girl attached to his arm. I stared at him in disbelief. It felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. He hadn’t mentioned anything about having a girlfriend, but it was clear from the way the dark-haired girl acted that they were more than just friends. The sight of the two of them together hurt. As I continued to my locker, I struggled against tears. It wasn’t fair.
“It really sucks that you can’t go this weekend,” Kennedy said as I dug my books out of my backpack.
“Yeah.” I sighed, barely paying attention to her.
“We should do something next weekend. Jason’s been talking about this movie coming out. Maybe you could talk to Chad and we could do like a double-date or something. That’d be fun.”
“Maybe.”
“Come on, Tori. I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately, but we need to do something to get you out of this funk.”
“I’m not in a funk,” I said. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“Just a lot of stuff. It doesn’t matter.”
When Devon walked up to his locker, I pretended not to notice. I didn’t want to think about how ridiculous I’d been. It was foolish for me to assume there was something going on between us. One conversation didn’t make us soulmates.
“Well, will you at least talk to Chad about it?” Kennedy asked.
“Sure,” I agreed with as much enthusiasm as I could manage.
At lunch, I made a mediocre effort to convince my boyfriend to go along with Kennedy’s proposal, but he said he already had plans with one of his friends. He wasn’t specific about what they were and I didn’t care enough to ask. It didn’t matter to me what he did.
When I told Kennedy, she acted like it was my fault he didn’t want to go. She told all of her new friends that I purposefully tried to sabotage her chances with Jason because I was jealous of her rising popularity. I spent half the day defending myself against unwarranted accusations. By the time the final bell rang, I was more than ready to be done with school for a few days.
“Can you believe Kennedy?” I asked Joy as we gathered our books after school.
“Not getting involved,” she answered.
“I didn’t do anything to her.”
“Like I said, not getting involved.”
“I am not jealous of her.”
Joy exhaled and turned to face me. “I don’t know how many times I can say this. I am not getting involved. This is between you and her. It’s none of my business. I don’t want it to be my business. Every time I let you draw me in when you two are fighting, I wind up being the bad guy. Not this time. I’m staying out of it.”
“Thanks a lot, Joy,” I grumbled.
“I’m sorry, Tori. You’re going to have to work it out with her.” She put her bag over her shoulder and closed her locker. “I’ll see you later. I’m going to the mall with some of the girls from the math club.”
Turning back to my locker, I sighed. For a second, I thought about locking myself inside and escaping my life for a while. I didn’t want to be at school, but being at home was even worse. All I wanted to do was find somewhere to hide from the rest of the world. Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at my pink backpack, wondering if anyone would really miss me if I went home, filled it with some clothes, and left.
“Math club?” a voice asked beside me.
My heart jumped into my throat. After Joy left, I hadn’t looked to see if anyone else was still in the hall. Wiping my face to erase any evidence of my emotional instability, I turned to see Devon. He leaned against his locker with a mischievous smirk twisting the corner of his mouth. I stared at him for a second. Then I looked away. I wasn’t in the mood for his playful banter. He’d already made me feel enough like a fool.
“You don’t really seem like the type to hang out with a girl in math club,” he said.
“Really? What type do I seem like?” I asked.
“I’m leaning toward cheerleader.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a cheerleader.”
“That’s a shame. You’d look hot in one of those short skirts.”
“If that’s supposed to be a compliment, don’t bother.” I took my bag out of my locker and slammed the door.
He furrowed his brow. “Are you pissed at me for something?”
I turned to face him. I was about to tell him off for everything bad that had happened all day. Then I stopped. None of that stuff was his fault. He didn’t deserve the way I treated him. I was upset that he had a girlfriend, but that was my own stupidity. I’d never considered that if I liked him there was probably someone else that did as well.
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I’m not mad at you. I’ve just had a really bad day. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right,” he said. “Anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so. I think I’m just going to walk home or maybe find a rock to hide under or something.”
“Do you want some company? For the walk, not the hiding.”
“Sure.” I nodded.
I put my bag over my shoulder and we started down the hall. I didn’t feel like talking as we strolled across the parking lot. There was too much on my mind.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Just thinking.”
“About anything in particular?”
“Not really.” I shook my head. “You?”
“Nope.”
“So, have you been making a lot of friends?” A change of subject seemed like a good idea.
“I guess. I’ve been hanging out with a couple guys. Jake and Carter.”
“I know them. Well, not personally. I’ve seen them around. Carter’s in my biology class and Jake used to be friends with my brother. I don’t know if he still is, or not.”
“Who’s your brother?”
“Chris Douglas.”
He looked at me. “Chris is your brother?”
“Unfortunately.” I sighed.
“I don’t know why I didn’t put that together.” He chuckled.
“It’s not something I like to advertise.”
“Why? He seems like a decent guy.”
“Try living with him. He’s a big jerk. I don’t have my license yet, so I have to beg him to take me anywhere. He thinks he’s so great because he has a car.”
“When do you get your license?” Devon asked.
“Next summer,” I answered. “My birthday’s in June.”
“So, you’re what? Fifteen?”
“Yeah. How old are you?”
“Seventeen.”
“When’s your birthday?”
“Last week.”
“Really?” I smiled.
“Uh-huh.” He nodded.
“Did you do a
nything?”
“Not so much.” He shook his head. “It’s just another day.”
“No, it’s not. Birthdays are special. It’s like you get a day that’s all about you.”
“Sure.” He sighed.
I got the feeling he didn’t want to talk about his birthday anymore. We walked to the end of my driveway and stopped. I wondered what I’d said to upset him. Lately, I seemed to be saying the wrong thing nearly every time I opened my mouth. It wasn’t so bad with my friends since they didn’t listen anyway, but with Devon it was different. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize our new friendship.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.
“No.” He shook his head. “Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It’s just…sometimes I don’t think—”
“You didn’t do anything.” He smiled, touching my hand.
I looked up at him, staring into his deep blue eyes. Suddenly, the automatic movement of air through my lungs stopped. Everything stopped. The cool wind that had brushed my cheek all afternoon was gone. Complete stillness surrounded me. It was as if the universe had paused to take notice of our moment. Then he pulled his hand away.
“I should get going,” he said. “I have to be at work by four.”
I exhaled and nodded. “Ok. I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”
As soon as he left, I walked inside. My brain was too fragmented to form any rational thoughts, so I tossed my bag at the bottom of the stairs and went into the kitchen. Ice cream sounded good. I pulled the quart-sized container out of the freezer, grabbed a spoon, and sat down at the bar.
Everything was so messed up. My house was a war zone, my best friend hated me, and my boyfriend couldn’t have cared less about me. I had no idea what was going on with Devon. He acted like he wanted to be more than friends, but at the same time, he had a girlfriend. I felt like I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of disappointment. There was always something stopping me from getting what I wanted.
Six
As I walked out of algebra, the sound of Jeremiah Turley’s obnoxious laughter overwhelmed me. I looked toward the noise and spotted the out-crowd gathered by the vending machines. They were all laughing, but Jeremiah’s baritone voice carried farther than any of the others.
Moving cautiously through the commons area, I could feel the weight of eyes on the back of my neck. With a quick glance, I discovered the dark-haired girl and one of her friends glaring at me. I still didn’t know who the dark-haired girl was aside from a few rumors about her promiscuity, but I recognized her friend from detention. She was the girl that had informed me of the rules the first day. I didn’t want to invite unwanted attention, so I diverted my eyes the second I saw her. The last thing I wanted was another verbal lashing.
When I got to my locker, Kennedy and Jason were there. I attempted to interject myself into their conversation, but they weren’t interested in any additional input. Kennedy rolled her eyes at me. Then they both turned their backs.
“Okay.” I sighed.
I retrieved my books, closed my locker, and walked away. When I returned to the main hall, the commons area bustled with people. The deviants had moved on and a group of football players hyped-up on testosterone were making a lot of noise. I looked at them as I strolled past, annoyed by their idiocy. They somewhat resembled a troop of apes, bounding around and smacking each other on the back. I didn’t understand jock behavior. If any other group of people had acted the way they did, we would have branded them savages and cast them out of civilized society. Yet, having athletic ability seemed to exclude some people from the rules the rest of us had to follow.
Turning my attention back to the hallway in front of me, I noticed that Devon was only a few feet ahead. I hadn’t seen him since Friday. When he hadn’t been at his locker all day, I assumed he wasn’t at school, but obviously I’d been mistaken. I quickened my pace to catch up with him. He squinted at a sheet of notebook paper and didn’t notice that I’d joined him until I said hello.
He smiled at me as he folded up the paper and put it in his back pocket. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Just headed home,” I said. “What’s up with you?”
“Not much.”
“I didn’t think you were here. I haven’t seen you around the last couple days.”
“I have in-school suspension all week.”
“Oh.”
He smirked. “Did you miss me?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I was just curious where you were.”
“Sure.” He chuckled. “So, how’s your day been going?”
“All right. Nothing terrible has happened.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
As we approached the double doors at the end of the hall, I reached for the handle, but he grabbed it before I could. When he pulled it open, a sudden blast of heat hit me. It had warmed up since that morning and we were both drastically overdressed for the weather. Stepping through the open door, I moved to the side and set my bag on the ground. My heavy knit sweater had to go. There was no way I was walking all the way home in it. I’d have a heat stroke before I made it across the parking lot.
Devon followed me through the door and slipped off his black leather jacket. When he did, his left shirt sleeve was pushed up and I spotted something on his arm. I tried to get a better look at it without making it obvious, but he straightened his sleeve before I had the chance. Then he gave me a nod that said “See you later” and started away. Sighing loudly, I picked up my bag and put it back on my shoulder. It was heavy with another long night of homework.
“You sure everything’s okay?” Devon turned back around.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“All right. See you then.”
I watched discreetly as he walked over to where the miscreants had gathered near a green pickup truck. Jake Wilson sat on the tailgate smoking a cigarette as if it were perfectly acceptable behavior on school grounds. I looked around to see if one of the teachers would notice, but there weren’t any. When I turned back to the green truck, Devon was next to Jake with a cigarette of his own.
“Oh, my God!” Kennedy screeched as she raced through the doors and stampeded into my line of vision. “Tori, you will never believe what happened.” She paused to catch her breath. “Jason asked me out! Can you believe it?”
“That’s great, Kenn,” I replied half-heartedly.
“You could at least try to be happy for me,” she said.
“I am happy for you. I just kind of have my own stuff going on right now.”
“You mean like that loser skank you’ve been talking to?”
I looked squarely at her. “Devon’s not a skank.”
“Come on, Tori, he dresses like his mom shops at Homeless R’ Us.”
“No, he doesn’t. Just because he doesn’t look like everybody else doesn’t make him a skank. He has his own style.”
“What’s that ‘Vagrant meets Future Drop-out’?” She scoffed. “Did you know he’s on probation?”
“Yeah. So what? He’s still a nice guy.”
“A nice guy on probation. Do you really want to go out with a criminal?”
“We’re just friends,” I said.
“It doesn’t look that way,” she replied. “Amanda Long said she saw you talking to him after school on Friday.”
“The operative word there is talking. Who cares if we were talking?”
“Chad does. He’s getting pretty upset about all the rumors.”
“What rumors?”
“People are saying you’ve been seeing that guy behind Chad’s back. Everybody was talking about it at Camber’s party. A couple people said you weren’t there because you were with that loser.”
I shook my head. “That’s ridiculous. I was grounded all weekend and even if I hadn’t been, there’s nothing going on with me and Devon. He has a girlfriend.”
> “Yeah, and you have a boyfriend. That hasn’t stopped you from flirting with him though, has it?”
“Flirting isn’t cheating.”
“As long as that’s all that’s going on.”
“It is,” I said. “Come on, Kenn. You’re my best friend. You should know me better than that. I’m not cheating on Chad. If I was, don’t you think I’d tell you?”
“Maybe,” she replied.
“I would.”
“Fine, but you should still be careful. You don’t want people to think you’re a slut.”
“Okay, Kennedy.” I looked away and rolled my eyes.
I should have paid more attention to what she said, but I was more annoyed than concerned. It wasn’t the first time rumors had spread about me. I assumed people would figure out they weren’t true and the gossip would die down like it usually did. The only problem with that theory was that fires keep spreading as long as they’re being fed. I didn’t stay away from Devon like Kennedy suggested. Instead, I did the opposite. I created opportunities to bump into him. However brief our interactions, they were the best parts of my day. Seeing him gave me something to look forward to when everything else in my life sucked.
Seven
“Hey,” Devon walked around me and opened his locker.
“Hi.” I smiled.
“You going to the game tomorrow night?”
I nodded. “Uh-huh. Are you?”
“Yeah. The guys want to go.”
“Oh, the guys want to go. Do you do everything the guys want to do?”
He looked at me. “No. Do you do everything your friends want to do?”
“Sometimes.” I shrugged. “It depends.”
“On what?”
“What they want to do.”
“Makes sense.” He chuckled.
I put my bag on my shoulder, shut my locker, and turned toward him. “Is this the first game you’ve gone to?”
“Yeah. High school football’s not really my thing.”
“Why not? You could be a football player.”
“Could I?” He shut his locker.
I walked beside him as he started out of the wall. “Yeah. You’re bigger than a lot of the guys on the team, and I’m sure you could play better. It wouldn’t be hard. Last week, Tim Gholston fumbled the ball three times before Coach finally took him out.”
