The following day he asked me to come to the races with him the following night. I was sure my parents wouldn’t care but then again they did have moments where they actually acted like parents. I told Bowie I’d have to sneak out and that he’d have to help me. He told me not to worry about it at first but I insisted. I’d be lying to him and myself if I said I didn’t want to see Bowie race, to see him in his element. Plus, when I was with Bowie I was just Hollis. I got to be me. I got to be free of the shitty life my parents had created for me. I loved the Hollis I was with Bowie. I smiled more, I laughed often, and I had hope that life would get better when he was around. The only other person who made me happy in life was Alex but that was a different kind of happy. Finally, Bowie agreed to help me sneak out.
So here I am standing at my window trying to see into the dark for any sign of Bowie or his car but nothing so far. Alex was already tucked in and asleep for the night. I had locked our bedroom door like I did every night and left him a glass of room temperature water beside his bed. I was sure Bowie would have been here by now but then again maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe, he didn’t want to show up in his world with a girl like me. I mean it’s not like I could really dress up for this occasion. I shake my head at how pathetic my life really is. However, when I look back up I see Bowie jogging up to the side of the house.
Quietly, I open the window and he smiles at me. I swear that smile could melt into a puddle. The butterflies make their appearance as always when he’s around. I start to climb out the window when I feel Bowie’s arms around my waist. He lifts me from the window, places me on the ground then turns back around and shuts the window. He grabs my hand and we jog back up the block. When we reach his car, I turn around and give him a questioning look. Bowie shrugs and I can’t help but notice how young and carefree he looks on him, “I figured if I brought the car down that way your parents might see the headlights or hear it, then we’d be busted. I figured it was safest to park down here and walk up.”
“Good thinking,” I tell him with a small smile.
He leans around me and opens the passenger side door. You know for the James brothers to be the bad boys of high school they sure can be gentlemen. I try to think of a time when Bowie hasn’t opened the door or car door for me since we met and I come up blank. You’d think they wouldn’t care but they really do. “So you ready for this?” I just nod and bite my lip as I slide into the car. To be honest I’m not sure I am ready for this, “What is it?”
“Are you sure you want me with you tonight? I mean people might think we’re together or something.” It’s no secret that most of the racers bring their girls with them to the races, a kind of like marking their territory. I wasn’t sure if Bowie wanted people to read more into this and there was still time for me to climb back through my window.
Bowie starts the engine, “First of all, I want you with me otherwise I wouldn’t have asked. Second of all, I never have and probably never will give a damn what anyone thinks of me. Third of all, maybe I want them to think we’re together or something… would that be so bad?”
His first confession was enough to make a blush fill my cheeks but the last confession turned my butterflies to bats and my heart slams violently against my chest. I swallow trying to find the words. “No,” was all I could manage to get out. Bowie nods then heads out in the opposite direction. Once we arrive at the races Bowie takes my hand and leads me over to Sadie and Harlyn.
There’s a big group here, bigger than I could have imagined. Bowie leaves me to go line up. The races are exciting I’ll give them that but the idea of watching Bowie doing this makes my heart slam around again. It’s scary to think of him flying down these roads at these speeds. I bite the inside of my cheek as his car pulls up to the line. I look over at him and our eyes lock. For a long moment we just stare at one another then Bowie winks at me and turns attention to the road in front of him. Once he takes off from the start line and is out of my view, I close my eyes and hold my breath until they announce that he won.
****
Bowie
Sneaking Hollis out of her house made me worry. She never went into detail about her home life with the exception of Alex but I had been around her enough at this point to know it was far from great. I didn’t want to make that any worse on her but she had insisted that it would be fine. Even though a part of me felt guilty about making her sneak out, the selfish part of me just wanted to have her with me tonight. I wanted to see her outside of the school, other than driving her home after school. That part of me was winning out.
Things had changed since the day she talked me away from that fight. She was a wrecking ball bulldozing down the walls I had put up and the image I carried. By walking away with her that day I had shown her and the surrounding people just how much she had already gotten under my skin. I ignored and avoided her the following week but I still watched her from afar and she was still in my thoughts every day. Eventually, I gave in and went to find her. I figured I’d have to grovel for forgiveness but not with Hollis. She walked up to me and when I couldn’t find the words, she took over the conversation like nothing had ever happened.
Hollis seemed to see through my image, reputation, and walls. She saw right down into me, the Bowie that very few knew existed. It was that day that things shifted between us. Friendship wasn’t enough anymore. I felt a need to know Hollis and to let her know me. I felt the need to protect her from the world and the life she had been placed in. I felt the need to love her.
I parked in the normal spot where I dropped her off every day after school, a block away from her house. She claimed she didn’t want her parents to know that she wasn’t riding the bus, but I wasn’t sure if that was all there was to it. When she told me she’d need help getting out of her house and told me I’d have to come to the window, she seemed embarrassed. Then again she didn’t know I had already seen her house. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep that I would find myself in my car and driving the familiar streets that would eventually lead me over to Hollis’ side of town. I’d drive past her house and my heart would ache for her.
We didn’t have a ton but even with my mom dying and dad at a complete loss of what to do without her they still managed to love us and care for us in ways that Hollis’ parents failed to do. I wondered what it would feel like to have healthy parents who choose not to care. My mind often stayed cluttered with wondering what the future held for my family but when I was with Hollis, I knew that as long as she was a part of it that I could make it through anything.
I jog up to Hollis’ deteriorating house and see her blonde head in the window. I’d give anything to take her and Alex away from this messed up place but I can’t just yet, as soon as I’m eighteen I’m getting my own place. A two bedroom so that I can have Hollis and Alex with me. In a safe place with three meals a day. I haven’t been on a date with Hollis, hell I haven’t even kissed her yet I have a future planned for us.
Looking up from my position behind the steering wheel and seeing Hollis standing on the sidelines makes me feel like a king. I’m winning this race, not that I ever lose, but I have to win this race. I have a girl to impress. I wink at her and watch as the blush fills her cheeks before looking back at the road in front of me. As soon as I can, I floor the pedal and take off. Hollis and the rest of the sidelines becoming nothing but a blur. The music and the speed of my car vibrates through my whole body. It fills me with anticipation to get to the finish line. Shifting gears is second nature as I accelerate the car, propelling it toward the end. I cross with ease and I feel the tension in my body go with it. I take a deep breath then circle back around to get my girl.
Hollis is standing with my brothers and their girlfriends. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I can tell by the small jump that I startled her but I couldn’t control myself. I saw her and the overwhelming need to touch her, to pull her into me took over and I acted on her. Once she realizes it’s me she relaxes and
lets her back rest against my chest. I’m starting to see why my brothers like this whole girlfriend thing. Afterward I collect my winnings while Hollis and I head to my car.
We stop at a 7/11 to grab some snacks and a couple of drinks. I’m not ready to let her go just yet so I convince her to come to my favorite spot with me. I see her glance at me uncertainly as I pull down the old dirt road off the highway outside of town. I pull off the road into the middle of a field with tall grass. Putting the car in park, I cut the engine and get out of the car. Once Hollis is out of the car, I tell her to look up. A soft, surprised sigh escapes “It’s beautiful,” she whispers. I know what she’s saying, the stars are beautiful here but I can’t take my eyes off of her because her beauty rivals that of everything I’ve seen in this world.
“Yeah it is,” I finally tell her and when she looks back at me and realizes I’m still staring at her, she blushes again. I let go of her hand and grab a blanket from the trunk. Hollis grabs the food and drinks as we get comfortable in the tall grass.
“How d'you find this place?” she asks.
I shrug, “Honestly, we got caught racing last year by the cops. I ran the hell out of my car and turned down this old road and cut my lights, praying I wouldn’t get busted. I drove until this came into view. I pulled over and parked. Eventually, I got out and I don’t know, it’s peaceful. It was right after we found out my mom had cancer and being out here in the quiet and seeing the stars just brought a calming effect to my soul.”
I feel Hollis’ hand over mine “I’m sorry,” I hear her whisper. I just shrug because I never know how to reply when someone tells me they are sorry about my mom dying. I mean no one is sorrier than me. Plus, most of the time I feel like people just say they are sorry because it’s what’s expected, I always have to wonder if they mean it but with Hollis, it feels real like she’s really sorry.
I look up over at Hollis, “Tell me about your life.”
She sighs and looks up at the stars, “I feel sorry for Alex, this is the only version of our parents he knows but they didn’t use to be like this, believe or not. I mean we never had a ton in the way of money but it was okay. My dad worked construction and once I started school, my mom worked part-time as a cashier at a dollar store. One day my dad got hurt on the job, something to do with his back. They tried all kinds of treatments and then finally surgery but by that time he was already hooked on pain pills. My mom was miserable from the changes in my dad and having to work full time since my dad’s supplement check didn’t even come close to covering the cost of living. She started drinking after work. It started out with just a glass of wine every day after work then it became more and more until it was drinking all day.”
“Soon after that, they started to wean my dad off the pain pills but he couldn’t handle it. He had gotten out of control with them. My mom started to get fired from jobs because she would come in drunk or hung over. We started to move a lot too. Then my mom found out she was pregnant and things changed. They got good for a while.” A sad laugh escapes her before she continues. “Mom managed to stay sober while pregnant with Alex but shortly after he was born it became clear that she was going back to the bottle. Dad was cranky all the time. I don’t really know when the drugs became a thing for them. It had to be some point after Alex was born.”
“At first I didn’t notice much. It wasn’t until people started to come over all throughout the night and we had money for their habits even though neither was working. It’s been this way for a while. This is all Alex knows but I still remember something different. I wish Alex could have known them before because they were great parents then. They were loving and kind. We took small family trips and had game nights. I remember watching my parents slow dancing in our living room when I was supposed to be in bed. “
I can see the tears trying to escape those stormy gray eyes. Hearing her talk about her family shattered my heart for her. I couldn’t imagine seeing my parents change like that. I clear my throat, “I can understand what you’re saying to an extent. I feel like Axell, Jagger and I got lucky because we’ll remember our mom. We’ll remember how our mom and dad were together and the love they shared but Jovi won’t. Jovi won’t remember mom at all and all he’ll know of dad is the broken, grieving version but I worry about Ace the most. He’s so close to our mom, losing her is going to be hard on all of us but the hardest on him and my dad.”
Hollis lays her head on my shoulder, “You know I’m here if you ever need me, right?”
I nod then press a kiss to the top of her head, “But in what way Hollis?” The question slips out before I can stop it.
“What do you mean?”
“I loved looking out on the sidelines from my car tonight and seeing you. I love going to school knowing I’m going to see you. My life is sad and depressing right now. Everyone has someone, but I never wanted that… not until you. I guess what I’m saying is that if you want to be just friends, I’ll take it because now that you’re in my life, I don’t want to know what life without you is like, but if you’re willing, I’d like to be more.”
Hollis pulls away and sits on her knees facing me. Her eyes meet mine and I can see all the questions and confusion in them, “I don’t understand why you’d pick me, Bowie. I mean you can basically have any girl you want and you’re picking me…”
I reach out and caress her cheek, “You make me want more.” I sit up and pull her face toward mine. I know Hollis hasn’t dated much or at all so I don’t want to scare her but I have to kiss her. I lightly brush my lips against hers and at that moment it’s the best kiss I’ve ever had because it’s with Hollis.
Chapter 14
Bowie
I had always wondered where life had taken Hollis and during those sleepless nights where the memories of her haunted me, I always tried to believe she had finally been given the life she deserved. A life that was full of happiness and love. Yes, the fact that her life could be just as bad or even worse crossed my mind from time to time. Hell, there were some points where I wondered if she was even alive anymore but at the end of the day, I liked to imagine her somewhere beautiful, laughing and dancing to some song. Hearing what her life had actually been like the past ten years nearly gave me a heart attack while ripping out my soul at the same time. I’d be lying if I said thoughts of her life being like this had never crossed my imagination, it was just that at the end of the day I had hoped for the best.
Hollis had been dealt a shitty deal, to begin with when it came to her life and family. Then she had to lose Alex the way she did. Running away from everything she had ever known. Now, to know that her past ten years had been spent like this was sickening. When did she get a break? When did she get happiness? The happiness that she deserved.
Then there was the fact that she had been married. I had no right to be jealous because I hadn’t spent my last ten years alone and pinning only for Hollis but the idea of another man knowing her the way I once had made my jealousy reach Hulk levels. I think the worst part of it was that she had loved someone enough to marry them. I could honestly sit here at her table and say that I had never loved anyone aside from the girl sitting across from me. Every time it seemed possible to even care about someone more than just for fun the memories of Hollis would haunt me, making me take a step back from it all.
The one thing I had never understood in the situation with Hollis was why she ran away. My parents would have figured out a way for her to stay with us. She didn’t have to leave, but she chooses to and without even saying goodbye. That decision had marked me. That decision had changed me. That decision that she made without even considering me had sent me down a very dark and dangerous path for a while. All this time I was here trying to find Hollis when in reality she never wanted to be found.
As realization washes over me I stand up abruptly causing Hollis to jump a little. I start to head for the door when I hear Hollis ask me where I’m going? “I need to leave.”
I can h
ear Hollis take in a shaky breath behind me. “That’s it. I tell you everything, all the bad and ugly and you’re just going to leave…,” I can hear the struggle in her voice to keep her emotions in check.
Taking a deep breath I turn around to face her but what I see nearly knocks the air out of my lungs. Hollis has tears quietly streaming down her face, the stance of shoulders looks defeated and the look in her eyes is devastation. “For ten years, I have wondered about you. For ten years, I have looked for you in every way that I possibly could. I had hoped that where ever you were that it was a happy place, full of love and laughter but now to find out it was just as messed up as it was here…” I shake my head and run my hands over my face trying to find the words to make her understand how I feel, “I could accept you being gone if I knew you were happy. I could accept the fact that you didn’t want me in your life if your life was good but it wasn’t…. and yet it still wasn’t enough to make you reach out to me. I loved you Hollis and you just left. Not a single word, not a goodbye, not anything… did you ever think about me?”
She gives me a look as if that’s the dumbest question she’s ever heard, “Every day. I thought about you every single day Bowie. I was fifteen and the decision to leave seemed like my only safe solution at the time. Do I regret it? Hell yes, I regret it! I regret so many damn things in my life Bowie that I could fill up the ocean.”
“Then why didn’t you come back? Why d'you leave?” I ask her trying to understand.
She shakes her head and looks off to the side. “I left because it seemed right at the time.”
A harsh laugh escapes me, “My parents would have let you stay with us.”
“Yeah, they would have if the state allowed me to live with my boyfriend and his four brothers and dying mother. Then there was the fact that someone had killed my entire family! It was no secret that my parents didn’t keep good company and if someone could kill… Alex that way… then what’s to say they wouldn’t come looking for me. I couldn’t put your family in that danger,” she says, as a sob breaks free from her chest.
Force of Impact (The James Brothers Series Book 3) Page 8
