by Luna, David
His mom opened her arms, and Gideon watched, heart in his throat as his mom gathered his boy into her arms. Ever the pillar of strength, emotion showed on her face but she refused to let the tears fall. Gideon knew she felt it was her duty to be the strong one. Later, she’d probably have a good cry on his dad’s shoulder.
Gideon didn’t know what she said, but Sebastian was nodding and when they pulled apart, his father tugged him gently into a hug as well, his mom unable to let go completely, rubbing his back. When his parents relinquished their hold, Rowan hugged him quickly murmuring to him, and then drew him further into the dining room and had him sit down. She placed a pink frothy drink in front of him with a straw.
“It’s a protein shake with berries and bananas. I thought you might see if you could keep it down.”
He looked up at her and gave her a tremulous smile and replied, “Thank you all so much. You don’t have to be here, but it means a lot that you are.”
Gideon watched as his mom murmured to Sebastian again as she passed him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. She wandered into the kitchen, followed by Rowan and his dad. Gideon sat by Sebastian and watched as he drank about a quarter of the shake and looked as though he’d enjoyed it.
Finn joined them with a form for Sebastian to fill out and soon after, Camden arrived. Finn excused himself and left to meet with Dr. Cabrera in person. Gideon and Sebastian spent the next hour signing paperwork and discussing next steps with Camden as the others continued to pack up Sebastian’s belongings.
Another hour later, Finn called Gideon’s phone and Sebastian spoke with Finn and Dr. Cabrera about two possible surgeons that could fit him in within the next couple weeks. It would involve travel and testing on the other end, but Sebastian didn’t have a problem with that. In the end, he left it up to Finn to work it out with his doctor to pick the best surgeon.
When Gideon realized Sebastian’s energy was flagging, he helped him back upstairs to rest. When he came back down, he pulled Zavier aside. “Can you work with Killian to track down a service dog for Sebastian? Killian can train him to be a guard dog as well, but I want him to find a seizure alert dog that’s already trained for that. I know Thor has been a tremendous help to Braden and I’ve done the research and think it’s a good idea.”
“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll call him today and get him on it. But I thought the surgery was going to fix the seizures.”
“I did too. It sounds like a controlling measure, not a permanent solution, so I need to talk more to Finn about it. I’m sure he’s been researching his ass off because it’s not his specialty.”
“I’d hoped it would solve the problem.”
“Yeah, me too. We’ll see. It may not be as bad as that. Sebastian seemed resigned to it not working to solve the issue, as long as it helps with seizure management.”
Zavier nodded and pulled out his phone. “Let me give him a call right now to get the ball rolling.”
“Thanks.”
Gideon scooped Slap and Tickle up in his arms and headed up the stairs, he figured his boy could use some time with his little fur balls. He knew his family had everything under control and he didn’t want to be away from Sebastian for too long. Knowing he could have a seizure at any moment and might need help, he didn’t want to take any chances at not being there if he was needed.
SEBASTIAN RESTED HIS HEAD ON Gideon’s shoulder, drifting in and out, thinking about the last stressful couple of weeks. Thanks to the McCade family, his move went off without a hitch. His new apartment felt cramped compared to his house, but he wasn’t going to complain. He’d put half of his stuff in storage but consoled himself with the fact that he considered it a stopgap measure to finding another house for himself in the next several months, after his surgery. He was paying through the nose to go month to month but he hadn’t had another solution.
Gideon had let his feelings be known regarding his living situation. He’d asked Sebastian to move in with him, permanently, but Sebastian had refused. It was too early. Everything still felt so new and he was too sick to really think that far ahead. He wanted to take one day at a time and told Gideon as much. He hadn’t been happy, but he hadn’t pushed either.
Once he’d been moved, he’d felt too cramped in his new apartment with his six foot five hulking brute of a man making his apartment walls shrink to what felt like a broom closet with all the boxes, so he’d suggested staying at Gideon’s until the surgery. That had started another conversation on where he’d recover from his surgery. Gideon made it clear that he’d be by his side the whole time, so Sebastian had eventually agreed with his Dom that they’d both be better off at Gideon’s place.
Gideon had been ridiculously accommodating about pretty much everything. Sebastian found himself surprised he hadn’t pushed about the money thing, but figured it was because it was looking more and more like the McCades’ lawyers were going to have his insurance company caving and paying. The reputation of his new doctor might have had something to do with that. Camden had even worked with the hospital to refund his down payment more quickly than they’d have done so otherwise. They’d learn the outcome of the insurance dispute the next day.
Finn and Dr. Cabrera had narrowed it down to two doctors that had equally impressive success rates with the same type of surgery. But they’d also let him know that the edge was with his new neurosurgeon, Dr. Naomi Cook, whose hospital was the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota and was the best neurosurgery hospital in the country. She’d been able to fit him into her schedule in just over two weeks, so Sebastian had been sold on her fairly quickly.
He was scared to death, not to mention humiliated. Gideon hadn’t left his side and he’d had three episodes over the course of the last two weeks. Nope, make that four because Gideon had admitted to witnessing one the night he’d first stayed with him. His fear of the unknown was growing by the day and having never met his surgeon, he didn’t have anything to go on but what he’d been told. Not that he doubted the veracity of her stellar reputation, he just felt strange going into the situation blind.
Gideon had made all the flight and hotel arrangements through his travel agent when Sebastian had been distracted by a visit from Braden, so of course he’d refused to let Sebastian reimburse him, and their flight, car rental, and hotel were apparently as luxurious as one could get in Rochester, Minnesota. They’d have to have a conversation later about it. Extravagance wasn’t something he needed or wanted in his life, but simplicity was, so they’d have to come to some sort of compromise going forward.
They arrived early enough to have room service brought up to them and went to bed early as he had a long series of pre-op tests at the hospital and the neurologist’s office. He’d gone through most of the tests nearly a month ago, but they wanted current testing as well as new blood work, a chest x-ray, and an EKG.
He thought it was overkill and was feeling nervous as they lay in bed the night before. “They have copies of all of my previous tests and nothing is wrong with my heart. I don’t understand why I had to get here three days before the surgery and spend all day tomorrow getting tested for everything under the sun.”
Gideon pulled him closer and kissed him on the head and effectively shut down his complaints when he said, “Well, I for one would like them to do whatever tests they feel are necessary so they know everything they need to know before they drill and saw a big hole in your skull. You’re not having your tonsils out for Christ’s sake, you’re having a craniotomy.”
Sebastian lay in Gideon’s arms contemplating his words and the longer he did the funnier they seemed and a laugh bubbled out before he could stop it. Soon he couldn’t control himself and he was laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his face. When his head started bouncing up and down with Gideon’s laughter he lost it completely. Because really, why was he complaining about them being over prepared for brain surgery? Jesus.
When Sebastian’s laughter finally died down, he propped himself up on his elbow, gazed do
wn at Gideon and said, “So, a little bit of gallows humor as therapy for my whining?”
Gideon scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “Shit, I’m sorry. You weren’t whining. I just… Goddamn, you’re having brain surgery, Sebastian. Fuck. Nothing about that is simple. Let them do all the tests they need to do. Please.”
Sebastian chuckled again and nodded, putting his head back down on Gideon’s chest. “Don’t be sorry. You’re exactly right. I’m being ridiculous. I think I was feeling a little sorry for myself and scared.”
“You’d be stupid not to be scared and if that’s what you call feeling sorry for yourself, I think you’re entitled. I don’t want you to be stressed about tomorrow though. They’re covering their bases and learning everything they can about you before going in. I think it’s a good thing. And I’ll be with you as much as they’ll let me.”
Sebastian nodded again and sighed. “Yeah. I know. Shit. I just want to use the DeLorean to take me to the future when I’m done with the surgery and the recovery. I don’t like being weak.”
“You’re the furthest thing from weak I’ve ever seen. But I don’t think a fictitious time machine is needed. We have everything going for us here. You’ve got the best doctor and the best hospital for this surgery. You’ve got the time you need off work to recover and you’ve got family and friends to help you the whole way through.”
Sebastian wrapped his arm around Gideon’s chest and hugged him tight. “You’re right. I know you’re right. Okay, no more pity parties. Maybe we should watch some hotel porn.”
Gideon chuckled and said, “I don’t think they’ve got gay porn. I’ve got my laptop though. We can check out some kink.com if you need your engines revved.”
Sebastian snorted which prompted Gideon to ask if he’d actually snorted, and then they laughed together again. He couldn’t have explained it if he tried, but their shared laughter did a lot to make the burdens of the days to come not seem so dire. He’d take what he could get. He leaned back and looked up at Gideon with a grateful smile. Gideon rolled onto his side and pulled him close, kissing him softly and cradling his body so gently it made Sebastian so grateful and so very hopeful for the best outcome the next several days.
It turned out that Monday’s tests, though they made for a long day, weren’t so bad. He’d met his new doctor first thing and as soon as he had, he’d been put at ease. She was older and had a gentle but no-nonsense way about her that made her discussion of his surgery not seem so frightening. Though the fact that he’d essentially be awake for the whole thing was nerve wracking.
It was surgery day. Finn had shown up the day before so that he could be there with Gideon during the surgery. Sebastian was so grateful he’d come because the closer they got, the more Sebastian could tell the stress was wearing him down. Gideon’s demeanor hadn’t changed, he’d been a rock for Sebastian, but Sebastian had learned to read his Dom well, so when he saw it happening, he nudged Finn in his direction.
His own stress levels were beyond high. The IV and the catheter weren’t fun and set his heart to racing with the knowledge that he was minutes away from having his skull opened up. Before they could take him, Gideon asked for a moment alone with him.
He watched as Gideon moved closer and sat on the edge of his hospital bed. Leaning down, Gideon put his forehead to his and they sat there in silence, eyes closed, as they gave and took strength from each other. When Gideon pulled away, the emotion in his eyes matched Sebastian’s, and his Dom’s voice was gruff when he said, “Everything’s going to go perfectly. You’re in good hands. I’ll be by your side as soon as they’ll let me.”
Sebastian nodded, and whispered, “I love you.”
Gideon smiled and rubbed his thumb over Sebastian’s lower lip. “I love you, too, baby. We’re going to have a good, long, happy life together.”
God how he wanted that. Knowing he shouldn’t but unable to help himself, he asked, “You promise?”
When Gideon’s smile grew and he answered, “I promise,” without a hint of hesitation, Sebastian’s confidence was bolstered. Gideon was still leaning over him when the knock came on the door. When Gideon told whoever it was to enter, Dr. Cook walked in, a wide smile on her face.
“Good morning, you two. Sebastian, you ready to do this?”
Sebastian nodded, albeit a bit less enthusiastically, and said, “Yeah.”
Her smile didn’t diminish as she looked back and forth between them. “Let’s get you as close to seizure free as we can, shall we?”
Sebastian’s smile bloomed at that. “Yeah. That sounds like a plan, Doc.”
“All right. I’m gonna get scrubbed in and I’ll see you in the OR. We’ve got an amazing team assembled to help things move like clockwork.”
They both thanked her as she exited as quickly and confidently as she’d entered. Gideon kissed him softly, as the nurses walked in. He held his hand as long as he could as they moved his bed out the door and down the hall. He looked back and the last thing he saw was Gideon’s gorgeous smile. Several turns later, he was being pushed into a large room with medical staff, machines, and tools that overwhelmed him.
A doctor approached and introduced himself as Dr. Chase, his anesthesiologist. He explained what he’d be doing during the surgery but all Sebastian could do was nod in response. He was quickly and efficiently moved to the operating table and positioned properly, the nurse helping him explained why he was moving him this way and that as they turned him to the side and put a wedge pillow under half of his body so that he was lying on a bit of a tilt.
As he was prepped further, he sucked in a breath when they parted his hair, clipped some of it back and out of the way and began to cut the section they’d exposed. Suddenly, reality kicked in and his breathing ramped up along with his heart rate. Fuck. What if it didn’t go well? What if it did nothing to help him and he had to deal with the seizures impacting him for the rest of his life? What if he had an aneurism in the middle of it and died? Jesus, to never see Gideon again would kill him.
He’d never had anything or anyone to lose, and now he had so much to lose he felt paralyzed. Knowing that he was loved was all well and good when he was healthy, but to know he’d be hurting people if things didn’t work out, that he’d be leaving a hole in people’s lives stole his breath.
His panic must have shown, because the anesthesiologist leaned down and began to talk to him in low soothing tones, explaining what everyone was doing and why they were doing it. His voice and his demeanor were relaxed, which went a long way toward calming Sebastian. And before he knew it, the air on his newly shaved scalp felt cool as the antiseptic they used made him shiver. He relaxed degree by degree, willing himself to get into a better headspace.
When he’d calmed enough to force himself to think positively again, he was able to focus back on the words the doctor was saying. He was apparently going to be put under what was called twilight anesthesia for the portion of the surgery that required his input. He’d be sedated but not unconscious, making it unlikely that he’d remember much, if any of the procedure. His head would be put in a sort of vise grip to keep it in place during surgery.
Dr. Cook took it from there, explaining that they’d be covering his head to keep the area sterile. She wanted to warn him so he wouldn’t be alarmed. She continued, telling him she’d use several incisions to expose the section of the skull they’d be operating on and then perform the craniotomy by making burr holes in his skull with a drill. A saw would then be used to cut the section of the bone away and then they’d cut through the dura mater to expose his brain.
When the actual cortical resection was underway, they’d essentially wake him into twilight sedation, where he’d be able to assist them during the surgery. They’d be able to ask him questions, which would help them avoid damaging areas of the brain responsible for motor function and speech, and target the area of the brain with seizures.
Several minutes later the anesthesiologist had him counting down and
then he was drifting off. Sometime later, he heard murmured voices and someone softly calling his name.
He saw a nurse step into his line of sight and ask, “Sebastian? Are you with us?”
“Y… Yes.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know. Strange but good.”
“That’s good. We’re just going to have you answer some questions, all right?”
“Okay.”
He heard Dr. Cook’s voice from behind him. “Sebastian, can you count to ten?”
When he did there was a pause and some murmuring he couldn’t decipher. Next thing he knew he heard someone calling his name again and he opened his eyes to see a nurse leaning over him. The lighting was different, and so was the smell. He glanced around and realized he was out of the OR. He glanced at the nurse again, confused. He’d just been in the OR and they’d been asking him some questions.
“What happened?”
“You’re in the recovery room and about to be transferred to the neuroscience intensive care unit where they’ll monitor you closely.”
“Where is Gideon?”
“Is he a friend or family member?”
“My…partner?”
She smiled at that and winked. “You’ll be allowed visitors once we move you.”
“All right. Did… Am I okay?”
“I’ll let you speak to your surgeon about the specifics, but what I do know is that you’ve had a successful operation. Go ahead and rest. We’ll be moving you in about ten minutes.”
He might have responded. He didn’t know. What he did know was that he was still out of it and he didn’t remember anything except being asked to count to ten. He heard some more voices and opened his eyes. Gideon was hovering over him, concern etched over his features. Sebastian was gonna have to get better quickly and stop worrying his Dom. He didn’t like making him upset. He smiled and whispered, “Sir.”
