Saving Sebastian: A Catharsis Novel (Custos Securities Series Book 3)

by Luna, David

  Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay.”

  “I’m gonna leave a lot of it up to you. Tell me what you want, what your fantasies are. I’ll do the same. The more we trust each other with saying these things out loud, the more we’ll trust the other with our physical limits.”

  Sebastian grimaced. “That’s gonna be hard for me. I don’t like taking the lead.”

  “You don’t have to lead, boy. You tell me what you want, I’ll make it happen. Maybe by the end of the weekend, you’ll feel more comfortable being spontaneous with me.”

  Sebastian looked doubtful, but shrugged. “All right. We can try it.”

  “Good boy. Do you feel brave enough to tell me one of your fantasies or do you want me to start?”

  Sebastian bit a fingernail and gazed at him. Gideon pulled his hand away from his mouth and kissed it, holding it there so the boy couldn’t continue. When he finally answered, he wouldn’t meet Gideon’s eyes. “Could you…” Sebastian cleared his throat. “Could you start first, Sir?”

  “All right. I noticed that you’re uncut. I’m cut and I love foreskin play. So I want to do some of that this weekend.”

  Gideon loved the blush that bloomed on Sebastian’s face and smiled when he nodded enthusiastically.

  “I’d like that, Sir. Umm…” Sebastian blushed and continued, “I’ve always wanted to shower with someone. I know that sounds stupid—”

  “Not stupid, it sounds amazing. I can’t wait to see what you look like all sudsy, what you feel like all slicked up from head to toe.”

  Sebastian glanced up through his bangs, a shy smile on his face. Gideon made a vow right then and there that he was going to do his level best to keep a smile on his boy’s face. He was a beautiful man, but when he smiled he was another level of gorgeous. He hated that he was going to wipe that smile away with his next request, but he wanted to see how Sebastian reacted to it.

  “I’d like to get a couple pictures taken of you.” Before he’d even finished the sentence, Sebastian was shaking his head, looking horrified at the thought. “Hear me out, boy.”

  At Sebastian’s dour expression and curt nod, Gideon continued, “The black and white photographs on the walls of the Tranquility Room—”

  “NO!” Head shaking, Sebastian repeated, “No way, Sir.”

  Gideon had known, at least on some level that it wouldn’t be Sebastian’s favorite request, but he didn’t know how deep rooted his self-consciousness and poor self-image went. His voice got stern with his next command. “Sebastian, I said hear me out. I’m not finished yet. I won’t ask again, boy.”

  Eyes cast down, Sebastian’s tone was sullen when he replied, “Yes, Sir.”

  Gideon couldn’t keep the grin off his face and nearly let loose a chuckle before he stopped himself. He was glad the boy didn’t see it, or he was sure to have a brat on his hands. Straightening his features into a firm expression, Gideon continued, “I’d like to get some pictures taken of you for the Tranquility Room. The pictures there were all taken by Khaleo. He’s really good at what he does. You’d have the final say in what you would allow us to hang up. If you don’t like any of them, they don’t get put up. In the end if you don’t like any of them, you keep them. Every shot, every proof, everything.”

  Sebastian looked up, his expression less distressed. “Can I think about it?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Sebastian nodded and murmured his thanks. When he looked up again, Gideon scooted closer on the couch. “What else do you want to try with me? What other fantasy can I fulfill?”

  His boy bit his lip and gave him such a hopeful expression, Gideon’s heart twisted. “Um, I’ve been tied up before, but never suspended. I heard that you’re a Master Rigger.”

  “I’d never call myself a Master of anything. The fact that I’m called Master G in the club is still a bone of contention between me and my staff.”

  “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  “Don’t be. I’ll admit that I specialize in knotwork, because it’s a passion of mine, but I don’t follow any particular school or teaching of the practice. What people call Kinbaku or Shibari is an artform and I’d never presume to be an artist.”

  “But you love it.”

  It wasn’t a question; which Gideon thought was pretty perceptive of him. He had his sub’s full attention and he loved the honest openness the boy had on his face. “I do, yes. I’ve been tying knots since I was little, and then later in the military, which is also where I started practicing BDSM, which lead to my interest in knotwork.”

  “So, you taught yourself?”

  Gideon shrugged. “I guess, yeah. I worked with several trainers to learn the proper way to practice safe suspension techniques, but the knotwork just came from me loving the look of it. I don’t have a predetermined plan before I begin, so each session is different. My knotting and rigging is based on what I know works, what holds well and what I think looks visually pleasing against the skin of whatever submissive I’m working with at the time.”

  “I haven’t seen you do a demonstration at the club.”

  Gideon shook his head. “I very rarely do public knotwork scenes, it’s personal for me. If I do it, I try to keep it private, in a training session with another Dom or with a sub that requested it of me personally. I’d love nothing more than to get my ropes on you, boy.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. How about tomorrow before the club opens?”

  “I’d love that, Sir.”

  “Good. Can you promise me something?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Can you think about my request to get some pictures taken of you? I’d love to capture you in suspension.”

  Suddenly uncomfortable, Sebastian dropped his gaze from Gideon’s and rubbed his hands on his jeans in a nervous gesture. After a few drawn-out seconds he nodded. “Yeah. I’ll think about it.”

  “Good boy. Come on.” Gideon stood, clasping Sebastian’s hand and pulling him up from the couch. “Let’s get you in the shower and we’ll check to see what size plug we’re working with.”

  Gideon grinned when he heard a moan behind him.

  ON SUNDAY MORNING, SEBASTIAN SAT on a chair at one of the bar tables, knee bouncing, while he chewed nervously on his thumbnail. He had no idea what he’d been thinking, agreeing to this. He felt hot all over one minute and freezing the next. Regret coursed through him like venom.

  He watched as Khaleo got set up for what was rapidly turning into a full-blown professional photo shoot, rather than the “few photos” he thought it was going to be. If he didn’t end up with a twitching eye or a nervous tick by the end of the shoot, it would be a small miracle.

  The man’s lavender hair, which was usually styled in a high fauxhawk that was oftentimes wild and sticking up at interesting angles, wasn’t styled at all, and lay angled forward over his forehead, coming to a point near the tip of his nose. Every once in awhile, it would annoy the beautiful man and he’d swipe it back out of his face as he set up more and more photographic equipment. He’d met them in the club, arriving via the elevator, which had thrown Sebastian until Gideon had told him that he lived on site, in one of two apartments on the fourth floor of the building.

  Gideon came back from his office carrying a long military looking duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He approached Sebastian, setting the bag down, an understanding look on his face. “You’re nervous. Would I be right in assuming that the cameras are making you the most uncomfortable?”

  Sebastian looked up at Gideon, let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Yes, Sir. I know it’s stupid—”

  Gideon crouched down in front of him, taking one of his hands in his own, much bigger one. “Your feelings are never stupid. Let me ask you this, do you use the standard red, yellow, and green safewords for play, here at the club?”

  Confused, Sebastian answered, “Yes, Sir.”

  “So, I’m saying this now, because we’re about to have our first scene together, but
I also want it to be true for everything that happens between us. You can always use your safeword with me. Always. Do you understand?”

  No. “Yes, Sir.”

  Gideon squeezed his hand. “What I mean is, we don’t have to be playing for you to use your safewords with me. If we’re getting to know each other and I ask something too personal or that makes you uncomfortable, say yellow. If I’m crossing boundaries with my requests of you while we’re apart, like the edging session I had you do, you can call me and safeword. And if I ask something of you, and you agree but later change your mind,” Gideon tilted his head toward Khaleo and continued, “use your safewords.”

  When Sebastian only nodded, Gideon went on, “You know that safewording isn’t a bad thing, right?”

  “Yes, Sir. I just would never have used them outside of a scene.”

  “It’s a simple way for you to easily communicate with me that things aren’t all right with you. That’s all. We don’t know each other very well, yet. That’ll change, but these types of relationships aren’t easy. Yes, we have rules, a contract, but that doesn’t make everything simple. I won’t magically know everything you’re thinking. Just think of it as a tool to use within the boundaries of our relationship.”

  Some of Sebastian’s tension left him and he nodded. “Okay, yeah. That makes sense.”

  “Good boy.” Gideon tilted his head to indicate Khaleo again. “And how are you feeling about this?”

  Sebastian blew out a breath and admitted, “I was a dark amber before we started talking. I’m more of a chartreuse, now.”

  Gideon chuckled at that. “So, you were in between yellow and red and now you’re in between green and yellow.”

  Sebastian laughed at himself. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Let’s see if we can’t make that a solid green. Come on.”

  Gideon grabbed his bag and clasped Sebastian’s hand. They walked toward Khaleo’s setup and Gideon placed his bag on top of the bar table, tugging Sebastian along with him, towards the man who was now ready to turn this into the photoshoot of Sebastian’s nightmares. When they approached, Sebastian realized the other man had some buds in when he pulled them out of his ears and smiled at them.

  “Hey, guys. I’m really excited about this. I’ve often looked at your features and seen you playing a few times and have wanted to photograph you, Sebastian.” He glanced over at Gideon. “The fact that I get to do it while Master G is your rigger, just makes it a bonus. He never lets me take his picture.”

  That surprised Sebastian and he glanced over at his Dom. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Sebastian grinned playfully up at Gideon, head tilted. “Are you feeling like dark amber, or chartreuse, Sir?”

  Gideon laughed and swatted him on the ass. “I’m a solid green, brat. How about you?”

  Sebastian glanced over at Khaleo and suddenly verbal diarrhea of the worst sort began coming out of his mouth. “I’ve drawn you.”

  What the fuck, Sebastian?

  Khaleo pulled back, surprised. “You’ve what me?”

  “Drawn you. I’m an artist.”

  Khaleo seemed to look at him with new eyes. “Well, we’re gonna have to talk about that in more detail later.”

  Sebastian nodded and did his best to ignore the voice inside him telling him no. Absolutely, unequivocally, no. Ignore it. He could do this. Gideon was excited. Khaleo was excited. He wouldn’t let them down. He could do this. He took a deep breath and looked up at Gideon and lied. “Green, Sir.”

  “Good boy. Take off your clothes and put them on the chair.”

  While he undressed, Gideon opened his duffle bag and pulled out a black canvas messenger bag. He turned and watched Sebastian finish, lust in his eyes. As Sebastian squirmed under the scrutiny, Gideon clasped his chin, lifting it for a soft kiss. When he pulled back, he rubbed his thumb over Sebastian’s lower lip and said, “Come.”

  They both stepped up onto the large, raised stage that had been moved against the wall for their scene. Gideon approached the table in the middle of the stage and tossed the bag on the end of it. “Stand facing the table, a few feet away. That’s it. Take a deep breath and center yourself, arms behind your back, each gripping the opposite forearm, head bowed.”

  Sebastian complied, fighting down the sick feeling in his stomach. One of his biggest fantasies was about to happen and all he could think about was that fucking camera. Shut it down. Think of something else. Their shower the night before. They’d had amazing hand jobs and blow jobs, a lot of kissing, and exploring of each other’s bodies with hands, lips, tongues, and teeth. His nerve endings had been on fire and he’d never felt anything so sensual as Gideon’s hands and mouth on his skin while warm water cascaded over their bodies.

  He saw something flash before his eyes and he flinched still unable to tuck his unease away. He glanced up surreptitiously and was caught red-handed by Gideon smirking at him, eyebrow raised, and he realized he needed to pay attention to what his Dom was doing. He’d unraveled a coil of rope with a flourish, the long lengths of jute uncoiling in a spiral arc in the air, which is what had caused Sebastian to give a start and come back to himself. Not the camera. Yet. Glancing at the table, he saw a heap of meticulously coiled ropes, several carabiners, what he thought was an ass hook sticking out of the bag, and a lot of other metal pieces he wasn’t familiar with.

  He had to get out of his head or he’d miss everything. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, centered himself again before he whispered, “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  Gideon approached slowly, Sebastian’s downward gaze caught the center line of the rope in his Dom’s fingers, the two lengthy falls in an uncoiled heap at their feet. There was something just so masculine about those large, muscular hands holding the rope like that, he shivered just thinking of them wrapping him tightly in ropes. He could do this. He wanted it so bad. If it came with the price of the pictures, he’d do it.

  “I need you present with me for a few more minutes and then you can let your mind drift.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Because I want the photographs to reflect not only your beauty, but the beauty of the bindings against your skin, I’m going to start on some intricate knotwork that can stand on its own. It will make for some beautiful stills before we begin the suspension. Safewords, Bastian?”

  “Red, yellow, and green, Sir.”

  “Good boy. Use them if you need to. Get your arms as comfortable as they can be as I’ll be binding them behind your back. Because this is your first time, if you have questions, feel free to ask. If you feel any pinching or too much discomfort, if anything doesn’t feel right, I expect you to safeword. This will take some time and I won’t have you hurt because you didn’t want to bother me. Understood?”

  Safeword. DO IT! “Yes, Sir.”

  “Let’s begin.”

  No sooner had Gideon said those words than Sebastian saw Khaleo in his peripheral vision and heard the telltale snicks of the camera. His heart rate spiked and he sucked in a breath that didn’t quite make it to his lungs. No. Please, no. Taking a step back before he could stop himself, he turned away from the camera, unable to catch his breath no matter how hard he tried. And he tried. Harder and harder, over and over. Shaking his head, he whispered, “Yellow.”

  What. The. Fuck, Sebastian?

  He watched, as if in a dream, as Gideon lowered the rope down to his side and stepped back away from him. Off to his left he saw that Khaleo had lowered the camera so it hung from the strap around his neck and stepped back off the stage. Sebastian’s vision grew fuzzy and he was bent at the waist, hands on his thighs, when who he assumed was Gideon showed up in his blurred field of vision. Which meant his Dom was on his knees in front of him. Please no. He shook his head, gulped in some air and shook his head again.

  He tried to say, “I’m fine,” but he was afraid it hadn’t sounded like that at all.

  He heard Gideon talking but couldn’t make out the words and tried to ask,
“What?”

  Hands clasped his face softly and Gideon’s voice finally made it through the cobwebs. “Look at me, Bastian. Focus on me. You’re fine. I’ve got you.”

  Squeezing his eyes tightly closed, he took a few more gulps of air before he could respond. “I’m okay. I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

  Sebastian felt Gideon’s bearded cheek against his own and heard his calm voice in his ear. “Slow your breathing. Focus and slow your breathing down.”

  It took several minutes and as time ticked by, his humiliation grew. God, he was such a freak. Gideon pulled away slowly so they were face to face. Focusing on the huge Dom who was literally on his knees for him was the hardest thing he’d had to do in a long while. He got down on his own knees. He couldn’t stand above a kneeling Gideon, he wanted, no needed to be looking up at him. “I’m sorry. I’m okay now. Let me try again. I can do it. Please. I want this.”

  Gideon’s hand grasped the side of his neck “Shhh. Bastian, calm down.”

  “No, really. I’m fine now. Green. I want this.”

  “Slow down. Let’s take one thing at a time. Why did you safeword? Was it the pictures or the rope?”

  Sebastian looked down at his lap. “Pictures, Sir. I’m sor—”

  “Khaleo, come here, please.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Sebastian shook his head. “It’s okay, really.”

  Khaleo approached and crouched beside them, camera still around his neck. His actions had Sebastian wondering inanely if he actually was submissive and feeling the same about standing above Gideon.

  Gideon tapped the camera and asked, “How many pictures did you take?”

  “About ten, Sir.”

  Sebastian’s breathing kicked up again and from the look in Gideon’s eyes, he knew it. Gideon nodded towards him and said, “Show him the pictures as you delete each one.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Sebastian looked at Khaleo and shook his head again. “You don’t have to do that. I didn’t say red, I said yellow. Please. I agreed.”