The Manifesto on How to be Interesting

by Holly Bourne

  “But it’s been horrible. You hate me. Everyone hates me.”

  “Because I didn’t know this was why you were being such a doofus. Why didn’t you tell me, Bree?”

  She wasn’t sure. “How has everyone at school figured it out? I’ve changed all the names. I’ve pixelated all the photos.”

  “It must’ve grown so big that someone at Queen’s read it and put everything together. I mean, teenagehood is pretty generic, but I don’t think in every school some random girl rises to the top of the social ladder, has sex with the most popular guy in school, who films it, and then makes a teacher leave the school.”

  He was talking about her life like it was a synopsis. A blurb on a book cover. Which could be fine if things were fictional, but this was her life. Her misery. Her loss. And yet he was too worked up for her to shut him up.

  “Look at these charts,” he said, clicking on random bits. “It’s been gaining popularity week on week. Must’ve been a word-of-mouther. How have you not realized this? Haven’t you got emails from people?”

  “Emails?”

  “Yeah. From readers?”

  Bree hadn’t got one email from anyone. She would know, she checked all the time just in case some friends appeared out of nowhere and saved her from her inane loneliness. She thought back to that first night, when she’d started the blog.

  “I got a different email address for it. One to match the blogging platform.”

  “And you’ve not checked it?”

  “It’s not my usual address. And I never thought I’d get emails…”

  “Do you know the password?”

  “Maybe.”

  She’d been drunk when she’d set it up, but drunk Bree obviously used the same password as normal Bree. She logged in without any effort, and was greeted with:

  You have 45,597 new messages.

  “Woooooah,” Holdo said.

  She opened one at random. It was from a severely-depressed fifteen year old. A self-harmer. Apparently Bree’s post had really helped her feel not alone. And could they be pen pals?

  She clicked on another.

  Email after email after email. The room melted away. Holdo, though he was reading alongside her, hazed into nothingness.

  It didn’t seem real.

  Bree let out a weird howling sound and finally, finally, six years of repressed tears exploded out of her heart and drained from her eyes. She held Holdo close to her and sobbed. He stroked her hair and clicked through the emails, reading them to her, as his shoulder got wetter and wetter and wetter.

  And then – because February the fifteenth wasn’t just a big day for Queen’s Hall – Bree found the sort of email that changes one’s life.

  Buried on page nine.

  From Brookland publishing house.

  chapter sixty

  Holdo began wheezing.

  “Oh my God, Bree, Brookland! Brookland? You have to ring them, you have to ring them now!”

  She could hardly read the email through her tears.

  “They want to meet you. Look, there’s a number at the bottom. They sent this almost a month ago. Do you think they want to turn it into a book? Ring them, Bree. Where’s your phone? Oh my God, I’m so happy for you.”

  His voice faded to white noise as she got out her phone, her hands shaking, her tears sploshing onto the screen.

  She dialled and waited for it to ring.

  Holdo grinned at her inanely as she waited for her call to be answered. He looked so lovely when he smiled.

  “Hello?” a gruff voice echoed on the other line. And Bree erupted into a fresh wave of hysteria.

  “Hello? Hello?”

  Through sobs, she managed to get out… “Dad, it’s me. Can you come home?”

  chapter sixty-one

  Holdo walked her to her front door, letting her stop and cry along the way. Not asking questions. He was so good at knowing when she didn’t want questions.

  The shock on her mum’s face when she opened the door to them. “What’s going on?”

  “Mum!” Bree threw herself at her and fresh hysteria rose again. “Mum, I love you. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. Please, please know how much I love you and how sorry I am.”

  “Honey. Jesus, what’s wrong, is she in trouble?”

  Holdo left quietly as Bree wept all down her mother’s jumper, staining it with salt. Her mum’s grip got tighter and tighter.

  “Mum, I love you. I’m so, so sorry.”

  “Shh, honey, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

  She gently steered Bree to the living room and got her to the sofa. Bree started choking, she was crying so hard. Her mum thumped her back, stroked her hair, and sang to her.

  Her dad arrived soon, flinging his briefcase to the floor and – without talking – joined them on the sofa. Hugging Bree tight, hugging her mum tight, rocking them, making “shhh” sounds.

  Time passed. Bree eventually stopped crying so hard.

  Sensing her change, they both crouched on the carpet and looked at her.

  “Bree, are you okay?”

  Bree shook her head so hard her brain rattled.

  “No, no, I’m really not okay. I want help… I need help.”

  And then Bree began to talk.

  Slowly, she told them everything.

  epilogue

  This is my last blog post.

  I want to tell you what I’ve learned so you can get closure or whatever.

  I can’t have done all this and not learned something profound, can I? That won’t do at all.

  So you’ve read it now, my tale. We’ve done it together.

  Oh, how far we’ve come, eh?

  I guess you want to know what happened.

  Well, it took a while to mend me, much as I realized I needed to be mended. Many hours were spent with Dr Thomas, crying loads into tissues, putting me back together again.

  And, as a part of this mending, I have to include my apologies…

  Holdo. Wonderful sweet Holdo, I cannot say sorry enough.

  My beautiful parents, you will never be shut out again.

  I suppose, Jass, you need one…

  The most difficult apology though – at the risk of sounding all Oprah about it – is to say sorry to myself.

  So, sorry to me, for being so filled with hate, so unwilling to give anyone a chance, for making myself so miserable and lonely.

  You’ve got all the rules now, to become interesting. And, along the way, to get entirely screwed up and hate who you are.

  So, in the interests of closure, to all of you who’ve been reading and following this and being so incredible, here’s my final rule.

  Rule number six – how to be really interesting: Stop caring

  I don’t recommend following my own manifesto. Ditch the rules. Stop trying so bloody hard. It won’t make you happy and it certainly won’t make you interesting.

  The one good thing to take from my journey is this.

  Life doesn’t happen to you. You can’t just sit on a park bench and expect amazing things to whizz by on a conveyor belt. Life is what you put into it. Mine didn’t get more interesting because I got pretty or made friends with popular kids. That had nothing to do with it.

  It got interesting because, for the first time, I actually invested in it.

  And yeah, I’ve come out with a great haircut. But it’s so much more than that. You can take those things away and I won’t care. Because I’ve learned to invest and I’ve learned to let people in. That’s priceless. That’s what’s important.

  I wanted redemption – that was what I was worried I wouldn’t get. And, as is always the way with redemption, I found it through love.

  Love, as always, is what it comes down to. You have to love. It’s the only way.

  Love for life. Love for others. And, most importantly, love for yourself.

  Here’s the thing. I don’t care any more if I’m interesting or not.

  I’m fed up of my generation’s obsessio
n with leaving our mark on the world, with our who’s-best-at-life competitions.

  For years all I wanted was to matter. To prove my existence. To make it all worthwhile by having outside forces validate me. To tell me I’m important.

  Being interesting isn’t important. But being happy is. As well as being a person you’re proud of.

  I may disappear into obscurity now but at least I know who I am, like who I am and I’m happy. Can you say the same? If not, why not?

  Because when people lie on their deathbeds, they’re never saying, “I wish I’d left a mark on the world.” It’s “Where are the people I love? Can I see them one last time?”

  Choose life. Choose love.

  And always remember to live.

  about holly bourne

  Holly Bourne is a dazzling new voice in UK YA. Her first novel, Soulmates, was published in 2013 to critical acclaim, and Holly is a keen advocate of the growing UK YA literary scene.

  Holly began her career working as a local news reporter on the Surrey Mirror, garnering a nomination for Print Journalist of the Year in 2010. She now works as a journalist for TheSite.org, an advice and information website for 16-25 year olds.

  Holly is twenty-eight and lives in Surrey.

  “Holly Bourne is…a new talent in the YA world.” Bookbabblers

  “Bourne in the writer I’ve been waiting for.” Escapeintowords

  “A bright rising star in UK YA.” JessHeartsBooks

  “What teenage girl doesn’t imagine first love on an epic scale? [Soulmates] is a commercial, romantic homegrown thriller.” The Bookseller

  “Wonderfully original…as British as Bridget Jones.” Narratively Speaking on Soulmates

  “An immersive debut.” Emerald Street on Soulmates

  “Exciting, smouldering and energetic…a book that really does invigorate the star-crossed lovers of YA.” ChooseYA on Soulmates

  Q&A with holly

  What was your first piece of writing?

  There are two notable “works”. The Adventures of Cool Pig which I co-wrote aged five with my dad. It basically involved a sunglasses-wearing pig whose laidback attitude got him into trouble wherever he went.

  I then went solo aged seven and wrote A Bump In The Clouds, about a squirrel in heaven who fell down to earth (literally) during an enthusiastic game of musical bumps.

  As you can probably tell, all I’ve ever wanted to do is write books.

  Which books had the most impact, or offered unforgettable advice to you as you were growing up?

  It’s an obvious choice but, without a doubt, To Kill A Mockingbird. I first read it when I was fifteen, and love it so much I actually collect copies now. If everyone did what Atticus said, the world would be a much better place.

  What research did you do while writing The Manifesto on How to be Interesting?

  A lot of the research was done through osmosis at my day job – working as an advice journalist for young people on TheSite.org. TheSite’s a place young people can go to get support with anything that’s going on in their lives. I write lots about mental health there so I already had a lot of training and knowledge around the issue of self-harm which I used in the book.

  Outside of work, I spent a long time researching the lasting impacts of being bullied at school. I read a lot about brain development in your teenage years and learned our brains form stronger memories then, so that’s why we’re all so haunted by our schooldays! It’s chemistry! For Mr Fellows’s character, I delved into the murky waters of student/teacher relationships and studied the psychology behind them. I also watched every film about high school/secondary school that’s ever been made, from The Breakfast Club to Mean Girls. I had to do Bree’s manifesto research for her.

  But, mostly, I just asked a lot of people – what was school like for you? Who was popular? Who was bullied? What mean things were said? What names were used? Then I collected them all up and put them in my book. It’s scary how universal the cruelty is.

  In both Soulmates and The Manifesto on How to be Interesting you tackle important topics and challenge commonly held perceptions. Why do you think it is important that fiction does this?

  Fiction is a very safe place to tackle important topics – it’s just words, nobody “real” is getting hurt. And yet it’s a very powerful place too – a good story can change someone’s life.

  For me, the first thing I want to do is to get readers to turn the page. Once that’s achieved, you can try and ninja-in some good. We use fictional stories to make sense of our non-fictional lives and that’s why I try so hard to give readers more than just a story. To give them a few pieces of moral meat to chew over for a while.

  Has your work with TheSite impacted your writing – or vice versa?

  Quite simply, this book wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for my job at TheSite. Every day I learn more about young people – what matters to them, what’s hurting them, what’s helping them. More than anything it’s taught me that words can help. Just letting young people know simple things like “You’re not alone” or “That weird thing you think only happens to you? Yeah, it’s really common – YOU’RE OKAY ” can make such a huge difference. I wanted my books to have the same impact.

  Have you ever blogged?

  I have! In an uncharacteristic burst of spontaneity, I quit my job as a news reporter when I was twenty-four so I could drive from one side of America to the other. I kept a travel blog the entire way. It mainly involved me complaining about the lack of vegetarian food in Texas…

  As the internet, social media, and other forms of technology and communication continue to grow and develop, how important do you think books are in tackling issues, challenging ideas and changing perceptions?

  I still think books sink that bit deeper than all the other new technological fandangoes. Reading a book is a real investment. It involves putting life to one side for a bit, giving yourself the headspace to really engage with a story that will take a while to tell you why it’s there. I believe the frame of mind in which someone reads a book makes them more susceptible to letting ideas melt in.

  Whereas if you’re reading an opinion blog, whilst also checking what other people make of it on Twitter, with eight other tabs open on your screen, and a sandwich half hanging out your mouth…well…sometimes it’s easier to forget the amazing point you just read.

  Were there any scenes in the book you found hard to write?

  The bedroom scene with Hugo really got to me. It still does. I just wanted to reach into my computer screen and pull Bree out of there!

  Do you have a manifesto?

  Ha! Definitely nothing succinct and profound enough to fit on a bumper sticker. I have general “themes”, I guess, that I try and live my life round, though they’re pretty basic: Work hard, fight for what you believe in, don’t be a douche, and always look out for and prioritise the people you love.

  You quote from Alan Bennett’s The History Boys: “The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you.” Have any books in particular stood out in making you feel like this? Is this what you set out to achieve with your writing?

  Touching other people is the ultimate quest of a writer. Though I’m a real ye-olde-booke fan, what I do love about e-readers is that you can see where readers have highlighted a certain phrase. You get to see other people’s History Boys moments. And of course I hope I get a few highlights along the way!

  As for books that make me feel like this, as I said before, the whole of To Kill A Mockingbird. But, most recently, the “Cool Girl” rant in Gone Girl made me do an actual triumphant fist-punch in public.

  Holly, what can we expect from you next?

  I’ve just finished a book that I hope will be the first of a series about a group of girls starting their own feminism grassroots group. The first book tackles anxiety and OCD, a topic very close to my heart. I feel it’s about time peo
ple really understood these issues, rather than thinking it’s all to do with keeping your desk tidy. I can’t wait for people to read it!

  Find out more about Holly:

  @holly_bourneYA

  www.facebook.com/Holly.BourneYA

  www.hollybourne.co.uk

  acknowledgements

  This book started with a squabble.

  Thank you, Owen – you rotter! – for starting the squabble (though I’m sure you’ll say I started it), as, without it, this book wouldn’t exist. Seriously, thank you, for your incredible support through one heck of a year. I really couldn’t have done it without you. I officially forgive you for being popular in secondary school…

  Thanks, as always, to my wonderful family. To Dad, for sifting through my messy first drafts and helping me make them sing. To Mum, for bullying every single acquaintance/bookseller/librarian into getting a copy of Soulmates. Thanks to my sisters. To Eryn, for reading my first draft though pregnant and full of morning sickness. And to Willow, whose wise comments about remembering popular people’s full names were shamelessly stolen for this story. I am so lucky and so grateful to have you all.

  A huge thank you to Lisa – who champions this book so much I need you on my payroll. Your enthusiasm and support means the world. And to Ruth, who saved me from going mad in London. And, hey – Emily S, I’ve put your name in this book so you’ve got to read this one too! Your unexpected and incredible enthusiasm about Soulmates was just what I needed, when I needed it.

  As always, a massive thank you to my agent Maddy who is STILL the loveliest person I’ve ever met. You continue to change my life and I continue to struggle with how I can ever adequately repay you.

  The hugest thank you to EVERYONE at Usborne – I swear you need to pass some kind of amazingness test to be allowed to work there. Your collective creativity, positivity and hard work makes my writing come alive in ways I never thought possible. Thanks especially to Rebecca, my editorial guru, for making this the book you hold today. Your delicate and insightful editing MADE this story and I’m massively grateful to have your brain on board. Thanks also for letting me keep all the rude words in…well, most of them.