Redemption

by Michelle Heard

  The moment we hear voices outside the door, she tenses in my arms. I can’t hear what they’re saying, their voices are too low.

  I try to let go of Quinn, but she holds on tight.

  “Let me go listen,” I whisper.

  Hesitantly, she pulls back. I walk closer to the door, keeping every muscle in body tense and ready to strike.

  “Why fucking bother? Just finish the motherfucker off. I say we take the girl. We can at least have fun with her. We can tell Erick the guy started fighting and we had no choice,” Steve says.

  “I decide what happens. Erick left me in charge,” Clint snaps, sounding on edge.

  “The bitch tried to claw my fucking eye out. Let me at least teach her a lesson,” Steve hisses, sounding pissed off.

  I glance back at Quinn. Whatever’s going to happen next won’t be good. If Dad doesn’t get here soon, I have no choice but to take them both on and pray Quinn doesn’t get hurt in the process. I have to prepare her. She can’t keep sitting frozen like that.

  I stalk over to her and take hold of her face with both my hands. She looks fragile, so fucking terrified in my hands, but I have to do this.

  “Look at me,” I snap. Her eyes dart wildly up at me. “They are going to come in. I need you to fight with me. I can’t do this alone.”

  She starts to tremble again. This isn’t working. I’m only scaring her more.

  “I can’t … I don’t know how,” she whimpers. “They’re so much stronger.”

  “I know, babe.” I grab hold of her hands. “You almost took Steve’s eye out. Do that again. They can’t fight what they can’t see.”

  She looks like she’s going to puke. I take a deep breath to keep my anger under control. Fuck, she’s not supposed to fight a man.

  “Okay, think back. Remember when we wrestled, and you accidentally kneed me?”

  “Yeah?” she chokes the word out.

  “Do that when they get near you. Just fight as much as you can, baby. My dad and Ethan will be here any second now. We just need to hold them off.”

  The door slams open, and Quinn’s body goes rock solid in front of me. She shrieks and grabs hold of my shirt.

  “You’re not alone, Quinn,” I say before I turn to face them.

  I push her behind me as Clint drags something into the room. He drops Roy’s body just inside the room.

  “Such a pity, he lasted a while,” Clint says. He points to an open closet. “Open the fucking safe.”

  A choking sound comes from Quinn. She darts around me and falls over Roy, her trembling hands hovering over his broken body, not really touching him, just hovering as if she’s scared to touch him.

  I have to get the gun from one of them. I’m a damn good fighter. I can take Steve and Clint out. I can easily kill them, but I’m not immortal. I’m not invincible, and all it will take is one bullet, and I won’t be able to protect Quinn.

  Steve comes in behind Erick, a mean scowl on his face. Suddenly he raises his arm and points a gun at me. I move just as he pulls the trigger.

  Quinn’s scream fills the room, and the blood drains from her face.

  My side explodes with white-hot pain. It feels as if my ribs are shattering. The blast makes me stagger, but I fight to regain my balance and dart forward.

  I force my feet to move, my mind to clear, my body to work through the pain. I go for Clint first seeing as he’s closest and slam my fist into his face. He staggers back, and I keep moving forward, delivering blow after blow.

  It feels good to hear the crack as my knuckles slam against his jaw. He goes down, and I follow, delivering one blow after the other. I need to tear him apart as quickly as I can so I can deal with Steve.

  A kick to my side throws me off balance, and I fall to my knees. Pain tears through my entire left side.

  As I struggle to stand, I see Steve go for Quinn just as Clint attacks me. Quinn’s screams make me ignore the blinding pain.

  Seeing Steve pin Quinn to the floor breaks something in me. He rips her shirt open and gropes at her as if she’s nothing but a piece of meat. When he slams the back of the gun against the side of her head, I fucking lose it.

  As Clint takes a swing at me, I duck. When I come back up, I throw all my strength into the punch, and it sends him sprawling onto his ass.

  “Eli!” I hear Dad’s shout.

  “Upstairs,” I shout back as I go for Steve, but he’s already on his feet and yanking Quinn up in front of him. He presses the gun to her head, and I freeze.

  “You don’t want to do that,” I growl.

  “You’re going to let me walk out of here, or I’ll spray her brains all over the place,” he shouts.

  Dad stops in the doorway, and when Steve sees the gun in Dad’s hand, he starts to scream, “I will fucking kill her! Back away, old man.”

  “Okay,” Dad says in a tone I’ve never heard before. “We’re going to back away. You can leave.”

  “Dad!” I growl. There’s no fucking way this fucker is leaving with Quinn.

  “It’s okay, Eli,” Dad says in the same tone.

  I look at Steve, and he looks calmer. The fucker actually thinks he’s in control.

  “Take that fucking ring off your finger and give it to me,” he barks at Quinn.

  Her fingers tremble as she struggles to get the ring off.

  “Faster, bitch!”

  She pinches her eyes shut with fright and holds the ring up for him to take.

  With the arm holding her hostage, he opens his hand. “Drop the fucking thing in my hand.”

  She quickly does as he says, and then he starts to shuffle forward while keeping Quinn in front of him. She doesn’t put up a fight at all.

  I start to move towards them when Dad says, “Just wait, Eli. Steve’s a clever man. He’ll let Quinn go as soon as he’s outside.”

  “Listen to the old man, motherfucker,” Steve sneers.

  I’m going to kill him slowly. It may not be tonight, but it will happen. I glance at Clint to make sure he’s still unconscious. We don’t need him waking up right now.

  We keep a safe distance as Steve makes his way toward the stairs. When he gets close to the front door, and I see the terror in Quinn’s eyes, I just react. I can’t let him take her.

  I rush forward, my eyes locked with Quinn’s.

  Steve shoves her forward and starts to run. He points the gun at her back as he runs away, and I grab her. I shove her out of the way as the blast rings through the night. The impact slams me back, and I lose my balance. Arms catch me from behind and help me to the ground.

  “Eli!” Dad cries.

  I look up into my father’s eyes, and for the first time in my life, I see tears in them. One drops onto my cheek and rolls into my hair.

  “Just hold on,” he breathes, but I know it’s more a prayer than anything else.

  “It’s okay,” I whisper.

  Quinn falls to my side, and the distraught look on her face breaks my heart. I try to lift my hand, but I have no strength left.

  “Eli,” Quinn whimpers. “Don’t leave me,” she cries and grabs my hand in both of hers. “I can’t lose you.” She starts to sob, and I wish I had the energy to comfort her.

  Darkness creeps over my vision, and it feels as if everything is distanced from me. The pain. The nightmare. Everything but Quinn’s cries. It’s as if they’re keeping me grounded.

  “Eli, please! Oh, God, please,” she begs. “I won’t survive a day without you. Don’t you dare leave me.”

  As her nails dig into my skin, I can actually believe that she might love me.

  She stills next to me, and then I hear her whisper hopelessly, “Even in the darkness your shadow leaves you.”

  I wake up to intense pain, but my first thought is of Quinn.

  I struggle into a sitting position and yank the IV out of my arm. Blood drips onto the white sheets, but I don’t care. I need to get to Quinn.

  “Eli,” Dad snaps, and he rushes to my side. “Lie back. Y
ou can’t move yet.” He presses a button just as Mom comes in.

  “Where’s Quinn?” I have to force the words through my dry lips. I just need to see that she’s okay.

  “She’s here. She’s –” Mom seems to be searching for the right words, but then she just shakes her head. “She’s not talking. They say it’s from the shock and that she’ll come right with time. Physically she’s fine. They just kept her overnight. I’ll take her home as soon as the doctor signs her out.”

  “I need to see her,” I say with determination.

  Dad holds up his hands as if he’s getting ready to stop me.

  “You’ll see her, just not today. You took two bullets to your side. You’re lucky they missed vital organs. They had to give you a lot of blood. Just rest. You won’t be of any use to Quinn in this state. If she sees you like this, it might do her more harm than good.”

  Dad looks like he aged a hundred years, and Mom’s eyes are swollen from all the crying.

  A nurse comes into the room, and my parents stand back as she quickly fixes the IV.

  “You need to keep still, Mr. Jackson. The doctor will be making his rounds soon. You’re a very lucky man.”

  When she leaves the room, Mom and Dad come to stand next to me again.

  I force a smile to my lips to put them at ease. “I’m okay. I promise.”

  Dad shakes his head and hugs me. I hold him with one arm while he breathes harshly. “Don’t ever do something like that again. I thought I was going to lose you. No parent should have to bury their child.”

  When he pulls back his eyes lock with mine, and I see the fear. My father has never been scared of anything in his entire life, and I hate that I’ve caused him so much worry, but I would do it all again for Quinn.

  “Did Steve get away?”

  If I can’t see Quinn now, then I need to think of the next best thing, and that is finding out where Steve is so I can kill him.

  Dad sits on the bed. He holds my hand, and I remember as a boy, I told him not to hug me in front of my friends because they would think it’s weird. Now I wish he would hug me until my world rights itself. I need his strength until mine is back.

  He clears his throat and says, “Yes, he got away just before the police got to the house. The sheriff department is looking for him. They caught Erick and Clint. Erick was arrogant enough to think he was actually untouchable. They have Clint for the murder of Mrs. Douglas. He confessed. The sheriff needs your statement. I can tell him to come back later if you’re not up to it now.”

  “No,” I say as I lean back against the pillows. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Mom pulls a chair closer and sits as Dad leaves to go get the sheriff.

  She swallows back her tears and gives me a weak smile. I lift my hand to her cheek, and she leans into my touch.

  “I’m okay, Mom.”

  She nods and fights to keep the tears back.

  “Come here,” I whisper as the first tear falls.

  She comes to sit on the bed, and I wrap my one arm around her. She clings to the hospital gown as she cries into my shoulder.

  There’s nothing I can say to make her feel better. She needs to let it out.

  When she’s calmed down, she whispers, “I’ve never been so scared in my life before, Eli. Losing you… I can’t.”

  “I’m here, Mom,” I whisper as I place a kiss to her forehead.

  “I live you,” she whispers, and it brings a smile to my face. It’s something Mom and Dad started before I was born. It’s saying we’re each other’s lives. It means so much more than a simple, I love you.

  “I live you, Mom. Now and forever.”

  CHAPTER 6

  QUINN

  It feels like a tornado has swept through my life and wiped away every trace of happiness.

  It left devastation behind. Everything that added color to my life is gone, and I’m left with this gray wasteland. Just gray. Nothing else.

  It feels like white noise blocks out all the sounds around me. It’s driving me insane. It’s as if the gray is telling me to shut up, that the world has had enough of me.

  I have to go back to Roy’s house. I need to pick out a suit for him and a dress for Mrs. Douglas. Their family will arrive tomorrow. It’s the soonest they can be here so it’s up to me to handle things on this side for the funerals until they can take over. The police haven’t released their bodies yet. Right now we need to get everything in place so we can have the funerals as soon as they are released.

  I have nothing left in me. No fight, no will – just nothing.

  I want to stay in my bed and let the gray take me to wherever Roy is, praying the pain and insanity won’t follow.

  I sit on the edge of my bed and rock myself. The constant movement is soothing. People have been coming and going. I see their faces when they bring food, when they offer their condolences and tell me to be strong, but I can’t bring myself to actually absorb their words. I wish they would stop.

  They want me to talk. They want me to smile and go on with my life.

  I can’t. My mind is flooded with chaotic madness. I can’t focus on anything, because focusing will lead to feeling.

  When that bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, the world came to a standstill. But since then, the world has moved on while the devastation stayed behind. It’s been four days since my life was blown to pieces. I can’t give people what they want. I can’t pretend while everything around me is radioactive and eating away at me like cancer.

  I haven’t slept since I woke up in the hospital. When I close my eyes, I see Roy dying. I see Steve’s horrid face. I see Eli dying, and there’s nothing I can do to save either of them.

  I know he made it, and I’m thankful, but at the same time, it feels like I still lost him.

  My shadow is gone.

  It’s better that way. Eli got shot because of me. I called him.

  I cringe away from the shadows looming in the dark corners of my mind, threatening to assault me mercilessly.

  I can’t bring myself to shatter the silence I’ve spun around myself. I’m trying to hold onto the imaginary world I’ve managed to create for myself. A world where this nightmare isn’t real.

  “She’s still not talking, Eli,” Mrs. Jackson says, sounding worried.

  She’s been using Eli’s set of keys, checking in on me every day. I didn’t know Eli got released.

  I should care that I’m making her worry, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything.

  “It looks like she’s lost touch with reality. I don’t know what’s worse, Roy and Mrs. Douglas dying, or seeing her like this. She needs to see someone. We need to get her help.”

  My cocoon of calmness shatters the minute Eli walks into my room.

  Eli! I’m so sorry. My mind screams the words, but my dry lips refuse to form them.

  When our eyes meet, I feel sick. The problem is that I feel something for the first time since I woke up.

  Regret. Guilt. Shame.

  Each feeling grinds the shattered pieces of my life to dust.

  I want to scream to let it out. I want to claw at my aching chest to let the pain out. But I can’t bring myself to move.

  When Eli kneels in front of me, and I see the flash of pain on his face, I feel torn in two. I want to flinch away from him and the memories of that night, but he’s my best friend.

  I want to reach out to him, to feel him beneath my fingertips and make sure he’s really alive.

  I love him, but where it used to be something beautiful, it now makes me feel ashamed that I dare love another man while my fiancé is dead.

  The worry in his eyes makes me feel worse. He was there. He saw what they did. He saw how weak I was, and it’s that very weakness, which almost cost him his life.

  I should never have called you. I’m sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt.

  I wish the words would come out, but they just slam against the bruised walls of my mind.

  “Mom says you need to go get some
clothes for Roy and Mrs. Douglas?” Eli’s asks softly.

  He’s not impatient like some of the other people have been. Their frustration with me is understandable. After all, I’m not the one who died. I’m a survivor, and I should be thankful for that.

  They don’t know what to do with me, how to help. They have their own loss and grief to deal with. The whole town lost Roy and Mrs. Douglas, not just me.

  They know nothing of what happened that horrible night. They don’t know how sick I feel. They didn’t look into Roy’s eyes as the life faded from them. They didn’t smell the sickly stench of the men. They didn’t hear the screams.

  I can’t face going back there. The thought shudders through me, making my skin tingle painfully.

  I force myself to nod. My eyes meet Eli’s again, and I have a flashback of when he fought Clint. I saw what he was capable of doing. I saw what lurked beneath his skin. That’s not what scared me.

  Watching his blood stain the ground scared me.

  I hear those gunshots over and over. They keep echoing through my mind.

  I now only have one fear, and it’s paralyzing me – losing Eli.

  “Do you want me to go?” he asks as if he can actually read the words in my eyes.

  No! No, you can’t go back there. What if Steve’s there? What if he kills you this time?

  He must feel the panic that’s coming off me in waves because he comes to sit next to me on the bed. He starts to reach for my face, and I scoot away. I can’t have him touch me. Whenever someone touches me, I feel Steve’s filthy hands. Repulsion shudders through me, and when I see the hurt in Eli’s eyes, I look down.

  It’s not you.

  I’m not your sunshine anymore.

  This darkness has swallowed me whole, and I don’t want it tainting you.

  Tears burn behind my eyes, but they refuse to fall. It feels like my body has shut down every possible way for me to express how I feel. It’s keeping it all inside, and it’s ripping me apart.

  Eli drops his hand and takes a deep breath.

  “If we go to the house, we won’t be alone. The sheriff has Brayden and Connor watching us.” He hesitates before he says, “They haven’t caught Steve yet.”