by Scott, Tarah
TJ sat on the buckboard about to drive off when Allison came out of the house. She waved and walked past him toward the stable.
“I thought you were going to stay close to the house,” TJ hollered after her.
“I’m sharing breakfast with Sugar.” She held up the apple and disappeared into the darkness.
* * * * *
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
Allison dropped the shirt she was hanging on the line to dry in the summer sun. She held her hand above her eyes and squinted to see Joseph reaching up to secure the clothes. “Yes, I have, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’m not the only one thinking there’s something going on between you and the boss.”
Allison left the laundry in the basket and walked around to the front porch. She sat on the steps. Joseph sat beside her. “Don’t ask me anything if you don’t want the truth.” She folded her hands in her lap.
“I don’t want to talk about TJ.” He took off his hat and then rolled a cigarette. “You didn’t seem to mind when I kissed you.”
Allison thought about the kiss they shared. It only served to remind her of TJ.
He waited for her to say something. “He won’t treat you right.” Joseph stood and put on his hat. “You’ll live in Janelle’s shadow if you try to make a life with him. Don’t get me wrong, I love TJ, but he’s the one who swore he’d never love another woman. He’ll let you believe you’re special to him. I’ve known TJ a long time. Janelle was the only woman I ever saw him remain faithful to.” He turned and left her sitting on the porch.
Her legs shook when she stood. She waited a moment for her trembling heart to slow and then went back to the laundry.
Joseph’s words tumbled around in her mind. The rational side of her realized she had no claim on TJ, but her heart hurt nonetheless. Stolen kisses were not promises of potential feelings to come later. TJ had gone to Sandy because she hadn’t been able to satisfy his needs. Joseph knew TJ better than she did. If he was right, she’d never have TJ’s love the way he was slowly claiming hers.
Later, after Allison put the children to bed, she had the rare opportunity to look around TJ’s room without fear of being caught. She entered the room as she had countless times. Any time before was to change the sheets and collect dirty clothes. She never dared look at his belongings or peer into his private desk. She carried a lantern into the room and set it on the bureau. The open window caught her attention. She blew out the flame and let the light of the moon fill the room. The curtains gently swayed in the night breeze.
A thin summer blanket covered the bed. The fabric felt soft as she ran her hand along the edge. She crawled onto the bed and pulled his pillow to her nose. It smelled of wood and flannel just like TJ. She only planned to close her eyes for a few minutes, but soon she slept.
The loud crack of thunder woke her a few hours later. The gentle breeze of earlier was now a full torrent of wind. She hurried to close the window. After lighting the lantern, she went to the children’s room and checked on them. Sissy lay awake and afraid. Michael still slept.
“Mama, where’s Papa?” Her eyes darted wildly around the room. “I’m scared.” Her thin arms wrapped around Allison as Allison picked her up.
“You can sleep in his bed tonight.” She carried Sissy to TJ’s room and deposited her in the spot she had just vacated. “I’m going to get your brother. I’ll be right back.”
A moment later, she placed Michael next to Sissy. “Sis, watch your brother. I’m going to close the windows downstairs.”
Allison carried the lantern from window to window. Some she closed partway, the others, she closed and latched. The wind howled through the house. She screamed as lightning struck overhead. The thunder rumbled loud. The windows shuddered as the booming intensified. She covered her ears. Then Michael cried out from TJ’s room. She rushed to the stairs as someone pounded on the front door.
“Allison, open up!” Train hollered from outside.
Allison pulled open the door and rushed into his arms. “I’m scared.”
“Get the kids and come with me.” He pushed her toward the stairs. His frantic tone sent shards of panic through her.
“What’s wrong?” She climbed the stairs two at a time with Train right on her heels. She rushed into TJ’s room to the children.
“Fire. We have to hurry.” He grabbed Sissy and Allison held Michael tightly to her chest. “It’s coming this way, fast. I want everyone in the shack.” He talked as they carried the children down the stairs. “I already sent a rider after TJ.” He looked at Allison. “He usually stays at the same place.” He let the implication hang in the air.
As they ran from the house, Allison stopped halfway across the yard and faced the wind. On the rise above them an eerie red glow radiated into the sky. Thick black smoke made it difficult to breath. Michael started to cough.
“Come on,” Train yelled. He grabbed her elbow.
Once they were in the Shack, Allison realized how many people from the ranch she hadn’t met. The room filled quickly with crying children and hysterical mothers. Train jumped onto a table and called everyone to attention.
“As long as the fire stays over the rise you’ll be safe here. We need to focus on containing the fire so stay here. No one leaves without checking with Allison. If you must leave for some reason, give a detailed account of where you’ll be and when you’ll be back. If you don’t know who she is yet, she’s right here in the blue dress.” He smiled and gave her a wink. “Most of us have been through fires before.”
“Not this close to home,” someone from the back yelled.
“I know.” Train hollered back. “Tell your wife good night and let’s go.”
The first priority was to get the cattle on the other side of the lake. A dozen men saddled up and took off to drive the herds to safety. The rest of the men filled their canteens and grabbed shovels. The best defense was to draw a line and keep the fire from crossing it.
The women and children gathered around Allison. She wished Joseph had allocated someone else to the position, but she understood why he did it. She was on the payroll. These women just wanted to know their husbands would be back safely.
“I only know as much as you,” she said to them. “Joseph, I mean Train, assured me that he’ll send word at every opportunity. I think for now everyone should claim some space for their family. We might be in here for a while.”
Allison went to find Cake. He and his wife Betty were standing at the door of the shack watching the sky.
“I need your help,” she said. “I don’t think we’ll have a problem accommodating everyone, but they’re scared, and I don’t know what to tell them.”
“Oh Sugar, you let Betty help you with this.” The older woman, Cake’s wife, wrapped her chubby arm around Allison. “Cupcake.” She pointed to her husband. “Get cooking. Nothing soothes a body like good ol’ home cooking.”
Betty knew everyone and introduced Allison personally. “Don’t know how that man survived before you came to work, tending the children, cleaning that monster of a house, and even planting a garden. Sugar, you do a right fine job taking care of the boss.”
“You do know my name is Allison?”
Betty let out a laugh that made her whole body shake. “TJ gave you your nickname a long time ago. All of us know you as Sugar.”
“My horse’s name is Sugar. I’m more comfortable with Allison.” She tried to smile through her insecurities.
“Don’t let a nickname cause you concern,” Betty said in a serious voice. “Just means you’ve been accepted into the family. You belong here.”
The children played in the shack. The thick smoke outside made it difficult to breath. The windows had to be closed. What was already a very warm room became unbearable. But thankfully the fire stayed in the far distance, well over the rise.
“Cake, I want you to get some ice and let the children eat it,” Allison
said. “They’re starting to fuss because of the heat. If you point me in the right direction, I’ll fill up some carafes with water. If we add ice, I think we would all be grateful.”
He nodded and went to the icehouse. A few minutes later, you could hear laughter from the children. “Good thinking,” Betty said, patting Allison on the back.
Cake had food ready when the first men started returning from the fields. Black soot covered their faces. Allison watched for Joseph. She hadn’t realized his position of authority. She heard pieces of conversation. Both men and women respected his decisions and followed orders without question.
When he came though the door, her heart raced, yet relief overwhelmed.
She grabbed a glass of cool water and a wet cloth. She rushed to him and led him to a chair. “Are you hurt?” She handed him the drink, took the cloth and laid it across his forehead. “Hungry? Cake has cornbread and chicken.”
He tipped the glass and drank all the water. “No, I’m going back out. I just wondered if you’ve heard from TJ.”
She sat in the chair next to him. “Not yet.” They looked at each other for a minute. “You look tired.”
He nodded. “I was tired before I left. The wind shifted though.”
“Then it’ll burn itself out?”
“We’re hoping.” Joseph took her hand in his. “Allison, we need to talk. I’ve seen you with TJ. I know you have feelings for him.”
“We can’t talk now.” She stood, but he held to her fingers and gently tugged her back down.
“I can’t go back out there and wonder what’s going to happen when TJ returns.”
“You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I won’t lie to you either. I can’t explain my feelings for TJ. I don’t know what they are.” She touched his hand. “You go do your job and I’ll do mine. When this thing is over, we’ll figure out the rest.”
They walked to the door, and she stepped outside with him. Before he walked away, he leaned in to kiss her. She put her hand on his chest.
“When this is over.”
Joseph kissed her quickly and put his hat on. She smiled and turned away from him. “Well, hello.” Sissy had been standing right behind her.
“How come you’re kissin’ Train?” She took another bite of bread. Butter cream coated her fingers and greased her cheeks.
“A kiss is good luck.” She took Sissy’s hand and led her back inside.
Sissy nodded, accepting the easy answer.
Allison made a pallet for her and the children close to the front door of the shack so people wouldn’t have to look for her if they needed to leave. Sissy slept next to the wall and Michael, snuggled in a ball, lay tucked close to her body. Exhaustion overcame her too, and she fell asleep.
A few hours later, she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Allison?”
Although she’d been asleep, she hadn’t forgotten where she was, nor could she mistake the voice. “When did you get back?”
Like the other men, soot covered his face. He put his finger to his lips to hush her. “Sshh, come with me.”
Michael still slept in her arms. TJ carefully picked up his son allowing her to slide out from behind him, and then he placed him back on the pallet next to Sissy.
Please don’t let the house be gone, kept racing through her mind. Instead, when she stepped outside she heard laughter. “It’s raining,” she whispered, lifting her face to feel the sprinkles.
“Your garden is gone, but the house is safe. We knew the rain was coming. We prayed it got here before the fire. It was close.”
“Too close.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Everyone is talking about how you took control in the shack. I don’t think you’ll have to worry what the women think about you. Betty can’t stop chattering about you.” Standing in front of her, he rubbed her arms. “I know you were scared.”
“No more scared than anyone else. Joseph deserves the praise. He shouldered most of the responsibility. He fought for your land as if it were his own.”
TJ’s face darkened just like the smoke from the fire had blackened the sky. “Good. His job is to protect the ranch along with the stock, and anyone living here. He did what’s expected.”
She furrowed her brows. “You’re a jackass, TJ.” They were back to jealousy. “Expecting Joseph to risk his life is more than you have a right to. You should find him and thank him.” She stepped away and walked back into the shack.
“Wait.”
She ignored him.
Inside the shack, Cake had hot coffee. But now that the danger had passed, and the sprinkles were becoming a downpour, the men returned. Mothers gathered their children to take them home. As they left, Allison received countless hugs.
“How are you doing?” Joseph came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.
Allison stiffened and then forced herself to relax. The scent of charred forest along with smoked tobacco clung to his sweat-soaked shirt. She turned to him. “I’m sure the same as you. Good…tired.”
Fatigue clawed at his face. His blood shot eyes needed sleep. “You did great,” he said.
They were the only two people left in the room. He stood close to her side as she folded the blankets used for beds. “Under different circumstances I think I would have enjoyed myself.” She smiled at him as he took a blanket from her pile and folded it. The muscles in his arms flexed.
“TJ made it back.”
“I know. I spoke with him a while ago. Our garden is gone.” She tried to smile. “It could have been worse, but I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”
He stopped her hands from folding. “Listen to me,” he whispered. “In a minute TJ is going to walk through the door. All I know is that every time I try to see you, he makes damn sure I don’t.” He glanced at the door as if to ensure they were still alone. “After he turns in, come to the stables.” He wiped a smudge of soot from her cheek. “Will you meet me?”
She nodded and then asked, “Do you know where they found TJ?” She realized she was holding her breath. Until she knew the truth, she would continue be torn between the two of them. That wasn’t fair to Joseph, but her heart and her head told her two different things.
His lips formed a tight line. “TJ and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now, but that’s between him and me.” He paused, the muscle in his jaw ticked. “You know where he was.”
Allison glanced at the door. Outside TJ laughed, talking with the men he worked with every day and their families. He had his life. The children, the ranch…his time with Sandy.
“I guess I do.” Her heart felt as if it plummeted into her stomach. She wanted to believe he’d delivered her letters and then checked into a respectable hotel. Why should TJ sleep alone when Sandy was willing…more than that, Sandy wanted TJ in her bed? “I’ll meet you.” She hurried from the building, trying to escape before anyone saw her tears falling like the rain.
* * * * *
Allison lay in her bed soaking her pillow with tears. Bone tired, yet, she still couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t get Sandy, her arms and legs wrapped around TJ out of her mind. The taste of bile filled her mouth. She snapped her eyes closed and fought the tears.
Footsteps came down the hall. She froze, her breathing instantly becoming shallow and her heart racing. She recognized TJ by the cadence of his gait. A soft knock against the door didn’t rival the pounding in her chest.
He knocked again, a little harder.
“Allison,” TJ said. “I know you’re awake.”
She didn’t answer. He waited a few moments. Then the sound of his footsteps drifted away.
Allison slowly exhaled. No way was he coming to her after he had been with Sandy. As much as she wanted him, loving TJ would only ever cause her hurt. She thought of Joseph. He was a good man…a safe man. Kind and gentle.
She sighed heavily. TJ made her brazen with desire. Joseph touched her with tenderness. The situation was hopeless. She ached for TJ,
but she was going to give her heart…her life to Joseph. Now how was she going to convince herself that she was making the right choice?
Allison cracked her bedroom door and peered into the hallway. TJ had finally gone to bed. With the lantern from her room, she made her way down the stairs and outside onto the porch. There she blew out the flame and left the lamp for when she returned.
She navigated her way with ease. It was usually dark when she went to the stables. Unlike before, instead of avoiding Joseph she walked along the path for a secret rendezvous.
Half way down the slope she ran. Out of breath, but buzzing with anticipation and apprehension, she pulled open the stable door. Joseph waited for her, sitting on a bail of hay. He leaned against the barn wall with one leg propped up beside him.
“Hi.”
He snapped his head in her direction and stood.
Allison closed the stable door and leaned against it. “Have you been waiting long?”
“Maybe.” He smiled. “I worried you wouldn’t come.”
Her head tilted to the side. “I told you I would.” She crossed to Sugar’s stall, pulled an apple from her pocket, and offered it to the horse. She rested her head against the Sugar’s snout and stroked her neck. “Good girl.”
“TJ picked her just for you.”
Even with the dissention between the two men, she could hear the respect Joseph had for TJ. “I’ve never been comfortable around horses,” Allison said. “My father could be overprotective. On the first day of equestrian lessons, I fell off my horse and broke my ankle. I was never allowed to ride again.”
“Do you want to ride?” he asked.
“Now?”
He nodded.
“Okay.” She went to grab the saddle.
“We won’t need that.” He slipped a bridle onto Sugar and led her out of the stall. Once they were outside of the stable, Joseph took Allison’s hand. “I’ll help you up.” He patted the horse’s rump.
He lifted her on top of the horse and then effortlessly climbed on behind her. He handed the reins to Allison. “Do you want to ride astride?”
She shook her head. As she sat sidesaddle, Train had one arm around her waist and with his other hand, he showed her how to hold the reins.
