by Luna, David
After a long pause, the man said, “What can I do for you?”
“There’s a case that certain people are holding on to. I’ve dealt with it, but there are a few who don’t seem to want to let it go.”
“I’ll see that it’s taken care of.”
“Thank you. The case number is,” he snapped his fingers at a wide-eyed Boone, which brought him back and he whispered the number, which Gideon repeated.
“Consider it done.”
The man hung up before he could respond. He hit the speaker button and the dial tone was cut off. He glanced back over at Boone who looked shocked. He knew Boone would recognize Kepner’s voice, it was the reason he’d put it on speakerphone to begin with. He waited for the inevitable reaction.
“What the fuck just happened? You have Deputy Director Kepner’s phone number memorized?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I did was call a friend. The situation is handled, and with it, your need to ever contact me again. And you better hope that things with Sebastian work out, Boone, or so help me god…”
Boone rubbed a hand over his face, wiping the nervous sweat away. He nodded once and walked out the door without another word.
Gideon wanted to go after his boy but that wouldn’t help matters. He needed to give him some time. Gideon turned and headed to the stairs, taking them two at a time, he was up to his floor and dressing down for some heavy bag work and hard run, showering afterwards to clear his head. He checked the clock and realized it had been just shy of an hour since his boy had left. He sat down on his bed, tapped a few commands on his watch, and placed a call.
“Gideon.”
“Zavier, I need you to get over to the café.”
Gideon heard him moving around immediately, probably hearing the stress in his voice. He heard the elevator ding and then Zavier asked him to wait a minute. When Gideon heard street noises, he began speaking again. “Boone showed up again. He was pissed I never contacted him about Lars and was going off about it. Sebastian showed up and heard it all.”
“Fuck.”
“I’ve never seen him afraid of me. He safeworded to get me to let him go.”
“Jesus.”
Gideon heard Zavier start up his SUV. “I traced his location by his watch. He’ll be talking to Braden.”
“Let me check and see where Braden is, hang on.”
Gideon waited, seeing the humor in the situation, both of them keeping tabs on their boys. He knew others on the outside would see that as controlling and he could admit they weren’t far off. Hell, people would probably even call it obsessive, but the only reason they were doing it is to make sure they were safe, wherever they went.
Zavier came back on the line and said, “Braden’s heading this way in his car, only a couple minutes out.”
Gideon searched his boy’s location again. “Sebastian’s with him.”
“Braden’s in protective mode. He’s got Sebastian and is bringing him here. I’m gonna go back upstairs and wait for them. I’ll talk to him, if Braden will allow it, and if he doesn’t at first, it’ll only be a matter of time until he does.”
Gideon nodded. “All right. I need you to be there for him. Take him in hand if you have to, he’ll be feeling out of control, so if you can ground him by making him obey you, it might go a long way towards calming him down.”
“I can do that.”
“I don’t know that he’ll ever get past this, but please offer him whatever he needs. Tell him whatever you feel he needs or wants to know, when he’s ready. Tell him I’ll give him time, I won’t bother him. I just want him to feel safe.”
“He’s not afraid of you, not really. Your boy loves you, he’ll come around.”
“You didn’t see his face, Zavier.”
“He’s upset now, Gideon, but we’ll get him through it. Let me handle this for you.”
Gideon nodded and then remembered his brother couldn’t see him and replied, “All right. Thank you.”
“You got it. I’ll give you an update later.”
They hung up and he leaned forward, head in his hands, scrubbing his face. Completely distracted with thoughts of his boy, he jumped when his phone rang. He saw it was Khaleo and answered it. “Is everything all right, Gideon? I was doing inventory and heard some yelling. Found and cleaned up a mess in the hall down here, so I wanted to check.”
Gideon had explained the situation to Khaleo before he’d left him and Roarke in charge, when he’d left to take care of Lars. He had a long history with Khaleo, so he hadn’t spared any details when he’d come back, either.
“Boone showed up this morning. Sebastian walked in and heard Boone’s accusations. It scared him to death and he left.”
“Fucking hell, Sir. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
Gideon couldn’t think of a thing and shook his head. “No. I did it to myself. As much as I’m pissed at Boone, I’m more pissed at myself for not telling Sebastian about my past. This is on me.”
They said their goodbyes and Gideon realized all he could do was wait. He went to his home office and immersed himself in Custos cases to get his mind off of the situation. His hands were tied at that point and all he could do was keep busy so he wouldn’t go crazy.
WHEN SATURDAY ROLLED AROUND, HE’D had a cancellation of the one tattoo client he’d scheduled, so he’d called a car to take him to Sugar n’ Spice to grab some coffee and pastries so he could surprise Gideon at his place, maybe finally tell him he’d quit his job. They’d both thought he wouldn’t be able to get away until that afternoon, so he’d been excited to surprise his Dom. He hadn’t been in his loft, however, and Sebastian figured he’d check the club before he gave up and left. He should have texted to ask if he was going to be home.
He opened the door to the club, from the inner stairwell. Let Lola walk through and then walked down the long, dim hall. Seeing the light on and the door open to his Dom’s office made him smile. But when he heard angry voices drift down the hall, he slowed his pace, not knowing what to do. Lola stayed by his side when he drew to a stop, unable to believe what he was hearing.
“…I know you! You fucking murdered the guy in cold blood. You didn’t give a shit that he was part of a huge operation, that he was being used to get the bigger fish.”
“What the fuck do I care about the bigger fish? And why the fuck are you so worried about the kill? I did it on your payroll for years!”
That was the last thing he heard before the buzzing in his ears took over. He stood stock still for several drawn-out moments, the hum of the voices still muddled in the background. Murder? Oh Jesus. His vision grew hazy and he lost his grip on the coffees and pastries. He saw Lola dance back and then around the mess on the floor, stepping delicately through it to get near him again, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t think, could barely breathe for the panic sliding through his veins.
His hands were shaking when he raised them to his mouth, and he felt sick to his stomach. When he saw Gideon in the doorway of his office, he slowly backed away, wanting to be anywhere else. Before he could take another step, Gideon had wrapped his hand around his wrist and he went with instinct when he tried to pull away.
His heartbeat tripled its pace when he couldn’t get free. “Let go! Let go of me, Gideon!”
When he heard Lola whine and growl, his efforts became frantic and he didn’t know what else to do, losing it completely. “Red! Red, red, red!”
Finally free, he backed away from Gideon, hitting the wall and reaching back to feel for the exit door he knew was close by. When Gideon stepped forward again he lost his breath and cried out. Lola moved in front of him, obviously reaching her breaking point, barking and growling, leaving no doubt she was trained thoroughly as a guard dog. His heart hurt knowing who she had to protect him against, but he couldn’t think about that. He had to get away. As he watched Gideon step back to placate his dog, Sebastian took the opening to turn and shove the door open, fleeing, Lola on his heel
s.
He called another car to pick him up at the coffee shop down the street from the club. He didn’t remember the ride back over there but he ended up back at the Sugar n’ Spice café. When he walked in the door it was like his mind and body just stopped working. He just stood there, shaking. He heard Maya’s voice but couldn’t understand what she was saying. Next thing he knew, she was leading Lola over to the pillow with Thor as Braden led him to the kitchen and sat him down on a counter stool.
When he finally got his shit together enough to look around and focus on where he was, he saw he was alone with Braden who was gazing at him in concern. That concern was what ultimately did it. He lost his grip on control and his whole body began shaking, teeth chattering. Braden wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight until he regained control of his body. When he finally calmed down he didn’t move, needing the comfort of Braden’s arms to ground him.
When he could speak again, he explained everything he’d heard and what had happened afterwards. Braden just looked at him like he’d grown two heads, held up a finger, and reached in his back pocket as he walked towards the office in the back and made a call. Sebastian just sat there, not knowing what to do or where to go. He didn’t want to go home in case Gideon tried to come there. He had a key and the security password to get in, there wasn’t much he could do to keep him out.
Braden walked back into the kitchen, taking off his apron. “Come on. I called someone to take my shift. We’re going home.”
He shook his head, panic lacing his words. “He knows my security code and has a key.”
Braden tossed the apron into the break room’s laundry basket and walked back to him, a stern look on his face. “First of all, I know you’re scared, I would be too if I’d heard it in the context in which you heard it, but Gideon would die before he ever hurt you. You have to know that deep down.”
“You’re defending him? He killed someone!”
Braden gripped his shoulders. “We don’t know what happened, but Gideon’s a good man, so my guess is there was a good explanation.”
Sebastian gaped at him incredulously. “A good explanation for killing a man?”
Braden gripped his shoulders again. “We don’t know what happened, Sebastian. But if anyone knows anything, it’ll be Zavier. I only know some of what Z had to do as Army Special Forces, I can only imagine what Gideon had to do as a SEAL.”
Braden had been pulling him towards the front when Sebastian stopped, surprised, and yet, somehow not. “Wait. He was a Navy SEAL?” He’d seen the dog tags he usually wore, so he’d known he’d been in the military, but he’d never assumed it was such an elite branch, though he should have, he supposed.
The look of shock on Braden’s face morphed into exasperation. “Jesus, that man! Do you know anything about him?” He grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, “He can be such an ass,” before he continued, “Come on, we’re going home to talk to Z.”
They didn’t talk much on their way to Braden and Zavier’s place. Mostly they chatted about their service dogs, who were, at that very moment, snuggled on the back seat of Braden’s car together, already besties.
It made Sebastian wonder if he’d ever have the chance to take Lola over to Gideon’s parents’ house to play with Thor and Buckley. Soon they were taking the elevator up to Braden and Zavier’s place. He’d been there a couple times, since his surgery, but he was still awed by it. It was gorgeous and huge, but it was also comfortable and relaxing. The dogs made themselves at home immediately.
He loved Gideon’s place too, but, like the man, it was no frills and mostly free of decoration and homey touches. When you walked into it, though it was close to the same size, it wasn’t sterile, it was useful and mostly just set up for need and not want. He’d hoped that in the future he’d be able to make it more of a home for his Dom. But he wasn’t sure of anything anymore and that scared him more than anything else.
Zavier was at the stove, cooking what smelled like eggs of some kind. When he looked up and smiled, Sebastian realized that Gideon had already called him because he didn’t seem at all surprised by his presence.
He looked at Braden, his smile warming even more. “Hi, baby.” His gaze focused back on him. “Hey, Sebastian.”
Braden took his hand and led him to the kitchen. They sat on the comfy counter stools there and watched as Zavier fixed them each a plate with bacon and a vegetable omelette and carried them over to their huge dining table. Braden led him over there and sat beside him, lending his support, Sebastian sitting next to the head of the table where he assumed Zavier would sit.
He started to shake his head when Zavier brought them all orange juice and coffee, and was given a raised brow by Zavier as he sat to join them and thought better of speaking. He knew Zavier and Braden’s relationship was partially Dom/sub, but it wasn’t strict or contracted like he had it with Gideon. But as the man was still Dominant, his automatic reaction was to defer to him.
“Gideon called. I’ve been expecting you.” When he tensed up, Zavier continued, “He’s giving you space. He just wants to make sure you’re safe and has given me permission to answer any questions you have.”
Sebastian whipped his head up at that and asked, “Really?”
Zavier smiled and nodded. “Really. I don’t know everything, you know as well as I do that Gideon isn’t a talker, and that’s no different just because he’s my brother.”
Sebastian nodded and leaned back in his chair, picking up the coffee mug and drank a bit.
“You’ll eat what I’ve made you, Sebastian, is that understood?”
Something in him calmed from the order, and he nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“Good. Let me start off by telling you something that I doubt he’ll ever tell you. Gideon ended it with you because he thought you’d be better off without him. He never felt he was good enough for you and felt that he’d do you more harm than good, even though he loves you.”
Incredulous, Sebastian shook his head. “That’s not true! That’s…”
He broke off there, because he didn’t know what to say, taking today into account. He sighed and shook his head. Picking up his fork, he took a small bite of the omelet. It was so good, he took another and then another. Next thing he knew, it was gone, and so was the orange juice and coffee. He pushed his plate back, leaving the bacon and smiled a bit sadly when Zavier reached out to grab it and eat it himself, just like Gideon would’ve done.
“He and I are a lot alike. We were more so when we were younger, but I don’t have nearly the amount of demons to battle. I don’t know the specifics, but what I can tell you is that he was a SEAL for many years. Under his command, the best men of his team were killed and he saw all of it happen and was unable to do anything to help them.”
“Fuck,” he whispered. Hearing that crushed Sebastian. He knew how much that would kill his Dom.
“It messed him up for a long time and he’s not been the same since. He left the SEALs then, and took a bit of time off. After that, he joined another governmental organization, one I know made things worse for him in many ways, not better. I think he felt like he had the skillset and it was a new challenge, one that would take his mind off what he felt were his failings. I only know it was for the government because he said he couldn’t talk about it, not that he wouldn’t talk about it. That, and he was raised with too much of a conscience to go rogue and be a mercenary. Not that that isn’t warranted in some cases.”
Sebastian’s brows drew together at the last comment. He knew Zavier wouldn’t have made it without good reason, so he asked, “How is killing ever warranted?”
Zavier tilted his head at that, brow raised. “I’ve killed a lot of men, Sebastian. It happens in wartime. Hell, it happens when you’re not even on the frontlines. Military spec ops aren’t only active when there’s war.”
Sebastian sagged, knowing what he said was true. “All right. I understand that. I guess I never gave it much thought. I’m not compl
etely naïve. But I know that’s not what that was, today.”
Zavier shook his head and answered, “No. It wasn’t. And while I have some of the information, I don’t have it all. What I will say, is that from my perspective, the lives he took—”
“Lives?!”
Zavier narrowed his eyes and Sebastian calmed, not wanting to push Zavier too far. He sighed. “I’m sorry, Sir. I just…” He shook his head. “I don’t know who that was today. I don’t know the man who spoke so angrily to whoever was there. I don’t know the man that spoke so calmly about killing, so blithely, as if he was shrugging it off as no consequence. It wasn’t Gideon, or at least the Gideon I know. And that scares me to death. Makes me wonder who he really is.”
“He’s the man he lets you, and only you, see. That’s who he really is. I’ve never seen him happier than he has been with you. The old Gideon, the one I grew up with, is finally back and I have you to thank for that.”
“I don’t know. Today seemed pretty real too. How can he be two different men?”
“It’s called compartmentalization. He quit government work about five years ago. He’s been better since then.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that we grew up in a military family and three of the five of us felt compelled to serve our country. It means that we’ve all had some of the world’s best military training and served our military branches with pride and a sense of duty that was instilled in us at an early age. It means that we were trained how to kill and that we did so without hesitation. It also—”
Sebastian sighed. “I understand all that—”
“Don’t interrupt me, boy.”
He stilled and nodded. “Sorry, Sir.”
Zavier continued, “It also means that even though we did so, it doesn’t mean we were unaffected. It doesn’t mean we didn’t care that we were doing it. And it doesn’t mean that we don’t have regrets, some worse than others. And sometimes those regrets can eat you alive and come with a sense of feeling tainted, soulless, and not deserving of love and happiness.”
“That’s bullshit!” Sebastian exclaimed before he realized he was going to say it. He sat back in his chair again and sighed, continuing more calmly. “Everyone is deserving of love and happiness. He’s not tainted or soulless. I just… I don’t know how to reconcile the two. This obviously was a recent thing and he’s no longer in the military or working for the government.”
