Who I Am With You

by Amanda Lanclos

  “After I make this cake, you’ll be done. I know most of your time will be spent with that very hunky neighbor of mine. Wait ‘till Darlene finds out about you two again, she’s gonna be so damn happy.”

  “Mrs. Garrison?” I gulp thinking about seeing her again. Even my memories of being younger were scary. She’d always been so prim and proper and never showed her flaws. She wore the best clothing and I always wanted to be just like her, in a chance that she may actually accept me for her son.

  “Yeah, who else?”

  “She scares me.”

  “As she should. That’s her baby boy you’re with,” she smiles as she pulls the cake out of the oven. “But, if you can get me to approve, I know his Momma will. She just wants him to be happy and baby, you make him that.”

  “I hope so,” I suddenly feel like my world is tilting off its axis. I don’t know how to explain it, but something in my gut tells me that Mrs. Darlene won’t be so happy that I’m back in her son’s life.

  After the cakes are done, Stella does just what she said she was going to. She hands me three one-hundred dollar bills and shoves me out of her door. After a few words of encouragement, she’s off to church with her cake and the other one is left on the cooling rack for Dallas. I’m a bundle of nerves as I remember the fact that I have a date with him. I don’t really want to explain what’s going on to my Mom, but I know I’ve got to go home to get ready.

  With a sigh, I place my purse on the front seat of the Tahoe and make the short drive home. It’s nice to be alone with my thoughts, but sometimes I can’t help but think that maybe I’m not good enough for Dallas. I love the person that I am with him, but will I love the person that I was, if I ever remember.

  “Kennedy! I was worried sick!” Mom runs to the front door when she hears it opening.

  “I’m sorry, I had to help Dallas last night with the horses after Austin broke his hand. So, I just stayed there.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “What?” I jump, because I’ve never heard my mother say something like that to me. I immediately get defensive, because I don’t know what to expect from her.

  “You did more than stay. Your face is flushed and you are glowing,” she smirks as if she knows everything I’ve been doing with Dallas.

  “Oh boy,” I sigh, “Mom, I was with Dallas. But, you’re my mother and I’d rather not discuss the details. I’ll probably be there more often than not, but that’s okay, because I’m a grown woman.”

  “You are. One that’s remembering her roots. Baby, I’m not mad, but next time could you maybe, oh I don’t know, call someone to let them know you’re not dead somewhere?” There’s a twinkle in her eyes as she laughs softly.

  “Yes, Momma. I think I can do that.”

  “Good, now did anything come back to you after seeing him and being with him?” She looks hopeful and I hate to tell her, that I haven’t had any more memories come to me.

  Shaking my head, I walk to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “No, I was hoping it would. But,” I look into her eyes as I take a sip of my drink, “I’m worried Mom.”

  “Why on Earth are you worried? That boy’s been wrapped around your pinky since you were kids.”

  “I like who I am when I’m around him. What if I don’t like who I was when I remember?” I look at her, my eyes brimming with unshed tears.

  “Oh, sweet girl. The wonderful thing about that is, you don’t have to go back to that person if you don’t want to. But, she wasn’t bad.” She wraps me in her arms as I cling to her strength. She’s always been that strength for me, until I left for years and didn’t return her calls. I remember that much, but I don’t remember what caused me to leave.

  “Thanks Mom. Now, I have to go get ready for my date with Mr. Hunky Rancher Guy,” I waggle my eyebrows making her laugh.

  “Just don’t make any grandbabies until you’re married,” she scolds playfully as I let out a hearty laugh on my way to my room.

  Walking out on the porch in my cream-colored lace dress, blue jean jacket and my brown boots, I wonder if I should have picked something else. My eyes trail over Dallas’ body, all the way from the backward baseball cap on his head, to his black shirt that fits him like a damn glove and further down to those Wrangler jeans that would make any woman go into heat like a damn dog. His boots are tucked into those jeans and he looks delicious. By the way he smirks when I meet his eyes, I know he knows exactly how good he looks.

  “Ready for our date?” He puts his hand in the small of my back and I nod.

  “Now you just wait one minute, Dallas Garrison,” my mother’s voice comes from behind us and I smile.

  “Hi Mrs. Lori, how are you?” He gulps as he faces my momma. His eyes flash with something I don’t catch before his usual arrogance is back.

  “Where you takin’ my baby?” Her arms cross over her chest and that look I remember getting when I was growing up, is on her face. I was always afraid when she gave me that look, especially if I was lying, because I knew I had better speak the truth when it came.

  “I thought we’d go see a movie at the Movie Tavern, and then maybe go to Swinney’s if she wants to,” he doesn’t even flinch. He’s not scared of my Momma, but I’ve seen her go from sweet to the devil in sixty seconds flat.

  “Sounds like fun and Dallas,” her tone reeks of authority as she stops us again.

  “Yes ‘em?”

  “You better use these,” she throws a box of condoms at him, which he catches effortlessly.

  “Come on now, Mrs. Lori. I’m not gonna knock her up. But, that wouldn’t matter either way. I’m twenty-eight years old. If I make a baby I’m damn well gonna raise it.” He speaks calmly, but I can tell he is anything but. His vein is popping out at his neck and his body is tense.

  “Good, just want to make sure y’all are safe. She’s gone through a lot.”

  “Momma, that’s enough. Dallas isn’t going to hurt me,” I step between them and grab his hand. “Come on, babe, let’s go enjoy the night.” As I turn to leave I hear Momma mutter something that I think sounds like he ain’t the one I’m worried about, but I can’t be sure. I shake it off as he opens the door and puts me in the front seat.

  Chapter Ten

  “So, do you wanna go see a movie? We could go eat and watch some hell ridden chick flick.”

  “I’d love to see that new Nicholas Sparks movie, those are always good.” She quietly says as she fiddles with her hand.

  “Ken, are you nervous?” My eyes dart back and forth between her and the road, making sure I don’t crash with her in the vehicle. That’s just what I’d need for Mrs. Lori to hate me.

  “A little,” she picks at her dress as she stares at the window. “I mean, for as long as I can remember, which isn’t that much, I’ve been in love with you. This is like our first date for me.”

  “Well, I better make it pretty damn special,” I smirk as I pull back into the Ranch’s driveway.

  “What are we doing here?” Her surprise is written all over her face as well as laced in the tone she uses.

  “Come on now, just trust me would ya?”

  I give her my best smile as I pull the truck deeper into the field. There is a huge projector screen with a tent set up, and food in a basket. I asked Stella to fix some good food that could be used for a picnic and that woman didn’t disappoint.

  “This is amazing,” she smiles as her eyes turn on me. “You did this all for me?”

  The awe in her voice makes my heart stop. I did stuff like this all the time for her, even at eighteen years old. I’d try my damnedest to walk on water if that’s what she wanted. “Kennedy, I’d die for you, baby. I’m in love with you.”

  “Oh,” her brows crease, putting a wrinkle in the face I love so much and I wonder if I made a mistake by telling her. I’ve loved her all my life though.

  “I’m sorry. I just made things awkward.”

  “No, I just, I didn’t,” she stutters, making me chuckle. “I think I’
m in love with you too,” she smiles and that look on her face makes my damn heart start racing like I’m sprinting toward the finish line in a marathon.

  “Well, good. Come on, let me feed my woman and make her cry with Safe Haven.” Leading her with my hand on the small of her back, I sit her down on the blanket I laid out on the ground. The same blanket we used twelve years ago, when we made love for the first time. Reaching around, I pull out the contents of the picnic basket Stella made for me. Pulled pork sandwiches, a jar of freshly canned dill pickles, some of that famous Coca-Cola cake and two mason jars of sweet tea come out which makes Kennedy smile.

  “Stella fix this for you?”

  “How’d you know?” I smile as I pop a pickle in my mouth.

  “Cause, I helped her make that cake,” she laughs as she takes a bite of her sandwich.

  “Yum, it’s my favorite.”

  She continues to eat as the movie comes on over the projector screen. “This blanket,” she stops as she slides her hand over the material underneath. “I feel like I’m missing something very important about it. I’ve seen it before.”

  Her eyes look into mine as if they are trying to get the answers she needs, but I can’t give them. I won’t. She needs to remember that for herself, I don’t want to portray our experiences in a way that it wasn’t. It was magical, it was nothing short of spectacular, but for her I know in the beginning it was painful. I don’t want to construe what we had, so I will wait for her to remember it. I will let her remember her first time clearly, not by the way it went in my head. “You have, it’s been a part of us for a very long time.”

  “I want to remember everything so badly. I still have a picture of us when we were younger on my bedside table at home. I know I never got over you, but something happened. I can feel it.” She pulls at the fabric that’s fraying from old age.

  “Kennedy, you chose to better yourself. I can never hate you for that. I was angry for so long, but you’re here now and all I can hope is that this time, you love me enough to not walk away.” Her eyes catch mine as my throat tightens.

  I’m afraid that one morning she’s going to wake up and I won’t be able to change her mind, because she remembers something awful. What’s even worse is that I don’t know what that awful thing could be. I’ve thought over and over in my head about why she just walked away and never even tried to call or reconnect.

  “Dallas, I don’t think I could walk away. Even if there was something in our past. You’ve shown me the man you are now and everyone deserves a second chance.” Her bright blue eyes shine in the light of the projector and I see the truth in them. She’s not going to run.

  All I can think about is sinking so deep inside her that I can’t tell where she starts and I end. I want to claim her as mine and I really want that damn ring my grandmother left me for the woman who stole my heart, on her finger. But, I know I can’t ask her that, until she knows her past and who she is.

  “I have a question.”

  The way her face is covered in a mask of seriousness makes me worry about the question. Because I mean no woman wants to really know how many people their partner has been with. “Okay?”

  “Was Mrs. Darlene and Mr. Edward crazy when they named you and Austin?” Her nose scrunches up as she asks the question and I can’t help but laugh. “This is serious. Stop laughing!” She slams her hand against my arm, causing it to sting, but I can’t stop laughing.

  “Why,” I try to catch my breath. “Would,” wiping the tears from my eyes. “You ask that?” She looks hurt that I am laughing, but honestly I don’t get it.

  “You live in Texas, Dallas! Did they love their state that much to name their kids after it? Austin and Dallas?” She glares, not liking the fact that I’m laughing, but now I am laughing because she’s right. My parents are crazy.

  “You’re right. They are pretty damn patriotic.” I chuckle as she starts to relax beside me, popping another pickle in her mouth. “Never really thought about that, but I can see where that would be on someone’s mind.”

  “I hope you know, I am not naming my children Waco and Forth Worth,” she giggles softly before laying back and watching the movie. “I love this movie.”

  “You do?” I raise my eyebrow, looking at her before she turns to me, her eyes sparkling with tears.

  “Mmmhmm. I love this blanket too.” She plays with the frayed piece of fabric in the middle.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yep, because this piece of fabric got caught on the button of my shorts the night you took my innocence.”

  “You remember?” My voice catches in my throat, because I wonder just what she’s remembering.

  “Yeah, I remember you apologizing over and over again for hurting me, even though I kept telling you I was fine. I remember the way you kissed the tears that trickled from my eyes while you made love to me on this very blanket twelve years ago. But I don’t remember why I left.” Her voice is filled with a sadness that I wish I could take away.

  “I don’t either, but I wish I could because I would tell you, even if it meant you leaving me again.”

  “Remind me again of why I fell in love with you so many years ago,” she wiggles her eyebrows as she slides her dress up her tanned thighs.

  “Hot damn. I am one lucky son of a bitch,” I growl as my hands trail from the top of her cowboy boots all the way to the top of her thighs. “Spread your legs, Kennedy. I need to taste.” I’ve become a starving man in a matter of seconds. All I have to do is smell her arousal and it’s like I become an animal. I have to have her; every inch of her has to have me on it. I want to smell my scent on her as if she’s bathed in it.

  “Oh. My. Damn.” She gasps as I push her legs apart, slowly running my nose over her panties, smelling her scent. Her hands push my hat off of my head and her fingers pull at my hair, tugging me toward her.

  “You want me, baby?” I growl against her, the vibrations making her body shiver.

  “Please,” she whispers as she thrusts her hips into my face.

  How can I say no to that? I slide my hand over the lace she’s got covering the thing I want most right now and rip the flimsy fabric, effectively unveiling her sex to me. I can see her lips glistening with want for me and I know that I can’t wait another second. Leaning forward my hands grip her ass and my tongue slides against her folds. Her body bucks as my tongue starts to flick up and down her sensitive clit. Her cries for more aren’t taken lightly as I delve deeper into the wetness that I have created within her.

  Reaching one hand up, I grab her dress, pushing the material out of my way so that I can cup her tit. My fingers pull at her nipple and her mewls become louder. I love having this power over her. I love having her feel as if she’s helpless. That the pleasure she’s feeling is all that matters. Having her like this, makes me feel like I am the king of the world. Knowing that in this moment, I wield a power that neither of us can contain.

  “More Dallas! Make me come!” Her desperate cries have me licking and sucking desperately. I look like a kid eating ice cream on a hot August day in the Louisiana heat. Her orgasm rips through her, soaking my tongue with her juices. After her body comes down from the high, I crawl up her body kissing her lips that are now covered with a smile. “Amazing.”

  “Yeah, you are.” I work my jeans off my hips as I rub the tip against her clit, earning a moan out of her lips.

  “Dallas, I want to return the favor.” Her blue eyes turn onto my hazel eyes, with a fierceness I have never seen.

  “Ken, this isn’t about favors babe. If I felt that way, I wouldn’t be down there eating the sweetest fucking pussy I’ve ever tasted. I do it because I want to taste you, I want you on my tongue, riding my face until you’re exploding on me. It isn’t about getting something in return.” I kiss her lips, before sliding the tip of my cock into her tight pussy.

  “You are horrible. I want to do it too, if I didn’t I wouldn’t say it. But, since you’re already inside me, I’ll catch you off gua
rd some other time.” She smirks, letting her dimple show through her right cheek. I love when she lets her guard down and shows me her personality.

  “Horrible? Damn, that’s cold,” I smile when her face goes from happy to confused in a matter of moments. “Here I thought I was incredible, especially with the way you were screaming my name and gyrating around while my tongue delved in and out of you.”

  “Not what I meant!”

  With each word that comes out of my mouth next, I slam into her. Letting my hips help put emphasis on my words. “Well.” Slam. “Maybe.” Slam. “I.” Slam. “Should.” Slam “Remind.” Slam. “You.” Slam. “How.” Slam. “I. Slam. Am.” Slam.

  Her eyes roll back into her head and her nails dig into the skin on my back. “Dallas!” Her head rolls back as I take her hard, reminding her just how good we are together. “Don’t stop!”

  “Not until we both jump off that cliff together, baby,” I growl as I continue to pummel her pussy. She’s going to know how horrible I really am. I can’t help but feel as if we are taking a turn in this relationship. It’s coming full circle from when we first made love on this blanket and right now in this moment, it’s better than it’s ever fucking been between us. I just hope she knows it too.

  Chapter Eleven

  Two months with Dallas have made me grateful for him. He’s shown me exactly what I saw between my mother and father. Love. He loves me even through my faults. But today, I am shaking in my boots. Literally. I haven’t seen Darlene and Edward Garrison since I moved back. I was too afraid to see them, because even though they’ve never been anything but kind to me, I know I left their son.

  “Kennedy, you look lovely today.” Darlene says as she walks up the porch. She doesn’t look anything like I remember her, but it’s also been ten years. She is still the epitome of grace though. Her beautiful white pencil skirt and silk coral blouse show she’s got an elegance about her, while I’m in a pair of cowboy boots and a teal colored sundress.