Surreal Ecstasy

by Moon, Chrissy

  I scoffed at myself. I should have known that the reason for him leaving was something in the self-sacrificial department, but I was too wrought with self-pity, confusion, and hurt feelings.

  I loved this moment, loved Ree standing in front of me again and looking at me adoringly like he always did. Still, something was nagging at me, as I knew it would until I discussed it with him. I wanted to have a completely open relationship with him, and until I told him everything that was on my mind, that would never be possible.

  "I'm really sorry about what happened this morning, Ree. I...acknowledge the fact that, as a Worthy angel and my ex-LGA, you have special abilities and knowledge that help you guide and protect me. But I need to explain something to you, and even though you may be aware of this, I need you to really think about this. These past couple years, I've been…" I trailed off. I certainly didn't know where that sentence was going to end. How could I summarize it succinctly?

  "…struggling. Between an empty life and a fulfilling one. More importantly, I've been struggling between being weak and hopeless, to being strong and self-sufficient. I'm still getting there, obviously, but it's a journey, and I've already begun, thanks in part to the support you've given me all my life." I paused to make sure he was following my words, which was senseless because not only had he been watching me my whole life, he was smarter than I was.

  Maybe.

  "Anyway, I, uh…I need to tell you that you don't have to guard me like I'm a princess in a tower. I refuse to be helpless, Ree. Did you know that in my dream, I insulted the devil in ways that might make Dess jealous?"

  He laughed, and I joined him a little. I made a mental note to explain the dream to him in perfect detail later. "Ree, I was strong in that dream. Stronger than I ever thought I could be. I want to be like that in real life," I told him. "I know I was a little too scared of you earlier, but, you know what? It's a process, trying to get over the things that have happened to me. Despite what happened, I really think I've come too far to sit back and let you do all the protecting." I paused, making sure I covered all the bases. "Not that I don't appreciate it. And it's not that I don't want you to help me, because it's in your nature to do just that.

  "But we are partners, you and I. That means that I protect you just as much as you protect me. I really don't like being treated like a mindless doll. And I know you don't mean to," I added hastily, "But I honestly do feel that way sometimes. So I just wanted you to know, because you deserve the truth, and I owe it to myself to express every single thing I'm feeling, whether it's good or not."

  "Good? This is wonderful!" He picked me up and whirled me around, hugging me again. "Baby, I understand what you're saying. And I always want you to tell me what you're feeling, no matter what it is. Secrets can only hinder us. I'll take into account what you've said, okay? I love you, Morgan. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving this. Okay?" He picked my chin up so that our eyes could meet. "I'm sorry. And I understand."

  I smiled at him as he bent down to cover my mouth with his own. His lips were warm and sweet, and I could kiss them forever. "You're a very tasty angel, you know," I commented between kisses.

  "Hmm," Ree said in response, "I've been meaning to tell you… I think the term 'angel' is a little girly. How about 'hunk of holiness'? I would feel very comfortable with you calling me that instead."

  "You've completely lost it. That sounds more like a bishop's nickname or something," I remarked.

  "Is that a 'no'?"

  I just laughed and kissed him, our happy reunion interrupted by a low, growing voice.

  "You know, soon, I'm going to give up on your ungrateful bitch ass." A wave of heat rolled over us.

  No. It couldn't be.

  How the hell could he possibly find me?

  Ree and I turned to see Adim standing about thirty feet away, his hands to his side, glowing bright red in the dark pasture.

  But he wasn't alone.

  Slowly, I paced around the thicket, both to fully take in what was happening here, and to give myself more time to come up with a defense technique. Adim followed me with his eyes.

  Four creatures stood behind him, their skin looking a lot like something I'd recently seen in a dream—a dream starring the devil. They might have looked human except they were a little shorter than your average man and had grossly misshapen legs and bellies. They had no clothes on but they didn't have any sexual organs, as it were. They were like creatures made from an ambiguous mold.

  To my left, Ree muttered something and crossed himself, going on and on in a language I could only assume was Latin. I certainly hoped he was calling for some divine intervention, fading angel or no fading angel. Subtly, he walked away from me and moved behind Adim.

  "Adim, leave me the hell alone. I don't even care enough to fight you."

  "Fight me?" Adim cackled as if I'd just told the most hilarious one-liner. "You can't fight anyone or anything, bitch. I'm stronger than you, and we both know it."

  Ree tackled him from behind, his ice hands around his neck.

  The four demons approached me cautiously, circling me as if deciding on the most appropriate way to kill me. "Morgan," Ree managed to say as he and Adim fought for control, "Go inside his mind room. Find the file that's holding his demon powers. Try to rip up the page, crumple it—anything that'll delay him. Try it. Something's off about him. I can feel it."

  Slowly backing away from the demons but keeping a sharp eye on them all, I stared off into space, imagining myself inside Adim's mind. I never even considered the idea that I could just hop in and out of a person's mind-room. That was a huge advantage in being the Architect. It didn't make me a mind reader, exactly, but it gave me potential access to people's memories and ways of thinking. I wasn't so sure it would be this easy to get into anyone's mind-room, but since Adim hadn't been aware of my power until just now, he had no reason to block me from it. Hell, he might not have even known or cared what a mind-room even was.

  Just another advantage for me.

  His mind-room was pure chaos. It looked and felt a lot like a big house that had been through a tornado and promptly set on fire. Fire was everywhere, random papers were strewn about on the floor, and entire bookshelves looked like they were thrown in the house every which way.

  "This is insane," I called to Ree while I kept looking around in Adim's mind-room. My body was still alert, my eyes open and my head moving to and fro as if Adim's room was all around me, and I were the only person that could see it. The demons continued to circle, their heads cocked to one side, looking like they were trying to grasp what I was doing.

  "Keep looking," he called back, still struggling with Adim. I hoped Ree's ice hands would keep Adim's fire power down. Where the hell was Dess? Shit. How I wished Bree was still around. I sure could have used another set of ice hands.

  My head turned to see a shelf that was semi-orderly. That alone made it stand out from the rest, added to the fact that some kind of tar-looking substance was all over the floor in front of it. I ignored the tar and walked up to the shelf quickly, finding all kinds of crazy evil incantations and demon descriptions there. I ignored these as well, remembering Ree telling me to look for something pertaining to his demon powers. I really wish Ree had told me more about all of this stuff. I mean, I could glean the fact that all creatures from hell had Fire Claws, going by what he'd said yesterday. But did the Melted specifically have something extra, something particular to them?

  I found a velvety black box on the shelf and pulled it down, taking the lid off. Inside was a piece of paper which read: Power of glamour; creating small illusions.

  I ripped myself out of Adim's room without ceremony, disregarding Ree's suggestion to rip up the paper because I really didn't think that would do us much good. But now I was armed with knowledge. Everything clicked into place—his apartment that looked too nice for what he could most likely afford, some of the gifts he'd given me over the years that looked too fancy—even his paycheck s
eemed like was a bit unrealistic. He might have done these things to impress me, but I was done with him—done with dishonesty and all his damn negativity.

  "The demons are an illusion!" I yelled as loudly as I could.

  Adim looked up from where he and Ree had been fighting. Ree had blood on his fist, and one look at Adim's stomach told me he had hit Adim full-force, enough to break his skin. I stared back at Adim, feeling like this was the first time I had ever seen him. His face and body didn't quite look the way I knew it to be.

  Oh, my god. He had put a glamour on himself all this time to make him more attractive?

  Adim was distracted enough that Ree was able to get up and stand next to me. "Illusion is his power, and he's been using it all these years, on everyone."

  "Hm!" Ree said from his throat, highly amused. He closed his eyes and opened them, and we both looked at the demons as they disappeared.

  "Without anyone believing in them, they don't exist," he explained.

  "That's just fucking sad," Dess shouted from the other side of the clearing.

  Thank god. I was so worried Adim had done something to her. "Where were you, Dess?"

  "The asshole made me think I was in a steel cage, unable to get out. It just disappeared."

  "Looks like you destroyed his confidence, babe," Ree said, still watching him, who was on the floor looking confused.

  "MISERABLE BITCH!" Adim yelled, backing away from us and scrambling to get himself up. "I still know something that can hurt you. You think you're some kind of human helper? Well, our side has one, too." His eyes went to Ree's face. "Yeah, didn't know that, did you, fading angel?"

  My head whipped around to where Ree was standing, his face expressing what I was feeling. "He can sense it," he said very quietly, more to himself than to me.

  "Yes, of course I can sense it, fucker." Adim was still crawling and stumbling, but he began to smile cruelly, enjoying our obvious confusion. "I did last time, too, but I wanted to keep it a surprise for your devoted bitch. And I'm helping you fade, because you hate me." He began to outright laugh at us. "I helped you fade! Oh, that's poetry in motion. You're starting to become one of us."

  He got up, backing away from us, but still laughing his head off. "But that's not what I was talking about, Morgan, ecstasy queen," he spat out. "Do you know she took all of my ecstasy and was fucked up for days at a time?" he asked Ree. When he didn't respond, Adim shrugged and said, "Our human helper is someone you know. Someone your parents know."

  That got my attention. "What? Who?"

  Adim was right in front of where part of the forest began. He stood in front of it for a moment, holding his stomach, which I could now see was bleeding. How hard had Ree hit him?

  Adim shook his head. "Your folks don't know about any of this stuff, any of this God Generation bullshit. But their friend is a human helper for the Melted. Ha, ha! That's fucking great."

  "Which friend, Adim?" I yelled, trying to put as much threat in my voice as possible.

  "That supposed 'political manager' guy." He laughed again and began to run toward the trees. "Good luck with that, bitch."

  And before I knew it, he was gone, trees rustling from afar as he ran off.

  Suddenly, I fell to the ground, physically and emotionally weak.

  Milton was the Distinguisher?

  "What's a Distinguisher, Ree?" I asked him, afraid to look at him or Dess or do anything except cry.

  The twins ran to my side and tried to comfort me. "The Distinguisher is the human helper who can tell which people are Slates, Worthy, and Melted," Ree answered quietly. He sighed and put his head down, probably still in shock from Adim's confirmation that he is, indeed, fading.

  I saw and heard nothing else except my sobs and the grass underneath my knees. I cried because the longest romantic relationship I'd ever had turned about to be made up of illusions and lies, on top of the abuse and drugs. I cried because I didn't even know who Adim really was, and I cried because it made me question my own judgment, my own self-worth.

  And I cried because someone from the forces of darkness was closer to my parents than I was.

  After what seemed like a very long time, I stopped sobbing loudly and retreated into the folds of my mind, considering all that has happened these last couple months.

  There was no going around it anymore. The God Generation truly was damned. All of us, no matter what anybody said.

  Chapter 21

  "So, Morgan. How have you fared this week?"

  I was reclining on a chaise-type thingy in Dr. Hearse's Lynnwood office, which was surprisingly casual and laid-back. I had almost forgotten what he'd looked like, or that he even existed. Too much has happened lately, and it felt strange to sit on a doctor's sofa and talk about how I've 'fared.'

  "Uh, I've been good," I said in an upbeat tone, hoping to conclude this ridiculous ritual and be on my merry way.

  "Oh, but I'm going to need more than that, Morgan," he replied good-naturedly. "There are some things I'd like to discuss with you today, if you don't mind."

  I sat up, slipping my hands under my thighs. "Like what?"

  "Well, first things first. How are you healing, physically?"

  I paused for a minute, considering his question. I was pretty sure he didn't want to know whether or not my body had replenished its supply of blood.

  But what else could he be asking about? There was no way he could know that just a couple days ago, I'd almost fought against four demons that weren't really there, not too long after I'd broken a hotel chair over my demon ex-boyfriend.

  I had to admit that I was really grateful my best friend and boyfriend were wealthy enough where they could easily rectify situations like this with the hotel. That night, the twins and I had gone back to the hotel to collect my things and bring me home. The chair I'd hit Adim with had mostly been intact, except for one leg that had broken off and a piece of the seat that was splintered.

  Ree had gone downstairs to check me out of the room and apologize to the manager for the chair damage, as well as compensate handsomely. Dess and I gathered my belongings, which mainly consisted of groceries. Although she said the food could be quickly replaced, I still couldn't bear to leave good food behind. We'd gathered everything together and headed out the door.

  I wish Bree had still been around so I could update her on what happened and thank her profusely, but her shift had ended long ago and consequently, she wasn't anywhere in sight. I could have told her manager how helpful she was to me, but since Bree didn't want me telling other GG members about her presence, I'd probably have to wait until I was alone before I could call the hotel and either talk to Bree directly, or praise her to her boss.

  Sitting there with Dr. Hearse now, I realized he'd probably intended to find out if Adim was still abusing me, and that his question was just his passive-aggressive way of nosing around. Well, why didn't he just ask?

  "I'm actually doing well. I, uh, have a new boyfriend, and he treats me like gold, and I don't…well, I'm not going to see my ex-boyfriend anymore—the one who…"

  "You can say it. It's okay." He watched me patiently and spoke gently.

  "The one who, uh, used to hit me and stuff." I stated that last part as fast as humanly possible, looking at the doc's framed picture of the Eiffel Tower that hung next to the window, blinking back tears.

  Dr. Hearse sat back, obviously relieved that I'd finally said the words. "I'm very glad to hear you've made a change," he said in a tone that made me believe him. "Speaking of which, are you staying away from the drugs?"

  I felt like I was meeting my parole officer. I hoped his next question wouldn't be whether or not I felt I was rehabilitated and if I believed I would be a useful member to society.

  I smiled a little and told him, "I'm definitely staying away. I haven't thought about taking anything in so long. My boyfriend doesn't do any drugs at all. He doesn't smoke, drink, gamble, or even curse. You'd never believe it if I told you what an angel he was."
r />   I added that last bit for my own satisfaction.

  "How are you emotionally? Are you happy to be alive?"

  "I am," I replied immediately, nodding my head. "This last week has been… monumental. And I couldn't have experienced any of it if I'd succeeded in killing myself last week."

  "What are your plans for the future?"

  "Well, right now, my plan is to get a job and just be content being Morgan for a while. I don't really have anything specific in mind."

  He nodded and made some notes in a little leather-covered writing pad. I couldn't help but wonder what they were. Would he be obligated to tell me if I asked him?

  He looked up. "Morgan, I'm really proud of your progress. You've begun to understand the value of your life and the potential of your soul."

  My head snapped up at the word soul. "Uh, thanks."

  Watching me, Dr. Hearse smiled. "How are you doing spiritually?"

  Something felt strange, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Okay, I guess," putting an inflection on the end so that it sounded more like a question than a response.

  "Are you content with where you're headed in that respect?"

  "Spiritually? Well…" I struggled with this one. What was I supposed to say? It was a tough question, even without the whole God Generation thing. "I feel like I…like I know the direction I'm headed in. Spiritually. I'm not religious, but I have a good feeling about it."

  "Are you really aware of the spiritual nature in the things around you?"

  If Dess had been sitting next to me, she would've probably said something like OK, doc. Give it up, you fucking quack. What do you know?