Eldorado

by Yvonne Whittal

  No one questioned her, and if her silence at the dinner table that evening seemed odd, no one said anything. It was a typical reaction, and Gina blessed them for it. They knew she would talk if and when the need arose, but until then they would not pry, and that was how it had always been between them.

  The telephone rang shrilly when they were drinking coffee in the lounge where a log fire crackled in the grate, and Clifford got up with a sigh to answer it.

  'That was Jarvis on the phone,' her brother enlightened her when he returned to the lounge a few minutes later. 'He wanted to make sure you'd arrived safely.'

  As if he really cared! Gina thought cynically when she had recovered from her initial surprise. It was all a sham, this display of husbandly concern, and it sickened her.

  'He said to tell you you're not to worry, he would see to everything,' Clifford continued as he resumed his seat in front of the fire. 'And you're to stay as long as you like.'

  The latter half of that odd message made humiliating sense. The lengthier her stay on the farm, the more freedom Jarvis would have to come and go from Eldorado as he pleased. It would leave him free to see Lilian as often as he wished without the bother of a suspicious, jealous wife waiting for him at home. She was, however, confused and disturbed by the first half of that message. She was not to worry, he would see to everything. What was it that she was not supposed to worry about? And what was the 'everything' that he would see to? Her mind seemed too tired to think clearly, her thoughts spun in senseless circles, and in the end she could do no more than shrug the matter aside.

  The family retired early, as they always did, and Gina went to her old room to discover that a change had taken place since her last visit. The old twin beds had been replaced with a modern double bed and, as a result, she spent a restless night fighting against that seemingly vast, empty space beside her. 'Dammit!' she cursed loudly into the darkness after what had seemed like hours of restless tossing and turning. As much as she hated to admit it, she had become accustomed to sleeping with Jarvis. She had accepted his absence from her bed at Eldorado during the past weeks, but on this occasion it made her shiver with cold and ache with an intense loneliness.

  She eventually drifted into a troubled, restless sleep, but she was up before dawn the following morning. She dressed warmly in denims, riding boots, and a long-sleeved blouse under her fleece-lined jacket. She left her room and walked quietly down the passage towards the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, but soon discovered that she was not the only one to have risen early.

  'You looked so tired last night I thought you would sleep late this morning,' Susan remarked conversationally as she placed two mugs on the table and poured steaming black coffee into them. 'Don't tell me you're missing Jarvis already?'

  That was a joke, and she was supposed to laugh, but the best Gina could do was force her lips into the semblance of a smile when she seated herself at the table and helped herself to milk and sugar.

  'Something is wrong, isn't it, Gina?' Susan's quietly spoken words intruded on the companionable silence between them, and Gina's hands started to shake before she could open her mouth to protest. 'Oh, don't pretend with me,' Susan forestalled her. 'The men may be too blind to notice, or too polite to mention it, but I'm not.'

  Gina's facial muscles went rigid, and her cold, trembling fingers tightened about the mug in search of warmth. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

  'Suit yourself, my dear,' Susan agreed amiably, 'but I can be a pretty good listener if you ever feel the need to get something off your chest.'

  'I'll remember that,' Gina replied, but at that moment she had neither the desire nor the intention to discuss her problems with anyone. She drained her mug and got up to rinse it out under the tap in the sink. 'I'm going to give Jupiter some exercise, but I'll be back before breakfast.'

  'Gina…' Susan's blue eyes were clouded with concern as she hesitated. It was obvious that she had wanted to say something she considered important, but for some reason she changed her mind. 'Take care,' she warned, smiling warmly.

  Gina felt her heart contract. She was, at last, among people who cared, and it was like balm on the raw wound inside her. 'Thanks, I shall,' she assured Susan.

  Jupiter was in a frisky, impatient mood, and Gina needed every scrap of concentration to control him. They raced across the veld, wild and free, and did not stop until they reached their favourite resting place on the brow of the hill where Gina could watch the sun beyond the hills in the distance. She slackened her hold on the reins, but remained seated in the saddle. Her cheeks were stinging, and her hands ached with the cold, but she was only vaguely aware of this as she stared blindly into the distance.

  This was where Jarvis had kissed her for the first time. She could remember her anger at the alien feelings he had aroused, and then there had been his mockery as if he had known exactly what she felt and thought. Damn him! Right from the very beginning he had had that uncanny ability to read her like a book. He knew her weaknesses, he knew her strengths, and he knew exactly which strings to pluck, as if she were a violin and he the master violinist. Oh, he was very clever! He had used his expertise with women to enslave her completely until she had been like malleable clay in his hands. He had given up his much cherished freedom to marry her, and he had done all that for Eldorado. Oh, God, what a blind idiot she had been!

  The sun had risen to make every frozen drop of dew glisten like a lustrous pearl, but Gina was too deep in thought to notice. It was only when Jupiter stepped about agitatedly that she became aware of a watery glow reaching far into the sky on that wintry morning. Peace and tranquillity reached out to her, but it did not calm the turbulence inside her. Resentment and anger had finally asserted themselves, and burned like a fierce fire, cauterising the hurt to leave her numb again.

  There was more than enough to do on the farm to keep herself occupied, and Gina helped wherever she could, but she dreaded the long nights when she lay awake for endless hours while her mind sifted through the debris of what her life had become. She had thought she might stay on the farm for two weeks, but the two weeks drifted into three, and still she had no clarity in her mind about what she wanted to do. Jarvis had not telephoned again, and neither had he written. Gina had been afraid, at first, that he might decide to drive down for a weekend, but he had had the good sense to stay away.

  She sighed tiredly while she checked Jupiter's girth and pulled herself up into the saddle. It was a warm afternoon, and the stallion was ready for a gallop across the veld. She touched his sides lightly with her heels, and they shot off at their usual mad pace to leave Solomon shaking his head reprovingly while he walked from stable to stable to inspect the remaining horses.

  Gina allowed Jupiter the freedom to choose his own path, and she allowed her mind an equally free rein that afternoon. Her resentment and anger had burnt itself out long ago. The hurt was still there, but it was being overshadowed by a deep longing that was growing steadily, which nothing seemed capable of assuaging. She had constantly shied away from analysing her feelings during these past weeks, but the answer came to her now, and it surged forward with a force that defied her to ignore it. She had been almost convinced that she despised Jarvis for what he had done to her, but that was not the truth. She loved him despite the fact that he had married her solely to inherit Eldorado. She loved him for the man she knew him to be beneath that harsh, sometimes ruthless veneer, and she would go on loving him until she drew her last breath.

  'Oh, God, what am I going to do?' she groaned, raising her anguished face to the warmth of the winter sun and letting the breeze whip through her hair. 'What do I do, and how will I go on living without him?'

  Jupiter laid back his ears at the sound of her voice, but he did not alter his pace, and they were both pleasantly tired when they returned to the stables an hour later.

  Susan was in the kitchen checking on the dinner while spooning cereal into her baby's mouth, and she looked up when Gina walked in and sl
ammed the outer door shut behind her. Baby Anthea's wide blue eyes followed every move Gina made as she helped herself to a mug of coffee, but the child's rosy mouth opened wide every time the teaspoon touched her lips. She gurgled contentedly in between each mouthful, and when she had had enough she turned her face away and rubbed her little fist across her nose and mouth.

  Gina observed Susan intently when she wiped Anthea's face and hands before placing the baby in her pram, and a familiar stab of envy shot through Gina. The memory of her accident was still vivid, and that sense of loss had never diminished. More than ever now she wanted a child; she wanted Jarvis's child, but she knew she was wishing for the impossible. There was no future for her with Jarvis, and a child would merely consolidate the chains of marriage he despised so much.

  What am I going to do? The question stormed once again through Gina's tortured mind, and it was despair that made her turn at last to Susan for the advice she needed so desperately, but she chose her words with infinite care.

  'What would you do, Susan, if you discovered that Cliff had married you not for the usual reasons, but because he'd stood to gain something which was of great value to him?'

  Susan turned at the sink, her amused expression sobering when she encountered Gina's grave glance. 'You want to know what I'd do if I discovered that Cliff had married me because he'd stood to gain something which was of value to him?' she repeated Gina's query thoughtfully while she wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and poured herself a cup of coffee. 'First of all, I think, I would make very sure of my facts before I did something I might regret for the rest of my life.'

  'Let's say you were absolutely sure. What would you do?' Gina persisted, lowering her dark lashes to veil the pain in her eyes.

  'I'd take stock of the situation and I'd ask myself how much do love him,' Susan answered slowly while she added sugar to her coffee and stirred it. 'If my love for my husband was strong enough to overcome that humiliating barrier, then there would always be the hope that I could make him love me in return.'

  How much do I love Jarvis? Gina asked herself analytically. Do I love him enough to overlook that calculated and cold-blooded reason for our marriage? And what do I do about Lilian Ulrich? Do I have the strength and the ability to compete with a woman who appears to have everything he desires most in a woman?

  'Would you consider that you had reason to hope if an old girlfriend of Cliffs suddenly put in an appearance and you knew they were seeing each other frequently?' she asked, torturing herself by turning the knife in her own wound.

  'There's always hope, no matter how desperate a situation appears to be, Gina.' Susan's glance mirrored grave concern when she studied Gina's pale, pinched face, and then that familiar teasing smile lurked in her blue eyes. 'You could, of course, try seduction. You're a beautiful woman, and you have a lovely figure. You could wait up for Jarvis one night, but make sure you wear your flimsiest nightie, and don't forget to wear lashings of your most intoxicating perfume.'

  Gina tried to think herself into the part of the seductress and found it laughable. She could also imagine Jarvis's look of blank surprise, and the mental image was suddenly quite hilarious.

  She started to laugh, and the fact that Susan stood grinning at her with a quizzical look in her eyes seemed to heighten Gina's amusement, making her laugh until the tears rolled down her cheeks.

  'If I haven't helped in any way to solve your problems for you, then I've at least succeeded in making you laugh a little,' Susan pointed out somewhat drily when Gina finally managed to control herself.

  'Have I been that boorish?' asked Gina, taking a handkerchief out of her jacket pocket to wipe away her tears.

  'You've obviously had a lot on your mind, and it isn't always easy to pretend you're happy when you're actually hurting like the very devil inside.'

  Gina stared at her sister-in-law, and tears filled her eyes again, but this time they were not tears of laughter.

  'Thanks, Susan,' she whispered huskily, hugging her sister-in-law and kissing her briefly on the cheek before she fled to the privacy of her room.

  She sat down heavily on the bed, and the tears rolled freely down her cheeks until she could taste their saltiness in her mouth. She drew a shuddering breath to control herself and to ease the ache in her throat, but failed and buried her face in her hands to weep until there were no more tears left to shed.

  She wiped her red, swollen eyes with her soggy handkerchief and blew her nose while she took careful stock of herself. She felt drained, but also strangely cleansed, and she knew at last what it was she wanted most of all. She wanted Jarvis! She wanted to see him; she wanted to talk to him, and touch him. It was as simple as that, and she was not going to let anything or anyone stand in her way again. She would pack her suitcase and leave in the morning for Eldorado, and she could only pray for the opportunity to make Jarvis love her in return.

  She pulled off her dusty boots and dropped them on the floor before she peeled off her equally dusty denims and shirt. She bathed and changed into fresh clothes before dinner, and when she joined the rest of the family around the table that evening, she knew she had to inform them of her decision.

  'I'm going back to Johannesburg, and I'm leaving directly after breakfast in the morning,' Gina announced when their dessert had been served, and for a brief moment there was absolute silence around the table as three pairs of eyes were focused on her.

  'I guess it is about time you went back to your husband.' Clifford broke the silence with his teasing remark.

  'Yes, I guess it is,' Gina agreed calmly, her glance meeting Susan's briefly and finding understanding mirrored in those clear blue eyes.

  'I'm disappointed that Jarvis didn't have the time to come through for a weekend while you were here,' Raymond Osborne complained.

  'Jarvis is very busy at the moment, Dad.' Gina formulated an acceptable excuse. 'Perhaps we'll come for a weekend later in the month.'

  Her father nodded without speaking, and the trend of the conversation shifted on to safer ground.

  Something happened, however, to make Gina's plans go slightly awry. They had barely risen from the table that evening when the telephone rang, and an unexpected shiver, like a premonition, raced along Gina's spine.

  'It's for you,' said Susan, placing the receiver in Gina's hand. 'It's a Mr Harold Ashton from Johannesburg.'

  Harold Ashton! What did he want? Had something happened to Jarvis while she had been away? Was he hurt? Dying? Oh, please, God, don't let it be anything serious!

  'Georgina Cain speaking,' she said into the mouthpiece, her voice calm despite the frightened thudding of her heart against her ribs.

  'My apologies for intruding on your holiday, and at this hour of the evening,' Harold Ashton's familiar voice spoke into her ear, 'but I thought you might like to know that Jarvis came to me this afternoon with a request to start divorce proceedings.'

  'He did what?' Gina's fingers tightened convulsively on the receiver until her knuckles whitened, and an icy coldness invaded her body to drive every drop of blood from her face.

  'He wants me to start divorce—'

  'Yes, yes, I heard you!' she interrupted him agitatedly. 'But he can't div—he can't do that! He can't!'

  'Not if he wants to inherit Eldorado,' the lawyer agreed, and the line went oddly silent before he added shrewdly, 'Perhaps there's something you could do to make him change his mind… for Eldorado's sake as well as your own?'

  Harold Ashton was no fool. Gina was dismayed at this discovery, and she knew that there would be no sense in denying his suspicions, he had guessed that she loved Jarvis, and this was perhaps the main reason why he had telephoned.

  'I'll do whatever I can,' she promised abruptly, and that petrifying coldness was still circulating through her veins when she replaced the receiver moments later.

  She remained in the hall a few seconds longer to give herself time to regain her composure before she joined her family in the lounge where they sat around t
he fire which was crackling in the grate.

  'There's been a change of plan,' Gina enlightened them without preamble. 'I'm leaving for Johannesburg immediately.'

  Their expressions ranged from stunned incredulity to curiosity and concern, and Clifford was once again the first to recover.

  'Has there been an accident?' he demanded. 'Is that why you want to rush back so unwisely at this hour of the evening?'

  'There's been no accident,' Gina replied with a calmness she was far from experiencing. 'Something important has come up, something I feel needs my immediate attention, and please don't ask me to explain, because I can't.'

  'You know I don't like the idea of a woman travelling alone at night,' her father tried to dissuade her, but Gina shook her head adamantly.

  'I must leave now,' she insisted quietly, taking a firm stand. 'It's important… very important.'

  Clifford was on the point of raising an objection of his own, but Susan's hand on his arm deterred him, and Raymond Osborne sighed deeply and resignedly when he saw the look of determination that had settled on his daughter's face.

  'If it's so important for you to leave now, then I don't suppose any of us have the right to stand in your way,' he said, filling the bowl of his pipe with tobacco and concentrating on lighting it.

  Gina did not linger to have coffee with her family. She went to her room to pack her suitcase, and she did so hurriedly in the hope of getting away from the farm while it was still comparatively early. Her beige slacks and matching thick woollen sweater had been warm enough in the house, but knowing how the temperature could drop at night she put on her fleece-lined jacket before going out of the house. Her family hovered around her in silence while she put her suitcase in the boot of the car, and she hugged each one of them in turn.

  'I'll give you a call from Eldorado to let you know I've arrived safely,' she promised, and a few minutes later the Alfa's headlights were slicing through the inky darkness ahead of her as she drove carefully along the bumpy farm track towards the main road.