by Luna, David
“I’ll leave Gideon to tell you the rest, but what I know is that the man he was talking to used to be his handler at the governmental agency he worked at, after leaving the navy. He came, months ago to Custos, seeking help from Gideon and Gideon allowed that only because that help was tied to the murder of his team so long ago. Gideon’s always felt the blame for that, even though he couldn’t have done a thing to prevent it. For him, his sense of duty and loyalty would have been impossible to ignore.”
Sebastian sat, contemplating that, and while he did, Braden cleared the table. When he looked up at Zavier, who was waiting there patiently, he nodded his head and said, “Thank you. I couldn’t have sat down with him today to hear that. I’m grateful that you shared what you could with me. I don’t really know what to do or what to think, yet.”
Zavier nodded and stood, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Keep in mind, he’s one to double-check everything, even if he’s handed the information. Whatever assignments he got, he’d have done enough surveillance to be sure what he was handed was in fact the truth. He wasn’t just out there killing for the sake of killing.”
“Yeah, you said that, and while I understand, I’m having a hard time keeping my emotional reaction in check.”
“I understand that. Just know that in the past, when we’d speak in generalizations, he spoke of things like going after the heavy hitters in human trafficking, illegal drug development and trafficking, illegal arms brokering, and biological weapons of warfare. I can tell you what I know about my brother, he’s a good man, but a damaged one. His moral compass is sound, even if he doesn’t believe that’s true. And he’d do anything for you.”
Sebastian had a lot to think about. He thanked Zavier and watched as he stood. Zavier gave him a sad smile and said, “I’m going to go next door to The Knockout, get some sparring in. You can stay here for as long as you want. Take your time. We have spare bedrooms if you’d like to stay with us, but know that he won’t come to your place until he’s invited. He knows you need time.”
All Sebastian could do at that point was nod as he watched Zavier grab Braden by the ass and draw in him close for a scorching kiss. He blushed and turned away, knowing how good it felt being manhandled like that by someone so much bigger and so much more dominating. It felt thrilling and wonderful. It felt like you were being possessed, owned. It felt right.
He sighed, unsure how he’d feel if Gideon did that to him right then. He had a feeling he’d forgive him, eventually, but at that moment, he was still confused and hurt that Gideon had kept so much of himself hidden, which left him afraid of how much he didn’t know about the man he was still, irrevocably, in love with.
He heard the ding of the elevator and turned to see Braden pouring more coffee for them both and doctoring it up. He walked towards the family room section of their loft and Sebastian followed. They sat down facing each other, and Braden handed over his coffee silently. He could tell Braden was waiting him out, so he offered, “I need to talk to him.”
“You do.”
“I’m scared. This is like nothing I’ve ever dealt with.”
Braden reached over and grabbed his hand, holding it. “I know. But, knowing what you know now, think for a minute and ask yourself, are you scared because you think he’ll hurt you, or are you scared because it’s the unknown?”
Sebastian didn’t have to think. He knew, deep down, that Gideon would never hurt him, but that didn’t make the rest easier to swallow. He needed to know more, but regardless, he had to admit the truth. “Because it’s the unknown.”
They sat for another minute and Sebastian realized he needed to talk to Braden more than he realized and not just about what happened that morning. “It’s going to take time to sort this out in my mind. But, if we can get past this, I think I want to be his submissive twenty-four seven. It’s the decision I’ve been mulling over and had made. But now…I don’t know.”
“You’ll get past it,” Braden said with conviction. “Does that mean you’d be his slave?”
Sebastian looked down at his lap and shrugged, not knowing for sure if they’d get past it, but offered an answer anyway. “No. We’d have a contract, I’d have safewords, and I’d work outside of the home. He said he doesn’t want a slave and I believe him.”
“All right. You sound nervous about it though.”
He sighed. “We had a short conversation about it recently, and he said he wants to take care of me, financially. I don’t like that.”
“You don’t like that or you think he feels you’re incapable of taking care of yourself?”
He huffed. “Must you always be able to read my mind?”
Braden chuckled. “Z pays for everything, unless it’s a gift from me to him, or unless I set up something for us like a date, a weekend away, or even a longer vacation. At least that’s what we agreed to. I asked because I had some of the same feelings.”
“Does that bother you? I feel like he wants to save me because I’m weak and can’t save myself.”
Braden shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. One, because the McCades have more money than they can ever spend in a lifetime and they don’t care about it. Money isn’t a thing to them. Two, because I can do things I wasn’t able to do before. I can put more of my money back into my business, I can donate more money to good causes, and I can buy things for the house to make it our home and lavish him with gifts and vacations and do the same for my friends. And there will be more to give our kids. Let me ask you this, do you really believe he thinks you’re weak, or do you feel weak and like you can’t save yourself?”
He glared at Braden, who raised his hands in a placating gesture, and sat quietly a moment, giving it some thought. When he did, he grumbled. “I never felt weak and like I couldn’t take care of myself until recently.”
Braden looked at him like he was being an idiot. “So, to clarify, was it weak when you got yourself to all of your doctor’s appointments? Was it weak when you made the hard decision to have a craniotomy instead of just suffering because you were scared? Was it weak when you scheduled and paid for half of your own surgery and then sold your house to pay for the second half and had to move because of it? And was it weak when you packed almost your entire house yourself, while having seizures, I might add, and set everything up to get your stuff moved to a new apartment? And, just to drive the point home, you did all of that alone.”
Tears burned his eyes and he shook his head. “So why do I feel like he swooped in and saved the day?”
“Probably because he’s protective and you see him as a hero. But if you sit and think on it a moment, all he really did was help you with what you already did for yourself. Your own surgeon would have done just fine, Gideon just wanted to even the odds. You would have gotten the house packed up yourself, even if you lost sleep to get it done. You would have recovered just fine too, all he did was help.”
“It still makes me feel like I couldn’t do it on my own.”
“That’s not true at all. You could. You did. But you no longer have to. That doesn’t make you weak. You have family now. Friends. You didn’t have that before and it’s probably a lot to get used to when you’ve always done everything alone.”
Sebastian nodded, deep in thought, when Braden continued, “What if he gets sick. Wouldn’t you do the same for him?”
“He said the same thing.”
“Soooo…”
“So, of course, I’d help him. Why doesn’t it feel the same? Why do I still feel weak?”
“Because you’re used to negative self-talk. And your mind is stuck on his physical size versus yours, probably. But it’s all about mental, emotional strength, which you have in spades.”
“I’m seeing someone for that.”
“Let me guess, Dr. Price?”
“You too?”
Braden nodded. “Eric fucked me up. I don’t see him as often now, but I still see him. There’s no shame in seeking help, whether it’s from family, friends, and your part
ner, or a psychologist for mental health issues. You know that, right?”
Sebastian shrugged, noncommittally. “I’ve always hated what I see in the mirror. I think my parents fucked me up from the beginning, and made me feel worthless and like a freak, so I’ve been trying to prove them wrong since then, if only to myself, and feeling like I’m failing.”
“Does Gideon ever make you feel that way?”
He shook his head. “No, never. He’s truly attracted to me, I can see it in his eyes, even though I don’t understand it. But Gabe explained it like my brain has receptors that are shaped like squares, and when people give me compliments or something really good happens those things are shaped like circles, so my brain can’t receive positive feedback because it doesn’t fit the receptors. It only responds to negatives and rejects positives. I’m fucking that up, I’m sure. It made much more sense when he said it, and drew it on his notepad.”
Braden smiled. “No, it makes sense and sounds like a good way to describe it.” He chuckled. “He loves that damned notebook of his.”
“He does.”
They both laughed and continued to chat. Though their talk was making him feel better, he knew he needed to take some time alone, without the clutter jumbling his thoughts. He needed to get through his final days at the station and get things ready for full-time tattooing. He shared those thoughts with Braden, who thought he was on the right track. Maybe things would become clearer when he had stepped away from everyone and everything for a bit. He hoped so anyway.
GIDEON HAD GOTTEN A TEXT from his boy the day after Sebastian had heard his conversation with Boone. He’d asked for some time away from everyone and everything. As much as Gideon wanted to call him or go see him so they could talk, he knew they had time for that and what his boy needed was quiet and solitude to think about what he really wanted. The time for fighting for him, for them, would come later, if his boy decided he no longer wanted his Dom. But after that, if he truly didn’t want Gideon because of what he’d heard or learned, Gideon would have to live with that.
He had to think positively, or he’d make himself crazy. Thinking the only possible outcome was that of them together in the end, was what got him through. He’d spoken to Zavier at length. He’d learned what they’d told Sebastian and gave him a heads-up that he might have to give his boy time. The fact that Sebastian had taken the steps to let him know that himself, gave him another reason to think positively. If he was too upset to contact him in any way, even if it was just a text, things could go either way.
Regardless of what he’d learned from his brother, he wasn’t about to be idle. Zavier asked him to consult on another big case after he’d provided his input on several others. He knew his brother was just trying to help keep him busy, but he knew he’d have plenty of work of his own. The club would always keep him busy and if he worked out twice as much as usual, no one could blame him. He contacted his Realtor Sunday afternoon and let her know what he was looking for. If the property he was trying to find didn’t work out, he’d rent it out indefinitely, or at least for a while and resell later.
He wanted to move fast and he’d be paying cash, so he knew he could move things along. Cash always made people jump. He knew underwriting would take most of the time, so he’d figure out who he needed to incentivize to expedite the process. It took two days of searching with his real estate agent, Natalie. She was a gem and dropped everything to take him around the city until he found what he wanted at the last minute, when she got a call from her assistant about a location very close to him.
He didn’t know if it was a sign or if the gods—that he wasn’t sure existed in the first place—were smiling down on him because he’d had such shit luck with Sebastian, but three days after that fateful morning he was standing in what used to be a hair salon. It had gone on the market just hours before and they were the first visitors. The place had been fully cleared of the work stations, the outlines of them still visible on the flooring.
It was two streets over from the club, amongst the trendy shops, cafes, and a few tiny art galleries. It would be perfect. He could see Sebastian there. He learned the salon had gotten too popular and moved one street over into a bigger building so they could expand their services. That’s what sold it for him, really. He asked his Realtor to put in a cash offer for the asking price, contingent on an inspection and appraisal. He wasn’t going to haggle over money. This was the place and he’d pay more than they were asking for it, if it was needed.
Making that clear to his Realtor, he watched her walk off to make the call to the seller’s agent. He’d wait on Sebastian to make most of the decisions, but he’d be sure to get it set up exactly as his boy wanted it. The thought of it made him smile, the first one he’d had in three days.
The bones of the building were perfect. He took the stairs to the second floor looking around, he didn’t know what Sebastian would do with this space and with a pang, realized that if things didn’t work out between them, he may never find out. But he couldn’t think like that.
He’d have to see what needed to be done and see how quickly he could do it, as long as the inspection came through clean. He walked down the stairs and out toward the front of the shop. One of the doors from the private rooms opened and closed and he heard Natalie’s heels clicking on the hardwoods. His heart beat faster when she came around the corner and had a huge grin on her face. “They accepted. So, unless there are huge issues with the inspection or appraisal, you’re looking at your new tattoo studio. I never did ask. Did you start tattooing since we last did business?”
Gideon chuckled and answered, “No. My partner is a really talented tattoo artist. I hope he’ll love it.”
Her eyes widened. “Do you want to call him and have him check it out first?”
He shook his head. “No. It’s a surprise. He has a little studio that he does business out of, but his dream is to own his own shop. I wanna make that happen for him.”
Natalie smiled at that. “That’s so great. I just love your family. It’s always fun to learn what you all are up to next.”
He grinned. “We do keep you in business, don’t we?”
Natalie snorted and said, “Uh, yeah. Between finding your parents’ house, the building for your club, your sister’s house, Finn’s house, Aiden’s abandoned old church he converted to a home, and Zavier’s security warehouses, you keep me busy.”
“Yeah, well, we won’t use another Realtor. In addition to you knowing everything about what’s on the market and having a lot of contacts and knowledge of the area, you clinched the job permanently when you got my mom a year’s subscription to a local magazine you guys had chatted about once, her favorite champagne at closing, along with a case of my dad’s favorite beer, and gorgeous Christmas wreaths every year for our front doors. You treat your customers like friends. We appreciate that.”
Natalie blushed and waved it all away, like he knew she would. “Thank you. I love working with you all. I’m just glad I can help. All right, I’m going to make a call to a few inspectors and appraisers to see who can make it out here fastest. I’m assuming you want to put it in his name only and that you want this to go through as quickly as possible?”
“Yes, to both. And if I need to pay extra to get them here faster, or the paperwork through to the title company faster, let me know. I’ll throw cash at whatever problems we find. Unless there are huge structural challenges with the building, there’s not much I won’t do. I want to close before two weeks are up, faster if possible. Let me know.”
Apparently, what she could do was work miracles. They closed on Sebastian’s shop eleven days later, on a Friday. During which time he hadn’t heard a thing from Sebastian. He did his best to ignore that and go about his business. He’d already arranged for workers to arrive to update the things that needed it. He wanted an A/C installed, an upgraded furnace and water heater. The floors were a gorgeous hardwood, but he wanted them refinished and re-stained. He wanted the walls to be
bright so he’d picked out a cream color that Sebastian could change or add to later, if he chose to.
He freshened up the break room and bathroom but didn’t want to put in new countertops or make any sweeping changes. He’d make sure Sebastian chose the best, but to his own tastes. He had new windows installed, a new door, and had Sawyer and Jackson, Zavier’s best guys from Custos, come over and install their security system. Money talked, so he had all of that done by the following Monday, fifteen days since he’d gotten Sebastian’s text.
But he wasn’t counting. Nope. Not at all.
It wasn’t until late Thursday evening, eighteen days from that text, that he received the call he’d been waiting for. When he finally heard his boy’s voice he actually got goose bumps from it. He closed his eyes, so grateful that he called he could scarcely believe his own reaction. He knew he loved Sebastian, but it wasn’t truly until that exact moment that he realized he wasn’t whole without him any longer and that he wasn’t just in love with him, he needed him in a way he could hardly put into words.
“Hello? Sebastian?”
Did he hear his boy let out a relieved breath? “Hi, Gideon.”
“Baby…”
“Yes, Sir.”
He knew. Right then, he knew they’d be okay. Not that things would be easy by any means. No, he knew he had a lot to make up for, and a lot of talking to do. But he couldn’t remember feeling such hope in his life and he smiled and let out a calming breath. The plaintive way he said Sir said it all.
He wasn’t going to hide for one second how happy he was to hear Sebastian’s voice. “Goddamn, boy. I’m so glad you called. So fucking glad.”
Another relieved breath escaped across the line, louder this time. “Me too, Sir. Um, I was wondering if I could come see you tomorrow night? If we could talk? I know you’re usually working—”
