Closed Doors

by Nancy Radke

  He grasped her hand, urging her forward down the aisle to where the main group was standing. They had all stopped talking to watch them come, expressions of curiosity on their faces. Ellen felt like a princess, about to be presented to court.

  She recognized Jared's brother from the family picture before Jared introduced him. He was slightly shorter, his hair thick and graying at the temples, with the same jaw line and commanding presence. His blue eyes did a quick assessment of her as they met.

  "Ellen, this is my brother, Richard. Richard, Ellen Craig, our new office manager. She's trying hard to fill Donna's shoes."

  "How do you do," she said as he murmured the same greeting. She shook his hand, noticing the firmness of his grip, his friendly smile of approval.

  "This is my wife, Rochelle," Richard added.

  His wife was taller than he, a strained look pinching her features. She must have had a hard time while he was in the hospital, plus the added worry once he was released, of keeping him from overexerting himself.

  Jared introduced the others, including the bridegroom's best man, Zachery Waylan, and his wife, Jennel, who was most obviously pregnant.

  "Jennel!” Ellen threw her arms around her and hugged her. “What are you doing out here?"

  “You two know each other?” Jared asked Ellen.

  “We were in college together. Sisters in Spirit. Jennel started the group.” She turned back to Jennel. “How do you feel?”

  “Like I need to sit down. This kid is heavy. Honey how about—” She got no further, as Zack immediately took her to a chair, then ran to get her some water; hovering over her with loving concern.

  Richard smiled over at them. “How quickly falls the independent Miss from Boston. Zack told me when they first met, she wouldn’t accept any help from him at all. I’m glad she’s taking care of herself.”

  “You probably need to follow your own, um... ” Ellen waved her hand, uncertain what word to use. She certainly didn’t want Richard taking her comment the wrong way.

  "I’m trying.” He raised his hand in a mock plea for restraint. “I’m doing better now that I've got the load of the company off my back. I should ask how you’re doing."

  "Well, let's say it's early times yet. We'll find out more as things come up."

  "You've got Jared there to help you," he observed, "although he didn't have much time to step into my position. All this has created quite a turnover in the office. How are things going, Jared?"

  "Just great."

  "I might drop in next week or the week after. We aren't leaving for the San Juans until the first of the month."

  "Do that. We'd be glad to have you."

  "I'll try to bring Rochelle to your party next Saturday, but I'm not sure how long I can stay. This has about exhausted me."

  A man entered the area, pulling a hand cart holding three speakers and a large boom box. "Where do you want these?" he called out.

  "Looks like a job for the Steel brothers," Richard remarked, and Jared nodded.

  "Certainly. We're experts at wedding music set-ups. Excuse us, ladies."

  "Don't lift anything," Rochelle called out, her concern edging her words.

  "Don't worry... I'll do the heavy work. Richard can direct," Jared assured her.

  The two brothers walked to where the man had stopped and immediately took charge. Both wore the mantle of leadership, Ellen noted, yet they worked well together, amicably solving any differences in opinion as they went along.

  "The Steel men certainly are handsome, don't you think?" Rochelle asked Ellen.

  "Oh, yes, quite so." She watched the photographer taking pictures of Donna alone before adding, "I didn't know Jared was going to be part of the wedding party."

  "He's an usher. Richard is escorting Donna down the aisle, since she has no near male relative to do the honor."

  "He seems to be enjoying himself."

  "He is, although I have to keep after him to take it easy and give his heart a chance to recover. But he's like a different man, now that he's no longer under that constant pressure. He should have turned the business over to Jared sooner. Jared has excellent judgment; he'll keep it in the black." She gazed affectionately at her husband, sitting on a chair while Jared and Zack Waylan moved a large speaker. "I'm so relieved Richard feels he can retire without worry."

  Ellen nodded her agreement. She could only pray that she didn't do something terribly wrong, although it looked more and more like her fears were unfounded. She had conquered the filing system and survived the computer. Hopefully Jared—or Larry—knew enough between the two of them to help her with any questions not covered in Donna's extensive notes.

  Without Donna, the last two days of this week had been hectic. Donna had taught her as much as she could, but Ellen had already discovered huge gaps in her education. The computer files had been her biggest hurdle so far—Larry had been a lifesaver, she called on him constantly—but she still regarded them with dread. She could usually find what she needed, but she still made a mess of things and was often forced to quit and start anew.

  It was all time consuming and she was gradually falling further and further behind. She hoped she was in control when Richard visited the office. Had Donna told him how inexperienced she was? It didn't sound like it.

  "Had you known Jared before?" Rochelle asked, her fingers tapping the back of one of the folding chairs.

  Ellen figured she had to admit it; Donna could have told Rochelle. "Yes."

  "That's nice. How did you two meet?"

  Ellen panicked. What should she say? If she said he had answered her ad, Richard's wife would want to know what the ad was about. "We met, uh... on a balloon ride... out over Puget Sound."

  "Really? He never told us," Rochelle said, looking incredulous. "He's never gone ballooning before."

  Ellen mentally kicked herself for saying the first thing that popped into her mind. She should have mentioned sailing instead. "Uh... we were watching a sailboat race. You get a... a better perspective from up high. Flying along with the wind in your face."

  “What? You don’t feel any wind... you’re moving with the air currents. There’s no sensation of movement ‘till you look down.”

  “Uh...” Oh, boy. This was hard. “Figuratively speaking, I mean.”

  "Oh, of course. How fascinating. I thought Jared hated heights. I wonder when he got over that. Richard will be amazed."

  So would Jared. But it was his fault for getting her into this situation.

  "Did Jared mention that Richard and I often go ballooning during the summer?"

  "A... a little."

  "We tried to get him to come with us, but he's always refused. Now he won't dare. When was this?"

  "About a month ago."

  "He never mentioned it. Just wait."

  Feeling the ground collapse under her lie, Ellen hurriedly switched subjects. "I would never have thought of this place for a wedding, but it is simply beautiful, isn't it?"

  "Oh, yes. We had an enormous tent on hold, just in case, but with weather like this, who wants it?" She glanced around, then turned back to Ellen. "How are you doing at the office? Donna always seemed to have a hand on everything. She filled many roles."

  "That's true. I depend on Jared and Donna’s notes to get me through. Everything's so new."

  "I see you ran into Angelique.”

  *17*

  Richard’s wife, Rochelle, glanced around the wedding area, then looked back at Ellen, her expression worried. “I do hope Jared forewarned you about the article."

  "Oh, yes. He did."

  "You weren't embarrassed? Angelique writes like that, you know."

  "So I understand."

  "We always laugh at her speculations, but we're hoping some time she'll be right."

  "She certainly has a vivid imagination." Ellen had to get away from talking to Richard's wife, somehow. She was too inquisitive.

  The guests were arriving in larger groups now. There had to be someone she kn
ew.

  "I'll go ahead and find a seat," she said. She noticed John and Elenora entering the area and decided to try to sit with them, but at that moment the photographer put away his camera and the bridal couple came over.

  Donna wore a knee-length dress of white satin touched with the faintest tint of peach. She greeted Ellen and introduced her fiancé, Clyde Brekley, with pride. A hearty man, he appeared able to command a boat through a storm with one hand while drinking coffee with the other. He looked completely enthralled with Donna. His face beamed with love, ready to do her slightest wish.

  Leaving him with the group, Donna entered a small pop-up tent set near a tree for a changing room.

  Jared and Richard finished their job and joined them. "Everything's set," Jared said, his gaze meeting Ellen’s as if no one else was standing there.

  "Good. I was telling Rochelle how we met." Jared looked startled, so she explained quickly. "I mentioned our balloon ride together—"

  He looked even more shocked. "Our balloon...?"

  "Watching the sailboat races. From up high."

  Rochelle could not keep quiet any longer. "Jared's been holding out on us, Richard. All these years, claiming he didn't like to go ballooning. And here he takes a trip out over the Sound."

  "Where?" Richard asked, amazed, looking from one to the other.

  "Over Puget Sound," Ellen said, trying to ignore Jared’s reaction.

  He picked up her lead. "That was quite a trip."

  "Well, now you won't have any excuse next time we ask you," said Richard. "I'm glad you finally got over letting heights bother you."

  "Oh, yes," Jared agreed. "Ellen's great at getting me over things." He shot her a slightly horrified look that asked what else she had "got him over."

  "I didn't say any more than that." The sentence sounded strange, but she had to let him know there weren't any more traps to fall into.

  "You mean there's more?" Rochelle asked. "Was Angelique's article correct, after all?"

  "No," Jared said. "Ellen was just kidding."

  Ellen wished she wasn't. She wanted Angelique's column to be true.

  The person overseeing the boom box turned it on and the strains of Vivaldi's "Spring" floated through the air.

  "Most interesting. We'll have to finish this conversation at the reception," Rochelle said, and left to enter the pop-up tent with Donna. She was Donna's matron of honor, Ellen suddenly realized.

  Ellen started to move away, toward where the yacht workers had grouped themselves, but Jared caught her arm.

  "Over here," he said, motioning her to a seat next to a flower urn on the outside aisle.

  She glanced upward at his face, worried. How was he taking her latest blunder?

  His expression remained unreadable; pleasant. Of course, he couldn’t make a scene here. But once they were alone, he might be angrier than he was over Angelique.

  Ellen did not protest as he seated her near the tent and handed her a program. Although isolated, she was close enough to the large flower urns to smell the fragrant stocks. She would also get a good view, as the ground sloped gently away from her position.

  She watched Jared as he seated people, feeling as proud of him as Donna did of Clyde. As he had at the launching, Jared moved easily among people, giving directions, helping, holding his own.

  Would he be angry at her, forcing him into going ballooning? In all their conversations, he had never once mentioned that heights bothered him.

  He finished seating people and suddenly appeared at her side, sitting in the chair next to hers, making her heart do that funny little skip of delight again.

  "From here I can take care of any late arrivals," he told her, giving a quick tug on his pants legs to ease them slightly. He lowered his voice as he added, "Now... whatever made you meet me on a balloon ride?"

  "She put me on the spot; I couldn't think of anything else."

  "You could have picked the grocery store, or a Mariner game, or—"

  "You might as well know I'm no good at coming up with excuses. That’s why I had such a hard time with Angelique. I know whoever I'm talking to will find out the truth, because my reasons are so flimsy."

  "But ballooning?"

  Ellen pointed to back of the chair in front of her where the rental agency's sticker with a background of balloons was posted. "I don't know if I was looking at one of those or not. The word just popped into my mind. Besides, it's all your fault, so don't get mad at me."

  "I'm not mad at you. Just amazed." He grimaced. "I know you have to come up with something when people question you. I wish we didn't have to—it's plagued me all my life. I don't enjoy drawing you into my problem, you know." His voice softened as he apologized.

  Her heart melted in response. "I know. It's the main reason you didn't want to be seen with me in public—right?"

  "One of the reasons. Things get convoluted. By the way, have you ever gone ballooning?"

  "No."

  "Well, I think we're going to have to. They'll want to discuss our trip—Rochelle was an avid balloonist before she met Richard."

  "Oh, no!" She looked at him, stricken with concern; saw the laughter in his eyes, and felt immediate relief. Jared knew how to land on his feet; he'd do a balloon trip or die trying.

  "Oh, yes. I'll keep my eyes closed, if necessary."

  The music changed to Bach while the preacher took his place along with Clyde and Zachery Waylan. Then the tent parted and Rochelle appeared. Her light summer dress, a flowered print, was a good choice—Donna had not made the mistake of outfitting her like a young debutante. Next, Donna emerged, stepping slowly to Wagner's "Wedding March," beautiful in her white veil and carrying a fall of flowers.

  Ellen watched Donna glide up the aisle of green on Richard’s arm, the dancing sunlight and swelling music adding drama to the moment. Clyde stood ramrod straight as his bride came towards him, pride and happiness stamped on his features.

  She remembered the way John had looked at his wife, after all their years of marriage. Perhaps it would hold true for Donna, also.

  What was Jared's view of marriage?

  The smell of sweet lobelia and the fragrance of the fuchsias assaulted Ellen's senses. The whole ceremony had a fairy tale quality enhanced by the man at her side.

  I’d like to be in Donna's place, with Jared up there, waiting for me. How wonderful. She caught her breath at the fantasy, her emotions soaring with the music; letting her mind walk her up that aisle on her father's arm, Jared waiting with the same expression on his face as on Clyde’s, reaching out for her hand.

  She had always had an lively imagination and her conversation with Elenora had heightened her awareness of Jared. Had he any interest in her at all? Was he sitting next to her to insure that his secret remained safe; or because he liked her? She hoped it was the latter, because she had fallen in love with him.

  The summer sunlight shone down on the bride and groom, setting them apart in a ring of gold. Ellen listened to the words of the ceremony. For richer or poorer, for better or worse. That's the way she felt about Jared. She wanted to be with him all the time. Under all conditions.

  Maintaining the teacher-student, employer-employee distance had not worked. She had swiftly dropped deeper and deeper into his spell. The look, the sound, the touch of him had the power to confuse her, mentally and emotionally; fueled by an attraction too strong for her to resist.

  She did not want to encourage him, yet it seemed that the more she denied his effect on her, the stronger it grew, as she found so much to admire.

  She did not know when she'd begun to love him. Perhaps it was during the sailboat ride. Or the night he'd given her the roses. If only he had said the flowers meant he liked her, rather than just being a way to say "thank you."

  Still, falling in love with him was an unwise thing to do. His collection of female names were ample warning for anyone. Could her feelings just be a result of propinquity? She had been with him practically every waking hour.

/>   "I now pronounce you 'man and wife,'" the preacher said, and Ellen had to fight back tears of happiness for Donna.

  The ceremony over, Jared went forward to dismiss the gathering. Ellen was the last to leave and he strode off beside her.

  "The reception is at the Seattle Yacht Club," he said. "It's quite a ways. Do you have time to go?"

  "Yes," she said. "My mother has a family picnic planned today, but I told her I'd drop by afterwards." Ellen had rarely missed one, feeling guilty for doing so, but—remembering Jared’s words about how she needed to say ‘no’ once in a while—stood firm against her mother’s pleadings.

  "How'd she take that?"

  "Better than I expected. She was disappointed until she found out you were going to be here. Your name carries a lot of weight as far as my parents are concerned."

  They entered the parking lot. Only her car and a couple of others were left. She did not see his. "How did you get here?" she asked, wondering if he had taken a cab or followed someone.

  "I came with Richard. If you don't mind, I'll ride with you to the reception."

  "Of course. How about all the stuff left back there?"

  "A crew is waiting to clear it up."

  "Do you want to drive?"

  "No. You go ahead."

  She unlocked his door, then got into the driver's side. She was happy with him beside her and he seemed content to sit and let her drive.

  The car was warm so they rolled down the windows, preferring the natural air to the air conditioning. The wind whipped through Jared's hair, as he sat relaxed, looking totally at ease while she merged onto I-5. She found the exit indicated for the Yacht Club and took it.

  "James Bond," she said, and he gave her a questioning look. "That's who you remind me of in that tux," she explained.

  "Which actor?"

  "Uh... I don't know. There were quite a few of them, weren't there?"

  He laughed. "Bond, huh? Now that would be a hard role to fill. He has quite a way with the women."

  So do you, Ellen thought, remembering all those names in his appointment book. He had few repeats and none of them lasted very long.

  She didn't love Jared; she couldn't.

  But what else was this crazy feeling all about? He had stolen her heart, made her care, and didn't even know it.