Rainbirds

by Clarissa Goenawan

  Jin put his arm around my shoulders. “Sorry to disturb your conversation, but I’m dead tired. I’m going back to the hotel.”

  Anzu lifted the sleeve of her jacket and checked her watch. She wore a chunky, vintage Seiko chronograph. “I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said.

  “How are you getting back?” Jin asked.

  “We’ll have to get a taxi, since we already missed the last train,” said Anzu.

  “Our hotel is within walking distance from here. If you want, you can come over and rest until the train service resumes.”

  “Really?” Kaori clung to Anzu. “Let’s just do that. I’m broke. I don’t want to take a taxi.”

  Anzu didn’t answer. Jin settled the bill and the four of us left the bar. Jin and I walked in front, while the girls followed a few steps behind.

  I made sure they weren’t listening to us before whispering to Jin, “Are you sure you’re not interested in Anzu?”

  “No, you saw her first. She’s all yours,” he said nonchalantly. “Plus, Kaori is cute. And who knows, one day she might become a famous actress—the highlight of my conquests.”

  “You wish.”

  As we entered the building, Jin took Kaori into his arms and whispered something to her. The two of them went straight into his room and closed the door without a word to me or Anzu.

  I looked at her awkwardly. “Then . . .”

  She shrugged. “I guess you’re stuck with me.”

  “No objections here,” I said.

  I reached for her hand and took out my room key.

  “Are you asleep?” Anzu asked, rolling closer to me under the blanket.

  “Not yet,” I answered. “It would be a waste for me to sleep when you’re still awake.”

  “How sweet,” she said, playing along.

  She climbed on top of me, and we kissed. I brushed her bangs behind her ear. Somehow, she looked different from when we were at the bar, though not in a bad way. It took me a while to realize it was the color of her lips. Our friction had rubbed off her dark burgundy lipstick, making her look much younger.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve slept with anyone,” she confessed.

  I kissed her again. “Is that so?”

  “My career is my priority. A relationship would only drag me down.”

  “But aren’t you lonely?”

  “Sometimes. I do eventually want a serious and loving relationship. I’ve tried dating a few times, but they always call it quits because I don’t give them enough attention.”

  “You haven’t met the right person,” I said. “How did you decide to go into modeling?”

  Anzu lay down next to me. “It was my childhood dream.” Her eyes were wide open; it didn’t look like she was planning to sleep.

  “Tell me more.”

  “Well, for as long as I can remember, I’ve loved poring through fashion magazines, admiring the models in their trendy clothes and perfect makeup. When I turned seventeen, I auditioned to be a reader model. I got in, and an agency offered me a contract.”

  “So it’s a dream come true.”

  “Yup,” she said, staring blankly at the ceiling before breaking into a laugh.

  I stroked her hair. “What’s so funny?”

  “My parents didn’t find out until a few years later. My father works in Manila and my mother accompanied him there. I live in Tokyo with my aunt.” She turned to me. “Can you imagine their reaction to it? They thought I was just rebelling. Luckily, my aunt handled the situation well.”

  “Huh,” I mumbled. “Is modeling what you expected it to be?”

  She thought for a moment before answering. “Most of it, but not everything. I didn’t know the competition would be so fierce. There are plenty of beautiful girls vying for every job. It’s rejection after rejection, but I work hard. My agent recognizes my efforts, and she’s been giving me more opportunities. When there’s an emergency or a model falls sick, I’m at the top of the list as a possible substitute.” She moved closer and laid her head on my arm. “For example, if I received a call from her right now, at this moment . . . I would leave you in a heartbeat.”

  “That’s dedication,” I said. Remembering Seven Stars’ mother, I asked, “Are there any body parts models at your agency?”

  “No, but from time to time we get odd requests like that. I was once asked to be a leg model for a stocking company, but it doesn’t happen often. Why do you ask?”

  “The wife of one of my acquaintances is a hand model.”

  “What’s her name? Maybe I know her.”

  “I don’t know her full name, but her family name is Nakajima. I hear she’s famous.”

  “There are a few well-known hand models, since they’re more marketable than any other body parts models, but I’ve never heard of a Nakajima,” she said. “It’s a tough job, though. The clients expect more than a pair of lovely hands. They’re paying good money, so they demand flawless, hairless, poreless, veinless subjects.”

  “Those sound like high expectations.”

  “I worked with one before. A proper hand model, not someone who doubles as a body parts model like me. She wore gloves every day. And you wouldn’t believe it, but she kept her hands at chest level at all times to improve the blood circulation. Pretty extreme, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want to—”

  Two knocks on the door interrupted us. I put on my pants and answered it. Jin was outside, his crumpled shirt still unbuttoned.

  “Sorry to disturb you, but Kaori isn’t feeling well,” he said. “She threw up in the bathroom, and she’s crying now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t stop wailing.”

  “I’ll check on her.” Anzu got up and put her clothes on. “I’m sorry, Ren, but would you mind letting Jin stay in your room? I know what Kaori is like when she’s drunk, and it would be best for me to stay with her.”

  “Not a problem,” I said.

  Anzu kissed me and left. Jin’s eyes were glued to her the whole time.

  “That girl is really thin, isn’t she? You can practically see her bones,” he commented. “Hey, sorry to barge in, but Kaori was really wasted.”

  “Don’t worry about it, we were done anyway.”

  He took a pillow from the bed. “I’ll sleep on the sofa. Don’t argue. I’ve had enough for the night.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  I was too tired to disagree, anyhow. Climbing back onto the bed, I was about to fall asleep when I heard Jin’s voice.

  “Hey, Ren, thanks for sharing my last adventure as a free man.”

  I smiled. “Don’t mention it. I had fun, too.”

  “Good.” The sofa squeaked as Jin shifted uncomfortably. Punching the pillow, he said, “By the way, you haven’t really told me what you’re doing in Akakawa.”

  “Like I said, there’s a family matter to settle.” I still didn’t want to talk about my sister. He would probably chide me for it when he eventually found out, but right now, I didn’t care. “I should be back in Tokyo in a few months,” I added.

  Jin muttered something I didn’t catch. I was expecting him to say more, but when I looked over at him, he was already sound asleep.

  When I woke up, Jin was still sleeping. I opened the thick curtain and let the sun shine in. The sudden brightness roused him from his slumber.

  “Good morning, sleeping beauty,” I said.

  He yawned. “What time is it?”

  I glanced at the clock. “It’s eleven. We need to check out soon.”

  After washing up and shaving, we went over to Jin’s room. He knocked on the door, but no one answered.

  “Weird,” he mumbled, frowning. He must have feared the worst, since he’d left his belongings inside.

  I reached for the door handle. It wasn’t locked, but nobody was in th
e room.

  “Guess they left already,” Jin said. He scanned the place, picking up a piece of paper on top of the bedside table. “It’s for you, from Anzu.”

  I took the note from him and read it.

  Hi Ren,

  Sorry for leaving early, but we have to attend a morning class. Last night was fun, and I had a good time. Meeting you again was unexpected, but I hope the future will continue to surprise me.

  XOXO, Anzu

  “Her handwriting is neat,” Jin said. “But she didn’t leave you her phone number. And what’s this about? ‘Meeting you again was unexpected.’ Have you met her before?”

  I was wondering the same thing, but I didn’t want Jin to ask too many questions. “Not that I know of,” I said. Crumpling the paper, I threw it into the rubbish bin. Was she actually someone I’d met before? Or was this a joke she was trying to pull off because I’d said she looked familiar?

  We checked out of the hotel and took the subway back to Jin’s house. I had to leave Tokyo later that day.

  Standing at his door, Jin looked at me with a smug face. “So this is it.”

  “Yes, this is it,” I said.

  “Any parting words?”

  “Take care, be a good husband and a good father,” I said. “You know what, just have a good life. See you at your wedding.”

  “You too, Ren. Have a good life.”

  He gave me a firm handshake and hugged me before I left.

  Back then, I wouldn’t have guessed it would be the last time I saw him. Jin didn’t invite me to his wedding.

  When I left his house, I believed everything would work out for him. Though Jin was frivolous, he had his head planted firmly on his shoulders. So I was surprised when, a few years later, a mutual acquaintance told me he was going through a messy divorce.

  “What a stupid guy,” the friend told me. “Things were going so well for him. His wife is beautiful, and they have two kids. He even took over his father-in-law’s company, but he was caught having an affair with the kids’ drama teacher. It was a huge scandal, and the woman lost her job. I heard they went all the way to Bruges for their rendezvous, but just their luck, his brother-in-law was also there for a family getaway.”

  I wanted to tell Jin he should have stopped when he said he would, but we never bumped into each other.

  21

  Warm

  Pancakes

  on

  a

  Rainy

  Day

  After the last class ended, I went to the office to tidy up my files and wait for Honda. He came shortly.

  “Sorry, I can’t give you a lift tonight,” he said. “One of my students has a test tomorrow, and he still can’t grasp the formulae. He’ll fail the test if I don’t give him some coaching. To be honest, I’m not sure when we’ll finish.”

  “Don’t worry, focus on that,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, and try not to stay too late.”

  Putting on my parka, I grabbed my bag and walked down the stairs to the first floor. The reception area was dark, and the heat was already off.

  When I came out of the building, a gust of cold wind blew into my face. The wet asphalt reflected the lights from the streetlamps. Puddles, dimpled by raindrops, lay beside the curb. I could have walked back inside for an umbrella, but it was only a drizzle, so I didn’t bother. Tucking my hands into my pockets, I left the cram school complex.

  Across the street, Seven Stars stood in the rain, wearing a red coat. When our eyes met, the corners of her lips curled a little. It was as if she’d been waiting for me.

  I walked over, expecting her to say something, but she kept quiet. Her eyes moved between the puddles and me. The water droplets on her hair glistened.

  “I don’t have an umbrella,” I said.

  “I didn’t say I needed one,” she said.

  “What are you doing here?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “You’re going to get sick if you keep standing out here,” I said. “Do you want to walk to the train station together?”

  Instead of answering, she fiddled with her fingers. She had painted her nails with beige polish, a breach of school rules.

  “Say something, will you?” I said.

  “I’m hungry,” she said. “I want to eat something warm.”

  “Let’s go to the convenience store and see what they have.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want convenience store food.”

  I was getting impatient. “Fine, what do you want, then?”

  “I want fresh red bean pancakes.”

  “Brilliant, and where would we find that?” I glanced at my watch. “It’s already ten-thirty.”

  “I know where to go.”

  Seven Stars led the way as I walked behind her. Every now and then, she would turn around to check on me. I didn’t know if she was aware of it, but she was smiling to herself.

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “I won’t get lost.”

  She stopped. “Why don’t you make it easier for both of us? Walk next to me.”

  Why had I been following her in the first place? I had no idea. I moved up and we walked side by side.

  “I love walking in the rain,” Seven Stars said. “It’s fun, don’t you think?”

  This time, I was the one who said nothing.

  She stomped into the puddles in front of us. The water splashed on my trousers. I glared at her and she laughed. Not long after, we reached a park I wasn’t familiar with.

  “It’s over there.” She pointed at a snack vendor near the entrance. “Wait for me here.”

  Before I answered, she ran over, leaving me alone. A few minutes later, she returned with two brown paper bags and handed me one.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Guiding me deeper into the park, Seven Stars said, “That pancake uncle is always here, no matter the weather. At all hours, rain or shine, he’ll be at that spot. He’s been around for as long as I can remember.”

  “Do you come here often?”

  She nodded. “Since I was young.”

  “What are you talking about?” I patted her head. “You’re still young.”

  She brushed my hand off. “Stop that. I’m not a kid.”

  We walked to an empty playground at the center of the park. There was a pair of swings, a slide, and a climbing structure. She sat on one of the swings while I sat on the other.

  I opened the paper bag and warm steam escaped. The pancake was still piping hot. I waited for it to cool down before taking a bite. The skin was fluffy, and the red bean filling sweet and mushy.

  “I used to come here all the time with my mother before she started working,” Seven Stars said. “I only played on the swings. She tried to coax me into trying something else, but I wouldn’t listen. Whenever we came, I would sit on this swing and she would push me. Somehow, I never got tired of it.”

  “Do you want me to push you?” I asked, laughing.

  She pouted. “I outgrew that phase a long time ago.”

  Using her feet, she rocked the swing. The metal joints produced a few squeaky noises.

  “Whenever I come here, I feel nostalgic,” she continued. “After all these years, nothing has changed.”

  “Isn’t it nice?”

  She nodded. “How about you, Mr. Ishida? Did you go to the playground when you were young? Or are Tokyo kids too serious for that?”

  “Serious? Not that I remember,” I said. “There was a playground near my house, slightly bigger than this, but I rarely went there.”

  “Where did you go, then?”

  “There was a grassy field near my school where I used to play soccer with my friends. We had to be careful, because the field was next to a canal. If we kicked the ball too hard, it would roll into the water and be impossible to fish out.
It still happened though, a couple of times.”

  Her eyes lit up. “I remember you telling me about your dream of becoming a pro soccer player. Quite good, but not good enough.”

  “Stop mocking me.”

  I tried to nudge her, but she dodged me.

  “Don’t be upset,” she said. “At least you were quite good.”

  “I’ll take it as a compliment, then.”

  “It is a compliment,” she said. “So this grassy field, is it still around?”

  “No, it’s been developed.”

  After I’d said farewell to Jin, I’d had a few hours to kill before boarding the train back to Akakawa. On a whim, I went to visit the field. Spending time with Jin made me feel sentimental. I kind of missed those childhood days, when we played soccer together every day and my sister was still in Tokyo.

  A lot had changed since my sister had left our hometown, including that field. The area had been paved over and converted to a parking lot. The only thing that remained the same was the cement staircase leading to the field. Yet, standing at the top of the staircase and looking at the rows of parked cars, I knew I’d lost my connection with the place. The once-familiar area now felt distant. I felt as if I’d imagined the time I’d spent there.

  “Mr. Ishida, how’s the pancake? Is it good?” Seven Stars asked, still rocking on the swing.

  “Warm food on a rainy day is usually good,” I answered, looking at the puddles. They were still; the rain had stopped. Turning to her, I said, “You haven’t told me why you’ve brought me here.”

  “I said I was hungry.”

  “If you want to talk to me about something, now’s a good time to speak up.”

  She gave me a puzzled look.

  “That’s why you brought me here, isn’t it?” I continued. “To discuss something. What is it?”

  “Nothing. I was just craving a pancake.”

  Right. She had dragged me all the way here just to play on the swings and eat pancakes together.

  The leaves on the trees around us made loud rustling noises.

  “Even though I’ve eaten, I still feel cold,” she said, changing the subject. She rubbed her palms together. “Mr. Ishida, have you given up exercising? I haven’t seen you on your morning jog.”