Fix Me Not

by Carey Heywood

My cheeks redden at the thought. Why the hell am I even letting myself consider this?

  I already know the answer.

  That kiss.

  He kissed me.

  Not the other way around.

  I gulp.

  He continues to hold my gaze and I can't look away. It's not until he lifts his hands, showing me both of them that I realize I'm floating all on my own.

  I have all of a couple seconds to celebrate before it all goes to hell and I sink.

  Once I have my feet back under me, as I wipe water from my face, I exclaim, “I was doing it.”

  He smiles broadly at me. “You had it until the end. What happened?”

  I shrug. “If I did it once I can do it again.”

  “Should I kiss you again to be sure?”

  Before I can decide on a response, we’re interrupted.

  “You did it,” a female voice shouts, making me turn.

  “Guys, this is Paige. Paige, this is my future sister-in-law Finley and my brother Noah,” Asher says.

  I lift my hand and wave. “Nice to meet you.”

  Earlier, when Asher pointed them out they were too far away to get a good look at. Up close, it’s hard not to notice they're both seriously attractive. From his perch on the paddle board I can tell Noah is shorter than Asher, but honestly, who isn't? His hair is a lighter brown than Asher’s, the color closer to Abby’s.

  Now having met two of Asher’s siblings, I can't help but wonder what Eli and Gideon look like. If they look anything like their siblings they should all move to Hollywood. They could easily replace any current leading man out there. It's no surprise Finley is stunning in her own right. I try not to think about how skimpy my bikini is compared to hers. In fact, after my last dunk, my right butt cheek might be hanging out.

  As casually as I can, I brush my hand over my rear. Damnit, I was right. With a discreet tug, I tug it back in place.

  Both Finley and Noah shift off of their boards and start to drag them up toward the beach.

  “Here, let me help,” Asher says moving toward Finley.

  She relinquishes her board and moves over to me.

  “I love coming up here.”

  Her eyes are on the lake, her back now toward Asher and Noah.

  “It sure is pretty,” I agree.

  “So you and Asher, huh?”

  Turning, I gape at her.

  “What?”

  She grins. “We saw more than you floating.”

  Oh crap, they saw him kiss me.

  “He only did that to distract me,” I explain.

  She gives me a knowing look. “One thing I can tell you about Asher Thompson, hell about any of the Thompsons, they don't play games.”

  “Even Gideon?” I ask, remembering what Abby had said about the youngest Thompson.

  She frowns before replying, “Okay maybe not Gideon, but Asher would never start something he didn't intend to finish.”

  Crap, that does sound a lot like Asher.

  “I'm moving away soon,” I blurt.

  “Why?” she asks.

  For some reason, even after only just meeting her, I tell her the truth. “I need a fresh start someplace new.”

  Her eyes widen before she shakes her head and says, “Been there.”

  “I'm moving to Texas,” I add for no reason other than the more I say it, the more real it feels.

  She coughs. “Texas? Are you joking?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  Her eyes move to where Noah and Asher are putting away the paddles and boards. “Had to ask. For a moment I thought maybe Asher put you up to it but, then I remembered Asher would never joke around like that. See, I moved here from Texas to get my fresh start. It threw me for a loop when you said you were going there for yours.”

  “What was it like, starting over someplace no one knew you?” I ask.

  “I guess it's different for everyone. For me, I was sick of people feeling sorry for me. My husband cheated on me and our community was small enough that it was no secret.” She pauses, still gazing at Noah. “Why are you leaving?”

  Somehow knowing she wouldn’t judge me, I tell her. “My business went under and I lost everything. I’m thirty years old, working at a coffee shop in the mornings, a bar at night, cleaning this place on weekends, all while crashing on my mom’s couch. I've made a gigantic mess of my life and finances. I want to try and rebuild my business and there isn't the biggest market for event planning around here.”

  She surprises me by reaching out to grab my arm. “Event planning?”

  I glance down at her hand then back up to her face before I nod.

  “Event as in wedding planning?” She clarifies.

  I nod again, a light bulb going off at her question.

  “I'd love to pick your brain sometime if that would be cool. Noah and I are trying to set a date but between my parents and his mom we’re struggling.”

  “First rule of wedding planning is you and the groom are primary. Everything else is secondary. But yeah, you can pick my brain all you want,” I tell her, a bit of the old excitement I would feel over a new project stirring to life in me.

  What I expect in response is another wedding related question, but that's not what I get.

  “How could you still want to leave, when you're leaving all of this,” she asks, her eyes scanning Asher’s place.

  “None of this is mine,” I argue.

  “Not even Asher?” she counters.

  My cheeks burn and it isn't from the sun’s rays dancing across my skin. By now, Asher and Noah are making their way back to us.

  “Especially not Asher. We flirt a bit, that's all.”

  “He likes you,” she replies.

  “That's only a recent development,” I say, not denying it.

  “Are you trying to tell me there was a time he didn't like you?”

  “Yep. If you don't believe me, ask him.”

  I drink him in, his tall frame, broad shoulders, body sculpted from hours building things, his shaggy hair, before settling on his dark chocolate eyes.

  They’re focused on Finley’s hand on my arm. “What are you up to?”

  Finley lifts my arm, like a ref in a boxing match showing the winner. “Paige said I could pick her brain about wedding planning stuff.”

  She lets go of my arm and I shrug. “I'm happy to help.”

  Noah moves to stand beside Finley, casually draping an arm across her shoulders, while Asher stays facing us.

  “Paige said you didn't like her, is that true?”

  Oh man, I didn't think she'd actually ask him.

  Asher squints at me, then smiles. “She didn't like me either.”

  God his smile is... well, it's unfair, that's what it is. I don't need Asher Thompson smiling his stupid gorgeous smile right now and confusing me.

  “Why didn't you like Asher?” Finley asks. “Everyone likes him.”

  “This is going to sound stupid now but at the time, I was sick and tired of hearing perfect Asher this and perfect Asher that from my mom. I was feeling pretty crappy about myself and the combination of my situation and his perfection annoyed the hell out of me.”

  “Up top,” Noah replies offering me his hand for a high five.

  “Hey,” Asher laughs. “Trust me. I'm not perfect.”

  After I high five Noah, he says, “I've been telling people that for years.”

  Finley slaps his abs. “Be nice.”

  Asher charges past us to tackle Noah into the water, dunking him. “I know he's only joking.”

  Finley and I both shift closer to the beach. Once Noah surfaces, he puts a shoulder to Asher’s gut and takes him down with a giant splash. Asher returns the favor and, I have to say, watching these two wet and buff men wrestle is riveting. I glance to my side where Finley stands, equally transfixed by the show they're giving us.

  “Are you sure about moving away? I’m from Texas. There are some insanely hot men there but I never met anyone like the Thompson�
�s.”

  “What are Eli and Gideon like?” I ask.

  “I'm biased when I say I think Noah is the hottest, but they're all ridiculously attractive and always were. Noah showed me photo albums of when they were all growing up, not one awkward phase in the bunch. How unfair is that?”

  I nod in agreement, unable to imagine what it would have been like to grow up around them.

  “Eli is a pain in the ass. Honest to God, I still haven't figured out what his damage is. He has been having marital issues forever though. They're together, they're separated, they're back together, and now I've heard Brooke has filed for divorce. Who knows if she’ll go through with it. Then there’s Gideon, he's the biggest flirt I've ever met. Who knows if he’ll ever settle down. If you meet him, be prepared. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

  I shake my head.

  “I'm an only child too. It took some getting used to being with Noah’s family. I envy how close they are though. Although, they drive Abby nuts by torturing every guy she's ever dated, so maybe being an only child wasn't that bad,” she jokes.

  “Every guy she's dated?” I ask.

  She nods.

  “That would seriously suck.”

  “Did I hear something about sucking?” Noah asks suggestively.

  Finley reaches down to splash water at him. “Don't you wish.”

  Lifting his hands to shield himself, he laughs, “I do, I really, really do.”

  Well now.

  Asher makes his way to me. "Do you want to go back out and try again?”

  “Sure,” I reply and we both wade in deeper.

  “We’re going to head to the cabin,” Noah calls after us, his arms around Finley’s waist.

  I have a feeling someone is about to get lucky.

  As they walk away, Finley calls, “We’re going to come to your bar tonight during your shift.”

  “Awesome. See you tonight.” I wave goodbye to them.

  Asher and I walk a little deeper than we were before. I float again, this time without his help to start. He joins me and we float side by side in his beautiful lake.

  My body isn't the only thing that drifts, my mind does as well. In New York, there are spas that offer isolation tanks in their services. I never went when I lived there, the idea of floating when I didn't even know how to swim scared me.

  I can see now why people spend all that money to float in tanks if it brings you as much peace as I feel now. Turning my face to the side, I take in Asher’s profile. For the first time since I decided to start over in Austin, I second-guess myself.

  Would it be so bad if I stayed here?

  I already know the answer to that. Nothing good comes from changing life plans because of a guy. I've made enough mistakes with my life, I'm not going to add that one to it.

  As those thoughts run through my mind, my focus on Asher shifts. My gaze is still on him even though I'm not really seeing him. When he comes back into focus, I start when I realize he's looking back at me. I shift onto my feet and he does the same.

  “You seem to have floating down. Are you ready for your next lesson?”

  Grateful he made no mention of the way I was staring at him like a creeper, I reply, “Ready as I'll ever be.”

  “Have you ever heard of doggy paddling?”

  I plant my hands on my hips. “Of course I have.”

  He goes through the motions for me and, I'll be darned but somehow Asher Thompson makes the doggy paddle look sexy as hell. How is that even possible?

  He stands, water dripping down his chest. “Your turn.”

  “I'm going to need a bit more than that to go on.”

  “It's instinctive.” He lifts his hands up to mimic the motion. “You keep moving your hands like this and kick with your feet.”

  “But what if I go under?” I argue, my hands coming up to rub at the goosebumps forming on my arms.

  “We’ll stick to shallow water, no deeper than where you can stand.”

  “But, doggy paddle?”

  He grins. “Everyone crawls before they walk.”

  I doubt my paddle will look as good as his. “Show me how you started again.”

  As ordered, he demonstrates his annoyingly sexy doggy paddle. My eyes follow his movements, noticing not only the way his muscles bunch but his form as he pulls himself forward.

  When he finishes, it's time for me to try. Lowering down in the water, I push off with my feet and attempt to propel myself forward. Even with my kicking and paddling, I sink. Like Asher said, the water is shallow enough for me to stand again once I can get my feet under me.

  Asher presses his lips together. He isn't laughing but it's clear he'd like to. I suppose that confirms my suspicion that my attempt would be less graceful than I had hoped. There's a reason they say practice makes perfect.

  Before he can say anything, I give it another go. This time I kick and paddle harder than I did before. It's going well or, at least, better than before, until something in the water brushes against my leg.

  “What was that?” I yelp, jumping and then racing towards the beach.

  I trip over some rocks and end up belly flopping right in front of Asher.

  He starts to help me up. I surprise him by practically leaping into his arms.

  With wide eyes he asks, “Are you alright?”

  “Something touched my leg,” I reply, blinking back at him.

  A slow grin spreads across his mouth and he shifts his arms to hold me more firmly within them. “It was probably a fish.”

  I gulp. “Do they bite?”

  Small lines form at the corners of his eyes as he smiles at me. “Nothing here will hurt you.”

  His words repeat in my mind a few times.

  Nothing here will hurt me.

  Does that include him?

  “Oh, that's good to know. You can, um, put me down now.”

  “Do I have to?”

  Before I can answer him, he slowly lowers me to my feet.

  “I should probably go home now,” I say.

  He holds my gaze for what seems like eons before he nods. As we walk back to the beach, I nervously fill the silence with my words. “Finley and Noah are great. Do they come up here a lot?”

  He nods.

  Ugh. More silence to fill.

  “Will you come with them to the bar tonight?”

  That gets a response. “I haven't missed a night yet.”

  “But, you stay in your Jeep. I’m assuming they're coming inside the bar. I was asking if you were going to come in too?”

  “I was planning on it. Is that okay?”

  I stop, my feet in the sand and grab his arm. “Of course it's okay with me.”

  His eyes soften and I wonder if the shade of them is like a Snickers bar or a shade lighter, like a Kit Kat. Either way, my mouth waters and I'm craving something other than chocolate.

  “Then I'll be there,” he says.

  I drop my hand and we start walking again. Deciding against changing, I wrap my towel around myself. I can drive like this. It'll make changing and showering when I get home easier.

  Asher towels off before draping his towel around his neck. He watches as I shove my things into my bag.

  “Did you want some water or something else for the road?”

  Is he trying to get me to stay?

  I shake my head. “It's not far. I'll be fine.”

  He walks me to the Explorer, and waits by my door as I adjust my towel and buckle my belt.

  Rolling down my window, I say, “Thank you so much for my lesson.”

  He surprises me by saying, “Same time next week for your next lesson?”

  Eleven

  Asher

  “Want me to drive?” Finley asks.

  “Why would you drive?” I reply.

  She motions to my brother. “That way you and Noah can drink.”

  Noah wraps his arms around her waist. “Thanks baby.”

  She loops her arms around his neck. “Just don't ge
t sloppy drunk.”

  He rears back in mock offense. “Me? Sloppy?”

  She grins up at him. “Yep.”

  “Don’t worry. I'll make sure you can still have your way with me tonight,” he teases, making her cheeks redden.

  “Do you two need a room?” I ask.

  Finley shakes her head while Noah says, “Yes.”

  “Ignore him,” Finley laughs. Stepping out of his hold, she takes his hand and pulls him toward the door. “Let’s go.”

  “What's the rush?” Noah asks, letting her pull him.

  “I want to hang out with Paige.” She turns to look past Noah and back to me. “I like her. Leave it all to me, I'll convince her to stay.”

  It takes a beat for her words to penetrate. “Do you think you can?”

  They stare at me, as shocked as I am with my words. It’s no secret I’ve never pursued a woman before but there’s no denying I don’t want her to leave.

  Noah is the first to speak. “Damn right she can.”

  My lips tip up. “Then what's the hold up, let’s go.”

  Noah claps me on the back. “About time.”

  “Oh don't start with him,” Finley teases. “You were older than he is before we got together.”

  “She makes a good point.” I raise my eyebrows at him.

  He laughs, holding both hands up in defense. “Alright, alright, I'll shut up about it.”

  Finley smiles at me, then looks me up and down. “I meant to say this earlier but forgot. You clean up real good.”

  I took more time than I normally would in deciding what I was wearing. I wanted to look nice for Paige. It appears, Finley approves.

  Noah folds his arms over his chest and nods. “If I was a chick I'd do you.”

  Finley frowns. “Chick?”

  Noah blinks. “What's wrong with chick?”

  She scrunches her nose. “Do you call me a chick?”

  He smirks. “You haven't always worn my ring but it was never a doubt in my mind that you would.”

  She smirks right back. “That's sweet and all but it wasn't an answer.”

  “Plead the fifth man,” I joke.

  He laughs but stops when he notices Finley glaring at him. “No, you've never been a chick to me. You've always been the love of my life.”

  She melts at his words. “I love you.”