Happily Harem After

by Amy Sumida

  Potluck to follow. Gods whose names begin with:

  A-G bring appetizers or salads

  H-L bring main dishes

  M-Q bring desserts

  R-Z bring drinks

  After I stopped laughing hysterically, I decided to begin my career as a god-killer, or human liberator as I prefer to be called.

  I paid the cashier for my drink and left the artificial air behind in exchange for the natural ocean breeze drifting sluggishly across Waikiki Beach. It wasn’t a fair trade in my opinion but the salt air did help clear out those old memories. I plopped down on an only slightly crumbling stone wall and stared out at the Pacific as it battered the golden sand under its frothy fists.

  Generally, I hated the beach but breaking out of Valhalla can be exhausting and I needed a breather before I headed home over the Ko’olau mountains. The sound of the ocean can be comforting and the waves are pretty to look at, even amusing when you catch a tourist trying to learn how to windsurf. However, at that moment all it did was remind me of how blue Thor’s eyes were: deep sapphire with a touch of green, like Caribbean quartz.

  I loved light eyes. My own were dark brown and boring as far as I was concerned. They’d been green when I was born but had changed at nine months. My mom told me that she’d bet a friend they wouldn’t change and she'd lost. Let that be a lesson to all of you ladies; don’t tempt fate when it concerns your child. I shook my head and took another swig of coke. Must be the heat melting my brain. At least I wasn't bitching about Buffy anymore.

  I rubbed at the ache in my neck as I pondered a new dilemma along with the old one of how to keep sand from getting all over me when I’m at the beach. Was it just me or had Thor let me go? I mean he didn’t even try to chase me. Yes, I’d laid him low but it shouldn’t have taken him that long to recover. He was a big, strong, creaking-leather clad god. He should have been up almost instantly. I shook my head. Thinking about Thor was only making the ache in my neck intensify so I gave up and turned my full attention to the sand.

  I hate sand. It’s probably one of my biggest problems with beaches. Don’t laugh, I’m also not overly fond of sun or surf either. Sand, sun, and surf, the SSS, it ranked right up there with the KKK for me as far as evil acronyms went. For those of you who have never seen a beach, much less a Hawaiian one, let me explain.

  Sand sticks to you like an alien fungus that believes you’re its only hope of survival. Wet or dry it will attach itself to any part of your anatomy it can reach and those cool ocean breezes everyone loves so much? They are in cahoots with the vicious, alien-fungus sand and will happily fling a fine mist of the powdery annoyance all over you while simultaneously lulling you to sleep with its salt-laced caresses. Result? You wake up hours later to find not only has your sunblock died defending you but you’re now coated with a thin layer of sand, saltwater, and suntan lotion that has dried to a sticky crust. After you painfully scrape away the crust, you’ll find the red glow of your newly crisped skin beneath. The beach is evil, I tell you, evil.

  So how could I love my home so much and not adore the pristine glory of the white sand beaches which make Hawaii such a tourist attraction? Well, first of all, I enjoy the beach just fine… through the window of an air-conditioned room with a Li Hing Mui Margarita in hand. Secondly, there is more to these islands than beaches. There’s the incredible weather where even the rain is warm and I never ever have to worry about digging my car out of the snow. There’s the rich melting pot of cultures and of course, there’s the food. Nothing compares to the flavors of Hawaii.

  I was just about to get up and sample some of those flavors from a nearby Shave Ice truck when a dark shadow passed over me, sending a shiver down my spine. No, the shiver wasn’t because of the sudden relief from the sun. It was magic, strong and confident magic, almost cocky actually. I knew that magic, had in fact kicked it in its balls quite recently. I turned my head slowly, muttering a protection spell under my breath while reaching for my stash of powdered mullein.

  “That’s not necessary, witch,” Thor’s previously resonant voice was severely toned down for his foray among the humans.

  “I’m nothing if not cautious,” I smiled at Thor like he was an old friend as I jumped to my feet.

  My legs itched to run but it wouldn’t do any good. The crowds around me were thick with vacationing families and honeymooners. If at all possible, I wouldn’t involve innocent bystanders and I was hoping he wouldn’t either.

  “I’m not here to harm you,” he grimaced.

  He'd taken the time to change his clothes before following me. Maybe he was afraid the leather lace-up pants of his previous ensemble would have made him stand out on a Hawaiian beach. Instead, he wore a pair of khaki pants and a tan silk Aloha shirt. He looked like a local businessman on his lunch break. A local businessman with golden-red hair streaming past his shoulders, bone structure that would make a Roman statue weep, and a body that looked like it spent more time in a gym than a boardroom.

  I kind of missed the leather.

  “No, you’re here to wow me with your literally classic good looks and your modern Hawaiian fashion sense,” I looked him over pointedly, just to let him know that I found his outfit amusing. That’s it. Really.

  “Would you join me at the closest drinking establishment for a cocktail?” His lips didn’t so much as twitch, even though his eyes sparkled a bit.

  “I’m sorry, I think I have sand in my ears,” I shook a finger vigorously in my left ear. I wouldn’t have put it past the alien-fungus. “I thought for a second there that you asked if you could buy me a drink.”

  “I did,” his smile spread over his face like a cat stretches in the sun; slowly and sensuously, as if it had all the time in the world and was fully expecting a good scratch beneath the chin later.

  I stood gaping for a moment before trying to recover. “Uh… why?” Yep, that’s me, Lucy Loquacious.

  I thought seriously about extending the knives from my gloves. The gloves I wore were part of the loot I’d made off with that day at Ku’s. They had 3” long daggers resting inside them, flat against the backs of my hands until a sharp, downward movement would trigger their release. Then they extended over my fingers like lethal claws. I felt like Wolverine when I wore them but more importantly, they were deadly, turning every punch into a four-way stab.

  They were also a little showy for Waikiki Beach.

  So was my kodachi which, for the moment, was camouflaged with a slight blurring of magic that made it blend into my leather pants. Maybe I could go for the dagger I kept down my top. The kodachi and dagger were just of human make but I'd embedded them with magic for increased damage potential. The sword was perfect for taking a god's head. The curvature of the blade gave me the extra oomph I needed to make it a clean cut but I wasn't about to behead Thor in the middle of Waikiki. The dagger would probably be the best choice for the situation. Maybe I could throw it at him and run away screaming.

  “I’d like to talk to you,” his eyes strayed to my cleavage and I told myself it had nothing to do with the hidden knife and everything to do with my 36 double Ds. Call me vain but I’d rather have him checking me out than knowing where my weapons were hidden. Mae West said it was better to be looked over than overlooked. Well, I needed him to do a little of both, look me over and overlook my knife. It was a survival issue and had nothing to do with him being hot.

  I know, I sound full of it even to myself.

  “Do I need to bow my head and clasp my hands first?” I backed up slightly and took a quick look around, trying to find a possible escape route.

  He laughed, wild and rich, like drumbeats after midnight. It caused a visceral reaction in me, calling to something primitive in my blood and making me sway towards him. People stopped and turned to look at him. Hell, even I stopped scanning the area and just stared at him in shock. The tourists, however, looked at Thor eagerly, as if he were some kind of celebrity they might recognize if they stared long enough. In a way, I guess he
was.

  “For you, I’ll make an exception,” he reached out and I tried to back up but the rock wall brought me up short. His hand dropped but his smile stayed put, “Just one drink.”

  “Fine, follow me,” I turned and walked down the sidewalk casually, like it was just another beautiful day in paradise and I wasn’t still a little shaky from that sexy laugh. The sun was shining, children were splashing in the waves, and a Norse god was about to buy me a drink. Yep, everything normal here. I dropped my empty coke bottle into a trash can marked Mahalo (it means thank you not trash) and kept walking.

  He didn’t say a word while we walked, which would normally creep me out, but I was a little too busy freaking out about everything else for it to matter. Was I really going to do this? Sit down and have a drink with an Atlantean? This so wasn't part of my job description. What the hell was going on? The only interaction I had with gods was done at the end of a blade. Plus, in my experience guys didn’t offer to buy you a drink after you kneed them in the groin. Maybe it was that whole divine forgiveness thing? I glanced back at Thor and he grinned devilishly.

  Nope, wrong god.

  I led him up the shaded drive of the first building at the end of the beach. We headed up the wide white stone stairs and through an airy lobby to the bar of The Hau Tree Lanai. Very posh. I don’t get a god offering to buy me a drink every day, might as well make it a good one.

  I found a little table near the rear of the bar and sat down with my back against the wall so no other hot er... dangerous gods could sneak up on me. Thor slid in across from me, almost completely blocking the view. I peered around him for a second and then gave up. I figured I could make do with the view I was left with. Mainly him. Hey, I can be accommodating.

  “Nice choice,” he glanced over his shoulder at the open-air restaurant which ended abruptly in a short wall and then gleaming beach. It was too early for dinner so the patio was empty, wrought iron dining sets waiting patiently for the night's excitements. A mynah bird cawed and took flight from the tree in their midst.

  “Robert Louis Stevenson’s house was right there,” I pointed to the Hau tree, floor tiles imprisoning its small circle of earth. “There’s a picture of him lying beneath that tree.”

  “Interesting. Do you come here often?”

  “Really?” I shook my head and pushed a frizzy strand of hair behind my ear. Damn humidity. I had my waist-length dark hair in a tight bun at my nape. Usually, I wore it up when I went out hunting but it was baby fine and was always trying to escape my evil clutches. “That's all you got? I expected better lines from you Thor, you being so… experienced and all.”

  “Unbelievable,” he laughed again as he leaned back. “It's been a long time since I've met someone so entertaining when they're so scared, Ms… ?”

  “Miss is good,” I smiled again. I wasn’t about to repeat my stupidity so soon, “and I'm not scared.”

  “Then you have the advantage of me, Miss,” his eyes gleamed as he leaned forward, completely disregarding my lie. “Concerning my name I mean.”

  “I’ll take every advantage I can get,” I looked up at the sudden appearance of a waitress.

  “What can I get for you two?” She stared only at Thor.

  I couldn't blame her, though it made my lip curl in distaste. Guys as good looking as Thor always came with an attitude to match. Add to that, his “godhood” and you have a grade A, egotistical bastard. Give me a nice average human male over Mr. Gorgeous any day. The only problem was, Mr. Average wouldn't understand my hobby.

  “I’ll let the lady order for us,” he smiled at her, nodded graciously, as if he were accepting his just due, and then looked at me expectantly. I shook my head, suspicions confirmed.

  “A bottle of Patron Silver and two shot glasses please,” I smiled sweetly at the poor woman, who obviously hadn't learned to be more wary around the hotties.

  The waitress raised her eyebrows but just asked if we needed limes and salt along with. Very professional. Very used to rich alcoholics. After she sauntered off, I looked back at the god incognito seated across from me.

  “I thought you only wanted one drink,” he was smiling again. Did he never stop or was it just a clever way of lulling me into a false sense of security?

  “I didn’t say one, you did,” I leaned back and crossed my legs, not to be ladylike but just to have an excuse to be a little further away from him. I had no idea what he was up to and I wanted as much room as possible to reach my weapons if necessary.

  “Alright,” he did that head incline thing royalty does but he did it better. “Good choice, I wouldn’t have pegged you for a tequila drinker, though.”

  “You’ve known me all of thirty minutes,” I smirked, “part of which you spent on the floor groaning. You shouldn’t have pegged me for anything other than a woman to guard your goodies around.”

  “I don’t know,” his eyes went suddenly still. “I think I could hazard a few guesses.”

  Maybe it wasn’t wise to remind him of the specifics of our introduction but hey, I just couldn’t help wanting to bring him down a notch. Cocky guys put my teeth on edge.

  “Try me.” I narrowed my gaze on his twitching lips but then noticed how his eyes remained solemn.

  “I’d say first of all that you’re some kind of an artist,” he leaned in even closer as he spoke, “you paint and your favorite subject is people.”

  I went quiet and as still as his eyes were. The statement was accurate, too accurate. I started to wonder how much the gods knew about me until I noticed the spot of oil paint on my pinky. Phew, I smiled.

  “Very observant,” I shook my traitorous finger at him.

  “How would I know about your subject preference?” He smiled and leaned back for the waitress to deposit our order on the table between. She poured us each a shot before leaving and I was grateful for the Twix moment.

  “Lucky guess,” I reached for my glass and eyed him suspiciously over the rim as I sipped. I only shoot tequila when I either; A. Want to get drunk, B. Want to act tough, C. Want to get someone else drunk, or D. Any combination of the above.

  He shot his and poured another.

  “Tell yourself whatever you want, Miss,” he saluted me with his glass and downed it.

  Show off. I was so not going to rise to the challenge. He was a god. He could probably process alcohol in a heartbeat. Of course, I'm part Japanese and could do a fair amount of alcohol processing myself. I’m told it’s an allergic reaction a lot of Japanese have but basically, it results in me being able to drink with the big boys but look as if I’m embarrassed the whole time (my face turns pink). I didn’t want to let him play on my insecurities but then again, I’d been the one who ordered the damn bottle in the first place.

  I threw back my shot and pushed it toward him. Oh well, I’m only human, put me down for B. Want to act tough.

  “What do you want, Thor?” I pulled my glass closer after he refilled it and lifted it to my lips.

  “You,” he smiled serenely.

  I sputtered and almost wasted good tequila. I said almost.

  “Excuse me?” My hand hovered mid-air, unsure whether to continue with the drinking program or just give up in favor of open-mouthed confusion.

  “I think we’re after the same things,” he reached over and gently nudged my glass upwards. I drank the rest of the shot without thinking and without taking my eyes off him.

  “I barely know you,” I turned the glass over this time. “How could you possibly know what I’m after?”

  “You were trying to steal the same information I was,” he shot a quick glance around the bar.

  “Trying?” Questions flew around my head like annoying gnats. Was he sent to get the plans back? Oh, did I mention I had the forbearance to grab said plans while I was kneeing him? Well, I did and now the Norse God of Thunder sat across from me drinking tequila and talking about wanting me due to our similar goals. Why hadn’t he just killed me and taken the plans if he wanted them
? Why all the games? What the hell was going on?

  “You do have them,” he smiled like a cat that had just found a fallen bird-feeder… still full of birds.

  “Why would you be trying to steal them?” I ignored how sexy his smile was. I am a professional after all.

  “Not all gods are as horrible as you think,” he downed another shot, his eyes narrowing briefly under his furrowed brow.

  “Yeah, that’s what the Christians keep telling me,” I smirked. “Can’t say for sure though, never met Jesus, just a few Mexicans with delusions of grandeur.”

  One perfectly formed eyebrow winged upward over the swirling blues and greens of his eyes. Was it the tequila affecting me or were the colors really flowing together like mist? I pushed the shot glass away from me and sighed. It wouldn’t do to get all sloppy drunk with a god. Who knows where I’d wake up. Or if I'd wake up.

  “Some of us don’t agree with the majority,” he pretended to misinterpret my signal to stop drinking and refilled my glass before placing it back in front of me. I stared hard at it for a second so it knew who was boss, then picked it up and took a resigned sip.

  “What do you mean you don’t agree?” I looked around and faintly realized the sun was setting. Oh great, time for the rest of the monsters to come out and play.

  “I don’t think we need people to die for us to give us power,” he frowned at my distraction and I settled my attention back firmly onto what he was saying. “Most of us believe it’s the only way to raise as much power as the freely given blood used to bring but I don't agree.”

  “The blood?” I smirked at him and shook my head. “You mean sacrifice, specifically human, don’t you?”

  “I believe that's what I just said,” he sighed. “There’s no way around the fact that blood holds life and life is magic. When people sacrificed to us, we gained their magic and there’s nothing like it. The sacrifice of animals was good too but it was only due to the magic imbued into the blood by human intention and it never came close to the power of a human life. It’s that rush of magic that my fellow deities are striving for. They plot to bring war among your kind so you’ll kill each other in their name again, this time on a mass scale, and they'll all share in the waves of energy it brings.”