by Amity Hope
“Just stop right now. It was a long time ago. It’s in the past. Just leave it alone.”
“Is it in the past?” My tone may have been calm but inside, my nerves were buzzing with an anxiety so intense it was almost painful. This was the question I had been wondering for years.
Seth stood on the other side of the breakfast bar, palms planted firmly against the countertop as he leaned forward.
The look on his face was almost enough to make me take a step back.
“Let’s just get this over with,” he said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You want to ask about my family. Do it. I’m giving you a one time, free pass. I know you well enough to know you won’t drop it until I do. But after this? It’s off limits.”
“Does he still lose his temper like he used to?” I didn’t let my gaze waver, though on the inside, I was trembling. It sounded like such a simple question, barely fitting of such a complex situation.
“No.” Seth’s gaze didn’t waver either. “He hasn’t laid a hand on me since Mom left. That’s what you’re really asking, isn’t it? She used to stress him out. Things are better now that she’s gone.”
“Do you swear?”
He nodded slowly. “Yes. I’m not a little kid anymore. It’s not so easy for him to throw me around.”
I took a moment to internalize that. It made sense to some extent but Seth was only seventeen. His Dad was a large man. His was taller and broader. It seemed a little insulting to throw that out there.
His eyes were locked on mine. It was obvious he was waiting for my response.
“Good,” I said quietly.
“So is that it? Is the inquisition over?”
“Yes,” I said as I picked up a piece of chicken. “Or no. Can I ask about Caitlin?”
“Where did that come from?”
I shrugged. “Is she mad that you’re here tonight?”
“Don’t know. I didn’t tell her.”
“Don’t you think you should have?”
“Why?” He cocked his head to the side, waiting for my answer.
“Aren’t you two together?” Gabby and Alyssa had said that they weren’t. Yet every now and then, it sounded like they were. I wanted to hear from Seth where they stood.
“Not really.”
“Not really what?” I pressed.
“We’re not really together.”
“Not really but…kind of?”
“Seriously?” His eyes narrowed. “What is this about? We’re just friends.”
“Did you leave with her last night?” I dragged my chicken through the flour on the plate.
“Yeah, I gave her a ride home. She caught a ride there with Gabby but Gabby and Mason wanted to go out afterwards. She didn’t.”
I nodded vaguely because it sounded reasonable enough.
“What’s it to you?” he asked with a smirk.
I inwardly groaned because I realized how obvious I was being. I tried to cover it with some snarkiness. “You didn’t look like just friends on New Year’s Eve. Unless you go around kissing all of your friends.” I hadn’t been sure if she’d pulled him in for a hug or a kiss. His answer confirmed my suspicion.
His smirk turned into an amused smile. “That depends on the friend.”
I had nothing to say to that so I rolled my eyes in response. Somehow, I was pretty sure he didn’t go around kissing Gabby or Alyssa. Not that it was impossible. I just couldn’t see it.
When I didn’t say anything he continued with a shrug. “Sometimes she gets like that. Especially if she’s been drinking. It was a party. She was just having fun. And not that it’s any of your business, and it’s not even something I said you could ask me about but Cait and me…” He faded off, maybe trying to decide how to explain it to me. “She’s just easy to be around.”
“Meaning?”
He sighed, as if this conversation was exasperating. “Cait doesn’t ask questions. She doesn’t expect a lot from me.”
“Maybe she just doesn’t care.” I read between the lines just fine. Cait didn’t ask bothersome questions that annoyed him. I did.
“Or maybe she cares in her own way. Look, I really don’t want to talk about Caitlin. I don’t think you really do either.”
I pushed a smile onto my face but it wasn’t at all genuine. “You’re right. I don’t care what the two of you have going on.” I slapped another piece of chicken through the flour.
“You’re acting like you do.” He moved around the counter so he was beside me. I might’ve liked it better when we had the countertop between us.
“I don’t,” I stubbornly said. I thought about it for a second. “When did you two get to be such good friends?”
His amusement faded. “After my mom took off. Her parents split up around the same time. We were just kind of in a bad place together. Her mom wasn’t around much. She didn’t care if I hung out at her house when I didn’t want to be at my own. She just kind of…got me. You know?”
I thought about that for a second. I remembered how miserable, friendless and alone I’d first felt after our move. “I’m glad you had someone.”
He didn’t seem to know what to say to that.
“One more question?” I pressed.
He looked like he wanted to refuse but his shoulders slumped in agreement. “At this point? Why not?”
“Why were you so mad that I came back?”
“I wasn’t…I wasn’t mad.”
“Then what was the problem?”
“I don’t know. You complicate things?” It came out sounding like a question. As if he was asking me if that was my intention.
“How so?”
He looked away, clearly not interested in answering. How could I complicate things? When he still didn’t answer, I blew out a frustrated sigh. It got him talking again.
“You ask a lot of questions. I know you. It’s just how you are. I didn’t want to have to answer them,” he explained.
I couldn’t argue because he wasn’t wrong. The current conversation made his point perfectly.
“But the night you gave me a ride home, you were right. I was being a jackass. I know I hurt your feelings and I hadn’t meant to do that,” he quietly admitted.
I didn’t say anything to that.
“So I figured that I might as well let you ask your questions. You can get your answers. And now, can we just drop it?”
I nodded. “Yes, as long as I know you’re okay, I can drop it.”
“Good, because I’m fine. Now what else needs to be done here?”
The conversation was clearly over.
*****
Dinner turned out okay. Seth devoured most of it. He managed to steer the conversation away from himself during the entire meal. Mostly we talked about Florida, my mom, and my old friends. He asked how I liked being back. When I told him I liked it a lot, it was the truth.
I put the food away but just placed the dirty dishes in the sink. I’d deal with them in the morning.
“I can’t remember the last time that I ate something that wasn’t reheated,” Seth said. He made a face, as if trying to remember. I was sure it had to have been before his mom left.
“That was really good,” he continued. “But when we make it in class next week, make sure you let me do more of the work.”
“If you insist,” I told him.
“I heard that last year they made pizzas out of English muffins. The hardest thing they had to put together was homemade mac and cheese. Even those would’ve been a stretch for me. I really don’t think I’d be passing this class at all if you hadn’t demanded to be my partner.”
“I didn’t demand,” I said as I gave him a nudge.
“Well, whatever, I’m glad you are,” he said, nudging me right back.
“So, now what?” I asked as we made our way out of the kitchen. “Are you headed home? Or out?”
“I don’t really have any plans. Mason and Logan are on a double date. Brent’s
a little pissed at me right now.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Why?”
“He doesn’t like that I’m over here.”
“Oh. Is this because he wanted me to go out for pizza?”
“Something like that. I told him we were practicing for Home Ec. He said it was like cheating.”
“Cheating?”
“Yeah, making the meals ahead of time, he said we’re practically cheating.”
“That’s kind of…dumb,” I offered up.
His eyes darted around the foyer. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. But you know Brent. He gets kind of pissy sometimes.”
I nodded my agreement even though I didn’t really know that about Brent.
“So, I guess I should probably go.”
“You don’t have to. You can stay here and we can—”
“Okay,” he said with a shrug.
“Okay? You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“It has to be better than heading home.”
I hadn’t really expected him to agree. Actually, I hadn’t really meant to ask the question in the first place.
“Okay, then,” I said. “Let’s go downstairs. Maybe we can find a movie or something.”
He followed me down and I went to the cupboard that had the movies in it. I stood back, looking at them skeptically. Dad’s selection was on the verge of being embarrassing.
“You’re in the mood for a western?” Seth teased.
“No,” I said with a sigh as I swung the cupboard door shut. I crossed the family room to Dustin’s room.
By the time Dustin had turned thirteen, he had an obsession with classic rock. It wasn’t long before it had become clear he was incapable of listening to it at a reasonable volume. Before long, Mom had banished him to the basement. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded. The basement was nice, complete with a hot tub room.
Dustin had loved the privacy down here.
I poked my head inside and glanced around. He had left for college only days before Mom and I had left for Florida. At one time, his bookshelf had been full of movies. His bed was neatly made but his shelves were empty now. I glanced back at Seth. He grabbed the remote and tossed himself into the middle of the couch. “I’m sure we can find something.”
I quickly debated between Dad’s chair and the couch. A feeling of déjà vu hit me because I could remember having that exact same internal debate years ago. Then, like now, sitting next to Seth won out. If he’d wanted to sit alone, he could’ve taken the chair.
He was already flipping through the channels when I dropped down next to him.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“A hockey game?” I asked with a laugh. “Sure. No wonder you didn’t look too bummed by the movie selection.”
“This time of year, I can usually find something to watch.”
I turned to face the TV but his words from just a few minutes ago danced around in my head.
“Are you sure things are okay with you and your Dad? I mean, you said anything was better than going home.”
He rested his head on the back of the couch but tilted it to face me. “I thought I put a time limit on the questions.”
I bit my lip to keep myself quiet.
A smile slowly spread across his face, causing my heart rate to kick up several notches. He leaned in and said, “I’d rather spend time with you than go home. Are you going to tell me that’s a bad thing?” His hand came up to brush my cheek. The action took me by surprise and my eyes momentarily fluttered shut. I snapped them back open again, but he didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, he slid it around so it was resting at the base of my neck. “I’ve been answering your questions all night. Now it’s your turn to answer one of mine.”
I wanted to protest but I was too distracted by his thumb, rubbing the back of my neck, to say anything.
“Are you jealous that Cait kissed me? Because upstairs, you were kind of acting like you were.”
I felt my cheeks grow warm. It could’ve been from embarrassment. Or it could’ve been due to the delicious heat that was curling through me, making me tremble with its intensity now that Seth was so close I could feel his breath on my neck. His lips brushed against my ear. “Are you jealous? I dare you to tell me the truth.” His tone was light and teasing.
I felt myself slowly nodding. He quietly chuckled into my hair. His cheek rubbed against mine as his lips glided closer. My lips parted expectantly and I instantly wondered if I was being too presumptuous. Until that very moment, Seth hadn’t given me any indication that this was what he wanted.
His mouth slowly descended upon mine. My hand coasted up his arm until it landed on his shoulder. I used the leverage to pull him closer. I let out a happy sigh as his other arm slid around me, pulling me tightly to him.
The kiss started out cautiously, as if we were both afraid we had misread the other’s intentions. In seconds, the caution faded away. When the kiss finally faded out, Seth rested his forehead against mine.
“I was not expecting that,” I whispered.
“I couldn’t help myself. In fact,” he said, “I’m not sure I can stop myself this time either.”
CHAPTER 10
“So you and Seth? He came over last night? How did that go?” Gabby demanded as she climbed into the backseat of my Jeep.
I darted a look at Alyssa who was sitting in the passenger seat. I’d mentioned it to her on the way home from the hockey game.
“I told her,” she admitted, looking almost apologetic. “I hope that was okay. We all went out last night. Gabby wanted to invite you along but I told her you had plans with Seth.”
“It’s fine,” I said to Alyssa. Then to Gabby, “It went alright.”
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror as she shook her head. “Everyone knows Mrs. Larson used to love having boys in her class. She always took it easy on them. That’s why so many of the guys always signed up. I heard Mrs. Perrault is a lot harder.”
I smiled because I still found it amusing that the cooking class was scattered with boys.
“I think it’s fun,” I honestly said.
“Because of Seth?” Alyssa asked with a teasing smile.
“Because I like to cook,” I said with a laugh. I decided to toss some honesty out there. “But yes, I like that I have the class with Seth.”
“I knew it,” Alyssa smugly said.
“I’m glad he dropped the attitude he had going on for a while,” Gabby said. “I still don’t get what that was about.”
Now that I knew, I wasn’t about to tell her. It wasn’t as if I could say that Seth was worried I’d divulge his secret. Yet, a part of me wanted to talk to them about it. They’d been friends with Seth for years. How was it that they didn’t know? Then again, as Gabby had said, he was a private person. Sure, he had friends. But as far as I knew, it wasn’t like any of them ever hung out at his house.
Or, if it was as Seth said, things were different the past few years. If that was true, there was nothing for them to know.
“So how was the double date?” I asked, deciding it was safest to move the topic away from Seth and me. They were my friends but so was he. I had a hunch that he wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to kiss and tell. Not to mention, I wasn’t sure there would be much more to tell. I wasn’t sure how we’d left things. Until I knew, I was going to keep quiet.
Dad had come home a little after midnight. Luckily, we’d heard the garage door. It gave me just enough time to sit up, straighten out my clothes, pat down my hair and try to look presentable. I wanted to look like Seth and I hadn’t spent the majority of the past few hours kissing.
Dad had come downstairs. He’d looked at Seth sitting on one side of the couch, me on the other. If he was suspicious of us, he didn’t show it. He had told Seth it was probably time to go home. So he had. Dad had escorted us up the stairs and he’d stood in the foyer while Seth put his jacket on.
With a wave to me and a ‘goodbye’ to Dad, he’d disappeared
into the darkness to take the short walk home.
“It was fun,” Alyssa said. “We should’ve called you. You and Seth both could’ve come with. We were going to go to a movie but instead we all ended up at Caitlin’s.”
“Her mom is gone all the time. She has some rich boyfriend,” Gabby said. “Either they go out of town or she stays at his house. She ended up inviting a lot of people over.”
I shrugged. “That’s okay. We watched a hockey game.” Caitlin’s was probably the last place I would’ve wanted to be on Saturday night.
“Next time,” Alyssa said.
“Possibly,” I offered as we pulled into the mall parking lot.
I’d had enough of my frilly little girl room. It was time for a change.
I could make do with pink walls. It was the ruffles and lace that had to go. After an hour of shopping, I finally found a cocoa colored comforter that I liked. It had geometric designs in two shades of pink. I decided it would go perfectly in my room. I paid for it and the clerk was happy to let me keep the huge, bulky bag behind the register until we were done shopping.
“Where to?” Alyssa asked as we left the department store.
Gabby’s eyes took on a sparkle. “Prom is coming up.”
“No it’s not!” I said with a laugh. “I mean, it is. But it’s months away.”
“I know,” she admitted. “But last year I didn’t have a date until like two weeks before. I had no time to shop for a dress. I bought one out of sheer panic. It was hideous.” She glanced at Alyssa for validation.
Alyssa scrunched her face up in apology. “It wasn’t the most flattering.”
“It was hideous,” Gabby repeated. “I’m not saying I’m going to buy one today. But I do want to see what’s out there. Just to get an idea of what I might want. Is that okay?”
“Sure.” They had been nice enough to look at bedding with me. I was sure they hadn’t been particularly excited by that. “If you want to look, that’s fine.”
Gabby looped her arm through mine. “Oh, no. Not just us. You need to look too.”
“I bet Brent is going to ask you,” Alyssa announced.
“Oh.” This news stopped me.
“Don’t look like that. You have to at least think about it,” Gabby pouted. “Brent’s a sweetheart.”
