Vampires Need Not...Apply?: An Accidentally Yours Novel (The Accidentally Yours Series)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  She sat up and threw back the covers. Antonio’s adorable face was nestled between her thighs. “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

  He flashed a devilish smile. “What does it look like?”

  Licking me like a naughty Tootsie Pop? “No. I mean, why are we naked in bed together?” And… oh, gods, had she really just stopped that delicious man from doing that delicious thing to her body? How stupid was she?

  He shrugged his brows, his grin widening. “One of your sister’s ideas.” He crawled up and hovered over her body, his face directly above hers, his thick-muscled arms flexing and straining as he held his weight off of her. “She recommended more skin contact to help extract the dark energy from you faster.” He lowered his hips enough to allow his erection to press against her tingling, pulsing entrance. “I think being naked in bed with you for a week was far more draining on me than you. Although now that I’ve been fed so well, I think I might recover.”

  Yes. What would he do with all that energy? And hadn’t she been about to say something very important?

  He dipped his head and kissed her forcefully.

  Oh! Yes! I had questions… What were they? So many thoughts mulled around in her head like an expectant father waiting for a cigar. What had happened to Chaam? Were Guy, Niccolo, and the others set free? And how had she lived her entire existence not knowing this pleasure? The pleasure of being with someone she loved, of his mouth covering hers, the smell of him filling her nostrils, of his stiff, warm cock pressing into her.

  The anticipation barreled over him. Antonio lowered his body on top of hers, placing himself firmly between Ixtab’s thighs. He began writhing, rhythmically rubbing his erection between her legs. He dipped his head to her neck and kissed. “Your breasts against my chest, the feel of your soft skin, your taste—I’ve never experienced such sinful pleasure.”

  He moved his mouth back to hers and ran his hand between their bodies, positioning himself just so. “I can’t wait a moment longer,” he whispered in her ear.

  She turned her face placing them nose to nose, realizing in an instant that this was it. And she couldn’t have wanted it more.

  He thrust his hips sharply forward with a loud groan. His thick shaft penetrated deep inside and released that delicious tension clinging to her inner muscles. Her eyes as she took him in, exploding with shivers and heavenly waves of sensual bliss, while he pumped himself into her, hard and fast.

  He lifted his chest, using one hand to hold himself up and the other to grab the nape of her neck. “Look at me, Ixtab. Open your eyes.”

  And she did.

  Ixtab had never felt anything more erotic than watching Antonio’s face, the fierce gaze of his eyes as he pounded his hard shaft into her, using her body to sate his savage sexual hunger, as their lights, their energies mingled and danced, their minds intertwining. Images began flooding her mind—the sensation of his cock sliding in and out of her tight passage; his large, rough hands cupping her breasts and the feel of her taught nipple on the tip of his finger. The glowing warmth of love in his heart.

  They were sharing each other’s thoughts? Yes, he is my mate. Without a doubt.

  And she wanted him to know how sexy he was, how his body—those deep, rippling abs; powerful biceps and chest; the strong, thick legs—quenched a primal female thirst she’d lived with for tens of thousands of years. And how his soul filled her heart. Gods, I love you…

  Continuing his relentless rhythm, he dipped his head. “Yes. I heard that.”

  Oh, gods, don’t stop, don’t stop. I’m so close…

  “And that. But I forbid you to come. Not yet. Not without me.”

  What?!

  “But I-I-ohhh…” She couldn’t think. “I’m going to…”

  Antonio pushed his large frame forward, and groaned.

  Come…

  He poured himself into her, and her entire body ignited with erotic tremors. She gripped his shoulders as wave after wave of intense, blinding orgasms racked her body.

  And I thought ukuleles were magical… Wow.

  After the moment passed, Antonio slowed to a leisurely pace, rocking his hips against her. He kissed her with his love-swollen lips, and though hers felt raw and battered, nothing felt more delicious than the taste of him on her tongue, the feel of his beard on the edge of her mouth.

  “Gods, I can’t believe how sexy you are, Ixtab,” he said.

  I can’t believe I just had sex. Seventy-thousand-year-old virgin no more! Yes!

  “How was it?” he asked, smiling.

  She shrugged. “You were okay, I suppose. But you might have to try again. Just to get it right.”

  “Oh, you really shouldn’t have said that.” He flipped her over and placed his hands on her hips.

  She laughed. “What are you doing?” Gods, I hope it’s what I think…

  “May I remind you that I’m part incubus and a vampire. Both were built for hard, hot sex. And we never tire.” He thrust deeply into her from behind, causing her to gasp. “And we are extremely competitive.”

  Gods, you were so worth the wait…

  * * *

  Four hours later

  Antonio pulled Ixtab close to his body and tucked the sheet under her shoulder. Hands down, that had been the best sex of his life. And in some strange way, bedding her answered questions he’d had about himself for many years. For example, he’d always known that his appetite for sex was insatiable and that his incubus blood gave him the instincts to master any woman’s body. They always walked away glowing and sated, as if they’d spent the entire day at the spa being pampered. He, on the other hand, simply felt empty. Unsatisfied. Hungry for more.

  With Ixtab, however, it had been completely different. Not only did she sate his sexual thirst, but she left him in a euphoric state. Bliss. She was his bliss, mind, body, and soul. He would never get enough, not for a sense of lacking, but for a sense of pure joy.

  He kissed her forehead and studied her features. Wide catlike eyes that shimmered with every shade of turquoise and green imaginable. Full, sensual lips. Deep bronzed skin. She was nothing shy of exotic—the sort of woman men would kill for, men would die for. “I love you,” he said quietly, unused to the sound of those words coming from him. In fact, apart from his brother, he couldn’t recall ever saying them to anyone else.

  Ixtab gazed up at him with her wide eyes. “And I love you. Now it is time for us to talk.”

  Yes. It was. But Antonio feared having this conversation because the truth may mean the end to them both.

  Chapter Treinta y Cuatro

  “So, what happened?” she asked.

  Antonio sat up in bed. “Maybe this should wait another day; I don’t want to ruin what little time we may have left together.” He slipped from the bed giving her a glimpse of his perfect, tanned ass and powerful back muscles. Gods, even his butt crack is perfect. She sighed.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “To take a shower.” He padded toward the bathroom.

  “Wait!”

  He froze.

  “What’s going on?” The negative energy spiked off the charts.

  Without bothering to turn around, he asked, “Did you do it?”

  “What? Did I do what?” She truly had no idea what he spoke of.

  “Time travel,” he said in a quiet voice.

  So that’s what this was about? Time travel?

  “Well, yeah. I guess I did. But—”

  “Fuck.” He dropped his head and then stormed off to the bathroom.

  What the hell?

  Ixtab leaped from the bed and followed him. He was already in the shower turning on the water when she entered.

  “Antonio?” She slipped inside the Italian tiled stall.

  He shoved his head under the extra-large showerhead and leaned into the wall.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he said.

  What was going on? “Antonio! What?”


  He spun around. “It’s prohibited, Ixtab! Prohibited. You will be punished.” He turned his face once again toward the water, but she could see the muscles flexing in his neck.

  Oh. Now she understood. “Antonio, it’s okay—it’s not what you think.”

  He hit the wall, cracking several tiles, and then turned and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Like hell it’s not. I just got you back, Ixtab.”

  She shook her head and smiled. Sweet, sweet, vampire. “It’s okay, Antonio. I time traveled, yes, but when the others hear my story, I promise there will be no punishment—not for me or for Máax.” And even if they did punish her, so what? It would be banishment so she’d no longer have any powers and be forced to live in the human world for eternity. Big whoop.

  “Máax?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  “Máax is responsible?”

  Again, she nodded. “Margaret knew that Máax had used the tablet before. So when the portal wouldn’t open, she went to see him, hoping he’d tell her what went wrong—why it wouldn’t open for you. The truth was, nothing had gone wrong. I simply wasn’t there.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Máax did know how to use the tablet—he was banished for using it to time travel. Anyway, he took the tablet from Kinich, opened the portal, and went back to the moment I was sucked in. He brought me straight back to the moment he’d left.”

  It was a little confusing when she thought about it, but basically Máax had hopped inside the portal, grabbed Ixtab, and pulled her forward in time. So by the time Antonio tried to open the portal and make an offering in the name of love, she was no longer on the other side of the portal. The tablet didn’t react because his request of it made no sense.

  When she arrived in the future, to the moment that Máax opened the portal—well, Antonio, Kinich, and the others had already left for Mexico, but she and Margaret weren’t far behind. Pretty damned cool when she thought about it.

  “And my father?” Antonio asked.

  That was the best part. “Máax obviously knew I’d been sucked into the portal with him.”

  “And?”

  Ixtab shrugged. “Máax was waiting for him the moment he entered. Seems your father’s head fell off and only corporeal beings can pass through the portal and enter the physical world. Oops.”

  Antonio’s stern expression relaxed. “Perdón. Pero… You are saying you didn’t choose to time travel?”

  She shook her head no, smiling.

  “And my father will never return?”

  She shook her head. “No. His light cannot come back to this world. To be honest with you, I wish it could.”

  He made no attempt to mask his disapproval. “Why?”

  Ixtab chugged down a resentful breath. “Because he’s a complete bastard, and I’d like nothing more than to squeeze the life right out of him.” She looked at the floor. “Máax told me that his last words were, ‘Tell Ixtab I sent them all. I sent them to remind her that there could never be another.’ ”

  “What did he mean?” Antonio asked.

  Her mouth turned down and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m not 100 percent sure, but I believe he was behind a good portion of the random men who ‘accidentally’ bumped into me and died. I think he wanted me to suffer, to be miserable without him. For that, he should be punished. Instead, his light roams free in some other dimension. Where’s the justice in that, Antonio? Where, for gods’ sake?”

  He pulled her into his arms. “Have you learned nothing, woman? Nothing at all? The only thing that matters is that we are together now and that I will not lose you. Ever.”

  “No. Never.” She wrapped her arms around Antonio’s neck. “Not as long as the Earth remains.”

  “Wait.” He looked at her with mild concern. “So what happened to the tablet?”

  Ixtab shrugged. “Máax said he had some unfinished business.”

  “Then let him have it.” Antonio kissed her hard and pressed her back against the cool tile, which, at this point, felt soothing given how hard her poor body had been worked over by his earlier. Yes, she was a deity, but he was pure virility. He lifted her up and guided her legs around his waist—hard, perfectly sculpted with diagonal rivets sloping toward his erection.

  Gods, she would never get enough of him. Hot water dripping from his hair and brow, the shower’s steam rising behind him as if he were a god, he thrust forward. “Gods, I love you,” he said.

  She closed her eyes, savoring the feel of him entering her. Only this time, this time he knew they had all the time in the world; she could feel his calmness, his unfiltered passion for her. Heaven.

  Chapter Treinta y Cinco

  February 1

  Ixtab wore her favorite pastel yellow dress with white daisies and spaghetti straps, and for the first time in a very long time, she entered the summit chamber with a glorious smile on her face. Perhaps because Antonio held her hand and hadn’t let it go for hours, even as she’d gone out on her morning jaunt for souls in need. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the outing more than she had. A woman who volunteered at a battered women’s shelter had been having a rough go of it lately after her husband died. And Ixtab, for the first time ever, performed the cleansing ritual as the Goddess of Happiness, which had made her even happier. Of course, Antonio had an instant snack. It was simply amazing how he converted dark energy into food. It meant that Ixtab could help so many others now that she wouldn’t have to spend her time looking for country-club members. They were truly the perfect team—in love, in work, and in play.

  Antonio and Ixtab made their way to the table, but what she saw stopped her in her tracks. “Who did this?”

  Penelope and Kinich smiled. “We thought you deserved a new chair.”

  This one had several symbols carved into its stone back: a chili pepper, a sunflower, a giant happy face. Ixtab sighed. “Thank you, everyone. That’s the nicest gift I’ve ever had.” She proudly took her new throne, and Antonio stood behind her as Penelope initiated the meeting.

  “All righty, everyone. I call this summit of the gods to order.”

  Penelope took roll call. Aside from Ixtab, present were K’ak, Fate, Belch, Bees, A.C., Akna, and whatsherface, the Goddess of Forgetfulness.

  Missing were Cimil—still in deity jail—Zac, Máax, Chaam, and sadly, Guy. Ixtab’s heart grew heavy. She avoided her impulse to reach for Antonio for comfort. Some pain simply needed to be felt. Instead, she raised her hand. “Penelope. Before we start, has anyone heard from Chaam and Maggie?”

  Penelope looked down at her hands. “No.”

  Hell. It had been over a week already. “How about Guy?”

  “Did someone call my name?”

  The deities’ heads swiveled toward the entrance. Guy stood in all his enormous deity glory, wearing tattered, dirty clothes, glowing like a kid who’d just found a ten-dollar bill.

  Kinich immediately went to greet him with a hug. “It’s about fucking time. Where the hell have you been?”

  “We were freed this morning,” Guy replied, “somewhere north of the pyramid; we were simply spit out into the jungle and had to hike to a phone so the Uchben could retrieve us.” Guy looked him over briefly. “Are those fucking fangs, brother?”

  “Nice to see you, too,” Kinich replied. “Where’s Niccolo and the other men?”

  “Niccolo is with Helena and his daughter—he couldn’t wait to see them. The others went straight to Euro Disney to join the rest of the vampires—the damned strangest thing if you ask me, but strange seems to be the order of the day lately.” He directed his comment at Kinich’s mouth. “As for me, I’m here because I can’t find Emma; she’s not in her room.”

  Ixtab smiled. “She’s in prison.”

  Guy’s expression dropped off a cliff. “What the hell? Who is responsible?”

  Ixtab quickly added, “She is there visiting her grandmother.”

  Guy stared and his eyes filled with tears. Tears! Votan, God of Death and War, had tears strea
ming down his face! Hell just froze over!

  “Y-y-you mean…” he blubbered. “Emma’s grandmother is not dead? I didn’t kill her?”

  No doubt because he’d gone toe-to-toe with the old woman in the last battle, Guy believed he’d killed Emma’s grandmother, which would have put the world’s biggest rift between them. The irony was that no one ever survived a fight with Guy and lived to tell. Except for Granny! Oh! This is going to be so much fun messing with him!

  “Not only that, brother,” Ixtab said proudly. “Emma has a little surprise for you.”

  Guy wiped the tears from under his eyes. “What?”

  “Guess you’ll have to go ask her. You’ll also be happy to know that I’m no longer the Goddess of Su…” Guy was gone faster than you could say “happiness.”

  “Never mind…” Ixtab smiled at Antonio. “I really wish I could be there to see the expression on his face when Emma tells him she’s having a baby,” Ixtab said.

  “And that Emma’s grandmother is cured,” Antonio added.

  “What?” Penelope asked.

  “Emma came to see us this morning and begged Antonio to suck out the bad juju from her,” Ixtab said.

  “Weren’t you afraid you’d kill her?” Penelope asked Antonio.

  “I sipped slowly and there was plenty of goodness left in her soul.” He made a sour face. “The good juice tastes awful.”

  “Emma must be so happy. She gets back her grandmother and man on the same day. Gods, I just love happy endings.” Penelope sighed. “Okay. Where were we?” She looked around the table.

  Ixtab slowly raised her hand. She didn’t want to do it, but what had to be done had to be done. Cimil harmed so many, including the ones she loved. “We must discuss Cimil’s fate.”

  Penelope nodded solemnly and wrote it down. The deities unanimously agreed.

  “I would like to bring the topic of our brother Zac to the discussion floor,” Kinich grumbled. Everyone raised their hands and Penelope recorded the votes.