Who I Am With You

by Amanda Lanclos

  “You pregnant?”

  “What? No.” His tone isn’t really angry, but there is a hint of anger to it.

  “You sure?”

  I recoil from him as though I’ve been hit. Who the hell does he think he is? “Dallas, you’d be the first person I’d tell. Now what the hell is this about?”

  “Stella made a comment about ginger ale and crackers before getting out of bed. And, she may have mentioned you’re glowing.” His nostrils flare as he looks me over, his eyes stopping on my midsection, which my hand is protectively covering.

  “I don’t think,” I stop quickly, jumping up and running to the calendar on the desk. I start mentally calculating the days and I turn to him, my eyes wide with fear. “Dallas, I’m late. Oh shit.”

  “So you are pregnant?” His voice is a whisper as he grips the desk.

  “Well, I came at a bad time,” Casey’s voice fills the office making both Dallas and me turn our heads in her direction.

  “No, it’s okay. Casey, can you go to the store and get a test? I’m not sure if I am but I need to know.” I try to be calm, but in the back of my mind I’m freaking out. What if I am? We just got back to each other and now we have to worry about another little person.

  “Yeah, I’ll just take the truck. Brad is changing the oil in my car today.” She turns quickly to leave the room, leaving me with the man who is so full of emotions and I don’t think a single damn one is ecstatic.

  Dallas sits down in the chair, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging between his legs. “Kennedy. We’re gonna be parents.”

  “You don’t have to be, if you aren’t ready for this.”

  My words must light a fire under his ass because his head shoots up and those hazel eyes I love so much are alight with a flame. “Don’t you dare run this time, Kennedy.” His voice is low and full of malice. I can understand his concerns though.

  “I’m not. I’m just saying, if you aren’t ready. I can do this.” Before I can continue saying the rest of my little speech, his hands reach for me. Pulling me between his strong thighs, his hands slide up my body to my stomach. His eyes reach mine and I see the moisture there.

  “How can you think that, Kennedy? I’ve wanted this with you for as long as I can remember.” He pulls me into his lap, kissing me harshly, branding his lips to mine in a kiss that would give any woman a heart attack. “While most guys were out thinking about what woman they’d be bringing home that night, I was thinking about the woman who got away.”

  “We don’t know if I am.”

  “Oh, you are. I knocked you up,” he smirks. He’s proud of himself.

  “You’re telling your momma.” At my words, that smirk disappears quickly.

  “Oh shit.” He kisses me quickly again. “They are going to want us to get married. I mean, not that I don’t want to get married. I’d marry you today if you’d say yes. But, I am not rushing you.”

  “Dallas, I’m not marrying you until I get a decent proposal. You’ve also got some high expectations to fill after all the other romantic things you’ve done for all our other firsts.” I smile because I really don’t expect him to do anything other than get on one knee and profess the love I already know he has for me.

  “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I already have some stuff up my sleeve,” he winks as I wiggle on his lap. “Kennedy, you’d better stop that before I show you just how I really feel about you growing my child inside of you.”

  He thrusts his pelvis into my ass and I gasp softly. “Oh.”

  “Yeah, I’m barely holding on here.” His voice is so raspy that I want to help him with his issues, but I hear Austin screaming downstairs. “Better go see what he wants.” Dallas slowly lifts me as his eyes roll into his head.

  “Oh my God! You’re a bull-headed, arrogant ass!” Casey’s voice comes from the living room and I instantly cringe. Great.

  “I am? You have a fucking pregnancy test in your hand!”

  “So?”

  “So? You’re out there sleeping around with strangers? You gonna actually tell this one he’s going to become a father?” And there it was.

  “How do you know?” Her face goes white as her eyes turn to mine. “Seriously?” Her eyes turn cold as she looks at me. “Here’s your damn test,” she throws the test on the table and storms out.

  Austin just looks at me and Dallas before storming out of the house after her. I don’t know what to say about the situation, but I know enough to know that she will eventually talk to me. It may not be today or even a week from now, but she’s the only sister I have. Even if we aren’t blood we are everything to one another.

  “I’ll just go take this,” I say quietly as I grab the test. Dallas nods, not saying anything. There isn’t really much to say. While we may be getting our happily ever after, those two are getting their sadly never ever.

  Sitting in the bathroom, I open the box to the small little test that hold the power to change my whole life. I feel like I’m on auto-pilot as I pull the cap off and pee on the stick. I don’t have to open the door to know that Dallas is standing on the other side of it. He’s just as anxious as I am to find out the truth. We may not have had the perfect relationship or the perfect lives, but if this test shows two little lines, this could be the perfect start.

  With shaking hands, I pick the test back up, watching as the results slowly show up. One line. I let out a sob because I wanted this so badly. When my sobs become louder, Dallas opens the door, his eyes full of worry.

  “Are you?” His voice is excited but nervous all at the same time.

  “No,” I sob, falling to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?”

  “I wanted to be, so badly.” I look into his hazel eyes as he kneels in front of me.

  He picks up the test from the counter, looking it over and then looks at me. “I thought two lines meant yes?”

  “Two lines?” I squeal out as I snatch the test from him and sure enough there is a faint pink line next to the other one that was so prominent. “Oh my God! Dallas! I’m pregnant!”

  “I’m gonna be a dad.”

  The smile on his face is stunning. He’s smiling like the damn Cheshire cat and those dimples that I love so much are shining through. In this moment, nothing else matters because I have the love of my life by my side and the product of our love growing inside me.

  Two weeks and still no word from Casey. Even Austin has been silent about where she is. I tried her parents’ house to no avail. She’s gone off the grid, even as far as turning off the phone we used for work. I’m sitting in the house going over the finances because Dallas refuses to let me deal with the horses now that I’m pregnant.

  “No! That’s the end of it Kennedy,” he snarls as he slams his hands down on the kitchen counter.

  Standing my ground and placing my hands on my hips I try to reason with him, “Why? I’m fine Dallas! I’m not some damn porcelain doll that’s going to break at the slightest bump.”

  “Because! You want to get on a horse, so it can buck you off and you can lose the baby?” His hand goes to his neck, rubbing the tension there. “I’m not saying it will happen, but dammit Kennedy. I’d go crazy with worry if you fell off one of them. You want to help, then help Chase from the outside of the arena.”

  “You’re stubborn as hell! Nothing is going to happen to me or the baby,” I shriek but he doesn’t relent.

  For the next twenty minutes we argue over what I can and can’t do now that I’m carrying his baby. He stomps out of the room with bated breath as I smile in victory. He has won some but not all of the conversation.

  Picking up my phone, I see an e-mail come through from Casey and I can’t help but squeal, until I see the email.

  To: Kennedy@MillerandJennings.com

  From: Casey@MillerandJennings.com

  Subject: Closing of Miller and Jennings

  Kennedy,

  Please see attached documents in regards to the sale and dissolutio
n of Miller and Jennings. They need to be signed and returned for finalization. I am only taking half of the initially agreed upon amount, leaving you with seventy-five percent of the total value. Please don’t argue with this, I’m okay with the twenty-five percent.

  I am looking out for you, far more than you ever did for me. I’d tell you not to worry about me, but we both know that you never have and are not about to start now. Take care of yourself.

  Casey

  I read over the e-mail several times before I print the paper, sign it, scan it and send it back with no message in my reply. She’s washing her hands clean of me and I can’t say that I blame her. I wasn’t always the greatest friend, even though she always was to me. My heart hurts knowing that she won’t be a part of my child’s life, but every action has a reaction. My actions have pushed everyone so far away from me in the past that the only course is to wipe my slate clean and start anew. Only, now I’ve pushed the best friend I’ve ever had out of my life. If it weren’t for Casey, I would probably be dead by now.

  After I’d left Dallas and come back only to find him banging that girl in the dark hallway at Swinney’s, I’d gone postal. I went after any man that paid me attention and I drank anything that was placed in my hand. I was on a destructive path and it was Casey who pulled me out of the funk and got me through it. She talked some sense into my idiotic mind and got me back to where I was thriving. She’s the real reason that Miller and Jennings did as well as it did, because she lit a damn fire under my ass until I was strong enough to hold the flames myself.

  “Kennedy?”

  My head shoots up from the computer when I hear Dallas’ voice drifting over to me. I shut my Mac down, letting my fingers slide over the sleek design of the computer before rising to wrap my arms around Dallas when he approaches.

  “How are my two girls?” His hands instantly go to my belly and I can’t help but smile.

  “You’re so certain it’s a girl, aren’t you?”

  “Yep, because God help us if we have another me.” His eyes dance with humor as he lifts me in his arms and carries me to the reading nook I love so much at the window. “What’s put that sad look on your face?”

  “Casey,” I whisper as I lie my head on his chest, absorbing his strength.

  “She still not talking to you?”

  “No and the company sold this morning. I should get a good $225,000.00 in the bank next week.”

  “Well, that’s amazing right?” His eyes go wide as I tell him the amount. I trust Dallas and he’s got quite a bit on his own, even though you wouldn’t know it if he didn’t tell you. He lives well below his means and drives vehicles that would make you think he lived paycheck to paycheck.

  “I guess, but Casey should get that. I was a vindictive bitch when we were living in New York and she’s the whole reason I worked so hard to get this company off the ground. I hated disappointing her and that was exactly what’d I’d done when we left here.

  “Seeing you bang that girl, it did things to me.” His shoulders tense as I say the words, I know it isn’t something we ever wanted to talk about, but he needs to know. “I started drinking my weight in alcohol and using any man I could to get over you, but it never happened.

  “I tried to drink you away. I tried to sleep you away. But, I was losing sight of why I’d left you in the first place and she reminded me real quick what I came to New York for. And, in her Casey-like way she told me it wasn’t to get an STD and die.”

  He chuckles softly before kissing my temple. “I think that she just needs time. Give her that, because I have a feeling she’ll be back here. You can always take the girl out of Texas, but after seeing that girl riding Sally down there the other day, you sure aren’t taking Texas out of her.”

  “I am so thankful to have you in my life, even if the road that led us here wasn’t perfect.” I mean every word I say when I look him in his eyes, my hands gripping his shirt. “Do you think you can take my mind off of things for a little bit? I just want it to be you and me.”

  “Sure can. But it isn’t involving sex. Let’s go.” He stands slowly, setting me on my feet before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the room. Where in the world is he taking me?

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just let me bring you somewhere without asking questions. You’ll go more willingly then.” He winks as he helps me into the truck before waving at Austin. They both have a weird smile on their faces like they know something I don’t.

  “Okay then,” I mutter as I sit back and take in the scenery as we go. As we get further away from the town, I realize where we are going. “Why are we going to your Papi’s camp?”

  “You remember that? It’s been over fifteen years since you’ve been there.” His voice is laced with surprise and I want to laugh, but I manage not to.

  “Of course I do. We spent many summers up here. I’m sure that’s why we became so close and fell in love. You were always my hero here.” I look over at the man that has taken the place of my savior from snakes, fish, bugs and Austin. “Remember when Austin caught that king snake and kept chasing me with it. I almost fell into this hole and you caught me before I hurt myself.”

  “Then I beat Austin for being ugly to you,” he laughs wholeheartedly. His fingers grip the steering wheel as he pulls in and I see Casey’s car.

  “You knew she was here?” I stare at him, angry. I’ve been worried sick over her and he’s known she was here this whole time?

  “Not until this morning. Austin said we needed to make you two talk. She got back last night from Montana and Austin took her there. Don’t ask me what’s going on there because I have no damn clue. But, I can’t see my woman hurting when she should be happy. So, fix it.” He stops the truck, puts it in park. “Call me and I’ll come back.”

  “You’re leaving me?”

  “She’s your best friend, Ken. Talk it out. Tell her you love her. It will all work out, babe.” He gives me a kind smile, before squeezing my hand.

  I exit the truck, walk up the few steps to the porch and stand there watching him as he leaves me behind. If it weren’t for Casey’s car sitting in here, I’d feel like I’d been kidnapped and left for dead. But, even her car symbolizes a not so great time. She could ask me to leave and I wouldn’t have anywhere to go.

  I don’t even know how long I stand there watching Dallas’ taillights before I hear the door creak open, slowly. “You gonna stand there all day?” Her voice is music to my ears. At least she isn’t screeching for me to walk my ass home.

  “I don’t really know what to say,” I shrug. I figure the best route to go is with being honest. “I never meant to tell him that. I swear. I just I woke up and remembered. Stormed out of the house and when his cocky face told Dallas something, it pissed me off. I never thought I’d see either of them again, so I never expected to feel the rage I felt whenever he acted like he was innocent.”

  “Kennedy. I’m so angry. I didn’t want him to know.” She opens the door to lead me into the house so we can talk.

  I follow, taking in my surroundings as she talks about how hurt she is. I notice the beige painted sheetrock that’s replaced the wood paneling that was up when I was a child. The tile floors are now replaced with dark stained wood and the kitchen has been completely redone in white counters with black granite.

  “Are you listening to me?” Casey’s voice is agitated and I make a mental note to actually listen to her.

  “I’m sorry, I just. This is nothing like I remember.” I look down at my tangled hands in embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I thought the same thing. But, this is Austin’s house now, so he made it his own.”

  “I can’t believe Papi left it to him. I thought he couldn’t stand Austin,” I laugh softly and she joins in.

  “Yeah, well if he’d show the side I see when he’s alone with me, I think your opinion might change.” She sighs as she grabs my hand. “Kennedy, I don’t want to not be your friend.
It killed me to send that e-mail and in a way I figured the boys would work it out for us.”

  “I don’t know how to make it better,” I’m opening myself up, because I honestly don’t know what to do to make her feel better. I can’t take back the words I said.

  “You can start being my best friend. You can stop trying to gain something and start being the Kennedy you were before you remembered. I like her.” She smiles softly and I run into her and hug her.

  “I can do that. I like her, too. I don’t want to be the old Kennedy anymore.”

  “Good, because as much as I love you, she was a bit hard to deal with.” She sits on the couch and laughs at the look that’s crossed my face. “No hard feelings. Besides, I shouldn’t have ever kept that from Austin to begin with. He was furious. But, furious Austin is good at makeup sex.”

  “Oh God. Please tell me you didn’t?”

  “I did, and it was amazing. It won’t happen again though, I’ve assured him of that.” Her tone is matter of fact but her eyes say something completely different. She can think she isn’t being entangled in the Garrison brother web, but she’s sadly mistaken.

  “Mmhmm,” I hum as I flip the television on. “How about a girls’ day? We could watch that new show Young & Hungry.”

  “I’m all for that,” she sidles up to me on the couch, lying on my hip just like we used to do. “Wait! I’ll make popcorn with M&M’s.” She jumps up quickly, making my body jostle and causes a bout of nausea to run through me.

  I jump from the couch as quickly as I can to the nearest toilet. After my body is empty of the nutrients I ate this morning, I slide my arm over my mouth, wiping off the liquid that’s spilled out. It isn’t until I stand that I notice that Casey was there with me the whole time, holding my hair out of my face to keep it out of the toilet. “Thank you,” I weakly say as I run cold water over my face.

  “You did it for me before.”

  “I did, didn’t I?” I smile at the memory of two am wake up calls.

  Casey’s pregnancy wasn’t the easiest. She’d been more sick than not and she’d lost about fifteen pounds during the first eight weeks. She’d lost the baby at around eleven weeks and I’d had to help pick her up and move on. That was one of the toughest times in our lives. I’d witnessed Dallas moving on the same week she lost the baby. It was a test of faith and our friendship.