by Scott, Tarah
“Are you sure?”
“Why? Is that how you want me?”
His crooked grin expressed his thoughts differed from hers.
“Astride on the horse, Mr. Spenser.”
“I want you to see how it feels to fly.”
“And I need to change positions for that?”
“Yep.” He held her tighter as she spread her thighs and straddled the horse. Her voluminous skirt kept her skin from direct contact with the horse.
“Ready.” She adjusted to a comfortable position.
“Tell Sugar where you want her to go.” Together they gave the horse a command to move with the flick of the reins. “We need to warm her up a bit.”
“I feel like I’m going to fall off.” She laughed as the horse quickened her pace.
“You’ll get used to it. Hold tight.” He laced his fingers with Allison’s while gripping a fist full of Sugar’s mane. With his arm tightly wrapped around Allison, he hollered at the horse and dug in his heels. Sugar took off running.
Allison leaned into Sugar’s neck and Joseph shifted bringing their bodies close enough to be one. The soft ground absorbed the impact of the horse’s hooves. Her heart raced at the same speed. Joseph moved his arm, unintentionally brushing the underside of her breast. Her nipples tightened. Her breath hitched. Then she relaxed and gave Joseph her trust and control.
His warm breath fanned against ear. “Close your eyes,” he whispered. “I won’t let you fall. You’ll feel like you’re flying.”
She squeezed their linked fingers. “I want to see.” The ground blurred. They rode in the opposite direction of the scorched hills, heading toward the side of the lake where the cattle grazed.
For several minutes, they soared over the grounds. Then Joseph gently pulled on the reins. They slowed. Allison sat up and her head rolled back onto his chest. Laughter erupted from her gut and shattered the silence around them. She let go of the death grip she had on Sugar’s mane. The wind had whipped her hair around her face. Her blood pumped through her veins. She put her hand to her heart to quell the rampant beating.
The horse, tired from the exertion, snorted, bowed her head, and began a leisurely pace. Allison shifted to the side again. Joseph kept one arm wrapped around her back and the other lying across her lap as his hands held the reins. She rested her cheek against him.
“I smell the fire.” Her finger traced the striped pattern of his shirt. Beneath her fingertips, his defined muscles tensed and relaxed. “How bad was it?” She lifted her head and glanced into his face. He hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. He looked older than his twenty years with a shadow of a beard.
“TJ could’ve lost everything.”
Allison wondered if perhaps she comforted the wrong man. Then she reminded herself that TJ sought comfort with someone else. She had to think about her own future. She didn’t want to spend her life watching TJ give his affection to another woman. She had to at least explore the possibility she could develop real feelings for Joseph.
Flattening her hand against his chest, she felt the rapid beating of his heart. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear.”
He kissed her temple. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“You once said to put our cards on the table. I don’t want to mislead you. Or make promises I can’t keep.” She didn’t look at him, but instead fidgeted with the buttons of his shirt. “I wish TJ didn’t have the memory of his wife keeping him from wanting a future. I might love him, I don’t know.”
Train stiffened. She stopped touching his shirt and looked out into the distance. ”It doesn’t matter. I’m done trying to make him see me.” Now she looked into Joseph’s face. “I know it doesn’t feel good to be told you’re second choice.” She looked away again and swallowed hard. Was she really about to give up any hope of being with TJ?
“I guess I got just one question.” Their eyes met. “No polite way to ask a woman if she’s been with another man. I’m not talking in your previous employment. I don’t feel like that’s any of my business.”
“I wasn’t a whore,” she interrupted. “I cleaned up after the best people I’ve ever known. They took me in when I had nowhere else to go. And believe me, I was prepared to do what I had to not to go back to Boston. But those ladies saved me. But as for TJ, no, he never touched me.” She briefly closed her eyes, fighting back tears. “I’m not a whore.” She hoped she sounded convincing because kissing TJ underneath the tree had nearly turned her into one.
“I’m sorry I upset you.” He pressed her head back against his chest. “I could get over you being with other men, but not TJ. I couldn’t be with you knowing…knowing he’d been with you, too.”
“Then you don’t have to worry.” But was her virtue in tact? She certainly wanted all the carnal feelings TJ invoked within her. She shifted, needing Joseph to know the whole truth. “I did kiss him.”
“I can handle that.” He smiled and put his hand on her thigh.
The sun peeked over the mountains when they rode back to the ranch. They stopped in front of the house. Joseph slid from the horse, then wrapped his hands around Allison’s waist and lifted her down. He held her tightly for a moment, letting his hands rest on her hips, then he stepped back. “I’ll rub her down good,” he said, patting the horse’s side.
Allison gave Sugar a kiss on the neck. “Thank you. She’s wonderful, isn’t she?”
“Yep. She’s beautiful…like you.”
Allison turned to him and smiled.
Train rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “What are you going to tell him?” He nodded toward the house.
“I don’t know,” she said, concern lacing her voice. “I’m afraid of what he’s going to say—of what he’ll do.”
“You don’t need to be afraid of TJ. And you don’t need protect me. Tonight you’re ready to give up on him, but tomorrow might be different. So, for now, we’re friends seeing if there can’t be something more.”
“Exploring the possibilities,” she said.
“It won’t be easy on me if you decide you want him and not me.” He smiled. Reaching out, he smoothed her hair. “Your curls have been kicked into a tangle of knots.”
“I must be a fright.” She tried to right herself, but dropped her hands. She planned to crawl into bed anyway. Yawning, she covered her mouth. Just thinking about her soft pillow made her tired.
“I like you looking a bit messed.”
He planned to kiss her again. She could see it when he narrowed his smoky eyes. His lips twitched. Her tongue touched her upper lip preparing for the tender touch of his. Before he hadn’t given her those wonderful pulses deep in her core. But she could make the kiss better this time. If she could unleash his passion…feel his heated flesh and the mind numbing euphoria of desire.
She had to see if Joseph could make her forget everything but the aching need between them. Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Joseph whispered her name, and pulled her close, crushing her breasts to his chest. Then his soft, gentle lips covered hers. He didn’t open his mouth or steal her breath with his tongue. He didn’t wedge his leg between hers, forcing her to feel the heaviness of his arousal.
Pressure built behind her eyes. He left her cold.
Giving him a smile, she stepped back. “Thank you. For tonight. For understanding.” She only wished she understood what it was about TJ that had her by the heart.
“Whatever you decide.” He trailed a finger along her jaw. “We’ll still be friends, and I could never hate TJ. Although, I’ll be jealous as hell.”
She kissed him on the cheek, turned, and hurried up the porch steps. “Goodnight, Joseph.”
Chapter Nine
TJ reached down and picked up a handful of charred soil. He let the ash and dirt sift through his fingers. A group of men sat upon their horses waiting expectantly for his decision.
“What do you think, boss?”
“I think we got off lucky.” He dust
ed his hands on his pants and mounted his horse. “We’ll have cattle out here next spring. The north fields are going to take a beating until winter, but we don’t have much choice. The cattle have to eat.”
“Remember the floods,” one of the men said.
“We faired pretty well,” Train added. “We lost more land to the lake than we did to this fire.”
“I’ll need a complete count. If we need to haul in feed for winter storage, we need to buy now. Wait too long and we won’t get a good price.” TJ spurred his horse forward. The horses pounded the ground as they headed back toward the ranch.
The men tethered their mounts near the stables and began walking toward the shack. Cake had the aroma of ribs and cornbread drifting through the air.
“Where are you going?” TJ asked Train when he began walking in the opposite direction.
“I’m going to see if Allison needs anything before we go back out. Probably won’t see her again until after dark.”
TJ shoved his hands into his pockets. “If Allison needs anything, she’ll come to me.”
Train straightened his shoulders. “I’m referring to her personally. If she has a problem with the kids or the house, you can expect she’ll call on you.”
“Train, I already told you to stay away from her.”
“Why, so you can treat her like a whore from the brothel? Or are you just bothered because she’s interested in me?”
“She isn’t right for you.”
“You don’t have a say. Like it or not, she wants to be with me.” He paused a moment. “She told me.”
TJ clenched his fists. “Then she’s fond of both of us.”
Train shook his head. “Maybe she was confused before. She told me what happened between the two of you.”
Heat raced up TJ’s neck. “Bullshit.” He pushed past Train on the path.
“Don’t get angry with her. Be angry with yourself.”
“Stay out of this.”
“No.” Train followed him.
“Stay here. I’m not asking. I’m tell you. Train, eat in the shack!”
TJ strode up the path to the house. His footfalls landed hard against the wood planks. Throwing open the door, crashing it into the wall, TJ entered the house.
Allison came running from the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”
“You tell me?” TJ’s hands shook. He slammed the door closed.
“Shh. The children are napping, but they won’t be for long if you keep making noise. Do you want some lunch?” She headed back toward the kitchen.
TJ followed her. “No, I want to talk.” He could barely push the words past his lips.
“What have I done to get your dander up this time?” she asked while she poured tea over a glass of ice for him.
“How can you be sure I’m upset with you?” He didn’t sit down and didn’t take the drink from her hand.
She set the tea on the table. “Because you wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
“It smells good in here. Were you expecting company?”
“You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t already know the answer.” She sat at the table. “What do you want? First you pursue me and then you humiliate me.” She rubbed her temples. “I feel like I’m going crazy inside—you’re driving me crazy, and I don’t like it. Joseph is kind and honest. He doesn’t make me guess what he wants.”
TJ leaned against the wall. Tension coiled in his gut. “Is that what you think I do, make you guess?”
Allison slapped her palms on the table and stood. “Yes. You came right out and said you want me in your bed. But,” she said pointing a finger at his chest. “You could have bed me in the brothel, but you didn’t.”
“You aren’t a whore.”
She laughed. “You make me feel like one. You’ve all but called me one.” Her words stung him as if she’d slapped his face. “Joseph treats me as I am, a lady. He’s kind, interested in my opinions, and wants more than sex. He talks to me.”
“Courting. He’s courting you and that’s what you want?”
“I learned a long time ago that you don’t always get what you want. Sometimes you have to do what’s best.” She pushed her chair under the table and went to the sink.
He walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “You want me, but you’ll settle for him,” he said, spinning her around to face him.
Their eyes met. “I don’t see it as settling. My feelings for Joseph will grow with time.”
“It doesn’t work that way. We live in the same house. We see each other every day. You can’t get me out of here,” he said, poking a finger at her forehead, “when I’m already in here.” He put his hand on her chest, over her heart and sliding his palm between her breasts.
She swatted his hand away. “You’ve got it wrong, TJ. I tried to convince my heart there was more between us when there isn’t. This time I’m listening to my head.”
“You’ll hurt him, and you’re too foolish to see it.” TJ turned and strode out the kitchen door.
TJ saw Train as soon as he entered the shack. He’d been watching the door because Train stood and approached him holding his hat. Before he had a chance to speak, TJ pointed to the door.
“Mount up.” He gave Train’s shoulder a squeeze as he passed him. “We’ll talk when we’re alone.”
Train nodded and a moment later, they left.
Out in the field, TJ maneuvered his horse next to Train’s.
“Rain didn’t do much for the drought. We’d need a few weeks of storms to salvage the crops this year,” TJ said.
Train scanned the horizon of dried out vegetation. “Reckon you’re right on that.”
They rode quietly for a few more minutes.
“You brought me out here to talk. Let’s hear it.”
“She doesn’t love you.”
The lines around Train’s eyes deepened. “I know.”
“You want a woman who pines for another man.”
Train raised his eyebrows and smiled his crooked grin. “Who? You?”
TJ didn’t answer Train’s question, but posed one of his own. “Do you remember the first day you brought her up to the house?”
Train nodded as he rolled a cigarette. “Not something easy to forget.”
“No, she made quite an impression.”
Train chuckled. “You could say that.”
“I thought Janelle was the only woman who would ever understand my ways. It never bothered her to be isolated out here on the ranch. When Allison showed up in her city dress and Boston accent, I thought she’d never take to ranch life. I was wrong. She belongs here.” He took a deep breath. “But not with you.”
“We’ve fought enough over this.” Train pulled on the reins bringing his horse to a stop. “Are you telling me to stay away from her again?”
TJ shook his head. “No.” He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m asking you. She’s different. Around her, I’m different. Please, give me a chance to get my head figured out. She makes me want for more than I have.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I need her.”
Train sighed. “I won’t pursue her, but I won’t refuse any advance she makes toward me. It’s her decision, always has been.” Train started his horse moving again. “I don’t want a woman coming between us.”
TJ agreed.
Chapter Ten
TJ cancelled the Fourth of July festivities. Although disappointed, Allison, along with everyone else understood. Cleaning up the fire was going to take time. Several buildings on the ranch fed the inferno. Thankfully, no lives were lost. The rest of the summer would be spent rebuilding and getting ready for winter.
Allison established a routine with the children that included breakfast and coffee with TJ every morning. With the extra work, he missed supper many nights. The children were getting used to it. Allison, not as much. Tonight was no different. The children were sleeping, the house was quiet and Allison was alone. She kept supper warm, but she didn’t k
now if TJ would be awake enough to eat. Fifteen hours on a horse in the fields wore a body down.
Footfalls sounded on the porch. Allison peered through the windows. TJ. She rushed and opened the door before he reached for the handle. He walked past her and hung his hat on the coat tree.
“Can I get you something to eat?” she asked, closing the door behind him.
He plopped onto the couch and tugged off a boot. “Just coffee if you’ve got it.”
“Fresh and hot.” She went to the kitchen. He might not want to eat, but he needed to. She ladled stew into a bowl.
He joined her a few moments later. “You didn’t have to go to any trouble.” He sat at the bowl of soup. “I’m exhausted.” He ground the palms of his hands into his eyes.
She wondered if his broad shoulders ever tired from the burden he carried. The men all looked to him for leadership. He never seemed to be indecisive.
Allison set a piece of cornbread in front of him. “Eat,” she said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
With his chair balancing on its back legs, TJ rested his head against the kitchen wall. Shadows cast by the wall sconces danced along the table and ceiling. This house wasn’t Janelle’s anymore. Every time he walked in the front door, he smelled the oils Allison rubbed on after her bath. Once he could even smell it on his pillow.
Without consulting him, she’d made new curtains for the windows in the rooms that faced east. The sun had bleached the ones Janelle had purchased from a catalog when he built the house. Until the fire scorched the land, Allison had taken Sissy and Michael into the hills close to the house and picked flowers for the table. Sissy told him Allison liked flowers because they reminded her of home. He wondered how much she missed her family in Boston. He realized then he wanted his house to be her home. He didn’t want her to miss any part of her former life.
“Come with me.” Allison held out her hand to him.
He looked at her with half-closed eyes. Then he leaned forward, righting his chair on the floor. He held her hand as she led him upstairs. Lamps along the wall illuminated pale light from the low flames. She stopped in front of the bathroom and opened the door. She had the tub filled with steaming, hot water.
