Hollis is all grown up now. Her blonde hair, gone. Now it’s a beautiful burgundy red color with a few blonde streaks. Her rail-thin body, gone. Now, she has a healthy physique with curves in all the right places. Her chipped black nail polish, gone. Now, her nails have a simple pink tinted sheen to them.
Hollis’ wardrobe has changed as well. Back in the day, her closet consisted of a pair of jeans that had seen better days. The jeans were baggy, the bottoms of them frayed with holes here and there. You know holey jeans weren’t a thing back in the day when she was wearing them, now girls will pay a hundred dollars for ripped up jeans. Back in the day she had a few shirts mostly worn, faded t-shirts or band t-shirts. Her sneakers had been just as worn and I had seen her super glue the sole back on more times than I can remember. Her hair had always stayed in a messy ponytail and her only jacket was a hoodie of mine that I had insisted she keep since she had a tendency to get cold.
Now, Hollis clearly has a few more options. Her straight leg jeans hug her legs and butt perfectly. Hollis isn’t tall like Londynn, she’s just average height at 5’ 6” but she’s all legs. She has on a long-sleeved black shirt that has three triangles cut out around the collar of it. I see a pop of periwinkle peeking out from the triangles. Her black wedges only makes her legs seem that much longer. Her hair is down and hangs in long curls.
I examine her tiny apartment and see she doesn’t have much. A loveseat that has seen better days, a small TV sitting on top of a rickety table. She has a folding table and chairs sitting in the small dining room. Her dog, Elliot looks like a German Shepard, watches me with a careful eye. This dog makes me worry a little less because I don’t doubt for a minute that he’d take down anyone that came in uninvited, but her meager living arrangement makes me want to scream. Hollis has been through enough in this lifetime. She deserves so much more than this!
****
Hollis
I stood in front of my small bathroom mirror for far longer than necessary. I don’t know why I cared so much about how I looked. It wasn’t like Bowie James hadn’t seen me in much worse shape. Hell, compared to what he had witnessed back then I was a freaking princess now. A harsh laugh escapes my mouth and I shake my head at how ridiculous I’m being. It’s not like tonight is a date. Then again Bowie and I aren’t exactly friends and I think that’s where the problem lies. The last five years my life has been scheduled with clearly defined lines and purposes for everything and everyone that was a part of my world. Now, nothing was scheduled, nothing was clearly defined, and nothing had a purpose.
I had packed up my life in Missouri in a rash decision. I guess in some ways I was running. Running was easier than sticking around and facing everything and piecing my life back together there. Besides, it’s not like there was much of a life for me there after everything…
Somewhere in the middle of my inner monologue, I hear the knock on the door. For a minute, I consider not answering the door because I think we both know nothing good can come from all of this. But I also think that we both know that when it comes to Bowie James, I give in every time. That boy had been the only shining light in my world, my only safe place to hide. Bowie James was no longer that boy though. He was a grown man now, and I was under no delusion that we could just pick up where we left off.
I try to prepare myself to come face-to-face with Bowie again, twice in one day. No matter how I tried to prepare myself or what I told myself there was no preparing for the force of Bowie. Every time I saw him, every time I looked into those cobalt blue eyes it was like a force of impact hit me straight to the gut.
While he was standing in my doorway with the setting sun framing his body, I took a moment to appreciate him, to take in what age had changed. Bowie had always been taller, but he still seemed to be about 6’ 3’. His chocolate brown hair was cut different now. It was short and styled to stick in all different directions, to give people the impression that he didn’t give a damn but when it came to Bowie, he really didn’t give a damn. Back in the day he wore it longer and parted down the middle. His baby face was transformed thanks to the scruff he left there.
His choice of clothes hadn’t changed though. Bowie still opted for simple t-shirts and jeans with biker boots. However, his t-shirt straining against his biceps was new. I thought those arms could protect me from the world the first time he had wrapped them around my waist. A feeling stirred in my stomach and I wondered how his arms would feel now. Those cobalt blue eyes were still the same.
After I had made sure everything in the apartment was turned off Bowie led me down to the parking lot. It’s not hard to pick out Bowie’s car once the parking lot comes into view. The black Mustang Fastback sticks out like a sore thumb in this lot. I’m actually surprised that no one has tried to mess with it yet. I let out a low whistle of appreciation. Bowie smirks, “You like?”
“Well, I’m definitely not going to complain,” I tell him.
Bowie walks ahead of me and opens the passenger door. That’s the thing about the James brothers with their reputation you expect them to be jerks but actually, they are gentlemen. I step around the door and start to get in when Bowie’s voice stops me, “What if this hadn’t been my car?”
I look at him and roll my eyes, “Please, I do know that much hasn’t changed about you. This car screams Bowie James.”
Bowie cocks an eyebrow at me, “Does it now?”
“You know it does,” I tell him as I slip into the seat. He shuts the door and I watch as he walks around the car to take his seat behind the wheel. The smell of his soap and aftershave fills the car, and it’s like I’m fifteen all over again. The engine roars to life and with it the sound of Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival. This always was one of his favorite songs.
So many things about us are different but at the same time, there are so many things that haven’t changed at all. I don’t know what to expect from tonight.
Chapter 5
Bowie
Being in this car with Hollis beside me, her coconut scent filling the area, her hair fluttering from the light breeze coming in through the cracked windows, it was all so familiar yet so different. For the last ten years it seemed as if something had been missing but right now in this car with Hollis, it felt like my missing puzzle piece had been found. The problem is I can’t trust Hollis.
I want to trust her but I can’t. What we had back then had been real. I know people call it puppy love when you’re a teenager but what I felt for Hollis was real there was nothing juvenile about it. I had lied awake so many nights and planned our future out. I thought what she had felt for me had been just as strong. It sure as hell looked like it every time I looked into her stormy gray eyes but she had left. She had just vanished without even a goodbye and that had marked me.
In a lot of ways, I understand Ace’s reluctance when it had come to love and relationships. I couldn’t blame his hesitation after watching dad, Jagger and me who could blame the kid? Then again he had overcome all of that and was now engaged to Kynlee. If he could do it then couldn’t I?
Then again Kynlee hadn’t been the one to break Ace’s heart so she could be one to fix it. How did you let the one that scarred you also heal you? Was that even possible? I had always believed that once trust had been broken there was no fixing it, so why was I sitting in this car right now with the one person who had shredded me to pieces and shattered every ounce of trust I had?
The answer was pretty simple. I had never been able to stay away from Hollis. Hollis was a form of temptation that I couldn’t resist. She is a force to be reckoned with. Her soul called to mine in a way that no one else could. Those gray eyes could knock the air out of my lungs like an unexpected force of impact. From the first time I had saved her from falling in the hallway, I had been wrapped around her finger. It was like every part of me, my heart, body, and soul all knew she was the missing piece and that she would be the only one to really truly fit. Hollis had given me things I didn’t e
ven realize I was missing until she had come into my life. Her absence only made everything she brought into my life more clear.
Sitting in this car with Hollis made me question everything. I had been so certain about who I was and all of my decisions for the past ten years but Hollis… Hollis could make me question everything. I kind of hated it. I pulled up to the Peyton’s Place. Hollis looks up at the sign then gives me a questioning look “No Burt’s?” she asks.
Burt’s drive-in had been our place. It was an old fashioned drive in. They served the best and probably unhealthiest foods on the planet. They played all the classic music. Mostly 80s rock so it was a place we had frequented a lot as children. Axell, Jagger and I could be found there a lot with our friends while we were in school. It was our local hangout. I can still remember the first time that I had taken Hollis there. It was the first time I gave her a ride home, and she wasn’t going to order food. She had just requested a drink but I could tell by the look in her eye that she was hungry. I could also tell that food was something she didn’t normally have an abundance of. I ordered double of normal, cheeseburger, chili cheese fries, and soda. When the order came her mouth had practically watered and after about five minutes I was able to convince her to eat. After that day our friendship began to bloom, and this became our place. It was also the place I took her on our first date. I might have taken her there tonight if it were possible. “Burt’s closed a few years back.” Hollis’ mouth falls a little in shock and I just shake my head as a small chuckle escapes my mouth. “I bet you wish you would have stayed in L.A. now, huh?”
I meant it as a joke but it sounds harsher than I had intended and I watch as a shadow crosses Hollis’ features and flicker of regret flashes in her eyes before she turns her head so that I can’t see the storm that must be raging. That’s the thing about Hollis her eyes are literally the way to see into her soul. She is a pro at acting indifferent and keeping the world at a distance but the minute you look into those stormy gray eyes you can see everything she feels if you take the time to learn it.
Hollis gets out of the car abruptly. I’m a little stunned, so it takes me a minute to follow her out of the car. When I get out, I see her leaning against the trunk with her head back staring up at the sky that has finally given way to the night. I approach slowly but once I’m next to her, I take on the same stance and look up at the sky. It’s a pretty clear night so you actually see a few stars. Hollis runs her hands up and down her upper arms and I’m about to offer her the jacket that I keep in my trunk when she says, “I can’t do this.”
She says it so quietly that I’m not even sure she’s talking to me at first, but I ask anyway, “Do what?”
She sighs heavily then drops her head back down “This,” she says, motioning between us.
I scoff, “You can’t or you won’t?”
The moment I ask I watch as her armor comes back into place. She’s pushing me away, keeping me at a distance. I’m going to have to fight for Hollis if this is something I want… but is it? Do I want Hollis? Once she’s gained her composure and placed all of her armor in the right place, she turns to face me. A look of indifference on her face, one that I know all too well, “Both.”
“Why?” I question her.
She shrugs, “Because it’s for the best.”
I throw my hands in the air then run them through my hair. “That’s a lame ass excuse.”
“That’s the damn truth. Trust me. I’m the worst thing for you.” And with that statement she walks away from me to an Uber, she must have requested when she first got out of the car. Her words leave me hollow and hurting so I do the only thing I can. I grab my cell and text Vixx.
****
Hollis
Being back in L.A., being around Bowie, sitting next to him feeling that familiarity between us was too much. It was so overwhelming I had to run. Just like I had to run ten years ago. Coming back here was probably a mistake. I couldn’t let my guard down around Bowie. I couldn’t let myself fall for him again. Being around him gave me hope and made me dream about things that would never be. I wasn’t that Hollis anymore. I wasn’t that hopeless romantic I had once been. I wasn’t the fifteen-year-old girl that dreamed of the day when Bowie would rescue me from my messed up life. He couldn’t be my knight in shining armor. No, the only person that could protect me, save me, was myself. At the end of the day, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Everyone else was the wildcard.
My life had been too full of them already, I didn’t need anymore. Besides, I hurt Bowie so badly when I left. I could still see the lingering hurt in his eyes from time to time. Sometimes when he looked at me all I could see were the questions, the ones he was swallowing back because he was afraid I’d run again that they had to be burning his throat alive.
Problem was that even if he asked I’d just avoid the answers. There was no way I could fill in the last ten years of my life for Bowie without him looking at me differently. I’m not proud of the person I’ve been or some of the things I had to do to survive but that’s the thing, once I left L.A. with no one and no money it was all a game of survival. I had to be smarter. I had to be stronger, and I had to protect myself from everything and everyone.
People think they know how bad this world is but in reality, they have no idea just how bad it can be. They don’t know just how dark it can get or just how much evil lurks. There was a quote I remember hearing in school, it was something about all the monsters being here so hell was empty. Well, that’s a true statement. I could testify to that statement.
A few years ago I thought I might have actually caught a break. There was a light in the midst of the darkness but then just like everything else in my life that light was ripped away from me. I should have known it was going to happen but I let myself hope just like I had with Bowie all those years ago. Hope was a dangerous feeling and if you didn’t keep it at bay, then you could easily forget just how dangerous it was. I felt that tiny spark of hope tonight with Bowie and I knew. I knew I had made a huge mistake coming back here.
When I enter my apartment Elliot greets me. I pat his head absentmindedly before heading for the boxes I had stored in the corner of my room. Once again I was running.
Chapter 6
Bowie
When I pulled into the driveway and cut the engine of my car, the sun was starting to rise. A start to a new day yet I felt like I was still stuck in that damn parking lot with Hollis. Even a night with Vixx couldn’t make me forget her, nothing could, but somehow it was worse now. I guess before I could convince myself that maybe it was so real. As soon as I was around her again, though I knew it that was impossible to deny. What we had still crackled between us. It created electricity in the atmosphere and it was undeniable but I didn’t know where to go from here or what to do.
I was heading to my bed for a couple of hours of sleep when my stomach unleashed a growl that could probably be heard for blocks. My stomach was about to eat me alive from the inside out so I headed for the back door. Quietly, I let myself in but nearly had a damn heart attack when I rounded the corner to see Axell sitting at the table with the newspaper in one hand and a cup of steaming coffee in the other. He looked so much like dad right now minus the ponytail, mountain man beard and both arms covered in tattoos. Axell only had one sleeve of a tribal tattoo and he was always clean shaved. “You scared the shit out of me,” I comment in his direction as I open the fridge.
“Late night?” He asks and I just shrug he gets up and refills his mug with coffee. “Damn man you smell like, Vixx.” When I look up at him he has a look of disgust on his face and his nose is wrinkled as if I smell like the sewer.
I roll my eyes at his reaction, “Well girls like to smell good.”
“Yeah well someone should tell her to pick one scent, mixing makes it smell like shit.”
I take a seat at the table, “I know you don’t care for her but really what has she ever done to you?”
“You mean
aside from being a bitch to Sadie, not much but I don’t think she’s right for you,” Axell comments with a shrug.
I sigh because he’s right Vixx is a bitch to Sadie but I’m not sure why, pretty much everyone loves Sadie. She just has the warming aura around her. It draws you in and makes you feel comfortable like you’ve known her for years. Vixx is the complete opposite, she’s cold and distant but her coldness is different from what Hollis’ is like. Even when Hollis is distant, you could always tell it was more for self-preservation than from anything else. I can’t figure out why Vixx is like that she’s different with me sometimes but hearing Axell making comments has frustrated me. I’m hungry, tired and confused as hell over Hollis so I’m in no mood for Axell wisdom. “And who’s right for me?” I ask sarcastically.
“Do you really want an answer or are you just baiting me for a fight?” Axell asks and I shrug in reply. “You know you act like a badass that doesn’t give a damn but underneath all of that, your heart is ten times bigger than you let on. I get it because I was the same way until Sadie came along. You know I’m right and you know you were different with Hollis so why not look for something like that again instead of what you’re doing now?”
“Sorry, that not everyone wants to find their wife in high school and have the white picket fence dream. It’s just not me,” I say nonchalantly, but we both know that’s a lie.
Axell chuckles, “Yeah keep telling yourself that.” He gets up and leaves the kitchen after rinsing his mug in the sink.
After I clean up my mess, I head out to my house to catch a couple hours of sleep. Once I’m showered and lying in bed, I let my mind wander to the night before, I didn’t know what to do or how to navigate this. Everything I was feeling was conflicting. For years I have wondered where Hollis was, how she was and who she had become and now she was here. All the answers were within my reach but I didn’t know if I could handle them now. I was terrified of losing her again. What if I got the answers then she vanished? Could I handle another ten years of wondering questions, of what if?
Force of Impact (The James Brothers Series Book 3) Page 3
